Any Similarity to Persons Living or Dead Is Purely Coincidental (An Anthology of Comic Art, 1979 - 1985)
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Transcribed By: xraffle
Date Added: 2008-10-01
[The short begins in the hallway of the hospital. Mrs. Bedford is pacing back and forth. Nurse #1 walks up to her.]
MRS. BEDFORD: Oh Nurse! My baby! My poor little Garcon!
NURSE #1: Oh calm yourself, Mrs. Bedford. He’s in the hands of our world’s greatest specialist. They’ll pull him through.
MRS. BEDFORD: Oh, I hope so.
[Cut to the inside of the operating room. The stooges take off their scrubs and they give them to the three nurses.]
MOE: To the operation.
LARRY: The operation.
CURLY: To the operation.
[The stooges walk up to a faucet and wash their hands. Before washing his hands, Curly looks at Nurse #1. He snaps his fingers and smiles at her]
CURLY: Woo!
[Larry washes his hands. Then, he decides to take out a pair of socks from his pocket and wash them in the faucet. Curly sees what Larry is doing]
CURLY: Hey! What do ya think you’re doing?
LARRY: This is Monday, ain’t it?
CURLY: Yeah! [grabs the wet socks from Larry and he hits Larry in the face with it] Come on, get busy. We got operating to do.
[Curly tries to get some liquid soap out of the container, but he can’t]
CURLY: Hmm!
[Curly tries again but soap still won’t come out of the container]
CURLY: Hmmmm! [snaps his fingers]
[Curly grabs the container and tries to tap some soap out of it, but nothing would come out]
CURLY: Mmmmm!
MOE: [sees Curly] What’s the matter?
CURLY: It won’t come out!
MOE: Let me see.
[Moe looks through the opening in the liquid soap container. Curly decides to tap the end of it. Soap ends up squirting all over Moe’s face]
MOE: Ehhh!
CURLY: I didn’t mean it. That’s a coincidence.
MOE: Couldn’t happen again in a thousand years.
CURLY: I’m glad ya understand me.
MOE: Yeah. Gimme that! [grabs the soap container from Curly]
CURLY: Moe please! Nyah ah ah ah ahhhh!
[Moe squirts some soap into Curly and a lot of it lands inside his mouth]
CURLY: Ehh!
MOE: That’ll teach ya a lesson.
[Curly grabs a glass and fills it up with water. He drinks some of it. He hiccups and blows a bubble. Moe follows the bubble as it moves. Curly hiccups again and another bubble comes out of his mouth. Moe follows it again.]
[Dissolve to a new scene in the operating room. The nurses are helping the stooges put on their scrubs]
MOE: Gloves
LARRY: Gloves
CURLY: Gloves
[The nurses get the gloves]
NURSE #2: Gloves!
NURSE #1: Gloves.
[Curly is attracted to Nurse #1 as she helps him put on the first glove]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Nurse #1 helps Curly put on the second glove, but Curly is so distracted that he falls as he tries to put on the glove.]
CURLY: Ehhh! Oh!
MOE: What are ya doing down there? Get up outta there! [helps Curly get up]
MOE: Mask!
LARRY: Mask!
CURLY: Mask!
NURSE #1: Oh! [walks off-camera to get the mask because she forgot it.]
[Curly grabs a gas mask from the drawer and puts it on]
CURLY: Come let’s go, they’re waiting.
MOE: Hey!
CURLY: What’s the matter?
MOE: What are ya doing with that thing on?
[Moe pulls the gas mask off of Curly]
CURLY: Oh! [to Nurse #1] Nyuk nyuk.
MOE: We got operating to do. Come on!
[Moe grabs a small tong and pulls Curly’s ear]
CURLY: Oh oh ohh ohh.
[Moe, Larry, and Curly walk over to the operation table. They are operating on something, but we don’t see what it is yet. ]
LARRY: Do you think it’s serious, Dr. Curly?
CURLY: Yes indeed, to say the least if not less.
[The camera pans away and we see the stooges treating a black dog]
MOE: Hmm. The perambulation of the pedal extremity is impeded by the insertion of a foreign botanical offshoot. Now gentlemen, we must proceed with caution. This Bedford dog is worth a fortune.
CURLY: So it is.
MOE: The instruments.
LARRY: The instruments.
CURLY: Instruments.
NURSE #2: Instruments.
[Nurse #2 brings a tray of two trumpets. Moe and Larry each grab a trumpet and play a short tune while Curly stands there in a salute position. When Moe and Larry finish playing, they put the trumpets back onto the tray and Nurse #2 walks away]
[Nurse #3 brings a tray full of tools.]
MOE: Ah the tools. Anacanapon!
LARRY: Anacanapon! [grabs a small tool from the tray and hands it to Moe]
[Moe hands the small tool to Curly]
CURLY: Anacanapon!
MOE: [to Larry] Pitilditsita.
LARRY: [to Nurse #3, who is off-camera] Go get a pitilditsita! [turns to Moe] We have none!
MOE: [turns to Curly] We have none.
CURLY: Oh yes we have. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. [grabs a pair of pliers from his pocket]
CURLY: [to Moe] Hold him doctor. [to the dog] This is gonna hurt me worse than it does you, Garcon. Now hold on. It’ll be out in a minute.
[Curly accidentally grabs Moe’s finger with the pliers]
MOE: Ouch!
CURLY: Oh oh! The wrong thorn.
[Moe grabs the pliers from Curly. He then grabs Curly’s nose with the pliers]
CURLY: Ohh! Ohh! Oh oh oh oh oh! [takes the pliers from Moe] My proboscis! Ruff! [looks at the dog] Oh!
[Curly takes the pliers and pulls something off of the dog. We see that he pulled out a thorn]
CURLY: Ah! Success! Success!
[Curly puts the pliers on the chair. It still has the thorn on it.]
[Moe and Larry shake hands]
MOE AND LARRY: Success!
CURLY: Success!
[As Moe and Larry shakes hands, Curly places his hands on top of their hands]
LARRY: Success!
[Larry puts his other hand on top of Curly’s. Then Moe puts his hand on top of Larry’s. Moe, Larry, and Curly each take out one of their hands and they place it on top of one another.]
MOE: [shakes Curly’s hand] Doctor, this operation shall go down in history.
LARRY: I didn’t know you had it in ya.
CURLY: I didn’t. [points to the dog] She did. Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk---
[Moe slaps Curly on the head. Curly falls on the chair where he placed the thorn]
CURLY: Oh oh oh oh! Ha ta ta ta ta ta!
MOE: [grabs Curly] Looks like a botanical offshoot in the upholstery.
LARRY: We’ll have to operate!
CURLY: Oh no! A thousand times, no.
MOE: [looks off-camera] Get the anesthetic.
LARRY: [looks off-camera] Get the anesthetic.
[Nurse #2 comes over with a tray that has a big hammer on it]
NURSE #2: The anesthetic.
[Larry grabs the hammer]
MOE: [to Larry] Administer the anesthetic.
[Larry hits Curly on the head with the hammer]
CURLY: Oh oww! Ahh!
[Curly falls on the operating table that the dog is on. Moe grabs the pliers and starts pulling the thorn out of Curly’s rear]
CURLY: Yaah ah ah ah ah ah!
[Moe finally pulls out the needle from Curly’s rear. Curly stands up in pain]
CURLY: Ow! Oh oh! Santa Claus will hear of this! Hmm.
[Mrs. Bedford walks in and approaches the stooges]
MRS. BEDFORD: How is Garcon? Is she alright?
CURLY: The operation was a complete success.
MRS. BEDFORD: That’s wonderful. Now I can show Garcon in the dog show tomorrow. [to the dog] Come Garcon---
MOE: No no, he must rest here for a few hours.
