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"I'll take the right flank." "I'll take the left flank." "I'll take a tranquilizer!" - Moe, Larry & Curly Joe (THREE STOOGES MEET HERCULES, THE, 1962)

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Average Rating:     [7.55/10]   39 votes


Larry and Shemp live in a stolen train car. Larry wants to marry his girlfriend, but she won't marry him until Shemp marries her older sister. Shemp is constantly drunk, in love with an imaginary canary named Carrie. Moe is a railroad inspector, on the trail of the stolen car. Moe's old love is the older sister, setting up a competition between Shemp and Moe. Eventually, both girls want to marry Shemp, but Shemp prefers his imaginary canary. Huh!?

Patricia Wright ('Lenore') was a special guest of the 2008 Three Stooges Fan Club Meeting, in Ft. Washington PA.

CUCKOO parodies two movies from the previous year, A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951) and HARVEY (1951).

IMDb Rating


Moe, Larry and Shemp
Release Date
December 04, 1952
Production Type
Short Subject
15.5 min.
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Production Notes   (4)
Working Title(s):   A TRAIN CALLED SCHMOW
Title Origin:   Working title was a parody of the 1951 Warner Bros. movie A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE. The film parodies both STREETCAR and Universal's HARVEY (1951).
Prod. No.:   4194
Shooting Days:   3 days   From: 1952-04-21   To: 1952-04-23

Stooge Mayhem   (Avg. 8.50)
Face Slaps: 25 Eye Pokes: 2 Head Bonks: 7 Pastry Thrown: 0

Stooge Quotes   (4)
  • "How will drinking cure your red nose?" "Drink 'til it turns blue!"
    (Patricia Wright & Shemp)

  • "He's filthy with money." "Aahh, he's filthy wid' or wid'out it!"
    (Patricia Wright & Larry)

  • "... If you don't wanna lose her, you better play ball with me." "Wait a minute, how did you know I had a ball?!" [clunk!]
    (Larry & Moe)

  • "Oh boy, limburger! My favorite fruit."

Stooge Goofs   (3)
  • Drinking Cut
    There is a noticeable cut in the film when Shemp takes his first drink from the bottle.

  • Dubbed-In Line
    When Shemp says â€Å"Horrible...but delicious!”, his mouth doesn't move.

  • Unintentional Tripping
    When the Stooges are fighting over the skunk, Shemp accidentally trips over a seat behind him and you can hear Larry say â€Å"Watch yourself!” to him out-of-character.

Stooge Routines   (7)

Stooge Trivia   (0)

No trivia have been logged for this episode.

Audio Files   (0)

No audio files are available for this episode.

Video File   (Y)

Transcript   (Y)

Transcription by Moron4392:  

The short starts on a beautiful Spring day. The sun is shining and the birds are chirping.


(On a train car entitled "Penciltucky R. R. Co. SCHMOW").

(Which is the home of Shemp, Larry, Moe, Roberta and Lenore).


(Lenore and Roberta are sitting on a train bench and Larry is sitting on the arm rest beside Lenore, next to a radio).

(Shmep is in the background in the third train bench on the left hand side and is fast asleep).

(Larry stands up and turns on the radiow when a news announcement comes on).

RADIO ANNOUNCER: "News flash, a railroad car named SCHMOW, which was lost, traded or stolen is being sought by railway detectives. Mystery surrounds the disappearance of this car, which has been missing for several days. Each railroad detective beaux is on the trail, and results are expected momentarily."

LARRY to ROBERTA and LENORE: (Larry is wearing a torn underwear shirt gets up and turns off the radio and says in a worried sounding voice). "They'll never find us."

ROBERTA to LENORE: (Crying and with a look of sadness on her face says to Lenore). "Gosh sis, how long do we have to stay in this car?"

LENORE to ROBERTA: (Referring to Shemp). "Until we get that sleeping beauty back there to marry you."


(Shemp who is thoroughly drunk, and fast asleep in the train car with a "DO NOT DISTURB SIGN" around his neck and is saying in his sleep). "Abba, abba, wabba, wabba, wooba, wooba."


LARRY to LENORE: (With a look of wonder on his face and a bit of madness in his voice says to Lenore in reference to Roberta about Shemp). "En, why does your older sister have to get married before you can marry me?"

LENORE to LARRY: "I'ts an old family tradition, and besides he's filthy with money."

LARRY to LENORE: (With a look of who cares on his face says in reference to Shemp). "Aih, he's filthy with or without."


(Roberta and Lenore are sitting on the bench and Larry is sitting on the arm rest).

LENORE to LARRY: "Just the same, with his money we'll live on East Street."


LARRY to LENORE: (In reference to Roberta). "You don't think he will marry this bean pole?"


(Roberta has a hurt look on her face and is crying hysterically and she gets up and leaves her seat).

LENORE to LARRY: (Who is beyond mad at Larry, and with a hurt look on her face stands up and says). "How dare you insult my sister, you, you, you, Porcupine."


