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"They must be hungry, they all end in 'eat-a.' N'yuck n'yuck, n'yuck." - Curly (COOKOO CAVALIERS, 1940)

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OPEN SEASON FOR SAPS

After his wife complains about the number of nights Woodcock (Shemp Howard) spends at the Hoot Owl Lodge, he takes her on a belated honeymoon. The first person they meet is lodge member Joe Wilson, who asks Woodcock to help him retrieve some ill-advised letters to lovely hotel guest Irene (Christine McIntyre). Woodcock soon finds himself caught between his jealous wife, and Irene's Latin-tempered fiancee Ricardo.



A remake of Charley Chase's THE GRAND HOOTER (Columbia 1937).

IMDb Rating

OPEN SEASON FOR SAPS on IMDb

Featuring
Shemp Howard (Solo)
Release Date
October 27, 1944
Studio
Columbia
Production Type
Short Subject
Duration
18.1 min.
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Production Notes   (1)
Prod. No.:   4016

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Transcription by Moron4392:  

CAST MEMBERS MENTIONED:

SHEMP HOWARD..............................WOODCOCK Q. STRINKER
EARLY CANTRELL..............................MRS. STRINKER
CHRISTINE McINTYRE.......................IRENE
GEORGE LEWIS................................RICARDO MONTELL
HENRY BARRIS................................JOE WILSON
JACK LIPSON..................................HOUSE DETECTIVE
AL MARINO....................................BEARDED GUEST
EDDIE LAUGHTON............................DESK CLERK (STOCK FOOTAGE)

This short starts off with a tower clock that shows and in chiming 5 A. M.

We now see Woodcock who is quietly opening the door to his house and is trying to sneak in as not to wake up his wife who is asleep on the davenport. As he is entering in he is at the top of two steps that leads down to the living room quarters. He is now looking to his right, and he doesn't notice that he is at the steps, and when he goes to take a step he falls down them.

As Woodcock is still trying to sneak in quietly to his bedroom quarters in his stocking feet trying not to wake up his wife. We now hear the cookoo bird chirping the time. Woodcock is now running over to the cookoo clock and he is grabbing the bird by its neck, and he has a pair of shears in his hand as he is getting ready to cut the wire on the cookoo bird.

WOODCOCK to the COOKOO BIRD: (As he has a mad look on his face and is slightly strangling the bird and is shouting at him in a whisper): "Shut up!"

Woodcock has now dropped the bird and has left him dangling by his wire. As Woodcock is still trying to sneak past his wife, he now bumps into the radio causing it to turn on and make a loud static sound, the we hear playing "Stars And Stripes Forever!"

He has now woken up his wife and she is getting up from the davenport in a mad state, he now tips his hat to her.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (In a very mad mood as she is pointing at her watch and is shouting loudly at him): "What do you mean coming in so late? Do you realize it is five o'clock in the morning? How many times are you going to come in late? How many times are you going to do this? How many times am I going to give into it? Do you know how many times I have been asleep on the couch while you have been out late? I am tired of this, being home alone wondering where you are. Wondering what you are up to. I am sick of this!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (With an apologetic look on his face as he has now set his shoes down on the kitchen counter and is apologizing to her): "Honey, I am sorry, I will never do it again, I promise! No, I will not come in late anymore!"

All the while that Woodcock is being chased and hen pecked by his wife, he is marching, first in place, and the around his living room quarters to the beat of the music.

He and his wife have now met back at the kitchen quarters. He is giving her a salute, and she is now saluting him back. She has now noticed that she has saluted back and is mad at Woodcock. She hits him on his hand and then she runs over frantically and shuts off the radio.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she has now shut off the radio, and has crossed her arms in madness and has her back to him says): "Well, you better have a good excuse for coming in this time of the morning, Mr. Woodcock Q. Strinker!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (With a look of mischief on his face as he is standing in front of his thorougly mad wife and he has an apologetic look on his face says): "Now, don't get excited, sweetheart, I was out with my 'FELLOW HOOT OWLS'!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (In a mad voice and still has her arms crossed in madness saying in reference to his 'HOOT OWLS'!"): "THE HOOT OWLS, we have had abous as much 'HOOT OWLS' as a night watchman!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he has his hand on her shoulder and a dumbfounded look on his face says to her in explanation about his 'HOOT OWLS'): "But the lodge only gets together five nights a week, and besides I'm running for 'GRAND HOOTER,' and I'd love to be 'GRAND HOOTER'!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is still thoroughly disgusted at him and his 'FELLOW HOOT OWLS'): "Oh, now it's 'GRAND HOOTER,' the year we got married we couldn't even go on a honeymoon because you were running for, for, for......(She is now crying in a state of sadness).

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is pointing a finger at her and is in a total state of mischief says): "THE KEEPER OF THE NEST EGG!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (Still crying and then she becomes thoroughly mad at his shouts): "KEEPER OF THE NEST EGG, what did I marry a man, or a 'HOOT OWL,?' I'm fed up, I'm leaving!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is grabbing her by the arm and has an apologetic tone of voice says): "Honey, wait, I'm sorry, if I neglected ya, but we'll make-up for it. We'll go away on a trip, just you and I, a sort of belated honeymoon!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (She has her back to him and says to him in a quiet mad voice): "I won't go, I won't go, unless you promise to give up the 'HOOT OWLS'!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As we see him with his fingers crossed by his side and says in a very apologetic and loving voice): "All right, darling, for you I will give up the 'HOOT OWLS'!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (In a full state of crying says to him): "Oh, Woodcock, you, you, make me so happy!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (In a very carrying and loving voice says to her as he is pulling out from his small suit jacket pocket, a ladies decorative scarf): "Oh, now stop crying, stop crying baby, blow honey!"

As she is getting ready to use the scarf that he has given her, she has noticed that it was a ladies decorative scarf.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is still crying and pulling on the scraf from his pocket says): "Oh, oh, oh, you've been two timing me!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is apologizing to his wife and is explaining to her): "How did that get in there? Oh, sweetheart, I swear!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (Thoroughly disgusted at him shouts madly): "No profanity, don't talk to me you chiseling rat!"

We now see his wife running away from him in a total state of sadness and disgust.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is chasing after her, trying to apologize and patch things up with her says): "Baby, I'm not a rat. If I am a rat, I hope to meet a rates fate!"

We now see Woodcock getting his stocking covered foot snapped by a mouse trap that he did not see.

WOODCOCK: (As he has now gotten his foot snapped by the mouse trap says in pain): "Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Aah, aah, aah, aah, aah, aah!"

Woodcock is now sitting on the arm of the davenport and is removing the mouse trap from his foot as he is rubbing his sore foot in pain.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is leaving in a full state of madness as he is still removing the mouse trap from his foot says to him): "You rodent!"