LARRY: Yes, we’ll have it back about four o’clock.
MRS. BEDFORD: Well see that Garcon gets the very best of attention.
MOE: Oh yes madam.
MRS. BEDFORD: Thank you. Good day gentlemen. [bows]
[Mrs. Bedford walks away]
STOOGES: Good day! [The stooges all bow together and bump heads] Ohh!
MOE: [looks off-camera] Nurse! Put the dog to bed.
[Nurses # 1 and 3 come over and carry the dog away]
[A woman on the intercom starts calling the stooges]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Dr. Moe, Dr. Larry, Dr. Curly!
[The stooges walk up to the intercom. Curly flips the switch]
CURLY: [talks into the intercom] What do you want?
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Two important visitors to see you.
CURLY: Ok.
[The stooges are about to walk away, but all of a sudden we hear a “meow”]
CURLY: [to Moe] Hey, that nurse must’ve eaten catnip.
[We hear the “meow” sound again. Curly opens the intercom and we see a kitten inside]
CURLY: Ah! [sees the kitten] Oh! [takes the kitten out of the intercom]
[We see a close-up of the kitten]
CURLY: One little kitten lost its mitten. How careless!
[Curly places the kitten on the table. The stooges walk out of the room]
[Cut to the hallway. We see two men, Tony and Duke, sitting down waiting for the stooges. They look off-camera and see the stooges approach them]
TONY: [to Duke] Here they come now!
[The stooges approach Tony and Duke]
TONY: How do you do gentlemen! We’re from the ‘Daily Stars.’
DUKE: We’d like to get up a feature story about your hospital.
[Curly walks up to the nurse at the front desk. He stands there talking to her]
MOE: [to Tony and Duke] That’s fine. Follow us. We’d be happy to show you around the place.
[Moe shows Tony and Duke around the hospital]
LARRY: [taps Curly] Come on, puddinhead!
[The stooges walk away to show Tony and Duke around the hospital.]
[A new scene begins inside one of the hospital rooms. We see a cat lying in the bed]
[The stooges, Duke, and Tony enter the room]
LARRY: Here’s our general ward. This is where we keep our mixed patients.
MOE: Now, this cat suffers from operatic tendencies. Likes to sing opera on the back fences.
[Curly starts singing like an opera singer. Duke and Tony have a mad look on their faces]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. [Moe eyepokes Curly] Oh! Moe! Moe! [closes his eyes] I can’t see! I can’t see!
MOE: What’s the matter?
CURLY: I got my eyes closed. [Moe eyepokes Curly again] Ow!
LARRY: Lay off! Lay off!
MOE: Getting’ violent?
CURLY: Hmm.
[A nurse walks in and she wheels in a big dog sitting on a wheelchair]
NURSE #4: Dr. Moe!
MOE: Oh here’s an interesting case, gentlemen.
DUKE: What’s wrong with him?
LARRY: He suffers from acute alcoholism.
CURLY: Ain’t he a cutie? Nyuk nyuk. He’s a lap dog.
DUKE: A lap dog?
CURLY: Yeah, he lapped up two cases of beer. A bad case.
[Larry takes an ice pack and puts it on top of the dog’s head]
LARRY: Keep a cool head kid.
MOE: Now, right this way, gentlemen.
[The dog hiccups]
CURLY: [to the dog] Gesundheit!
[The stooges, Duke, and Tony walk up to another bed where a dog is lying in]
MOE: Now here’s a peculiar case.
[Moe grabs a clipboard on the side of the bed. He shows it to Duke]
MOE: See that?
[The camera shows a close-up of the clipboard. It says “G.C.M.”
DUKE: What’s G-C-M mean?
MOE: Garbage can moocher.
LARRY: Yeah, he’s got a bad case of scavengeritis.
CURLY: But we’ll cure him. See that? [points off-camera]
[The camera cuts to a garbage can. Next to it is a sign that reads: “I must not eat out of garbage cans”]
MOE: Right this way and I shall demonstrate.
[The stooges walk up to the garbage can to show Duke and Tony how it works. Moe takes the cover off of the garbage can]
MOE: It never fails. The dog puts his head inside the garbage can.
[Curly steps on the valve next to the garbage can. Water squirts out of it.]
MOE: We step on the valve which propels a stream of water into the dog’s face frightening him. Now after several such treatments, the patient is entirely cured. Now, note the simplicity of the construction. [looks inside the garbage can]
CURLY: And it always works. [steps on the valve again]
[Water squirts into Moe’s face]
MOE: Ahh!! [drops the garbage cover on the floor]
MOE: I’ll murder ya! [runs after Curly]
CURLY: Ah ah ah!
[Curly runs into the next room where Garcon is lying in. Moe runs after him]
MOE: I got ya. I’ll tear your esophagus out. Open your mouth.
[Curly opens his mouth. Moe sticks his fingers inside Curly’s mouth. Curly bites Moe’s fingers]
MOE: [yells] Owww!!
CURLY: Quiet! You wanna wake Garcon?
[Larry, Duke, and Tony walk into the room]
DUKE: Who’s Garcon?
LARRY: That’s Mrs. Bedford’s prize poodle.
DUKE: Ohh! [looks at Tony]
[A woman calls out on the intercom]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Calling Dr. Curly! Calling Dr. Curly! Go to room six. See a man about a dog diet.
CURLY: [smiles at Moe] Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. [Moe hits Curly in the head] Ohh! [walks away]
[The woman calls out on the intercom again]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Calling Dr. Larry! Calling Dr. Larry! Dog in ward eight chasing his tail. Bit himself.
TONY: Is that serious? Will it hurt his carriage?
LARRY: I don’t know about his carriage, but it’s gonna raise cain with his wagon. [walks away]
[The woman calls out on the intercom again]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Calling Dr. Moe! Pomeranian in ward six has a coat on its tongue. What should we do?
[Moe walks up to the intercom. He flips the switch]
MOE: [talking on the intercom] Give him the pants and vest and take him for a walk. [turns to Duke and Tony] Pardon me! [leaves]
DUKE: [to Tony] Come on! We gotta pull this job in a hurry.
TONY: We’ll hide him in the old house until we get the ransom. [lifts Garcon out of the bed]
[Cut to the hallway. Curly is walking and he sees a nurse.]
CURLY: Eeh! [follows the nurse]
[Another nurse walks by Curly]
CURLY: Hmm. [follows the other nurse]
[Another nurse walks by Curly]
CURLY: Hmmm! [follows the other nurse]
[Moe’s voice calls out on the intercom in the hallway]
MOE: Calling Dr. Curly! Calling Dr. Curly!
[Walks up to intercom and flips the switch]
CURLY: [talking on the intercom] What do you want?
MOE: Listen you onionhead! You march yourself right in here and wash this dog!
CURLY: Oh, you do it yourself!
MOE: Oh, mutiny eh?
CURLY: Yeah, mutiny! And it’s not on the bounty. [sticks his tongue out] Nyeehhh!
[Moe’s fist breaks through the intercom and punches Curly in the face]
CURLY: [touching his nose] Oh! Oh oh! Ha ta ta ta ta!
CURLY: Oh oh! [looks at the broken intercom and sees Moe’s face] Nyah!!
MOE: Now come on in here like I told ya.
[Curly is about to walk away]
MOE: Hey wait a minute!
CURLY: [stops and turns to Moe] What do you want?
MOE: Help me out, I’m stuck!
CURLY: Are you sure?
MOE: I’m positive. I can’t move.
CURLY: Oh! Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Curly plucks out one of Moe’s eyebrows]
CURLY: She loves me.
MOE: Ow!
CURLY: She loves me not. [plucks out another one of Moe’s eyebrows]
MOE: Ow!
CURLY: She loves me. [plucks out another one of Moe’s eyebrows]
MOE: Ow!