LARRY to LENORE: (With a look of wonderment on his face says to Lenore). "What did I say now, ah shut up."

LENORE: (With a look of hate on her face grabs Larry by the hair and drags him back says). "Why you, get back here."


LENORE to LARRY: (Both giving each other mad looks says). "Ooooh, who are you telling to shut up?"

LARRY to LENORE: (With a deep look of hate on his face). "You, and furthermore how would you like a bust in the nose?"

LENORE to LARRY: (With her fists clenched, and a mad look on her face and is shouting to Larry). "And who is gonna give it to me?"

LARRY to LENORE: (Shouting furiously and raising his fists to hit her says). "I'm gonna give it to you right in the ----------."

LARRY to LENORE: (Realizing what he has done, tones down his voice, and reaches over to Lenore and says in a loving tone of voice). "Baby."

LENORE to LARRY: (Also with a loving tone in her voice says to Larry). "Sweetheart."

(Then Larry and Lenore hug and make-up).

LARRY to LENORE: (Gives her a loving make-up hug and says to her). "I'm sorry darling, I will see what I can do with that sleeping beauty."


(Lenore has a look of whatever on her face and is fixing her hair while Larry is going over to the snoring Shemp).


(Larry is walking up to Shemp who is fast asleep in the railroad bench and still wearing his "DO NOT DISTURB SIGN.")

(Larry takes a hold of the sign and snaps Shemp in the chin).

SHEMP: (Who is totally drunk, wakes up abruptly and has a dazed look on his face and says). "Oh, I shot, or have shot, or outta be shot."

SHEMP: "I guess I will have a shot."

(Shemp then turns to his left and picks up his musical moonshine jug that plays "How Dry I Am" and takes himself a guzzle).

(Shemp then takes himself a huge guzzle and while he is drinking it sky rockets and train whistles sound, and he is jumping up and down and says). "Horrible, but I like it."

LARRY to SHEMP: (After Shemp has his drink, Larry shakes his head and has a determined look on his face, sits down by Shemp and puts his hand on Shemp's shoulder and says). "Listen Shemp, why don't you sober up and marry Roberta?"

SHEMP to LARRY: (In a drunken and slurred speach says). "No, no, oh, no, no, sir, not me, oh, no, oh, no."

SHEMP: (The picks up his musical jug and takes another huge drink from it).

(Larry reaches over and takes the jug from Shemp's hands. Shemp not realizing what Larry has done is still guzzling away from an "imaginary" jug thinking it is the real one).

SHEMP: (Realizing that he was drinking from a "pretend" jug says). "Something's wrong, I got robbed, May Day."

SHEMP: (Gets up staggering and says). "Hey, dere."


(Moe is getting out of a cab entitled: "Penciltucky R. R. Co. No. 428).

MOE: (Walking up to the train car entitled "Penciltucky R. R. Co. SCHMOW" and says). "Shew, at last I found it."


(Larry has the jug in his hand and is opening a venetian blind on an opened window and tosses the jusg out the window and hits Moe on the head with it).

(Moe with a look of dazement on his face slides down the side of the train car to the ground).

(Larry after he realizes he has hit Moe on the head closes the blind after taking one last quick peek out of it runs away from the window to hide).


SHEMP: (Is standing up on a seat, and is pulling down an upper level fold - away bed saying). "Little brown jug, where are you?"

SHEMP: (Stands up on the seat and is lowering the bed and hits himself in the head knocking himself down, then he gets up again and reaches up in the bed and gets another jug and says). "oh, oh, there you are."

SHEMP: (Gets the jug from the bed, hits his head on the bed again and says in a drunken voice and has a bewildered look on his face as he shoves the bed back up says). "Why you double crosser, you."


(Shemp then sits down and says ah, and has a happy look on his face as he takes a nip from his jug).


(Larry is running from the window with a scared look on his face and is waving his hand to Lenore and Roberta).

LARRY to LENORE and ROBERTA: "Hey Lenore, Roberta, come here quick, I seen a guy snooping out there, I think we're in trouble."

(Larry realizing the guy who was snooping was Moe, hides scared behind Lenore and Roberta).

LARRY to LENORE and ROBERTA: "Oh, oh, here he is."

(Moe is walking in wearing a detective badge on his tie and has his hands clenched in fists and a look of madness on his face).

(Moe then notices Roberta and he then has a look of happiness on his face, removes his hat, raises his arms in a gesture of hugging).

MOE to ROBERTA: (In a lovey tone of voice). "Roberta darling, Roberta darling, you're a sight for sore eyes."

MOE to ROBERTA: (Takes hold of her hands and smothers them with kisses and says). "At last I found you, I searched the world over and at last I found you."

ROBERTA to MOE: (With a look of happiness on her face and a happy sounding voice and clutching her hands in happiness says). "Oh, Moe, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh."

