Topic: Other occupations?

[Signor Spumoni]

We've seen the Stooges as firemen, restaurateurs, exterminators, and proprietors of a dry cleaning shop, among other things.  Are there any jobs you would like to have seen them take up in a comedy short, anything which seems rife with comedic possibilities for their talents? 

[hiramhorwitz]

We've seen the Stooges as firemen, restaurateurs, exterminators, and proprietors of a dry cleaning shop, among other things.  Are there any jobs you would like to have seen them take up in a comedy short, anything which seems rife with comedic possibilities for their talents?

Yes...gynecologists.  Think of the possibilities.

[Signor Spumoni]

Yes...gynecologists.  Think of the possibilities.

 Well, there's one I never thought of!  The mind boggles!   

[metaldams]

Yes...gynecologists.  Think of the possibilities.

Curly: Oh, a toitle!

Larry: You idiot, 12 years of school and you still don't know what that is?  It's a baseball mitt.  You see, you do a wind up like this and....

Moe: ...you throw a perfect strike. (ram's fist into Larry and Curly's face). Anna canna panna san.....

PS: I have much raunchier ideas and short titles, but I'll be a gentleman....for now.  Bwa ha ha ha haaaaa....and it's a crime there's no baseball short.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Metaldams ... here is a slightly more raunchy suggestion

(From Outer Space Jitters)
Besser: Oh, what is this?
Gene Roth: Its the Martian initialization into womanhood ... they have tattoos of Earth's famous people put on their inner thighs.
Larry: And what are these tattoos?
Gene Roth: Her left thigh presents Stalin, and her right thigh presents Lenin.
Moe: That doesn't look much like Stalin or Lenin ... but that guy in the middle looks JUST like Shemp!!

[metaldams]

Metaldams ... here is a slightly more raunchy suggestion

(From Outer Space Jitters)
Besser: Oh, what is this?
Gene Roth: Its the Martian initialization into womanhood ... they have tattoos of Earth's famous people put on their inner thighs.
Larry: And what are these tattoos?
Gene Roth: Her left thigh presents Stalin, and her right thigh presents Lenin.
Moe: That doesn't look much like Stalin or Lenin ... but that guy in the middle looks JUST like Shemp!!

I wonder how a lady friend would react if I referred to her lady part as "Shemp?"  LOL

Trust me, I've grown up.  I've thought of Stooge routines that can be vulgarly reworked for this and short titles that can have vowels rearranged, the old me would have posted this.  These days, I just think of them, so I'm not 100% cured.  Will I ever be?   

[Paul Pain]

LOL metaldams, save it for the short reviews!

Keeping in typical Stooge G/PG ratings... how about the boys as roofers?  Hockey players (OK, might be more violent than THEY STOOGE TO CONGA)?  Taxi drivers?

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Sorry about the naughty posts (giggle) ...
Okay, roofers ...

(from any episode)
(Balding butler): The lady wants you to start at the apex.
(Curly) Apex!? ... we ain't monkeys!
(Moe) No ... you're a gibbon! (slap!)
(Larry) Apex!? ... you mean your head?
(Balding butler) No! the top of the roof.
(Moe) Don't worry, bub, we won't say anything.
(Curly) Soitenly! You ain't going bald, you're just too tall for your hair! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

[Paul Pain]

In DEMOTION ON THE OCEAN, Moe is a cruise ship's captain with Larry as first mate and Shemp in charge of communications...

Moe: anchors away!
Larry and Shemp: *detach anchors from ship completely rather than bringing them on deck*
Moe: You stupid imbeciles... we needed those *double poke*
Larry: What's it matter?  We've left port, and as long as we reach Europe we're in the dough!
Moe: Yes!  Viva!
All: Viva!  Viva!
Shemp: Wait a minute?  Who's driving?

And so forth...

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Okay, Hockey Players ...

Larry: Hit the puck ... the PUCK!
Curly: The puck? ... what the?
Moe: (interrupting) Its that thing chickens do!