CURLY: She loves me not! [plucks out another one of Moe’s eyebrows]
MOE: Oh! I’ll fix you. I’ll fix you.
CURLY: Hmm! [grabs Moe’s face]
MOE: Ohh!
CURLY: Ruff!! [walks away]
[Cut to the nurse at the front desk. She is ringing a bell. Curly walks up to her and waves his hand under her chin]
CURLY: [smiling at the nurse] Eeeehhh!
[Curly grabs the microphone]
CURLY: [talks on the microphone] Calling all curs! Calling all curs! Dinner is ready. Come to the dining room. That is all!
[Dogs starting running down the hallway and into the dining room. They are all barking as they run]
[A new scene begins in the dining room. The stooges are sitting at the end of a long table with a bunch of dogs]
CURLY: I’m a hungry as a whale. [looks off-camera] Bring on the food.
MOE: Yeah, bring it on.
LARRY: We’re ready.
CURLY: [to Moe and Larry] Very good. It’s a very good plan.
[Some of the dogs start growling]
CURLY: [to the dogs] Don’t worry. There’s enough for everybody.
[The nurses bring in trays of dog food. Curly lifts the covers off of one the dog food dishes to reveal the dog bones]
CURLY: Take a look at this. Woo woo!
[Curly starts taking the dog bones and he puts some on individual plates as he hums. He gives one plate of dog bones to Larry. He then adds two dog bones on another plate and gives it to Moe]
MOE: Say, is this my dinner?
CURLY: Why soitenly! Fricasseed bone! It’s delicious. Mmm.
MOE: Since when do I look like a dog?
CURLY: I don’t know. I ain’t seen you lately.
MOE: You ain’t, eh? [grabs a bones and hits Curly on the head with it]
CURLY: Ohh!
LARRY: Hey! Leave him alone.
[Moe, Larry, and Curly start eating the dog bones. Curly takes two bones and lifts it up as if he’s exercising with dumbbells. He then takes two dog bones, adds a slice of meat in between them and gets ready to eat it. As he takes a bite, the two bones grab his nose]
CURLY: Oh! Ahh! Ah ah!
[Curly grabs his utensils and beats the bones]
CURLY: Ruff! Ruff!
[A dog barks at Curly]
CURLY: [to the dog] Quiet! This is my argument! [continues to strike the bones with the utensils]
MOE: What’s the matter? What are you doing?
CURLY: My sandwich bit me! I’m beating it into submission.
MOE: I’ll beat you into submission.
CURLY: Hmm.
[The stooges continue to eat their dog bones. The camera cuts and shows two small dogs eating their dog bones. The camera cuts and shows three bigger dogs eating their dog bones. The camera cuts to two small puppies drinking out of their milk bottles]
[As the stooges continue to eat their dog bones, a woman starts calling out on the intercom]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Dr. Moe, Larry, Curly!! Garcon is missing. Come at one! Hurry!
MOE: Garcon!
LARRY: Garcon!
CURLY: By Garcon!
[The stooges get up out of the table and run out of the room]
[Cut to hospital room where Garcon was in. Two nurses are standing by the bed reading the clipboard]
NURSE #5: [to Nurse #4] Oh, what do we do? Read this note!
[The stooges enter]
MOE: What happened? Where’s Garcon?
NURSE #5: He’s gone!
NURSE #4: Here read this note. [hands the clipboard to Moe]
MOE: [reading the note on the clipboard] Mrs. Bedford can have her dog is she pays two thousand dollars. Don’t tell the cops or she will never see him again.
MOE: [to Curly and Larry] Those guys weren’t reporters. They were dognappers. We gotta stall Mrs. Bedford off ‘till we find her dog. Now start thinking, if possible.
[Curly starts blubbering and panting. He then bonks his head twice]
MOE: What’s the matter with you?
CURLY: I’m trying to think but nothing happens. Hey! Fellas, look! [grabs Garcon’s collar and leash from the bed] It ain’t so serious. Here’s his collar and leash. All we gotta do is refill it.
LARRY: That’s brilliant! That’s smart.
CURLY: Haha!
[Moe double-slaps Curly and Larry]
CURLY: Ohh!
MOE: [looks off-camera] Look out! I got an idea! [leaves the room]
CURLY: I wonder what he’s up to.
[Moe enters and carries in another dog]
MOE: [to the dog] Sit down there. [to Curly and Larry] Now here’s the idea. We gotta disguise this mutt to look like Garcon. The old lady won’t know the difference. Get to work on that mattress. [to the two nurses] Nurse, get the glue. You get the black paint.
[Curly lifts the covers off of the bed that Garcon was lying in]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.
[Moe grabs a knife and cuts the mattress. The stooges pull out some black fur out of the mattress]
MOE: Start pullin’ boys!
[The stooges continue to pull the black fur out of the mattress]
MOE: [to Larry] Pile it up now.
CURLY: Hey! Hmm!
[Curly throws one of the black furs on the floor and he steps on it]
LARRY: What’s the matter?
CURLY: It’s got dandruff!
MOE: [to Curly] You get to work like I told you. [still staring at Curly, he accidentally pulls out Larry’s hair thinking he’s pulling fur out of the mattress]
LARRY: Oww!
MOE: [to Larry] Go on! [bonks Larry on the head] Get busy, will ya!
LARRY: My hair.
[Dissolve to a new scene outside Mrs. Bedford’s front door. The other dog is now disguised and looks like Garcon. The stooges are holding him on a leash]
CURLY: He looks more like Garcon than Garcon.
[Larry rings the doorbell]
CURLY: Nobody’ll ever recognize him.
MOE: That mattress hair turn the trick.
[A maid answers the door]
LARRY: [to the maid] We brought Mrs. Bedford’s dog back.
MAID: Alright, but keep it away from me. I don’t like dogs.
CURLY: Come on.
MOE: Come on.
[The stooges enter the house]
MAID: Just wait right in here, gentlemen. Madam will be right in.
[The stooges enter the living room. Larry and Curly see a small table with drinks in it]
CURLY: Oh!
LARRY: Oh!
[Larry and Curly run up to the table to help themselves with some drinks]
[Cut to another part of the house where the maid is vacuuming. The disguised dog runs up to the maid, bites the rug and plays with it]
MAID: Go away dog! Go away!
[The maid accidentally vacuums off a part of the fur that the dog had on as a disguise. The maid gasps. She holds the vacuum next to the dog again and vacuums up the rest of the disguised fur on the dog.]
MAID: You was scalped! I’m gettin’ outta here! [runs out of the room]
[Cut to the living room where the stooges are in. Larry and Curly are fixing themselves some drinks. Curly sprays some seltzer in his glass]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk!
MOE: [to Curly] Hey!
[Curly turns to Moe and lifts up his glass]
CURLY: Here’s to ya!
MOE: Not to me, to you. [pushes Curly’s glass and the drink spills all over Curly’s face]
CURLY: [grabs Moe’s arm] Hmm! Hmm!
MOE: Get out! I’ll murder ya! [looks at Larry]
LARRY: [shows Moe the seltzer bottle] Seltzer.
MOE: Then I’ll have some too.
[Larry tries to spray the seltzer in the glass, but he doesn’t realize that the bottle is backwards. He ends up spraying the seltzer all over Moe by accident]
MOE: Ahhhhh!! I know. You didn’t mean it.
LARRY: No I didn’t.
MOE: Hahaha! Look! [points off-camera]
LARRY: What? [looks at the direction Moe is pointing]
MOE: Why you! [grabs Larry]
[Moe takes some ice from the table and puts inside Larry’s shirt]
LARRY: Oh, that’s ice! Ow! It’s cold!! Ow! Oh oh! Oh oh oh!