(Lenore has her hands on her hips and Larry with a look of dismay on his face are in the background when Moe is kissing Roberta's hand).


(Moe has a look of dismay on his face and Larry has his hands on his hips and look of wonderment on his face when Larry tells Moe about Shemp's drinking problem and seeing canaries).


(Shemp is very well plastered and a bit delusional and he see's "Imaginary GIANT CANARIES").

MOE to LARRY: (In reference to Shemp and his canary problem). "I've heard of seeing elephants, but never canaries).

(Shemp is now totally drunk and is staggering and his friend Carrie appears).

SHEMP to CARRIE: (As he takes her by the wing says). "Hello baby, gosh you look prettier than ever, ha - ha - ha - ha."

CARRIE to SHEMP: (Responds to Shemp in bird talk). "Don't you love Roberta?"

SHEMP to CARRIE: (As he pats her on the beak says). "No gosh, you are the one I love."

CARRIE to SHEMP: (Shemp is still plastered and Carrie says in bird talk). "I love you too."

SHEMP to CARRIE: (Starts to sing and is dancing with her). "Oh, Carrie my dear, I love but you."

(Shemp then takes a hold of "Carrie" (his imaginary friend), by the wings and is dancing with her and "Carrie" is singing in bird language love words to Shemp).


(They are looking at Shemp with looks of their faces as if to say that Shemp is totally crazy).


(Shemp is dancing solo thinking he is dancing with his "friend Carrie").


(Moe and Larry both have scared looks o their faces).

LARRY to MOE: (In reference to Shemp). "Hey, that rum pot thinks he's dancing with someone."

MOE to LARRY: (Sounding totally scared says to Larry). "Give me that jug, maybe I'll think so too."

LARRY to MOE: (As he hands Moe the jug says). "Save a waltz for me."

(Moe is taking a big swig out of the jug and as he is doing that, you see Shemp dancing with Carrie).

(Moe is drinking from the jug, with Larry by his side. Shemp is dancing with Carrie, Shemp not realizing that he is by Moe lifts his foot and kicks Moe twice in the backside, Moe who is still drinking says in reference to the jug not knowing it was Shemp who kicked him says). "Boy, this stuff's really got a kick."

LARRY to MOE: (Waves his hand at Moe and has a look of dismay on his face says to Moe in reference to Moe and the jug). "You, too."

(Moe goes to take another swig from the jug and Shemp is still dancing with Carrie and he kicks Moe again in the backside which causes Moe to loose his balance and Moe throws the jug and hits Larry in the head and knocks Larry into a train bench).

MOE to SHEMP: (When he notices that it was Shemp who kicked him, turns around and grabs hold of Shemp and has a mad look on his face and shakes Shemp and says to him). "Whats the idea of kicking me?" (Then Moe gives Shemp an eye poke).

(Larry is still sitting in the train bench, with a hurt look on his face and Shemp is rubbing his eyes and still wearing his "DO NOT DISTURB SIGN").

SHEMP to MOE: (Crying and stomping his feet says to Moe). "Ooooh, ooooh, now you chased Carrie away."

MOE to SHEMP: (Tapping himself on the chest says to Shemp and his "Carrie Shenanigans"). "Ah, shut-up, you ain't kiddin' me with that stuff, and furthermore, you stay away from Roberta, she's my girl."

MOE to SHEMP: (Moe puts his hand on his chin, says to Shemp, put your hand on your chin, and your knee up here, Shemp puts his foot on an arm rest, raising his knee, then Moe takes his foot and kicks Shemp, causing Shemp to take his knee and he kicks himself right in the nose).

SHEMP to MOE: (Rubbing his sore nose and regaining his balance with a mad look on his face says to Moe in reference to Roberta). "That's okay, with me, I don't want her."

MOE to SHEMP: (Now has a mad look on his face and says to Shemp). "Oh, she's not good enough for you, eh?"

(Moe then slaps Shemp on the face, gives him an eye poke, and then hits him in the stomach, and then hits Shemp on the forehead and Shemp is yelling in pain).

SHEMP to MOE: (After Moe has beaten him up says to Moe, in pain and waving his hands says to Moe). "Okay, okay, then I'll take her."

MOE to SHEMP: (With a mad look on his face and is yelling at Shemp). "Oh, you're trying to cut me out again, eh?"

MOE to SHEMP: (As he puts his hand on his chin again, and raises his knee says to Shemp). "Up here again, Shemp once again puts his hand on his chin, and raises his knee, but this time instead of Moe kicking Shemp, Shemp kicks Moe hard sending Moe flying, loosing his balance and crashing his head into a "Boogie-Woogie Box" and Moe is yelling). "Who turned out the lights?"

(Shemp and Larry run over to help Moe).

SHEMP to MOE: (As Larry and Shemp are standing Moe up, Shemp says to Moe). "Just a minute pal, get up here."

(Shemp then helps Moe into a train bench still with the Boogie-Woogie Box on his head).