WOODCOCK: (As he is blowing on the mouse trap and says in a low voice): "With out cheese, too. Got me without cheese!" (He now slaps the unset mouse trap and tosses is back on the floor).

We are now reading a sign that reads: "HOTEL RITZ!"

We now see Woodcock and his wife walking on one of the hotel flights looking for their room. Woodcock is carrying three heavy luggage sets and his golf clubs, while she is carrying one little, light luggage set.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As they are looking around for their room and Woodcock is getting tired from toting such a heavy load says): "If I'd of known belhops were so scarce, I would of postponed this trip!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she has waved her hand at him and says to him in a quiet tone of voice): "Oh, quit beefing, it is probably down the hall here a little ways!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is now thoroughly exhausted and slightly mad shouts at her): "You said that eight floors back, we've toured six since. I'm tired, you find it yourself!"

Woodcock is now setting down his luggage sets and his golf clubs. He is now sitting on one of the luggage sets to take a break while she is still hunting for their room.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As he has set everything down and is taking a breather, she has found their room and says): "Oh, here it is dear, here it is!"

Woodcock is now taking a rest on the luggage sets while she is entering their room. As Woodcock is stilly his breather, he is approached by a gentleman, (by the name of 'Joe Wilson').

JOE to WOODCOCK: (As Joe has a lit stogie in his mouth and a happy tone of voice says): "Woodie, 'OLD HOOT OWL'!"

Woodcock is now standing up in a really happy mood and puts his hand of Joe's shoulder.

WOOKCOCK to FELLOW HOOT OWL: (In a really happy mood says): "Well, it it ain't 'THE CHIEF OF THE NEST EGG,' hiya Joe!"

Woodcock has now slapped Joe on his back kind of hard causing him to slightly loose his balance.

WOODCOCK to JOE: (As they are doing the Lodge Pledge, where they inner twine their finges together and say as the move their hands up and down): WOODCOCK: "ONE FOR OWL!" JOE: "AND OWL FOR ONE!"

Then in unison as they are putting their thumbs on their heads and flipping their fingers to and fro like birds flapping their wings and are chanting: 'HOOT, HOOT, HOOT'!

As Woodcock was associating with his 'FELLOW HOOT OWL', he gets caught gy his wife who has walked out of their room looking for him.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (Totally disgusted and mad shouts): "Woodcock!"

WOODCOCK to JOE: (In a low mischievous voice tone with his back to his wife, as he is trying to cover-up the fact that he was talking to him says): "It's the wife, scram, scram, she's on the warpath!"

Joe has now left. She is walking up to Woodcock mad. Woodcock is bent over picking up the luggage sets and his golf clubs.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (He is looking at her with a hurt and mischievous look on his face, as he is standing there in front of his with a thorough look of disgust on her face and her hands on her waist as he says to her as he is now laughing hysterically): "Ah, just another 'BROTHER HOOT OWL,' hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah!" (He now has a look of pain on his face as she is glaring at him thoroughly disgusted as he is bending over to pick-up the luggage sets and his golf clubs).

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is in a mad mood and is helping Woodcock with the luggage sets in disgust): "HOOT OWLS!"

Woodcock has now picked up one of the luggage sets as he is watching his wife enter back into their room. He is now picking up his golf clubs and not paying attention to what he is doing and has picked them up sidedown and has spilled the golf balls out of the bag all over the hallway.

Woodcock has now taken a few steps and has realized that he spilled his golf balls and is setting down his luggage set to pick-up the golf balls.

We are now on a beautiful lady, (by the name of Irene). She is trying to get into her room but has noticed that she has forgotten her key.

Irene is now going down the hall on her way to the elevator to go to the lobby to get her key. She has now slipped on one of Woodcock's golf balls and Woodcock is grabbing Irene to keep her from falling.

Iren and Woodcock have now noticed one another and say in unison to each other smiling gleefully. "OOH!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is still holding onto her says in a carrying voice and a smile on his face says): "I'm so sorry!"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As they are still holding onto one another and she is giving him a look of endearment and is smiling happily at his says): "Oh, that's quiet all right, thank-you for catching me!"

We are now on the doorway entrace of Woodcock's room where his wife is now coming out and unbenounced to Woodcock and Irene as she notices them holding onto each other.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is giving her a sweet smile and it tipping his hat at her and she is smiling sweetly back at him): "Oh, my pleasure, drop in again anytime!"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she is leaving him and still smiling sweetly at his as she finishes going to get her key): "Thank-you!"

As Irene is now leaving Woodcock in a total state of glee and says as shen is walking away and is grining from ear to ear. "Hunh-hunh!"

Woodcock's wife is now walking up to him in a thorough state of madness with a mad look on her face and her hands on her waist in madness.

Woodcock is now hurrying to pick-up his golf balls as he has noticed that his wife saw him with Irene and she is furious.

Woodcock is now busy picking up his golf balls and does not notice that his wife has also slipped on one as she goes crashing to the floor.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he now has noticed that she has fallen from slipping on one of the golf balls and has slapped his thighs in dismay and has a look of wonderment on his face says): "If you'd look where you were going, this wouldn't happen, here, I'll help ya!"

Woodcock is now going over to help his wife up but in the process he also slips and falls on one of the golf balls and says in pain. "Ooh, ooh!

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is getting up and is thoroughly mad says to her): "You pushed me!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is helping her up and says to her in a slightly mad voice): "Come on, get up, give me a hand!"

Woodcock is now back in the process of picking up his golf balls and golf clubs as he hands her his golf bag.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (In a slight mad mood as he is putting his golf clubs back in the bag and gives her a club to put in the bag says): "Here, hold this!"

His wife goes and sets his golf clubs against a wall and is still holding onto the single club.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is bent over picking up his golf balls): "I had fifty-two balls, I hope I didn't loose any!"

WOODCOCK: (As he is bent over and looking at his golf balls says): "Let's see, one, two, three......"

Just after he had said three, his wife whacked him a good one in the bumm with one of the golf clubs, sending Woodcock crashing his head into one of the hotel doors hard and then he falls flat on the floor on his back.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As she is looking at the golf club, and then at him in a total state of madness with one of her hands on her waist. He is now getting up in a total state of madness and hurt says): "That's, gratitude!"

We are now inside of Woodcock and his wife's room. She is unpacking their luggage sets and he is on the telephone.