[Larry starts jumping up and down because the ice is cold. Moe and Curly start singing and dancing as Larry jumps. Suddenly, Mrs. Bedford walks in and the stooges stop]
MRS. BEDFORD: Why, how do you do, doctors? Well, where is Garcon?
MOE: Right here!
CURLY: Here!
[The stooges look around and they don’t find the dog anywhere]
LARRY: [yells out] Garcon!
CURLY: [yells out] Garcon!
MOE: [yells out] Here Garcon!
[The stooges continue to call the dog. Suddenly the dog runs up to Curly.]
CURLY: Here he is!
[The stooges and Mrs. Bedford see that the fur of the dog has been removed. Now, Mrs. Bedford knows that her dog, Garcon, is missing.]
CURLY: Ahh ah!
MRS. BEDFORD: That’s not my dog.
[Mrs. Bedford faints and Moe catches her]
MOE: She fainted. Get something! Do something!
LARRY: Alright, don’t worry! [grabs a seltzer bottle]
[Larry tries to spray the seltzer at Mrs. Bedford, but he accidentally sprays it all over Moe’s face]
MOE: Ahhh!
[Mrs. Bedford revives]
MRS. BEDFORD: You thieves! You vandals! What have you done with my dog?
LARRY: I’m sorry, lady, we made a mistake. We brought the wrong---
MRS. BEDFORD: You get my dog back or I’ll have the police on you!
CURLY: We’ll bring him back, alive!
MRS. BEDFORD: You’d better!
[The stooges huddle]
MOE: [to Larry and Curly] We’d better get her dog back or she’ll have us in jail. Come on!
[Larry and Moe walk away. Curly sees the small table with the drinks and he sees that it has wheels]
CURLY: Hmm!
[Curly walks up to the table, ties the dog’s leash on it, and sits on the table]
CURLY: [to the dog] Mush! Mush!
[The dog wheels Curly away and we suddenly hear a loud crashing sound.]
[A new scene begins outside. The stooges are walking the dog and looking for Garcon. The stooges are all calling “Garcon” to try and find her.]
MOE: I tell ya, the jig is up, boys. I can see us in jail.
LARRY: Yeah, on a rock pile, making little ones out of big ones.
MOE: [to the dog] Listen, bloodhound. If you got any blood in you, you’ll find Garcon. Now go on! Do your stuff!
[The dog starts running]
LARRY: Look, he’s gonna find him. Come on!
[The dog stops at the corner of the sidewalk]
MOE: [to Larry and Curly] He sees something! On your toes, you heels!
[The dog starts moving his tail up and down]
MOE: He’s calling us.
[The stooges start to walk up to the dog, but the dog extends its leg outward. The stooges then back away. The dog moves its tail up and down again. The stooges walk up to the dog. Then the dog extends its leg outward again. The stooges back away again. Then the dog moves its tail up and forms it into a shape of a hook
CURLY: Ah! Why don’t he make up his mind?
MOE: Quiet! We’ll find out! Come on!
[The stooges walk up to the corner where the dog is standing. They see a man painting a fire hydrant.]
LARRY: [pulls the dog] You double-crosser!
MOE: [to the dog] Listen, if you got any pointer in you, you better start pointing and point out those dognappers! Get the point?
CURLY: Hmm! Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. He muster be a poinsettia!
MOE: Quiet, you hot airedale!
[Curly takes his hand and places it in front of Moe. He moves his hand back and forth and then up and down. Moe follows Curly’s hand.]
CURLY: Ruff!
[Moe grabs Curly’s nose and hits it]
CURLY: Oh!
[Curly bumps Moe with his stomach. Moe ends up hitting Larry by accident due to the impact.]
MOE: Ow!
LARRY: Oh!
[Cut to Duke and Tony’s house. They are cooking something on the stove.]
DUKE: I wonder why we haven’t heard from the owner of that dog.
TONY: Search me.
[Cut to the stooges who are outside looking for Garcon. The dog is starting to smell the food that Duke and Tony are cooking]
CURLY: [to the dog] Please don’t be a poinsettia. Start pointing!
[The dog starts running]
MOE: Come on! He’s on a scent!
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo!
[The stooges follow the dog. The dog jumps through the window of Tony and Duke’s house. The stooges approach the house. Moe knocks on the door. Then Curly places his head next to the door to listen to what’s going on inside. Then, Moe tries to knock on the door again, but he fails to see Curly’s head. So he knocks on Curly’s head by accident]
CURLY: Oh oh!
MOE: Get out of the way!
[Moe continues to knock on the door and Tony answers it]
MOE: [to Tony] We’re looking for a dog.
CURLY: [to Tony] He had four legs and a tail.
TONY: No, I ain’t seen no dog. [closes the door]
[Tony stops and realizes it’s the stooges.]
[Cut to the stooges who are about to walk away. Curly gasps]
MOE: It’s them!
CURLY: The dognappers!
LARRY: Come on!
[The stooges break the door down and the door lands on Tony]
[Duke tries to run after Moe. Larry grabs Duke from behind and holds onto him]
LARRY: Get him Moe!
CURLY: Hold him still!
[Moe takes a glass bottle on the table and he tries to strike Duke with it. However, as Larry is holding onto him, Duke turns Larry around and Moe accidentally hits Larry in the head with the glass bottle]
LARRY: Oh!
[Duke is now free and he tries to punch Moe but he ducks. Moe tries to punch Duke, be he ducks as well. Since Duke ducked, Moe accidentally punches Larry. Larry is now knocked out. Duke grabs Moe and punches him.]
CURLY: [throws punches as he watches Moe and Duke fight] Give it to him! Give it to him! Sock him! In the chin--- [Curly accidentally punches himself in the face] Oh! Oh!
[Duke punches Moe in the face rapidly several times. After several punches, Moe gets pushed and lands on the wall upside down]
CURLY: Nyah ah ah!
[Tony is getting ready to attack Curly]
CURLY: Ahh!
CURLY: Yah ah ah! [to the dog] Sic him! Sic him! Tear him to pieces!
TONY: [screams at the dog] Ahhhhhhh!
[The dog whimpers and runs inside the drawer to hide. Tony goes after Curly]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo!
DUKE: I’ll get him---
TONY: Wait a minute! Let me at him. I’ll mop up the floor with him. [removes his jacket]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo! Ah!
[Curly takes a punch at Tony and his arm ends up in the empty sleeve of the jacket that Tony was about to remove. Tony and Curly are now caught in the jacket. Curly punches Duke in the face. Duke tries to punch back, but Curly, who’s still caught in the jacket with Tony, turns around and Tony gets pulled up in front of Duke. So Duke punches Tony by accident. Curly turns back around and punches Duke again. Duke again tries to punch Curly but he turns around so Tony gets punched again. This keeps on happening several times until Tony gets knocked out. Curly stops turning around and he takes his hand out of Tony’s jacket]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo! Woo! Woo!
[Curly kicks Duke and he falls on the couch]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo!
[Curly bends down and he kicks Tony from behind. Tony falls on the chair that’s against the wall]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo! Woo woo!
[Moe and Larry run up to Curly and grab him]
MOE: Hold, mule! Hold, mule!
CURLY: Ruff! Ruff! [clicks his teeth]
[We hear a barking sound]
LARRY: It’s Garcon! He’s in the closet!
MOE: Come on!
[Moe and Larry walk towards the closet. Curly walks the opposite direction]
CURLY: Ahh! [turns around and walks towards the closet]
[The stooges open the closet and we see Garcon who just had puppies]
MOE: Success!
LARRY: Congratulations!
[Moe and Larry shake hands.]
CURLY: Mazel Tov!
[Curly grabs Moe and kisses him on both cheeks]
MOE: Ohh! I told you to stop it! [slaps Curly twice with both hands]
CURLY: Oh!