SHEMP to LARRY: (As Shemp and Larry are now removing the boogie-woogie box from Moe' head and Shemp says to Larry). "Take it easy now, get it up there, atta boy."


(Once Shemp and Larry get it off of Moe, Moe is sitting there with a mad and painful look on his face and part of the boogie-woogie box on his head and Moe says in a hurtful voice). "Oh, my head."

SHEMP to MOE: (Moe is sitting there thoroughly mad at Shemp, Larry is standing behind Shemp, as Shemp approaches Moe and says). "Oh, I'll take care of this, kid."


(Shemp is removing the powder box piece from Moe's head and covers Moe with white powder).

SHEMP to MOE: (Says to Moe as Shemp hits Moe on the head and covers Moe with the powder). "Oh, you got dandruff, that's all right, I'll clean it up, you take it easy."

(Shemp is now taking his suit coat sleeve and is trying to remove the powder from Moe's head but totally covers Moe with the powder).

SHEMP to MOE: (As Shemp goes to get a rag to clean Moe up with says). "Take it easy kid, I'll clean you up."

MOE to SHEMP: (Larry is in the background and Moe is standing up and looking at Moe and says to Shemp). "Wise guy."

(Then Moe and Shemp are having a face smacking fiasco).

LARRY to MOE: (Larry then approaches Moe, taps him on the shoulder and says to Moe). "Hey."

(Moe then turns around and slaps Larry on the face).


SHEMP to MOE: (With a perplexed look on his face says to Moe). "Now, where were we?"

MOE to SHEMP: "Right here." (Then Moe starts the face slapping party once again).


(Moe is straightening up his suit jacket still covered with powder and has a dazed look on his face and Shemp is staggering around).

SHEMP: "Where's Carrie?, here Carrie, Carrie, Carrie." (Moe then gives Shemp one final slap on his face).


(Lenore, Roberta, Moe, and Larry are sitting in the train bench and Shemp is perched on the arm rest).

(Lenore is reaching into a picnic basket and is taking out several sandwiches).

LENORE to THE STOOGES: "I know you boys are gonna love these fresh Limburger sandwiches and nice cold beer."

(Lenore then hands Shemp, Larry, and Moe a sandwich).

MOE: (In general convesation and with a happy sounding voice says). "Oh boy, Limburger, my favorite fruit, now if we only had some applesauce."


(Larry with a look of joy on his face is picking up his sandwich and is taking a bite off of it, then he set's his sandwich down and is happily eating a stalk of celery).


MOE: (In general conversation and with a surprised look on his face after he has taken a couple bites of his sandwich and smells it says). "Boy, is this stuff potent."

(Larry reaches down to get his beer, and he is trying to open it with his teeth and doesn't succeed, then with a mischievous look on his face goes over to Moe who is eating his sandwich and Larry decides to us Moe's ear as a bottle opener and Moe shouts). "Ow, ow, ow."

MOE to LARRY: (Moe has a mad look on his face and is mad at Larry. Larry is holding his beer. Moe picks up a stalk of celery and hits Larry on the head with it and says). "What's the matter with you?"

LARRY to MOE: (With his beer in his hand and a mouth full of sandwich mumbles to Moe). "What did I do?"

(Moe is now eating his sandwich and Larry is drinking his beer).

(Larry is guzzling down his beer and spills some of it on his shirt and hiccups and sets down his sandwich and says). "Boy, it's hot in here."

(Larry then has a very happy look on his face as he shakes his beer and pours in on his chest to cool himself off).


SHEMP: (With his Limburger sandwich is his left hand and his stalk of celery in his right hand which he is using as a fan and says in reference to his sandwich). "They outta bury this."


(Larry who is now somewhat drunk. Has a happy look on his face, goes to pick up his sandwich then he notices an empty paper plate and picks it up and makes a sandwich out of his paper plate and the other one and happily takes a bite).


MOE: (With a perplexed look on his face as he is trying to enjoy his sandwich says). "Eek, hun."

(The cute little skunk is now on a train bench just behind Shemp and Shemp is holding his nose and eating his sandwich).


LARRY: (With beer on his shirt, and a look of joy on his face and still is eating his "paper plate" sandwich beats himself on the chest to help get it down and then rubs his hands together and says). "Ah, ah, ah."

(Then Larry takes a drink of his beer and goes back to his sandwich).


SHEMP: (Still holding his nose and is eating his sandwich then he says). "The cheese has no flavor if you can't smell it."

SHEMP: (Sniffs the air and says about what he thinks is the sandwich). "Wow, what a flavor."

MOE to SHEMP: "Yeh, it's getting stronger every second."

LARRY to MOE: "That's Limburger."

MOE to LARRY: (With a surprised look on his face says to Larry who has a happy look on his face). "Yeh, but what's on it?"

LARRY to MOE: "Fish meal."