WOODCOCK to the TELEPHONE: (As he has a look of happiness on his face and is smiling): "All right!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he has now hung up the telephone receiver and runs over to her in a total state of glee): "Honey, the food will be right up!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is standing up from unpacking one of the luggage sets and says to him with a mad look on her face and in a hurtful tone of voice): "I don't want any, go eat with your ex-girlfriends, or your 'HOOT OWLS'!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he has a look of care on his face and an apologetic, sorry sounding voice as he explains to her about Irene): "Ex-girlfriends, darling, I told you she was a perfect stranger. And I just happened to bump into Joe Wilson.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is giving her a look of sorriness and has his hand on her shoulder and says in a loving voice): "Now honey, go inside and put on that cute, little, boating outfit, and we'll go somewhere!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is looking at him in a forgiving manner and asks him in a sweet tone of voice): "Where will we go?"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he has his hand on her shoulder in care and is giving her a look of endearment says): "We'll go, ah, boating, the 'BOAT,' of us that's a good one!"

WOODCOCK is now laughing hysterically, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha and is jumping up and down in glee. His wife has now given him a look of bewilderment as she is now going into the dressing room area to put on her boating outfit.

We now hear a loud, forceful kock on Woodcock's room door. Woodcock is now going to answer the door. Woodcock has now opened the door and finds the person at his door to be his 'FELLOW HOOT OWL,' brother Joe Wilson.

Joe is starting to go into Woodcock's room but Woodcock has now pushed him back into the hall sot the two of them would not be noticed by Woodcock's wife.

WOODCOCK to JOE: (As he has pushed him out and has a worried look on his face): "Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh!"

Woodcock has now closed the door to his room and is out in the hallway area with Joe.

JOE to WOODCOCK: (As he is looking over his shoulder and has a scared look on his face and worry in his voice says): "I'm in trouble Woodie, a girl has some letters of mine, and she wants $5,000 for them, you got to get them back for me!"

WOODCOCK to JOE: (As he is using hand gestures to show madness and says in a low, worried tone of voice): "Now, don't be silly, I'm on a vacation!"

JOE to WOODCOCK: (With a look of worry on his face and asks Woodcock again in a pleading tone of voice to help him): "You, must, she's gonna get the letters out of the safe deposit box and she's gonna sell them to my wife!"

WOODCOCK to JOE: (In a total state of panic, fearing that he is going to be caught by his wife): "I, won't do it, I won't do it!"

Joe is now looking down the hallway with panic in his voice and fear in his eyes.

JOE to WOODCOCK: (In a full blown state of panic as he puts a hand on Woodcock's shoulder as he is pointing a finger at the lady, who happens to be Irene as the lady who is going to sell the letters to his wife): "Ssh, ssh,!"

We are now on Woodcock who has a total look of glee on his face and a really happy smile as he has now noticed that the lady Joe wants hepl with is the beautiful Irene.

Irene has now opened the door to her room and has gone in.

WOODCOCK to JOE: (As he puts a hand on Joe's shoulder and has a look of mischief on his face and changes his mind about helping Joe): "Well, ah, hunh, after all, I guess I can't let a 'BROTHER HOOT OWL', down. I'll see her at once, you wait in the lobby!"

Joe is now leaving for the lobby while Woodcock is now happily going to Irene's room. Woodcock is now straightening up his suit and is blowing on his fist that he is going to use to happily knock on Irene's door with.

Woodcock is now approaching Irene's door and is knocking on it. Irene has now opened her door to see who it is.

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she has a big smile on her face and says in a gleeful and happy voice): "Oh, it's you, won't you come in?"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he has a giant smile on his face and is marching into her room happily says): "Delighted!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he has now entered her room and is rubbing his hands together and is smiling happily and has a mischievous look on his face says to her): "Just wanted to make sure you didn't sprang you ankle, or anything!"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she is giving him a happy look and says to him in a gleeful tone of voice as she is picking up her ankle and twirling it around to show him it is all right says): "Oh, no, my ankle's just perfect!"

Woodcock is now looking at Irene's ankle seeing that it's all right and is saying, 'YUNK-YUNK,' as he is liking what he is seeing.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he has a happy look on his face and glee in his eyes says to calm himself down): "I'll have an apple!"

Woodcock has taken one bite out of the apple.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is giving her 'goo-goo' eyes and a look of glee says): "Have a bite?" (He then takes back his offer, thinking it might be too close says): "Oh, no, no!"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she is looking at him in delight and is smiling sweetly as she starts to go for a bite of the apple before Woodcock has take it back says): "Oh, meanie!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is chewing on his apple and is looking adorningly to Irene): "You know what happened to Eve!"

Irene has now laughed at Woodcock's statement, Woodcock is now chocking on the apple saying, 'a yun, a yun,' as he is looking sweetly at Irene and then he taps on his apple.

We are now out in the hallway where we see Joe running frantically up to Irene's door and is peeking in through the key hole, to see if Woodcock has arrived yet to help him get the letters back.

As Joe is peeking through the key hole a house detective is now walking down the hallway. He's noticing Joe peeking through the key hole. And the house detective has now given Joe a swift kick in his bumm. Joe is now standing up with his crushed stogie and looking at him.

JOE to the HOUSE DETECTIVE: (Joe has now thrown his crushed stogie on the floor. Before Joe has noticed his badge): "Listen, you big bozo," (Joe has now noticed his badge as he is pointing at it). "I'll, ah, ah, unhem, I'll be seeing you, unhem, I hope not, unhem!"

Joe and the house detective are now parting ways going in separate directions.

We are now back in Irene's room where Woodcock and Irene are looking adorningly at one another. We now hear Irene's sweet, cute, and adorable poochie now barking at Woodcock.

IRENE to her POOCHIE: (As she is smiling sweetly at him says): "Peaches, be quiet!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is pointing a finger at the poochie and smiling happily at Irene): "That's a cute little dog."

Woodcock has now walked away and is looking at the stuff on her wall. He has now noticed a couple of swords on her wall.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is looking and pointing at the swords on her wall asks): "Oh, where did you get the 'frog stickers'?"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (In reference to his question about the 'frog stickers,' says in a happy voice): "From my fiancée, he's Ricardo Montell, the famous opra singer. He got them from one of the world's greatest bull fighters.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is looking at her in a serious way being very interested and has his hands in his suit jacket pockets): "You don't say!"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she is proudly telling Woodcock about the history of the swords): "Those swords killed over 120 bulls."

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is looking at her happily and is laughing hysterically says): "Um, that's alot of bull, 'ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

Woodcock has now noticed a guitar sitting on her dressing stand. He has now picked it up.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is now holding the guitar and is looking at her happily says): "Oh, a ukulele, do you sing?"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she is looking at him happily and is smiling sweetly at him says): "A, little!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is handing her the guitar and says happily): "Well, give out sister, give out!"

Irene is now taking the guitar and is sitting on her davenport and is strumming it as she is singing:

"I'll take romance while my arms are strong and in need for you. I'll give my arms about you, I'll take romance. No matter where you are, please rely on me. It's a whole evening of loving, please love me and give me romance.

