(WARNING: This review contains spoilers, so if for some stupid reason you actually want to see this movie stop reading.)
I went to the movies for the first time since I moved to the Boston area and saw See No Evil, a slasher/horror flick from WWE (yes, the wrestling folks) Films and starring the man who stole my name, Kane. I went into the theater expecting a complete crapfest, and boy was I not disappointed.
Kane stars as a psycho killer who was abused by his overtly religious mother and gets his jollies off his plucking out the eyes of his victims with his bare hands. Our movie begins with two police officers answering a call from neighbors of loud music coming from a run-down house. The officers knock on the door and can hear a woman screaming, so they go in and find said woman on her knees holding her hands to her face. One cop checks on her while the other looks around briefly. We then find out the woman has had her eyes ripped out of her head and the cop who was looking around is then chopped in the head with an axe. The killer then chops off the arm of the other cop as he shoots the big man in the head.
Fast forward four years later and we find the original cop has a new prosthetic arm and a new beat, looking over a bunch of stereotypical "hooligan" reform school boys who are about to go on work furlough to clean up a run-down hotel with a bunch of girls. They meet up with an old lady who says she's working for some sort of preservation society, and of course you-know-who is there, lurking in the hidden halls and ready to rip out some eyeballs.
That's basically the entire plot of this turd. See No Evil does not possess a hint of orginality and is as predictable and paint by the numbers as it gets. For instance, I was able to deduce that the little old lady was indeed Kane's mother way before it was revealed in the movie. Stealing from Psycho, Friday the 13, Saw, and a bunch of other horror flicks, the paper thin plot serves as an excuse for mounds and mounds of gore crammed into 85 minutes. It's not scary either, just gory and gross. Kane comes off more as a meandering doofus than as a legit psychopath. Character development is nil as the kids are more like stereotypical shells (the bad ass, the slut, the nerd, the goth chick, the black guy, etc) whose sole reason for being in the movie is to be killed.
Basically that's the entire movie in a nutshell, a lame excuse to show gore and death. See No Evil has made $10 million domestic in two weeks. While you might be thinking "that's pretty shitty in this day and age" you have to understand that the budget for this stinker was $8 million. WWE plans on coming out with more films in the future and I expect all of them to be the same; start with a very small budget, bring in a box office that tops it and crow about it being a success. Expect See No Evil to be on alot of "Worst of 2006" lists.
My advice:
Stay far away from this one unless watching really bad movies is your thing.