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

alright ... now taxi drivers. (This one is difficult because I need to get all three stooges into one taxi ride)

Curly: I want to go to the airport.
Moe: Hop in, I'll get you there in jig time my friend.
(Curly boards taxi. they move on. suddenly Larry leaps into the taxi's path - Moe stops short)
Larry: I really really need to get to the airport! My wife is running off with another man!
Moe: Get in, we are going there now.
(After a moment of silence) Moe: What happened between you and your wife?
Larry: She left me for a stinking man with no morals! I'LL show her!
Moe: Calm down! I'll get you there as fast as I can. (to Curly) What gate were you needing young man?
Curly: The gate that leaves for Niagra Falls.
Moe: NIAGRA FALLS!!! (subsequent screeching over to the curb and the rest of this happy scenario)

[Signor Spumoni]

These have been pretty good!  I admit I hadn't thought of the more "mature" ideas.  I admire your minds, fellow Moronikans.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Its hard to imagine our boys in new scenarios without tried and true results. THIS was the reason why the Farelly Bros. 2012 movie was such a weak success. WE, AS FANS, have no plumbob on how the boys would react to modern day events or jobs, no matter how ordinary.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

(see post above)
For a specific example ... (2012 Stooge Movie)
The scene where Curly looks in the cell phone and says "Eye Phone, I can't see anything" ... might be called weak, but it is a comment on our society anyway, didn't Moe, Larry, and Curly do that? Okay, I am contradicting myself. Let's wait until the beer wears off before I comment further.

[Paul Pain]

Grocery store produce section...

Moe: I want a loaf of stale bread, expired meat, moldy spinach, and rotten eggs!
Curly: What do you want that for?
Moe: I got a tapeworm, and it's good enough for him!
Curly: *does hand wave*
Moe: Hey!  *nose bonk*
Curly: Oh!  *Walks away, of course yanking broom from under Moe's foot*
Moe: *falls* Oh!  Why, I'll moider you!
Larry (produce guy): You fell for him!  A ha ha ha!
Moe: Oh, think it's funny!  I'm dying, and you're laughing at me.
Larry: Yeah, so?
Moe: I'll!
Larry: *runs away*
Gene Roth (to Larry): Sir, vhat do you say about dese melliins?
Larry: Well, you just... you do... *sees Moe coming* NYAH! *throws melon at Moe*
Moe: Ah! *melon bounces off Moe, breaks, and gets stuck on Curly's face*
Curly: Hey Moe!  Hey Larry!  Do something!  I'm suffocating.
Gene: You rooned my mell-in!

*Chase scene*

[Signor Spumoni]

Paul and Giff, you've created some good situations and dialogue.  I can just picture the scenes.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Okay ... Motorcycle Cops ...

Moe: (to Larry, who he pulled over) Do you know why I pulled you over?
Larry: Yeah, because you let those three freaks speed by me.
Moe: NO, your right rear behind overleft cuspid molar democratic independent tailight is burned out.
Larry; Really? I thought I inspected all of my right rear behind overleft cuspid molar democratic independent lights before I left this morning.
Curly Joe: (approaching from a parade float) Let's all dance! (Chips TV show theme song)
.........
(I know its weak, but so was Moe, Larry and Curly Joe's shtick)

[Signor Spumoni]

Okay ... Motorcycle Cops ...

Moe: (to Larry, who he pulled over) Do you know why I pulled you over?
Larry: Yeah, because you let those three freaks speed by me.
Moe: NO, your right rear behind overleft cuspid molar democratic independent tailight is burned out.
Larry; Really? I thought I inspected all of my right rear behind overleft cuspid molar democratic independent lights before I left this morning.
Curly Joe: (approaching from a parade float) Let's all dance! (Chips TV show theme song)
.........
(I know its weak, but so was Moe, Larry and Curly Joe's shtick)

   I laughed.  It's so bad that it's good, Giff!  I particularly like your reasoning behind the shtick; it's more than was used in the Moe, Larry CJ stuff.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Okay, Signor Spumoni ... how about SUPERHEROES!
(no references to the three robonic stooges either)

(Super Moe): One for each other, and all for one!
(Super Larry): The Three Brave Super Stooges are we!
(Super Curly): Brother to brother, and everyone, a brave Super Stooge!
(All): Wherever we go, we're three brave Super Stooges, and we'll be Super Stooges foreveeeEEERRRRR!

heeheeheeheehhee

[Signor Spumoni]

Okay, Signor Spumoni ... how about SUPERHEROES!
(no references to the three robonic stooges either)

(Super Moe): One for each other, and all for one!
(Super Larry): The Three Brave Super Stooges are we!
(Super Curly): Brother to brother, and everyone, a brave Super Stooge!
(All): Wherever we go, we're three brave Super Stooges, and we'll be Super Stooges foreveeeEEERRRRR!

heeheeheeheehhee

This fictitious short can BURN IN WELL, you know.  On the bright side, this means it ranks up there with real Stooges shorts. 