MOE to LARRY: (As he puts down his sandwich and says to Larry in reference to the fish meal). "I'll fix that."

(Moe then picks up a satchel and takes out a perfume bottle).

MOE to LARRY: (Turns to Larry and his sandwich). "I'll put some perfume on it."

LARRY to MOE: (With a mad look on his face and a mad tone in his voice says to Moe in reference to the perfume). "Hey, don't spoil my sandwich with that stinky stuff, I've got a weak stomach."

LARRY to MOE: (Larry takes the perfume bottle and squirts Moe with it and says). "How do you like it?"

(Moe then takes the perfume bottle from Larry, thinking that he is gonna spray Larry in the face with it but ends up squirting himself with it).

(Larry is next to Moe eating his sandwich and Moe licks the perfume off of his face and says). "Hum, pretty good."


SHEMP: (Is sitting on the arm rest of a train bench eating his sandwich with the skunk on his right shoulder and says in a happy voice when he sees it). "Oh, a pussy-cat."

(Moe and Larry look over at Shemp and notices the skunk on his shoulder and Moe leans back towards Larry with a scared look on his face while Larry also has a scared look on his face).

MOE to SHEMP: (Yells to Shemp). "Unh, unh, unh, that's no pussy cat you imbecile, that's a skunk."

SHEMP: (Has a scared and surprised look on his face and starts to say). "So, what if its----------"

(When Shemp has realized what Moe has said, Shemp still holding his sandwich yells out). "Skunk, wooo, wooo."


(When they have noticed the cute skunk both scream out of scaredness and Lenore and Roberta put clothes pins on their noses and cover themselves with a blanket).


(They have terrified looks on their faces and scared out of their wits about the skunk).

MOE to SHEMP: (Shemp still has the little skunk on his shoulder and Moe yells to him). "Get rid of it, watch yourself."

SHEMP to MOE: (Says to Moe in panic). "I will."

(Shemp takes the skunk from his shoulder and in panic accidentally throws it at Larry, who in turn is scared and throws it at Moe, who then throws it at Shemp, as Shemp says in panic as he throws it back at Larry). "I don't want it."

(Then in panic Shemp once again throws the cute, little skunk back to Larry, who in panic throws it to Moe as Moe says). "Een, een, een."

(Moe then turns his back and in panic tosses the skunk not knowing where it has landed).


SHEMP to MOE: (With a horrified look on his face and a panic sound in his voice shouts). "Moe, Moe."

MOE to SHEMP: (When he has noticed the skunk on his head says). "Unh, unh, unh."

SHEMP to MOE: (Now terribly horrified shouts). "Mooooooe."

(Larry is standing next to Moe scared and Moe picks up Larry's empty beer bottle).

MOE to SHEMP: (With the bottle in his hand says). "Hold still, hold still, I'll kill it."

(Moe approaches Shemp with the bottle intending to hit the skunk. The skunk gets away and Moe hits Shemp on the head with the beer bottle).

MOE to SHEMP: (As Shemp now in pain falls back a bit and Moe puts his hand on his shoulder says). "Sorry kid, sorry, say a few syllables, tell me your name so I can tell your mother."

SHEMP to MOE: (In a low hurtful voice and a hurt look on his face says to Moe). "My mother knows my name."

MOE to SHEMP: (Now mad slaps Shemp on the face and says). "Get away, snap out of it."

(Moe is shaking Shemp by the face to straighten him up).


(The skunk is walking down the aisle way and leaves).

LENORE and ROBERTA: (Removes the blanket from themselves and the clothes pins off their noses and says). "Ah, ah, ah."


(Moe and Larry are standing up. Larry is buffing his shoes, and Moe is shaving, and Shemp now drunk again sitting in the bench in front trying to light a cigarette).

SHEMP: "What do ya know, wet matches."

(Shemp then tosses the matches and the cigarettes over his shoulder).


(Lenore and Roberta are sitting on a bench. Lenore is holding her pocketbook and Roberta is crying and holding a handkerchief).

ROBERTA to LENORE: (Still crying says). "Shemp will never propse to me."

(Lenore and Roberta still in the bench. Roberta is crying and blowing her nose loudly in her handkerchief).

LENORE to ROBERTA: (As Lenore is getting up says to Roberta). "There, there, dear, I will go and have a talk with him."

(Lenore is walking up to Shemp who is taking a nip from his jug).

(Lenore is standing in front of Shemp with her hands on her hips as Shemp finishes his drink and train whistles and sky rockets sound).

SHEMP: "Horrible, but delicious."

(Lenore then walks up to Shemp, with Larry and Moe in the background shaving and she sits down next to Shemp).

LENORE to SHEMP: "Oh Shemp, why do you always drink twice too much."

SHEMP to LENORE: (With a sheepish look on his face says). "To get rid of my red nose."

LENORE to SHEMP: "How can you get rid of a red nose by drinking?"