[Moe grabs Curly’s nose and hits it twice]
CURLY: Oh! Oh!
[Curly starts wailing as the short fades out]
---THE END---
MRS. BEDFORD: Oh Nurse! My baby! My poor little Garcon!
NURSE #1: Oh calm yourself, Mrs. Bedford. He’s in the hands of our world’s greatest specialist. They’ll pull him through.
MRS. BEDFORD: Oh, I hope so.
[Cut to the inside of the operating room. The stooges take off their scrubs and they give them to the three nurses.]
MOE: To the operation.
LARRY: The operation.
CURLY: To the operation.
[The stooges walk up to a faucet and wash their hands. Before washing his hands, Curly looks at Nurse #1. He snaps his fingers and smiles at her]
CURLY: Woo!
[Larry washes his hands. Then, he decides to take out a pair of socks from his pocket and wash them in the faucet. Curly sees what Larry is doing]
CURLY: Hey! What do ya think you’re doing?
LARRY: This is Monday, ain’t it?
CURLY: Yeah! [grabs the wet socks from Larry and he hits Larry in the face with it] Come on, get busy. We got operating to do.
[Curly tries to get some liquid soap out of the container, but he can’t]
CURLY: Hmm!
[Curly tries again but soap still won’t come out of the container]
CURLY: Hmmmm! [snaps his fingers]
[Curly grabs the container and tries to tap some soap out of it, but nothing would come out]
CURLY: Mmmmm!
MOE: [sees Curly] What’s the matter?
CURLY: It won’t come out!
MOE: Let me see.
[Moe looks through the opening in the liquid soap container. Curly decides to tap the end of it. Soap ends up squirting all over Moe’s face]
MOE: Ehhh!
CURLY: I didn’t mean it. That’s a coincidence.
MOE: Couldn’t happen again in a thousand years.
CURLY: I’m glad ya understand me.
MOE: Yeah. Gimme that! [grabs the soap container from Curly]
CURLY: Moe please! Nyah ah ah ah ahhhh!
[Moe squirts some soap into Curly and a lot of it lands inside his mouth]
CURLY: Ehh!
MOE: That’ll teach ya a lesson.
[Curly grabs a glass and fills it up with water. He drinks some of it. He hiccups and blows a bubble. Moe follows the bubble as it moves. Curly hiccups again and another bubble comes out of his mouth. Moe follows it again.]
[Dissolve to a new scene in the operating room. The nurses are helping the stooges put on their scrubs]
MOE: Gloves
LARRY: Gloves
CURLY: Gloves
[The nurses get the gloves]
NURSE #2: Gloves!
NURSE #1: Gloves.
[Curly is attracted to Nurse #1 as she helps him put on the first glove]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Nurse #1 helps Curly put on the second glove, but Curly is so distracted that he falls as he tries to put on the glove.]
CURLY: Ehhh! Oh!
MOE: What are ya doing down there? Get up outta there! [helps Curly get up]
MOE: Mask!
LARRY: Mask!
CURLY: Mask!
NURSE #1: Oh! [walks off-camera to get the mask because she forgot it.]
[Curly grabs a gas mask from the drawer and puts it on]
CURLY: Come let’s go, they’re waiting.
MOE: Hey!
CURLY: What’s the matter?
MOE: What are ya doing with that thing on?
[Moe pulls the gas mask off of Curly]
CURLY: Oh! [to Nurse #1] Nyuk nyuk.
MOE: We got operating to do. Come on!
[Moe grabs a small tong and pulls Curly’s ear]
CURLY: Oh oh ohh ohh.
[Moe, Larry, and Curly walk over to the operation table. They are operating on something, but we don’t see what it is yet. ]
LARRY: Do you think it’s serious, Dr. Curly?
CURLY: Yes indeed, to say the least if not less.
[The camera pans away and we see the stooges treating a black dog]
MOE: Hmm. The perambulation of the pedal extremity is impeded by the insertion of a foreign botanical offshoot. Now gentlemen, we must proceed with caution. This Bedford dog is worth a fortune.
CURLY: So it is.
MOE: The instruments.
LARRY: The instruments.
CURLY: Instruments.
NURSE #2: Instruments.
[Nurse #2 brings a tray of two trumpets. Moe and Larry each grab a trumpet and play a short tune while Curly stands there in a salute position. When Moe and Larry finish playing, they put the trumpets back onto the tray and Nurse #2 walks away]
[Nurse #3 brings a tray full of tools.]
MOE: Ah the tools. Anacanapon!
LARRY: Anacanapon! [grabs a small tool from the tray and hands it to Moe]
[Moe hands the small tool to Curly]
CURLY: Anacanapon!
MOE: [to Larry] Pitilditsita.
LARRY: [to Nurse #3, who is off-camera] Go get a pitilditsita! [turns to Moe] We have none!
MOE: [turns to Curly] We have none.
CURLY: Oh yes we have. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. [grabs a pair of pliers from his pocket]
CURLY: [to Moe] Hold him doctor. [to the dog] This is gonna hurt me worse than it does you, Garcon. Now hold on. It’ll be out in a minute.
[Curly accidentally grabs Moe’s finger with the pliers]
MOE: Ouch!
CURLY: Oh oh! The wrong thorn.
[Moe grabs the pliers from Curly. He then grabs Curly’s nose with the pliers]
CURLY: Ohh! Ohh! Oh oh oh oh oh! [takes the pliers from Moe] My proboscis! Ruff! [looks at the dog] Oh!
[Curly takes the pliers and pulls something off of the dog. We see that he pulled out a thorn]
CURLY: Ah! Success! Success!
[Curly puts the pliers on the chair. It still has the thorn on it.]
[Moe and Larry shake hands]
MOE AND LARRY: Success!
CURLY: Success!
[As Moe and Larry shakes hands, Curly places his hands on top of their hands]
LARRY: Success!
[Larry puts his other hand on top of Curly’s. Then Moe puts his hand on top of Larry’s. Moe, Larry, and Curly each take out one of their hands and they place it on top of one another.]
MOE: [shakes Curly’s hand] Doctor, this operation shall go down in history.
LARRY: I didn’t know you had it in ya.
CURLY: I didn’t. [points to the dog] She did. Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk---
[Moe slaps Curly on the head. Curly falls on the chair where he placed the thorn]
CURLY: Oh oh oh oh! Ha ta ta ta ta ta!
MOE: [grabs Curly] Looks like a botanical offshoot in the upholstery.
LARRY: We’ll have to operate!
CURLY: Oh no! A thousand times, no.
MOE: [looks off-camera] Get the anesthetic.
LARRY: [looks off-camera] Get the anesthetic.
[Nurse #2 comes over with a tray that has a big hammer on it]
NURSE #2: The anesthetic.
[Larry grabs the hammer]
MOE: [to Larry] Administer the anesthetic.
[Larry hits Curly on the head with the hammer]
CURLY: Oh oww! Ahh!
[Curly falls on the operating table that the dog is on. Moe grabs the pliers and starts pulling the thorn out of Curly’s rear]
CURLY: Yaah ah ah ah ah ah!
[Moe finally pulls out the needle from Curly’s rear. Curly stands up in pain]
CURLY: Ow! Oh oh! Santa Claus will hear of this! Hmm.
[Mrs. Bedford walks in and approaches the stooges]
MRS. BEDFORD: How is Garcon? Is she alright?
CURLY: The operation was a complete success.
MRS. BEDFORD: That’s wonderful. Now I can show Garcon in the dog show tomorrow. [to the dog] Come Garcon---
MOE: No no, he must rest here for a few hours.
LARRY: Yes, we’ll have it back about four o’clock.
MRS. BEDFORD: Well see that Garcon gets the very best of attention.
MOE: Oh yes madam.