(Woodcock is now singing with Irene): "Where you are for me, aloha. What a lovely evening, when I am with you. Where you are, my thrill and I love you, I'll take romance."

IRENE SOLO: "While my arms are around you night and day, I'll give my heart away. I'll take romance. I'll take romance. I'll take romance!"

While Irene was singing we see Woodcock first with his hands on the back of her davenport looking at her adorningly. He is now wrapping a white shawl around his shoulders and is putting on a Mexican Sombréo hat and is doing a Mexican style hat dance. He is now sitting on her davenport and has removed the hat an shawl. He is now bouncing up and down in glee and is really enjoying her singing and si getting excited and he is saying: 'Ho, ho, ho, ho, ha, ha, ha, ha, bip, bip, bip, bip, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb.' He is now making strumming motions with his hands like he is playing an ukulele and is saying, 'hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, heeb, heeb, heeb, heeb, heeb.'

As Irene and Woodcock are still singing, we are now out in the hallway where we see Woodcock's wife approaching Irene's door, and seh is bending down peeking in the key hole to see if he is in there.

As Woodcock's wife is peeking through Irene's key hole, the house detective is now approaching and is getting ready to kick her in her bumm thinking that it is Joe again.

Woodcock's wife has now turned around. The house detective has now lowered his foot to the ground now when he has noticed it was not Joe. Woodcock's wife now has a scared look on her face while the house detective has a dumbfounded look his face.

WOODCOCK'S WIFE to the HOUSE DETECTIVE: (As she is standing up quickly and is giving him a scared look when she has noticed the detective catching her peeking into Irene's key hole, as she is running backwards to her room): "Oh, I ya, hello!"

Woodcock's wife is now running down the hall in a state of scaredness back to her room.

We are now back inside of Irene's room where Woodcock is now lounging back on Irene's davenport and is looking at her with a big smile on his face and is giving her 'goo-goo' eyes as he is sitting there with his legs crossed and an arm wrappped around the back of her davenport really enjoying her singing.

As Irene is coming to the conclusion of her song we now hear her sweet, adorable, huggable, cute, little poochie singing along with her.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is giving Irene a happy look and says to her in reference to her doggies singing): "Professional jealousy!"

Woodcock is now barking back at 'Peaches' furiously. Peaches then gives a few barks back and then runs away scared.

Woodcock and Irene now sitting on the davenport, she is still holding her guitar and they are laughing hystericall, 'ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, at the fact that Woodcock has scared 'Peaches' away.

We now see Woodcock and Irene still sitting on her davenport and Irene's telephone is ringing.

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she is reaching behind him to answer the telephone): "Oh, excuse me!"

IRENE to the TELEPHONE: (As she is now picking it up and answering it): "Hello, yes!"

While Irene was answering her telephone, Woodcock was helping himself to a glass of seltzer water.

We are now down in the hotel lobby where we are seeing the desk clerk who is talking to Irene on the telephone.

DESK CLERK to IRENE: (As he has a professional voice tone says to her): "A gentleman named Ricardo is on his way up to your room, said you were expecting him!"

Irene now has a horrified look of panic on her face about the fact that her fiancée is on his way up and Woodcock is in her room.

Irene is now hanging up the telephone receiver while Woodcock is happily sitting beside her on her davenport drinking his glass of seltzer water.

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (With a look of panic on her face and panic in her voice says): "Oh, it's my fiancée, Ricardo Montell, he's terribly jealous, if he finds you here, he will kill you!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is still sitting on her davenport in a relaxed state and is looking sweetly at her and is still drinking his seltzer water says): "So, he'll kill me!"

Irene has now set down her guitar. Woodcock has now come to realize what she has just said and what he said back. He has now spit out a drink of his seltzer water and is now starting to panic.

WOODCOCK: (As he is now standing up quickly and has a look of panic on his face and is shouting in a state of panic): "He' chocking me, let go!"

As Woodcock is now trying to stand up and leave in a state of panic. Irene has now noticed that the telephone cord is wrapped around his neck and is helping him get free from it.

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (In a horrible state of panic as she is helping Woodcock leave in a hurry): "Get out of here!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is now free from the telephone cord says to her in a panic state): "I'll get out!"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (As she is horribly panicking and really scared says): "Get out!"

We are now out in the hotel hallway where Ricardo is knocking furiously on her door.

We are now inside of Irene's room where we see both Irene and Woodcock running around furiously in a total state of panic.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is running to hide and give's her a sweet look of good-bye and blows her a kiss as he is opening a door says): "I'll go out the back way!"

Ricardo is still furiously knocking on Irene's door, demanding to be let in.

We now see Woodcock in Irene's dressing room quarters where he think's he's gonna go out the back way. Woodcock was running around in circles trying to find a way out, but he is still closed in her dressing room quarters.

We now see Irene opening her door to let her fiancée in. Ricardo has now entered her room.

IRENE to RICARDO: (As she is lovingly hugging him by the neck and is giving him a sweet, mischievous look while Ricardo has a look of slight madness on his face): "Ricardo, oh, what a delightful surprise!"

RICARDO to IRENE: (In a total state of madness as he is throwing her arms off from his neck says to her madly): "Never mind these 'soft soaps,' where is that man."

IRENE to RICARDO: (As she is holding her hands and has a look of wonderment in her eyes trying to act like she doesn't know what he is talking about, and responds to Ricardo in a sweet, sirupy style of voice): "Why, there's no man here!"

RICARDO to IRENE: (As he is now in a really furious mood and has taken the sleeve off a sword in a really mad state and is going to use it): "He is here, I have heard him!"

Irene is now screaming loudly in a state of panic as she sees Ricardo opening up his sword.

IRENE to RICARDO: (Screaming and shouting loudly in a horrible state of panic and fear): "Ah, Ricardo, put that sword away!"

We are now back inside of Irene's dressing room quarters, where we see Woodcock in a full state of panic and fear and he says in a quiet, scared voice. "The Bull Sticker!"

Woodcock is now in a really horrified state of panic and fear as he goes for a stool that is inside of Irene's dressing room quarters and is putting it beside the window and thinks he's gonna be able to go out on a ledge. Woodcock has now stood on the stool and has opened both thr curtains and the window and has realized that his is up about fifteen stories and there is now window leged and that is not his way out. Woodcock is now coming back in and has a horribly worried look on his face as he says, 'eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee,' in a state of panic. Woodcock has now fallen off of the stool and has landed loudly on to the floor of the dressing room quarters.

We are now back out in the living quarters of Irene's room where we see both Irene and Ricardo with worried looks on their faces.