SHEMP to LENORE: (Who is totally drunk and laughs says). "Drink until it turns blue."

(Lenore then turns from Shemp and puts her hand on her chin with a look of wonder on her face).

SHEMP to LENORE: (Who is totally plastered says). "That's a dilly, ain't it."


MOE to LARRY: (As they are still sprucing themselves up. Larry says to Moe as he nods his head to get Moe to come to a quieter place). "Hey pal, I got an idea, how you can get Roberta to marry you."

MOE to LARRY: (With a happy look on his face and a happy sounding voice says to Larry). "Yeh, follow me."


LENORE to SHEMP: (As they are sitting together on a bench she says to him in a very caring voice). "Shempie dear, what you need is a wife to straighten you out, and I know someone who is very close to you and loves you dearly."

SHEMP to LENORE: (With a look of happiness on his face says). "Gosh, this is so sudden, I didn't know you cared, why didn't you tell me?"

(Shemp then takes a hold of Lenore's hand and is kissing it while Lenore is sitting there in total dazement).

SHEMP to LENORE: (All happy and excited says to Lenore). "Baby, whoopie, I love you."

SHEMP to LENORE: (As Shemp is kissing Lenore's hand, Moe's razor still on falls down the back of Shemp's shirt, and Shemp not knowing it, causing Shemp to laugh hysterically and dancing with glee says to Lenore). "Baby, you send chills up and down my spine."

(Shemp still being tickled by the razor and laughing and dancing in delight reaches over and gives Lenore a kiss on her lips).

(After Shemp gives Lenore a kiss, Lenore also has a contented look on her face).

(Then Lenore reaches over to Shemp to give him another big kiss, all the while neither one of them knows about the razor down Shemp's shirt, as they are kissing, Larry is walking up and sees them, and Roberta who still is crying also sees them, both Larry and Roberta have looks of disgust and hurt on their faces).

(Larry is mad at Shemp and Shemp is still bouncing from the razor down his shirt).

LARRY to SHEMP: "Hey, hey, that's my girl, nobody kisses her but me."

LENORE to LARRY: (As she goes back to kissing Shemp and says to Larry). "Sit down, and you might learn something."


(Roberta comes running over to Shemp very hurt, while Larry is standing there mad, and Shemp still not knowing about the razor down his shirt is jumping up and down laughing and dancing says in glee after kissing Lenore and says). "What chills, what thrills."

(Shemp still with the razor down his shirt and is dancing in glee and laughing hysterically in delight goes over to Robertal and gives her a big kiss. Lenore is sitting with a really happy and contented look on her face).

ROBERTA: (After Shemp has given her a big kiss has a happy look on her face and Shemp is dancing in glee she says). "Ah."

(Smoke come from Roberta's mouth and Shemp is totally happy and says). "Eeb, eeb, eeb."

ROBERTA to SHEMP: (Now thoroughly happy grabs Shemp again and is kissing him saying). "Oh, oh, oh, oh."

(Moe is by Shemp's side in a really mad mood, with Larry standing behind Moe mad, and Roberta is standing in front of Shemp awesomely happy).

MOE to SHEMP: (Pulls Shemp away from Roberta and says in a mad voice to Shemp). "You can't kiss my girl."

ROBERTA to MOE: "Beat it husband, you're turned down again."

(Then Roberta goes back to kissing Shemp still with the razor down his shirt).

MOE to ROBERTA: (Beyond mad at her and Shemp pulls Roberta away from Shemp and as she is leaving and crying Moe shouts). "Get outta here, you two timer."

LARRY to LENORE: (As he pulls her from her bench and gives her a light shove says to her in a mad voice). "You too, you three timer."

(Shemp still with the razor down his shirt is laughing and dancing hysterically and in glee).

(Both Moe and Larry who are super mad at Shemp go to hit Shemp in the face, but Shemp bends over and Larry and Moe hits each other in the face instead).

(After Moe and Larry have hit each other and are rubbing their faces and trying to get their balance back. Shemp who still has the razor down his shirt is laughing and jumping in glee, grabs hold of Moe and Larry by their necks and gives them a series of head clunks).

(Moe with his eyes rolled back and Larry with a total look of daze on his face both fall back into a bench totally knocked out).

(Shemp still with the razor is laughing hysterically and jumping happily at Moe and Larry).

(Both Lenore and Roberta are totally ga - ga over Shemp).

LENORE: (Says in a contened voice about Shemp). "Oh, what a man, I think I'll marry him."

ROBERTA to LENORE: (Totally mad at Lenore about what she said reaches over and slaps Lenore on the face and says). "Over, my dead body."

(Then Lenore and Roberta get into a fight over Shemp. Roberta hits Lenore, Lenore pulls Roberta's hair).

ROBERTA to LENORE: "You dumbkoff."

ROBERTA to LENORE: (Says). "You, dumbkoffer."