MRS. BEDFORD: Thank you. Good day gentlemen. [bows]
[Mrs. Bedford walks away]
STOOGES: Good day! [The stooges all bow together and bump heads] Ohh!
MOE: [looks off-camera] Nurse! Put the dog to bed.
[Nurses # 1 and 3 come over and carry the dog away]
[A woman on the intercom starts calling the stooges]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Dr. Moe, Dr. Larry, Dr. Curly!
[The stooges walk up to the intercom. Curly flips the switch]
CURLY: [talks into the intercom] What do you want?
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Two important visitors to see you.
CURLY: Ok.
[The stooges are about to walk away, but all of a sudden we hear a “meow”]
CURLY: [to Moe] Hey, that nurse must’ve eaten catnip.
[We hear the “meow” sound again. Curly opens the intercom and we see a kitten inside]
CURLY: Ah! [sees the kitten] Oh! [takes the kitten out of the intercom]
[We see a close-up of the kitten]
CURLY: One little kitten lost its mitten. How careless!
[Curly places the kitten on the table. The stooges walk out of the room]
[Cut to the hallway. We see two men, Tony and Duke, sitting down waiting for the stooges. They look off-camera and see the stooges approach them]
TONY: [to Duke] Here they come now!
[The stooges approach Tony and Duke]
TONY: How do you do gentlemen! We’re from the ‘Daily Stars.’
DUKE: We’d like to get up a feature story about your hospital.
[Curly walks up to the nurse at the front desk. He stands there talking to her]
MOE: [to Tony and Duke] That’s fine. Follow us. We’d be happy to show you around the place.
[Moe shows Tony and Duke around the hospital]
LARRY: [taps Curly] Come on, puddinhead!
[The stooges walk away to show Tony and Duke around the hospital.]
[A new scene begins inside one of the hospital rooms. We see a cat lying in the bed]
[The stooges, Duke, and Tony enter the room]
LARRY: Here’s our general ward. This is where we keep our mixed patients.
MOE: Now, this cat suffers from operatic tendencies. Likes to sing opera on the back fences.
[Curly starts singing like an opera singer. Duke and Tony have a mad look on their faces]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. [Moe eyepokes Curly] Oh! Moe! Moe! [closes his eyes] I can’t see! I can’t see!
MOE: What’s the matter?
CURLY: I got my eyes closed. [Moe eyepokes Curly again] Ow!
LARRY: Lay off! Lay off!
MOE: Getting’ violent?
CURLY: Hmm.
[A nurse walks in and she wheels in a big dog sitting on a wheelchair]
NURSE #4: Dr. Moe!
MOE: Oh here’s an interesting case, gentlemen.
DUKE: What’s wrong with him?
LARRY: He suffers from acute alcoholism.
CURLY: Ain’t he a cutie? Nyuk nyuk. He’s a lap dog.
DUKE: A lap dog?
CURLY: Yeah, he lapped up two cases of beer. A bad case.
[Larry takes an ice pack and puts it on top of the dog’s head]
LARRY: Keep a cool head kid.
MOE: Now, right this way, gentlemen.
[The dog hiccups]
CURLY: [to the dog] Gesundheit!
[The stooges, Duke, and Tony walk up to another bed where a dog is lying in]
MOE: Now here’s a peculiar case.
[Moe grabs a clipboard on the side of the bed. He shows it to Duke]
MOE: See that?
[The camera shows a close-up of the clipboard. It says “G.C.M.”
DUKE: What’s G-C-M mean?
MOE: Garbage can moocher.
LARRY: Yeah, he’s got a bad case of scavengeritis.
CURLY: But we’ll cure him. See that? [points off-camera]
[The camera cuts to a garbage can. Next to it is a sign that reads: “I must not eat out of garbage cans”]
MOE: Right this way and I shall demonstrate.
[The stooges walk up to the garbage can to show Duke and Tony how it works. Moe takes the cover off of the garbage can]
MOE: It never fails. The dog puts his head inside the garbage can.
[Curly steps on the valve next to the garbage can. Water squirts out of it.]
MOE: We step on the valve which propels a stream of water into the dog’s face frightening him. Now after several such treatments, the patient is entirely cured. Now, note the simplicity of the construction. [looks inside the garbage can]
CURLY: And it always works. [steps on the valve again]
[Water squirts into Moe’s face]
MOE: Ahh!! [drops the garbage cover on the floor]
MOE: I’ll murder ya! [runs after Curly]
CURLY: Ah ah ah!
[Curly runs into the next room where Garcon is lying in. Moe runs after him]
MOE: I got ya. I’ll tear your esophagus out. Open your mouth.
[Curly opens his mouth. Moe sticks his fingers inside Curly’s mouth. Curly bites Moe’s fingers]
MOE: [yells] Owww!!
CURLY: Quiet! You wanna wake Garcon?
[Larry, Duke, and Tony walk into the room]
DUKE: Who’s Garcon?
LARRY: That’s Mrs. Bedford’s prize poodle.
DUKE: Ohh! [looks at Tony]
[A woman calls out on the intercom]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Calling Dr. Curly! Calling Dr. Curly! Go to room six. See a man about a dog diet.
CURLY: [smiles at Moe] Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. [Moe hits Curly in the head] Ohh! [walks away]
[The woman calls out on the intercom again]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Calling Dr. Larry! Calling Dr. Larry! Dog in ward eight chasing his tail. Bit himself.
TONY: Is that serious? Will it hurt his carriage?
LARRY: I don’t know about his carriage, but it’s gonna raise cain with his wagon. [walks away]
[The woman calls out on the intercom again]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Calling Dr. Moe! Pomeranian in ward six has a coat on its tongue. What should we do?
[Moe walks up to the intercom. He flips the switch]
MOE: [talking on the intercom] Give him the pants and vest and take him for a walk. [turns to Duke and Tony] Pardon me! [leaves]
DUKE: [to Tony] Come on! We gotta pull this job in a hurry.
TONY: We’ll hide him in the old house until we get the ransom. [lifts Garcon out of the bed]
[Cut to the hallway. Curly is walking and he sees a nurse.]
CURLY: Eeh! [follows the nurse]
[Another nurse walks by Curly]
CURLY: Hmm. [follows the other nurse]
[Another nurse walks by Curly]
CURLY: Hmmm! [follows the other nurse]
[Moe’s voice calls out on the intercom in the hallway]
MOE: Calling Dr. Curly! Calling Dr. Curly!
[Walks up to intercom and flips the switch]
CURLY: [talking on the intercom] What do you want?
MOE: Listen you onionhead! You march yourself right in here and wash this dog!
CURLY: Oh, you do it yourself!
MOE: Oh, mutiny eh?
CURLY: Yeah, mutiny! And it’s not on the bounty. [sticks his tongue out] Nyeehhh!
[Moe’s fist breaks through the intercom and punches Curly in the face]
CURLY: [touching his nose] Oh! Oh oh! Ha ta ta ta ta!
CURLY: Oh oh! [looks at the broken intercom and sees Moe’s face] Nyah!!
MOE: Now come on in here like I told ya.
[Curly is about to walk away]
MOE: Hey wait a minute!
CURLY: [stops and turns to Moe] What do you want?
MOE: Help me out, I’m stuck!
CURLY: Are you sure?
MOE: I’m positive. I can’t move.
CURLY: Oh! Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Curly plucks out one of Moe’s eyebrows]
CURLY: She loves me.
MOE: Ow!
CURLY: She loves me not. [plucks out another one of Moe’s eyebrows]
MOE: Ow!
CURLY: She loves me. [plucks out another one of Moe’s eyebrows]
MOE: Ow!
CURLY: She loves me not! [plucks out another one of Moe’s eyebrows]
MOE: Oh! I’ll fix you. I’ll fix you.