RICARDO to IRENE: (Furiously mad says): "Ah, ha!"

Ricardo is now really mad and is in a full blown state of furry as he is furiously running over to Irene's dressing room quarters with his sword.

Irene is now running up to Ricardo and is grabbing him by the arm and she is in a full state of panic.

IRENE to RICARDO: (In a really panic state says as she is shouting): "No, no, no, Ricardo, that's just my little dog, little Peaches!"

Irene has now grabbed hold of Ricardo and is hugging him and smiling sweetly to him.

We are now back inside of Irene's dressing room quarters where Woodcock is now barking, and panting like it is Irene's dog.

WOODCOCK: (As he is looking at the dressing room quarters door): "Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, haa, haa, haa, haa, haa!"

Ricardo now has his hand on the dressing room door and is starting to open it to see if it is really Irene's dog, and Woodcock is now licking Ricardo's hand.

Ricardo has now reached in and has patted Woodcock on his head being convinced that it was Irene's dog after all.

We are now back out in the living quarters of Irene's room where we see Irene and Ricardo smiling sweetly at each other.

RICARDO to IRENE: (As he has a look of mischief and grimace on his face and slight madness in his voice): "A cute little fellow, isn't he?"

IRENE to RICARDO: (As she has a look of mischief in her eyes and is smiling at Ricardo sweetly, but yet mischievously says): "Yes, hunh!"

We are now back inside of Irene's dressing room quarters where Woodcock is still bent over right at the door like a dog. Ricardo has now slammed the door on Woodcock's head and Woodcock is now jumping up and grabbing his head in pain and is yelling quietly as he is rubbing his head in pain, 'ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.' As not to be heard by Ricardo. Woodcock has now noticed that the door is locked.

We are now back into the living room quarters where Irene has her hand on Ricardo's arm in a loving manner as she is smiling sweetly and mischievously at Ricardo. He also has a sweet smile on his face as they are walking away from the dressing room quarters door.

IRENE to RICARDO: (As she is still holding onto his arm and smiling happily at him says in reference to her poochie): "I don't know what I'd do with out him!"

We are now back inside of Irene's dressing room quarters once again, where Woodcock has now noticed that he is locked in and is barking madly like it is Irene's dog who is locked in there scared and is wanting out.

Woodcock's barking has now triggered off Irene's dog who is now barking back in response to Woodcock.

We are now back in the living room quarters where we see Irene walking sweetly with her hand on Ricardo's arm as she has a worried look on her face and Ricardo has a mad look on his face about the 'TWO', barking poochies.

Irene now sighs in a state of worry as she is smiling trying to cover-up, pretending she has not noticed the 'TWO BARKING POOCHIES,' who are barking loudly at on another.

RICARDO to IRENE; (As he is looking at her in a state of madness and says to her in a mad tone of voice): "You, have only one dog, no?"

IRENE to RICARDO: (As she is trying to cover-up and has a look of worry on her face and mischief in her voice): "Yes, ah, that was just the echo!"

We now see Ricardo in a full blown state of madness and disgust with a horrible look of madness on his face as he is picking up his sword and is runnign to Irene's dressing room quarters.

RICARD to IRENE: (Fully says madly): "Well, then I kill the echo!"

Ricardo is now running to Irene's dressing room quarters with his sword extended and furiously mad as Irene is running behind him in a really worried state as she is trying to stop Ricardo.

IRENE to RICARDO: (With a worried look on her face and in a state of panic in her voice as she is runnign behind Ricardo): "Oh, no!"

Ricardo is now standing in front of Irene's dressing room quarters as he is trying the door knob and finding it locked and he also has very mean and demented look on his face.

RICARDO to IRENE: (Trying the door knob and still looking demented says): "The dog, he has locked the door!"

Irene is now backing away as she is sighing in a state of worry while Ricardo is furiously shaking the door knob. Irene is standing behind Ricardo with her hands folded and a really worried look on her face.

RICARDO to DOG TWO: (In a state of madness as he is shouting madly and is waving hi sword furiously): "Come out, dirty dog, come out, I say!"

We now see Woodcock coming out of Irene's dressing room quarters, dressed in a long white dress and veil, high heeled shoes, black long gloves, and he has a fan, black hoop earrings, and full face of make-up. He is fanning himself, ('herself), and is acting like a lady.

Woodcock is standing by Irene's dressing room quarters door fanning 'HERSELF,' with the fan and has a mischief and feminine look on his, ('her), face. Irene and Ricardo are standing in front of 'her' with surprised and dumbfounded looks on their faces.

Woodcock is now walking lady like as he accidentally trips on his shoe heels as Ricardo is giving both 'her', and Irene a very surprised look.

RICARDO to IRENE: (As he is looking at Irene in really surprised state asks): "Who is dis?"

IRENE to RICARDO: (As she has a look of worry on her face and a worried sounding voice says): "This, humn, humn, humn, that's my sister Josephine!"

"JOSEPHINE" is now walking over to Ricardo very lady like and is 'flirting,' with him.

"JOSEPHINE" to RICARDO: (In a very lady like manner and is using a feminine voice tone as she socks Ricardo in the stomach): "Oh, you, man you!"

While "JOSEPHINE" is 'flirting,' with Ricardo, Irene is standing behind Ricardo in a state of worry.

RICARDO to IRENE: (As he is spreading his hands out and smiling mischievously at Irene says about 'JOSEPHINE,' 'ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,' she wants to play."

"JOSEPHINE" has now playfully slapped Ricardo on his face with 'her', fan and is now running away.

"JOSEPHINE" to RICARDO: (In a happy mood says): "Catch me!"

"JOSEPHINE" is now skipping merrily around Irene's room and is laughing in a high pitched voice, 'ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,'!

"JOSEPHINE" to RICARDO: (As Ricardo is trying to catch 'her' as 'she' is fanning 'herself' with 'her' fan): "Woo, woo, you, hoo!"

RICARDO to "JOSEPHINE": (As he has a really happy look on his face and is chasing 'her' playfully around Irene's room): "Come here, frog face!"

"JOSEPHINE" is now running away from Ricardo in a very lady like manner as she is still fanning herself and is says, 'you, hoo, hoo, hoo,! Ricardo is now playfully chasing 'her.'

We now wee Ricardo standing next to "JOSEPHINE" holding 'her' hand sweetly in front of the davenport as he has now caught her. "JOSEPHINE" is standing by Ricardo fanning 'herself' and is smiling sweetly. Irene is standing behind her davenport with a reall worried look on her face.

RICARDO to "JOSEPHINE": (Giving 'her' a really sweet look and has kindness in his voice): "I'm gonna kiss you!"

"JOSEPHINE" to RICARDO: (Giving him a very sweet smile and a look of mischief): "Oh, no you won't!"