[Paul Pain]

This fictitious short can BURN IN WELL, you know.  On the bright side, this means it ranks up there with real Stooges shorts. 

Hey, that's my line!

[Paul Pain]

The boys are present-era road pavers in HE ROAD A YELLOW HORSE:

Vernon: Do you guys know how to do road work?
Moe: Do we!
Larry: Do we!
Curly: Do we?
Moe: Shaddap! *nose bonk* *belly bonk* *head bonk*
Vernon: Are you sure?
Moe: Of course we are!
Curly: By the time we're done, you won't recognize this road!
Moe: We'll have it done before you can say Ticonderoga, if you can say Ticonderoga!
Vernon: Fine!  *points at Moe* You lead, *points at Curly* and you drive the roller!
Curly: Aye aye, Cap'n!
Larry: What about me?!
Vernon: You direct traffic!  Here! *hands Larry a sign*
Larry: Where's my chair?
Vernon: What chair?
Larry: I'm a director!
Curly *in steam roller chair*: Oh, a radio!  Music! *starts steam roller*  *rolls onto Moe's foot and stop*
Moe: OHHHH!!  YOU IDIOTS!  Get this off of me!
Larry: Are you hurt?!
Moe: Get me out of here! *bonks Curly and Larry's head together*
*cars whizzing by without direction; two collide from trying to go down the one way at the same time*
Vernon: Get back over there!
Larry: Yes sir! *salutes Vernon Dent and smacks him*
Moe: You lamebrains! *gives both an eye poke*
Curly: Nyah!  Mmmm! "squeezes Moe's arm and does a handwave*
*camera cuts to Larry, who's sleeping while leaning on the sign*
Moe: *grabs Larry by the hair* You're supposed to be directing traffic!

I have enough material to write an entire episode, but I'll stop here.

[Paul Pain]

Moe, Larry, and Shemp work at a bowling alley in ROLL CALL.

Moe: Hey, turniphead, come here.
Larry: Yeah?
Moe: Gimme the tools.
Larry: What tools?
Moe: The tools we've been using for the last 10 years!
Larry: Oh, those tools.
Moe: Get outta here! *shoves Larry into Shemp*
Shemp: I had them here!
Moe: Well drop them!
*Shemp drops tools*
Moe: OWW!! *Russian dance with clapping routine*
Shemp and Larry: Hup!  Hup!  Hup!
Moe: Why you! *grabs Shemp's  head and crushes it under pin dropper repeatedly*
Shemp: Oh!
Larry: OWW! *bowling ball hits him in leg*
Moe: What are you complaining about?!  I oughta moider you *breaks bowling ball on Larry's head*
*and so forth...*

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Okay, the boys are abandoned children left at a catholic school with a heavy lien on the school ... (no wait, that's already been done)

The boys are evangelical TV preachers in "When the Toll is Called Up Yonder"
Moe: Good evenings friends and welcome to our show.
Larry: Hey Moe ... what are we gonna do with all that butter when the roll is called up yonder?
Moe: Spread out! (bonk) I mean ... spread it out!
Curly: I can't see! I can't see!
Moe: We shall pray for you brother. Larry, get out your prayer cloth!
Larry: Okay (takes out an oven mitt)
Moe: That's your prayer cloth?
Larry: Sure!
Moe: Why do you have an oven mitt for a prayer cloth?
Larry: I got some hot prayers to cogitate.
Moe: Oh yeah? Cogitate this! (slap)
Curly: I still can't see!
Larry: Why can't you see?
(you know the rest)

[Paul Pain]

We go way back to the Healy years as "Healy and His Stooges" star in CROCK-O-DOC, where they are workers at a hospital.

Larry: What do you do with it?
Moe: You don't know how to use ether.
Curly: Ether way we want him out!
Ted: Boys, boys!  What is going on here?
Moe, Larry, and Curly: HE did it!
Ted: Did what?
Curly: I didn't steal that dollar that was in your left shoe last night.
Ted: You didn't steal that dollar that was in my left shoe last night?  Liar *slaps Curly*
Larry: Serves him right.
Ted: Shut up! *slaps Larry* 
Moe: Oh, a tough guy, eh!
Ted: So what? *raps cane on Moe's head* NOW!  Who wants to know how to administer anesthetic properly?
Moe, Larry, and Curly: *raise hands* Pick me!
Ted: Hold it!  Dr. Ted will show you.
Moe, Larry, and Curly: Give it!
Ted: I will! *cracks cane over all three in succession followed by a triple slap*