CURLY: Hmm! [grabs Moe’s face]
MOE: Ohh!
CURLY: Ruff!! [walks away]
[Cut to the nurse at the front desk. She is ringing a bell. Curly walks up to her and waves his hand under her chin]
CURLY: [smiling at the nurse] Eeeehhh!
[Curly grabs the microphone]
CURLY: [talks on the microphone] Calling all curs! Calling all curs! Dinner is ready. Come to the dining room. That is all!
[Dogs starting running down the hallway and into the dining room. They are all barking as they run]
[A new scene begins in the dining room. The stooges are sitting at the end of a long table with a bunch of dogs]
CURLY: I’m a hungry as a whale. [looks off-camera] Bring on the food.
MOE: Yeah, bring it on.
LARRY: We’re ready.
CURLY: [to Moe and Larry] Very good. It’s a very good plan.
[Some of the dogs start growling]
CURLY: [to the dogs] Don’t worry. There’s enough for everybody.
[The nurses bring in trays of dog food. Curly lifts the covers off of one the dog food dishes to reveal the dog bones]
CURLY: Take a look at this. Woo woo!
[Curly starts taking the dog bones and he puts some on individual plates as he hums. He gives one plate of dog bones to Larry. He then adds two dog bones on another plate and gives it to Moe]
MOE: Say, is this my dinner?
CURLY: Why soitenly! Fricasseed bone! It’s delicious. Mmm.
MOE: Since when do I look like a dog?
CURLY: I don’t know. I ain’t seen you lately.
MOE: You ain’t, eh? [grabs a bones and hits Curly on the head with it]
CURLY: Ohh!
LARRY: Hey! Leave him alone.
[Moe, Larry, and Curly start eating the dog bones. Curly takes two bones and lifts it up as if he’s exercising with dumbbells. He then takes two dog bones, adds a slice of meat in between them and gets ready to eat it. As he takes a bite, the two bones grab his nose]
CURLY: Oh! Ahh! Ah ah!
[Curly grabs his utensils and beats the bones]
CURLY: Ruff! Ruff!
[A dog barks at Curly]
CURLY: [to the dog] Quiet! This is my argument! [continues to strike the bones with the utensils]
MOE: What’s the matter? What are you doing?
CURLY: My sandwich bit me! I’m beating it into submission.
MOE: I’ll beat you into submission.
CURLY: Hmm.
[The stooges continue to eat their dog bones. The camera cuts and shows two small dogs eating their dog bones. The camera cuts and shows three bigger dogs eating their dog bones. The camera cuts to two small puppies drinking out of their milk bottles]
[As the stooges continue to eat their dog bones, a woman starts calling out on the intercom]
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Dr. Moe, Larry, Curly!! Garcon is missing. Come at one! Hurry!
MOE: Garcon!
LARRY: Garcon!
CURLY: By Garcon!
[The stooges get up out of the table and run out of the room]
[Cut to hospital room where Garcon was in. Two nurses are standing by the bed reading the clipboard]
NURSE #5: [to Nurse #4] Oh, what do we do? Read this note!
[The stooges enter]
MOE: What happened? Where’s Garcon?
NURSE #5: He’s gone!
NURSE #4: Here read this note. [hands the clipboard to Moe]
MOE: [reading the note on the clipboard] Mrs. Bedford can have her dog is she pays two thousand dollars. Don’t tell the cops or she will never see him again.
MOE: [to Curly and Larry] Those guys weren’t reporters. They were dognappers. We gotta stall Mrs. Bedford off ‘till we find her dog. Now start thinking, if possible.
[Curly starts blubbering and panting. He then bonks his head twice]
MOE: What’s the matter with you?
CURLY: I’m trying to think but nothing happens. Hey! Fellas, look! [grabs Garcon’s collar and leash from the bed] It ain’t so serious. Here’s his collar and leash. All we gotta do is refill it.
LARRY: That’s brilliant! That’s smart.
CURLY: Haha!
[Moe double-slaps Curly and Larry]
CURLY: Ohh!
MOE: [looks off-camera] Look out! I got an idea! [leaves the room]
CURLY: I wonder what he’s up to.
[Moe enters and carries in another dog]
MOE: [to the dog] Sit down there. [to Curly and Larry] Now here’s the idea. We gotta disguise this mutt to look like Garcon. The old lady won’t know the difference. Get to work on that mattress. [to the two nurses] Nurse, get the glue. You get the black paint.
[Curly lifts the covers off of the bed that Garcon was lying in]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.
[Moe grabs a knife and cuts the mattress. The stooges pull out some black fur out of the mattress]
MOE: Start pullin’ boys!
[The stooges continue to pull the black fur out of the mattress]
MOE: [to Larry] Pile it up now.
CURLY: Hey! Hmm!
[Curly throws one of the black furs on the floor and he steps on it]
LARRY: What’s the matter?
CURLY: It’s got dandruff!
MOE: [to Curly] You get to work like I told you. [still staring at Curly, he accidentally pulls out Larry’s hair thinking he’s pulling fur out of the mattress]
LARRY: Oww!
MOE: [to Larry] Go on! [bonks Larry on the head] Get busy, will ya!
LARRY: My hair.
[Dissolve to a new scene outside Mrs. Bedford’s front door. The other dog is now disguised and looks like Garcon. The stooges are holding him on a leash]
CURLY: He looks more like Garcon than Garcon.
[Larry rings the doorbell]
CURLY: Nobody’ll ever recognize him.
MOE: That mattress hair turn the trick.
[A maid answers the door]
LARRY: [to the maid] We brought Mrs. Bedford’s dog back.
MAID: Alright, but keep it away from me. I don’t like dogs.
CURLY: Come on.
MOE: Come on.
[The stooges enter the house]
MAID: Just wait right in here, gentlemen. Madam will be right in.
[The stooges enter the living room. Larry and Curly see a small table with drinks in it]
CURLY: Oh!
LARRY: Oh!
[Larry and Curly run up to the table to help themselves with some drinks]
[Cut to another part of the house where the maid is vacuuming. The disguised dog runs up to the maid, bites the rug and plays with it]
MAID: Go away dog! Go away!
[The maid accidentally vacuums off a part of the fur that the dog had on as a disguise. The maid gasps. She holds the vacuum next to the dog again and vacuums up the rest of the disguised fur on the dog.]
MAID: You was scalped! I’m gettin’ outta here! [runs out of the room]
[Cut to the living room where the stooges are in. Larry and Curly are fixing themselves some drinks. Curly sprays some seltzer in his glass]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk!
MOE: [to Curly] Hey!
[Curly turns to Moe and lifts up his glass]
CURLY: Here’s to ya!
MOE: Not to me, to you. [pushes Curly’s glass and the drink spills all over Curly’s face]
CURLY: [grabs Moe’s arm] Hmm! Hmm!
MOE: Get out! I’ll murder ya! [looks at Larry]
LARRY: [shows Moe the seltzer bottle] Seltzer.
MOE: Then I’ll have some too.
[Larry tries to spray the seltzer in the glass, but he doesn’t realize that the bottle is backwards. He ends up spraying the seltzer all over Moe by accident]
MOE: Ahhhhh!! I know. You didn’t mean it.
LARRY: No I didn’t.
MOE: Hahaha! Look! [points off-camera]
LARRY: What? [looks at the direction Moe is pointing]
MOE: Why you! [grabs Larry]
[Moe takes some ice from the table and puts inside Larry’s shirt]
LARRY: Oh, that’s ice! Ow! It’s cold!! Ow! Oh oh! Oh oh oh!
[Larry starts jumping up and down because the ice is cold. Moe and Curly start singing and dancing as Larry jumps. Suddenly, Mrs. Bedford walks in and the stooges stop]
MRS. BEDFORD: Why, how do you do, doctors? Well, where is Garcon?