LENORE to ROBERTA: (Thoroughly mad at her, grabs hold of Roberta's hair and says). "Here, you could be my sister - in -law you two timing stranger."

ROBERTA to LENORE: (Mad a Lenore as she is pulling her hair says). "Don't you hit me, get away from me."


(Shemp with the razor still down his shirt is laughing hysterically and jumping and dancing in circles with glee).

SHEMP: (Notices the razor down his shirt, and pulls the plug from the wall to turn the razor off and falls exhausted into his bench and gets his jug and takes a drink and says). "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."

SHEMP: (After he takes a drink he jumps up and down from the impact and sky rockets and train whistles sound and Shemp says). "Oh, oh, boy."

(Shemp then hears Carrie chirp at him, Shemp then flicks his ear to bet a better sound and he looks and Carrie appears).

SHEMP to CARRIE: (Thorougly drunk as he stretches out his arms for Carrie says). "Carrie baby, my bird."

CARRIE to SHEMP: (As she runs over to see Shemp and says in bird talk to Shemp). "I love you."

SHEMP to CARRIE: (As he makes bird gestures to her says). "Sweetie pie, will you fly away with me?"

CARRIE to SHEMP: (In bird language says to Shemp). "Yes, I will my love."

CARRIE to SHEMP: (Turns around and starts to go to the back of the train and she says to Shemp). "My love, come follow me, my love."

(Then Carrie flits aways and disappears through the back train door).


(Shemp is flapping his arms and walking like a bird and chirping following after Carrie. He tries to go through the door like Carrie, but instead he hits his head hard on the door and knocks himself out and falls flat on the floor. He has a hurt look on his face and once again sky rockets sound and train whistles blow).

Videography   (2)

Fan Reviews   (17)
Posted 2010-05-16 03:07:06 by Shemp_Diesel
Edited 2016-07-10 21:36:29 by Shemp_Diesel

This is the ultimate love it or hate it stooge film. I'm on the side of those who love it & btw, if Shemp is loaded with money, why does he spend his free time hanging out in a boxcar with a hobo like Larry? At any rate, this is a wonderfully bizarre film.

"Little brown jug where are you."

"Horrible, but I needed it."

9.5 pokes

Reviewer's Rating: (10)
Posted 2010-06-15 19:27:33 by JWF

This one was tough going for me. There are some pretty weak Shemp shorts around this time (Self Made Maids, for one) but I've stuck with watching all of them in order regardless of quality. I almost had to hit the FF button on this short. This is B-A-D!

I was totally turned off by Larry's loutish performance. I understand he is supposed to be doing Brando (torn t-shirt and all), but he came off as totally unappealing.

I never liked the Stooges doing their drunk routine. Shemp's was no exception. I am reminded of reading Emil Sitka's story in the Okuda Columbia Short Subjects book where he recounted how Jules White told him EXACTLY how to play a drunk. I am sure that this was the case here too. Really, a bad performance for Shemp when he had to act drunk.

And why does Detective Moe, who is supposedly trying to recover this missing rail car, all of a sudden take time out to have lunch with Shemp and Larry?

Finally, the 2 girls...I don't think they ever popped up in a Stooge short again, and I can't say I am sorry. They were probably two very nice ladies, but the blonde came off as whiny and annoying.

Well, thats my $.02 on this short, which as you can tell, is one of my least favorites of all time. I will even take some Besser shorts over this one!

Posted 2008-08-31 10:09:11 by Lefty
This has been one of my least-favorite Shemp shorts. It was just shown on our local station last week. My wife watched it for the first time. She liked it better. Neither of us can figure out why "Carrie the canary" was played by a man.
Posted 2007-12-02 04:48:51 by Legalize Shemp

I was never crazy about this short, but I gotta admit, it's original. Shemp plays a great drunk, but the rest of the short is pretty bland. I noticed Moe took a good deal of punishment in this one from the other stooges. I'm givin it 2 and a half.

Good quote:

Moe: Tell me your name kid, so I can tell your mother.

Shemp: My mother knows my name

Reviewer's Rating: (6)
Posted 2007-10-21 04:05:57 by hailstone
While this short is arguably their worst, it is definitely their most surreal. There is a good face-slapping scene and it's funny to see Moe's knee/elbow/fist/chin gag backfire on him. On the other hand, Shemp's razor down the back scene went on for way too long and was just silly. Shemp plays a convincing drunk who has hallucinations of a giant canary. What were they smoking when they came up with that gag?

Reviewer's Rating: (4)
Posted 2007-09-18 13:46:37 by [Deleted Member]

Although there are a great number of shorts that I refer to as being one of my "favorites", this is the one that probably holds the record to being called "my favorite" the most often! Yes, I know many consider it to the the Stooges worst effort ever, but I consider it their last foray into the arena of "genius"! Their worst ever? Come on! "Self Made Maids" is almost unwatchable! This is a Shemp masterpiece with a strong performance from Larry.