"JOSEPHINE" is now laughing carryingly at Ricardo as 'she' is batting 'her' eyes at him, and is laughing, 'ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha'!

RICARDO to "JOSEPHINE:" (As he is once again chasing 'her' around Irene's room sweetly says): "Oh, yes I am!"

"JOSEPHINE" to RICARDO: (Waving her fan at him and batting 'her' eyes says): "Oh, no you won't!"

"JOSEPHINE" has now caught 'her dress' on the corner of Irene's coffee table and has torn off a piece of it and has now exposed 'HER REAL IDENTITY!" Ricardo is now giving 'her', ('I mean him), a very mad and mean look as Irene is standing in the background with a worried look on her face.

"JOSEPHINE" is once more running around Irene's room laughing sweetly and waving 'her fan,' femininely at Ricardo not realizing that 'she has lost her dress!'

RICARDO to "JOSEPHINE", (Oops, WOODCOCK): (As he is looking at 'her', (him), with a very mad look on his face and is using hand gestures to support madness shouts): "She's a he!"

Woodcock has now noticed that he has lost his "dress" and is now in a state of panic.

We now see Irene in the background with a worried look on her face. Ricardo is now going after his sword to get Woodcock with it as we see Woodcock picking up Irene's guitar and hitting Ricardo over the head with it.

Ricardo is now falling backwards into Irene's davenport from being hit in the head with the guitar as Woodcock is now running out of Irene's room for his life.

Ricardo has given Woodcock a really nasty look as Ricardo is removing his hat from his head.

We now see Woodcock running down the hallway towards his room to try and take cover but is met by his mad wife. Woodcock turns around to start to run down the other way in the hall where he is stopped by Ricardo holding onto his sword.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As he is now 'sandwiched' betwixt his mad wife and the furious Ricardo with his sword): "Woodcock!"

All the while that Woodcock is running betwixt his mad wife and the demented Ricardo with his sword he is yelling frantically, "yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, yahn, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee!'

As poor Woodcock is now running frantically and scared betwixt his mad wife and demented Ricardo with his sword. Woodcock now runs for cover in another guests room. Woodcock slams the door shut behind him.

Ricardo and his wife both have now shoved the door open to the other guests room and has entered in as the two of them are in a deep state of madness.

We are now in the other guests room where we see both Ricardo and his wife standing by the door mad and another man laying on the davenport covered up with a blanket and is 'shivering' in scaredness and worry from Woodcock barging in.

Ricardo has now walked up to the 'shaking man' under the blanket, thinking that it is Woodcock and has now stabbed him in the bumm with his sword.

RICARDO: (In a full state of madness as he stabs who he thinks is Woodcock but isn't with his sword shouts): "Now, I've got you!"

The "Bearded Guest" happens to be the resident of that room and is sitting up in total pain and looking at Ricardo madly and is shouting in pain. 'Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu,hu!'

During the mix-up with Ricardo and the 'Bearded Guest' we see Woodcock's wife standing next to Ricardo in a horrible state of pain and panic. We also see Woodcock unbenounced to anyone making a break for it.

RICARDO to the BEARDED GUEST: (In a total state of panic and sorry in his voice): "I'm sorry, I beg your pardon!"

WOODCOCK'S WIFE to RICARDO: (With her not having a clue to what is going on asks Ricardo): "What is all this!"

We are now back out in the hallway where we see Woodcock leaving the room to hide while Irene is outside next to the room door.

RICARDO to the BEARDED GUEST: (Still apologizing to him says): "I was looking for another, I thought you were him!"

We now see Woodcock running for cover in his room, not knowing that Irene is following behind him.

Woodcock is now locking the door to his room with Irene inside for safety. Woodcock is now safely locked inside of his room and is saying 'shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he nonchalantly turns around not realizing it is Irene says): "Hello!"

Woodcock has now realized it was Irene and he is now flinching in panic and said, 'Yunks'!

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he has a look of worry on his face and worry in his voice says): "What are you doing here?"

IRENE to WOODCOCK: (She is also in a full state of panice and worry in her voice as she is now wrapping her arms around Woodcock in fear): "Oh, save me, save me, he'll kill us both!"

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he has a mad look on his face and is pushing her away): "It's every man for himself, find your own fox hole!"

We are now out in the hallway once again where we see Ricardo and Woodcock's wife coming out of the room of the "Bearded Guest". Ricardo has now run madly down to Irene's room thinking that they are in there. Woodcock's wife is now returning to their room finding the door locked and she is pounding furiously on the door.

We are now inside of Woodcock's room with Irene still in his arms as she has now fainted thinking that it is Ricardo pounding furiously mad on the door.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is in a total state of panic as he is holding the fainted Irene says): "Wait a minute!"

Woodcock's wife is still furiously pounding on the door while Woodcock is now dragging the fainted Irene into his dressing closet quarters and is leaning her up agains a wall. Woodcock has now notice that Irene is now falling forward and he is catching her to keep her from falling. He is now holding Irene with one hand as he goes for a stick to stick under her chin to keep her proped up as best as he can.

WOODCOCK to IRENE: (As he is in the closet proping her up says): "ooh, ooh, how do you like that, stay there, how do you like this one, wait a minute!"

Irene is slumped over on the stick that Woodcock has put under her while he clasps his hands in relief as he says, 'ha, ha, and is leaving the closet in a hurringly fast rate to see who is pounding on his door in a state of madness and furry.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is thoroughly mad and shouts at Woodcock madly): "Open this door, Woodcock open this door would you let me in Woodcock!"

Woodcock has now quickly changed his clothes to try and cover-up all that has happened.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is quickly running to the door and says to her in a calm voice): "Coming darling, coming!"

Woodcock has now unlocked the door and has let in his furiously mad wife. Woodcock's wife is now in their room with a really mad look on her face and has her hands on her waist in a full state of madness.

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (As she is sticking him with her finger and says to him madly): "I'll give you just two seconds to tell me what this is all about, Mr. Woodcock Q. Strinker!"

We are now outside in the hallway where we see Ricardo starring blankly at Woodcock's door.

Ricardo has now heard Woodcock's wife speaking as he has now found Woodcock. Ricardo is now pounding madly at the door.

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (In a beyond mad state is shouting furiously at Woodcock through his door): "Open up!"

We are now back inside of Woodcock's room where he is holding the arm of his really mad wife.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As she is standing there looking at him totally mad while Woodcock is looking at her in worry): "Oh, there's a crazy man outside!"

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (As he is still standing outside of Woodcock's door with a mad and demented look on his face and is using hand gestures to support madness): "Let me kill you like a gentleman!"

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (In a state of panic and worry on his face says as she is standing there with a hurtful look on her face): "He's trying to kill me do something quick!"