MOE: Right here!
CURLY: Here!
[The stooges look around and they don’t find the dog anywhere]
LARRY: [yells out] Garcon!
CURLY: [yells out] Garcon!
MOE: [yells out] Here Garcon!
[The stooges continue to call the dog. Suddenly the dog runs up to Curly.]
CURLY: Here he is!
[The stooges and Mrs. Bedford see that the fur of the dog has been removed. Now, Mrs. Bedford knows that her dog, Garcon, is missing.]
CURLY: Ahh ah!
MRS. BEDFORD: That’s not my dog.
[Mrs. Bedford faints and Moe catches her]
MOE: She fainted. Get something! Do something!
LARRY: Alright, don’t worry! [grabs a seltzer bottle]
[Larry tries to spray the seltzer at Mrs. Bedford, but he accidentally sprays it all over Moe’s face]
MOE: Ahhh!
[Mrs. Bedford revives]
MRS. BEDFORD: You thieves! You vandals! What have you done with my dog?
LARRY: I’m sorry, lady, we made a mistake. We brought the wrong---
MRS. BEDFORD: You get my dog back or I’ll have the police on you!
CURLY: We’ll bring him back, alive!
MRS. BEDFORD: You’d better!
[The stooges huddle]
MOE: [to Larry and Curly] We’d better get her dog back or she’ll have us in jail. Come on!
[Larry and Moe walk away. Curly sees the small table with the drinks and he sees that it has wheels]
CURLY: Hmm!
[Curly walks up to the table, ties the dog’s leash on it, and sits on the table]
CURLY: [to the dog] Mush! Mush!
[The dog wheels Curly away and we suddenly hear a loud crashing sound.]
[A new scene begins outside. The stooges are walking the dog and looking for Garcon. The stooges are all calling “Garcon” to try and find her.]
MOE: I tell ya, the jig is up, boys. I can see us in jail.
LARRY: Yeah, on a rock pile, making little ones out of big ones.
MOE: [to the dog] Listen, bloodhound. If you got any blood in you, you’ll find Garcon. Now go on! Do your stuff!
[The dog starts running]
LARRY: Look, he’s gonna find him. Come on!
[The dog stops at the corner of the sidewalk]
MOE: [to Larry and Curly] He sees something! On your toes, you heels!
[The dog starts moving his tail up and down]
MOE: He’s calling us.
[The stooges start to walk up to the dog, but the dog extends its leg outward. The stooges then back away. The dog moves its tail up and down again. The stooges walk up to the dog. Then the dog extends its leg outward again. The stooges back away again. Then the dog moves its tail up and forms it into a shape of a hook
CURLY: Ah! Why don’t he make up his mind?
MOE: Quiet! We’ll find out! Come on!
[The stooges walk up to the corner where the dog is standing. They see a man painting a fire hydrant.]
LARRY: [pulls the dog] You double-crosser!
MOE: [to the dog] Listen, if you got any pointer in you, you better start pointing and point out those dognappers! Get the point?
CURLY: Hmm! Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. He muster be a poinsettia!
MOE: Quiet, you hot airedale!
[Curly takes his hand and places it in front of Moe. He moves his hand back and forth and then up and down. Moe follows Curly’s hand.]
CURLY: Ruff!
[Moe grabs Curly’s nose and hits it]
CURLY: Oh!
[Curly bumps Moe with his stomach. Moe ends up hitting Larry by accident due to the impact.]
MOE: Ow!
LARRY: Oh!
[Cut to Duke and Tony’s house. They are cooking something on the stove.]
DUKE: I wonder why we haven’t heard from the owner of that dog.
TONY: Search me.
[Cut to the stooges who are outside looking for Garcon. The dog is starting to smell the food that Duke and Tony are cooking]
CURLY: [to the dog] Please don’t be a poinsettia. Start pointing!
[The dog starts running]
MOE: Come on! He’s on a scent!
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo!
[The stooges follow the dog. The dog jumps through the window of Tony and Duke’s house. The stooges approach the house. Moe knocks on the door. Then Curly places his head next to the door to listen to what’s going on inside. Then, Moe tries to knock on the door again, but he fails to see Curly’s head. So he knocks on Curly’s head by accident]
CURLY: Oh oh!
MOE: Get out of the way!
[Moe continues to knock on the door and Tony answers it]
MOE: [to Tony] We’re looking for a dog.
CURLY: [to Tony] He had four legs and a tail.
TONY: No, I ain’t seen no dog. [closes the door]
[Tony stops and realizes it’s the stooges.]
[Cut to the stooges who are about to walk away. Curly gasps]
MOE: It’s them!
CURLY: The dognappers!
LARRY: Come on!
[The stooges break the door down and the door lands on Tony]
[Duke tries to run after Moe. Larry grabs Duke from behind and holds onto him]
LARRY: Get him Moe!
CURLY: Hold him still!
[Moe takes a glass bottle on the table and he tries to strike Duke with it. However, as Larry is holding onto him, Duke turns Larry around and Moe accidentally hits Larry in the head with the glass bottle]
LARRY: Oh!
[Duke is now free and he tries to punch Moe but he ducks. Moe tries to punch Duke, be he ducks as well. Since Duke ducked, Moe accidentally punches Larry. Larry is now knocked out. Duke grabs Moe and punches him.]
CURLY: [throws punches as he watches Moe and Duke fight] Give it to him! Give it to him! Sock him! In the chin--- [Curly accidentally punches himself in the face] Oh! Oh!
[Duke punches Moe in the face rapidly several times. After several punches, Moe gets pushed and lands on the wall upside down]
CURLY: Nyah ah ah!
[Tony is getting ready to attack Curly]
CURLY: Ahh!
CURLY: Yah ah ah! [to the dog] Sic him! Sic him! Tear him to pieces!
TONY: [screams at the dog] Ahhhhhhh!
[The dog whimpers and runs inside the drawer to hide. Tony goes after Curly]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo!
DUKE: I’ll get him---
TONY: Wait a minute! Let me at him. I’ll mop up the floor with him. [removes his jacket]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo! Ah!
[Curly takes a punch at Tony and his arm ends up in the empty sleeve of the jacket that Tony was about to remove. Tony and Curly are now caught in the jacket. Curly punches Duke in the face. Duke tries to punch back, but Curly, who’s still caught in the jacket with Tony, turns around and Tony gets pulled up in front of Duke. So Duke punches Tony by accident. Curly turns back around and punches Duke again. Duke again tries to punch Curly but he turns around so Tony gets punched again. This keeps on happening several times until Tony gets knocked out. Curly stops turning around and he takes his hand out of Tony’s jacket]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo! Woo! Woo!
[Curly kicks Duke and he falls on the couch]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo!
[Curly bends down and he kicks Tony from behind. Tony falls on the chair that’s against the wall]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo! Woo woo!
[Moe and Larry run up to Curly and grab him]
MOE: Hold, mule! Hold, mule!
CURLY: Ruff! Ruff! [clicks his teeth]
[We hear a barking sound]
LARRY: It’s Garcon! He’s in the closet!
MOE: Come on!
[Moe and Larry walk towards the closet. Curly walks the opposite direction]
CURLY: Ahh! [turns around and walks towards the closet]
[The stooges open the closet and we see Garcon who just had puppies]
MOE: Success!
LARRY: Congratulations!
[Moe and Larry shake hands.]
CURLY: Mazel Tov!
[Curly grabs Moe and kisses him on both cheeks]
MOE: Ohh! I told you to stop it! [slaps Curly twice with both hands]
CURLY: Oh!
[Moe grabs Curly’s nose and hits it twice]
CURLY: Oh! Oh!
[Curly starts wailing as the short fades out]
---THE END---
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