During one of my radio gigs I had a liner made up with Shemp saying "Cheese has no flavor if you can't smell it", which is one of the great pieces of seldom heard truth...one of which always seems to crop in every Stooge short. Being a Shemp fan, I consider this his finest endeavor...

Reviewer's Rating: (10)
Posted 2006-11-01 11:38:03 by [Deleted Member]
Edited 2006-11-01 11:38:44 by [Deleted Member]
Shemp plays a great drunk in this short, maybe not a stretch from real life. When the woman asks Shemp why he drinks twice too much, Shemp gives a classic line, one I have never forgotten. He says "To get rid of my red nose". The woman asks, "How do you get rid of your red nose by drinking?", and Shemp replies, "Drink till it turns blue." Under-rated Shemp strikes again!
Posted 2006-04-04 16:52:22 by Bangsmith
I saw this as a kid once, and never saw it again until a couple of years ago, and I was struck by the somewhat sad tone of this short. Shemp being a hardcore alcoholic and having an imaginary girlfriend (Carrie the Canary!!) is a bit tough to watch. Larry plays a tough guy who stole a train car to convince his girlfriend's sister to marry Shemp. It seems to me that Larry would have made a better drunk than Shemp. My favorite scene is when the girls are fighting over Shemp while Moe and Larry can do nothing but watch! A three-poker for the original (by Stooge standards, anyway) concept.

Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Posted 2003-10-09 12:29:00 by ArryLay
This may be the worst short subject ever committed to film. Nothing about it is appealing. It looks like Columbia spent 4 cents on the production. The Stooges looked old and tired and it just labors.
Posted 2001-05-29 22:56:00 by Stooge
Edited 2003-06-23 20:03:00 by Stooge
The strangest Stooge film and I don't like it at all. The boys are in weird roles and the gags are more stupid than funny.

Reviewer's Rating: (2)
Posted 2003-06-23 18:22:00 by jaronson
Just watched it for the first time today, and I like it. The best parts were the skunk, the slap fight between Moe and Shemp, and Shemp getting the best of Moe and Larry (especially Moe).

Grade: B+ (3 1/2 pokes)

Reviewer's Rating: (9)
Posted 2002-02-21 20:58:00 by BeatleMoe
Not much of a Stooges film here, but I like it, preferably Moe and Shemp's slap fight. The drinking gag was just too beligerent.Memorable Scene: Slap fight between Shemp and MoeRating: 2 1/2 starsBeatleMoe
Posted 2001-10-12 20:42:00 by Nosehonk
This short is the Stooges satirical masterpiece. Making fun of just about every potentially classic film of that era. The short is strange, but very well done.4 pokes

Reviewer's Rating: (10)
Posted 2001-07-18 01:28:00 by [Deleted Member]
I also say "So it's kind of strange. Who cares?" It IS a good short. It shows you just how good the boys can do when their not being a team in a short. I love when Moe and Larry "play ball"! And hey- wierd CAN be good! Look at "The Addams Family". They're a weird bunch and it's a great show (the 60's series).ISLIPP- when Shemp spills his booze. ©2001
Posted 2001-07-17 12:33:00 by Genius In the Lamp
Now, this one is VERY wierd. It's the kind of movie you would watch in your parents' den on Saturday morning at 5:00 a.m. (Not that I've really ever done that ...) The railroad car set and limited cast give the whole short a very claustrophobic feel. There have been funnier shorts, but it's entertaining in a bleak and off-centre sort of way, and at least give the boys credit for trying to expand their creative boundaries. Too bad Columbia's frugal handling of the Stooges prevented further experimentation.

Reviewer's Rating: (6)
Posted 2001-06-02 15:46:00 by B. Bopper
This short is one of my favorite Shemp shorts. I love Larry's impression of Brando, and Shemp was just plain hilarious as the drunk man. A+"What did I say now?!...ah, shut up!"
Posted 2001-06-01 13:37:00 by Uncle Mortimer
Again, Mike Holme is right on the money and Stooge is way off base (it seems as if he's making himself seem important by throwing a not great, but interesting short in the trash can.) Although I CAN'T STAND all this re-hashing of the same talk (*people, we've already done this in the Comments Section*), Cuckoo on A Choo-Choo is NOT worthy of an "F." To me, it was an interesting try at something very much different from a normal Stooge short. I admit it's nowhere near as funny as the normal ones, but it's one that DID leave me with fond memories and I admire the originality. Stooge, although this rating (F), as you say, is just *your opinion*, I honestly think that you're going overboard. **Stooge, be honest, you get a little kick out of "F-ing" it, don't you. Hell, I get an ornary little kick out of bombing those pathetic Besser shorts, but as most would agree, they actually DESERVE a bomb or an "F" or whatever. In my opinion, the lowest you could go on "Cuckoo On A Choo-Choo" would be a "C-" ...but I wouldn't because I have those fond memories. I like Mike Holme's grade. That would be mine as well (C+)

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