WIFE to WOODCOCK: (In a sort of a happy voice but yet still mad as she is giving Woodcock help says): "I oughta help him, but your my husbands worse luck. Get behind that screen over there!"

As Woodcock is now running for cover behind a dressing screen he has a look of happiness on his face and gives his wife's hand a giant kiss.

WOODCOCK to his WIFE: (As he is running for cover behind the dressing screen): "Thanks darling, I love ya!"

Woodcock's wife has now opened their door and has now let in the furiously mad Ricardo.

RICARDO to WOODCOCK'S WIFE: (In a full state of madness is waving his hands madly and has a slightly demented look on his face as he is madly waving his sword): "Where is he, where is he, I will cut him to pieces!"

WOODCOCK'S WIFE to RICARDO: (In a defense for her husband shouts madly at him): "Oh, no, you won't, you comic strip Don Quixote, I'll call the police!"

Woodcock's wife is now reaching for the telephone as she is intercepted by the deliriously mad Ricardo where he has grabbed the telephone from her and has ripped it out from the wall.

RICARDO to WOODCOCK'S WIFE: (In a full demented state says): "Oh no! hunh, hunh!"

Ricardo has now furiously thrown the telephone as the telephone goes flying over the dressing screen and has hit Woodcock in the head.

We are seeing a quick glimpse of Woodcock behind the screen as he is getting hit with the telephone and shouts in pain, "ooh!"

RICARDO to WOODCOCK'S WIFE: (As he has a hand on her hand and a demented look on his face shouts): "I have heard him!"

We are now inside of Woodcock's dressing closet looking at the proped up fainted Irene.

We are now back out in the living room quarters of the Strinker's room and Ricardo and Woodcock's wife.

RICARDO to WOODCOCK'S WIFE: (Says to her as he has his sword extended and is heading for the closet furiously says): "He is in that closet!"

WOODCOCK'S WIFE to RICARDO: (With a look of dismay on her face and madness in her voice): "There's no on in the closet, see for yourself!"

Ricardo still with his sword extended and is madly walking over to the closet and is opening the door and going in. As he is opening the door her turns around with his eyes bugging out of his head as he gives Woodcock's wife a look of panic as he finds the proped up and fainted Irene, (thinking that she is dead).

Ricardo has now gone into their dressing closet only to find that Irene has only fainted.

RICARDO to IRENE: (As he rushes over to her in a full state of hurt as he is now removing the stick from under her chin): "Irene, my sweet, my baby, I'll......"

Ricardo has now removed the stick from underneath Irene and has turned his back to put the stick up against another wall and has now turned back around with his sword extended to find that Irene has fallen flat on her face.

Woodcock's wife has a mad look on her face as she is entering the dressing closet to see what is going on. Woodcock's wife is now beyond mad at him and she has decided to reveal his hiding spot to Ricardo, after she has noticed Ricardo's fiancée in her dressing closet.

Woodcock's wife has now tapped Ricardo on his shoulder and is gesturing with her hand for him to follow her. Woodcock's wife is now moving back the dressing screen to show Ricardo where Woodcock is hiding. Ricardo has now furiously kicked and smacked Woodcock hard in his bumm, and says, 'shh, shh, as he is looking at his wife.

Woodcock has now jumped up and yelled in a deep state of pain with a painful look on his face, 'ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!'

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As he is now standing up and pointing a finger at Ricardo and says mischievously): "Stop, put that sword down!"

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (As he is lowering his sword and responds to Woodcock in a questionable voice): "But why?"

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As Woodcock is making a mad dash for the door to leave says to Ricardo): "So I can get outta here!"

Woodcock is now running furiously down the hallway as he is being chased by the demented, sword flinging Ricardo.

Woodcock has now met up with the demented Ricardo as he is coming in contact with Ricardo's sword and is up in a full blown state of panic as he is shouting, 'yoa, yoa, yoa,' and is running for cover as he is being chased by Ricardo still swinging his sword at Woodcock, and is shouting back madly, as he is now throwing his sword at Woodcock! "Da ya!"

Woodcock has now taken cover once again in the "Bearded Guests" room. The 'Bearded Guest' is standing next to his door. Woodcock has now rushed in to take cover and has hit the 'Bearded Guest' in his bumm with the door and has knocked him down on the floor right on his head.

Woodcock is now in a full state of panic as he is now running to hide in the 'Bearded Guests' dressing closet. The 'Bearded Guest' is now struggling to stand up.

The 'Bearded Guest' has jus stood up still staggering a bit to regain his balance, just to be hit in his bumm once again, landing on his head as the furiously mad Ricardo slams open the door in search of Woodcock.

RICARDO to the BEARDED GUEST: (As he is still holding onto his sword and is looking once again very apologetic to the 'Bearded Guest' says in a very apologetic voice): "I'm sorry again, I'm so sorry!"

BEARDED GUEST to RICARDO: (As he is standing up in a total state of madness and is shaking his fist at Ricardo furiously shouts): "Ooh, what's the meaning of this?"

RICARDO to the BEARDED GUEST: (As he is using an apologetic tone of voice and is apologizing to the 'Bearded Guest'): "Excuse me, excuse me!"

BEARDED GUEST to RICARDO: (As he is shouting at Ricardo thoroughly mad and is pointing a finger madly at his door shouts): "Get out, yoooo, yash!"

Ricardo has now quickly high tailed it out of the 'Bearded Guests' room.

Ricardo is now walking down the hotel hallway holding his sword in madness as he is looking for Woodcock.

Woodcock has now left the 'Bearded Guests' room in such a state of furry that his is not looking where he is going and runs right into Ricardo.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As he has a look of worry on his face and is not realizing that he is talking to the demented Ricardo): "Pardon me, there's a guy in there that wants to kill me!"

Woodcock is now shuttering with fear and pain as he has now noticed that the guy he is talking to is Ricardos and says in a full state of worry and is running frantically for cover, 'eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, eeb, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib, you're the guy!"

Woodcock has now run for cover in Irene's room and is now being cornered by the demented Ricardo.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As Woodcock now has a sword of his own, (of sorts), and is swinging it furioulsy at Ricardo in a really mad mood says): "Ooh, ooh, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here!"

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (In his full demented state as he also has picked up his sword and is removing his suit jacket and placing it on Irene's davenport says): "Wait, wait, now we duel!"

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As he is removing his sword from its sling and has a mischievous look on his face says): "Prepare to defend yourself!"

Woodcock is now showing a hurtful look on his face and says in a hurtful tone of voice as he has now noticed that his sword in only half of a sword as he drops it to the floor, 'eeeb, eeeb, eeeb, eeeb, eeeb, yib, yib, yib, yib, yib'!"

Ricardo is now dementedly swinging his sword at Woodcock as Woodcock is dodging the swinging sword.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As he has a look of panic on his face as he is dodging the swinging sword and is sitting on a clothes dresser): "I was only kiddin', I got a family and a kid, really I do, what are you up too!"

Ricardo is now so mad at Woodcock that he is ignoring Woodcock's plea for him to surrender that Ricardo is now furiously swinging his sword at Woodcock. Woodcock has now found himself another full sized sword and is furiously dueling with Ricardo.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As he is now supporting a slight demented state is shouting at Ricardo madly): "Get out, I wasn't kiddin,' I'll scratch ya skull, get out of here!"

Woodcock has now run for cover once again and is in the 'Bearded Guests' room.

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (As Ricardo has found Woodcock in the 'Bearded Guests' room is now ferociously stabbing his sword at Woodcock, as Woodcock is jumping out of his way): "Now, I get you!"

As Ricardo is now dementedly going after Woodcock to stab him Woodcock has high tailed it out of there and Ricardo now pokes the poor 'Bearded Guest' for the third time in his bumm with his sword.

We are now on the poor, hurt, and furiously mad 'Bearded Guest' as he is now standing up and has a really hurt look on his face and shouts loudly in pain, 'Yow, yow, yow, yow, yow, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,!"

Ricardo is now removing his sword from the 'Bearded Guests' bumm in a really mad state while Woodcock has now taken his sword and has cut Ricardo's suspenders strap to cause Ricardo to loose his trousers.

Woodcock has now approached Ricardo so thorougly mad that he takes his sword and gives Ricardo a good, hard, swift smack in his bumm with it.

Ricardo has now stood up and has lost his trousers as he is wickely dueling with Woodcock.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (In a really hurt and panic state as he is dueling with Ricardo): "Cut it out now, cut it out!"

Woodcock is now leaving Ricardo where Ricardo has now noticed that he is without trousers.

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (As he has noticed he is without trousers shouts at Woodcock): "Cut it......"

We are now on Woodcock who is now back in Irene's room where he high tailed it for cover and Ricardo has followed him in. Woodcock has now noticed the basket of fruit in Irene's room and is stabbing the fruit and flinging it madly at Ricardo.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As he now has flung an orange and hits Ricardo square in his kisser sasy): "Ta Da!"

As Woodcock is now throwing another piece of fruit at Ricardo, Ricardo is now staggering slightly from the impact of being hit with the piece of fruit.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (As he is madly stabbing fruit and flinging it at Ricardo says): "Secret Weapon!"

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (As he is wiping the fruit off of himself and is beyond mad at Woodcock says): "For this I kill you twice!"

As we are watching Woodcock and Ricardo having their fruit fight, Joe is now sneaking into Irene's room to fetch those letters that Joe does not want his wife to see.

Woodcock has noticed Joe sneaking in for the letters and Woodcock continues tossing fruit at Ricardo to keep him occupied until Joe has left.

JOE to WOODCOCK: (As he has a really happy look on his face and is smiling from ear to ear and is gleefully shouting at Woodcock about the letters): "S-U-C-C-E-S-S!"

Woodcock is now throwing another piece of fruit at Ricardo which happens to be a grapefruit.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (In a full state of mischief shouts as he flings it at Ricardo): "Block Buster!"

Ricardo has now ducked the flinging grapefruit and we are now on Joe where he is getting hit with the grapefruit instead of Ricardo. Joe is so excited about getting those letters that he staggers a tad but leaves quickly still smiling in glee.

We are now back on the fruit flinging Woodcock. He has now stabbed himself a banana and throws it at Ricardo and it lands right in Ricardo's mouth.

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (As he is madly wiping fruit off his face and is shouting madly at Woodcock): "I'll kill you!"

Woodcock is so happy about hitting Ricardo in the mush with the banana that he laughs out hysterically as he is slapping his leg in glee, 'ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

Ricardo now has the most madest and demented look on his face about being hit by Woodcock with the fruit, that he takes his sword and throws it at Woodcock pinning Woodcock up on the wall.

Woodcock now has a really hurtful and scared look on his face as he is pinned by Ricardo's sword.

END OF SHORT:

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (Still thorougly mad as he is approaching Woodcock dementedly): "Now, I got you, you rat!"

Ricardo is still temporarily mad at Woodcock, until he has ripped off Woodcock's shirt and has noticed Woodcock's 'HOOT OWL SHIRT!'

RICARDO to WOODCOCK: (As he is now smiling happily and in a state of friendship and says to Woodcock who is still pinned agains the wall): "Why, didn't you tell me?"

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (Still hurt and scared about being pinned up against the wall says in a scared voice): "Tell you what!"

Ricardo is now opening his shirt to show Woodcock that he is also a 'BROTHER HOOT OWL!'

Woodcock says with a slight scared look on his face and slight scaredness in his voice): "Enk, enk, enk!"

Woodcock is now turnign into friends with Ricardo as he is un-pinning himself from the wall and is smiling at Ricardo in a state of friendship.

WOODCOCK to RICARDO: (In a really happy manner as Woodcock is now standing up.


WOODCOCK AND RICARDO ARE NOW DOING THEIR LODGE PLEDGE:

WOODCOCK: "ONE FOR OWL!"
RICARDO: "AND OWL FOR ONE!"

Woodcock and Ricardo are now doing the 'HOOT OWL' handshake, where they inner twine their fingers and shake their hands up and down fastly.

Woodcock and Ricardo are now chanting in unison the Lodge Salute!" (Here is where they put their thumbs to their heads and flip their fingers like flapping bird wings and say).

"ROOT TE TOOT, ROOT TE TOOT, WE'RE WISE OLD OWLS AND WE DON'T GIVE A HOOT, HOOT, HOOT, HOOT, HOOT, HOOT, HOOT, HOOT, HOOT!"

As Ricardo and Woodcock are doing their Lodge Chant with each other, Woodcock's wife now walks in, in a full state of madness as she is seeing Woodcock associating with another 'BROTHER HOOT OWL'!

Woodcock's wife has now gone back in the hallway and she has noticed a waiter walking by with a tray that has two pies on it.

WOODCOCK'S WIFE to the WAITER: (In a state of get even says): "Waiter, I ordered this!"

FINAL END OF THE SHORT:

Mrs. Strinker is now taking the pies from the waiter as she throws one at Woodcock and the other one at Ricardo, hitting them right in their faces.

(The short fades out where we see both Woodcock and Ricardo in their 'HOOT OWL SHIRTS' and wiping pie off of their faces).

BEING A SHEMP-A-HOLIC, TO ME THIS VERSION IS THE BETTER ONE!


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