Any Similarity to Persons Living or Dead Is Purely Coincidental (An Anthology of Comic Art, 1979 - 1985)
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Transcribed By: xraffle
Date Added: 2008-08-13
[The short opens up with the stooges sleeping under their car. They are snoring as they sleep. A fly comes by and starts to tickle Curly’s face. Curly slaps his face while he’s sleeping because the fly tickles him. As Curly snores, the fly goes in and out of his mouth twice. Curly reacts to it, but he doesn’t know about the fly because he’s asleep. As the fly continues to tickle his face, he starts wiping his face while he’s asleep.]
[A car passes by and sprays water all over the streets and into the stooges’ car. The stooges get splashed with water. So, Curly pulls down a sign that says, “Men At Work.” A worker attaches a hose to the fire hydrant on the sidewalk. He turns on the water and he walks away. The hose detaches from the fire hydrant and water sprays all over the street. The water travels all the way to the stooges’ car. As the stooges sleep under the car, the water pushes them away. The stooges are now floating down the street. The stooges still don’t know what is going on since they’re asleep. Finally, they stop floating and they’re right in the middle of the street. A truck drives through and jams on his break. The driver his Larry in the head with the truck and the stooges end up bumping heads]
LARRY: Hey quit pushing.
[The truck driver honks his horn]
MOE: [taps Curly] Hey! Hey!
[While sleeping, Moe bonks Curly on the stomach and head]
CURLY: Oh! Oh!
MOE: Shut off that alarm clock!
[Curly reaches for the “alarm clock’ but he ends up touching the foot of a police officer. He opens his eyes and sees the policeman.]
CURLY: Nyah ah ah ah!
POLICEMAN: Come on, get up! What do you think this is, a camping ground?
[The policeman hits the stooges with his nightstick in order to get them off the street. The stooges quickly get up]
POLICEMAN: Get up! Come on, get outta here.
LARRY: Yeah, we’ll get out.
[The policeman puts his foot on the blankets. As Larry pulls the blankets off the street, the policeman falls to the floor. The stooges run up to the car and put their blankets away. Curly takes out an anchor from the car]
CURLY: Hmm. I know. I forgot to throw out the anchor.
MOE: Yeah. So ya did!
[Moe takes the anchor and hits Larry and Curly on the head with it]
LARRY: Oh!
CURLY: Oh! Hmm.
MOE: [to Curly] Get your chores done. [to Larry] You get the tools.
[Curly gets ready to take a punch at Moe, but Moe turns his head and sees Curly before he was able to punch him. So, Curly quickly takes his fist and waves at Moe]
MOE: You get some air in that flat tire.
CURLY: What are you gonna do?
MOE: I’m gonna see if the horn works.
CURLY: Oh I just thought I’d ask. I dunno--- [turns around and Moe hits him with the anchor] Oh!
MOE: [looking at his salami sandwich] Oh boy! Salami! Hahahahaha. [tries to take a bite out of his sandwich but Curly calls out to him]
CURLY: Hey Moe, we’re in plenty of trouble.
MOE: What’s the matter?
CURLY: How we’re gonna fix that cavity? [points to a hole in the tire]
MOE: Put a patch on it, egghead. Put a patch on it! [A salami falls out of his sandwich]
CURLY: Patch? [looks inside the kettle on top of the car] But we have no---
[Curly suddenly sees the salami on the floor and thinks it’s a patch]
CURLY: Ohhh! Yes we have. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Curly glues the salami onto the tire]
MOE: [to Larry] Hey chucklehead! Did you get the tools?
LARRY: What tools?
MOE: The tools we’ve been using for the last ten years.
LARRY: Oh! Those tools! Yeah, I got ‘em. [grabs the bag of tools]
MOE: [to himself] Yeah, those tools.
[Curly pumps air into the tire. He tries to pull the tube out but can’t.]
CURLY: Hmm. Hmm.
[So, he takes a pair of scissors and cuts the tube. He throws the scissors on the floor and puts the pump back into the car.]
MOE: Come on! We gotta drum up some business. Let’s go.
[The stooges walk away and a dog walks up to the tire. It eats the salami and walks away. The tire pops and the scene ends]
[A new scene begins in the same location. The stooges run into their car, but Moe pulls Curly out]
CURLY: Hmm.
MOE: I thought I told ya to fix that puncture. [points to the hole in the tire]
CURLY: [looks at the tire] I did.
MOE: Go on. Get busy.
LARRY: Yeah, get busy. [Moe looks at Larry] I’m gonna help him.
CURLY: [tires to take off his sweater] Hmm. Hmm.
MOE: What now, little man?
CURLY: I can’t get outta my sweater.
MOE: How’d you get into it?
CURLY: I didn’t have any trouble. But since then, I mighta put on a little weight,
MOE: Yeah, you might’ve. Get around here. [bonks Curly in the back of the head]
[Moe tries to yank Curly’s sweater off, but he pulls too hard and it causes Curly’s head to ram into Moe’s stomach. Moe ends up bumping into Larry due to the impact]
STOOGES: Oh!
MOE: [to Larry] Give me a hand.
LARRY: Which one?
MOE: Am I gonna have trouble with you? Help me skin him.
[Moe and Larry sit Curly down on the car]
MOE: Get over here.
[Moe and Larry begin to pull the sweater off of Curly]
MOE: Heave ho!
[Moe and Larry yank on Curly’s sweater]
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: Heave ho!
[Moe and Larry yank on Curly’s sweater again]
CURLY: Yaaahh!
MOE: [to Larry] Give me those tire irons. [to Curly] Have ya out in a jiffy kid. [taps Curly on the head]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.
MOE: We’ll get this off in a jiffy.
[Moe and Larry stick two tire irons into the neckline of Curly’s sweater.]
CURLY: Oh! Ooh! Oh! Hey hey hey!
[Moe and Larry stop and the two tire irons are in front of Curly’s face]
MOE: What’s the matter?
CURLY: You wanna tear my sweater?
MOE: Oh, we’ll take it easy.
LARRY: Haha. [pointing to the tire irons of Curly] It looks like a V-8.
MOE: Yeah, did you ever hear of a V-5?
LARRY: What’s that, a new car?
MOE: No, it’s an old sock? [slaps Larry] Get out, you.
LARRY: Oh!
CURLY: Come on. Get me out.
MOE: Take it easy kid! Get your hands in there for leverage. [Curly sticks his fingers in the neckline] Hold what you got now, we’ll take a new bite.
[Moe and Larry yank out the tire irons out of Curly’s neckline]
CURLY: Oh oh! My fingers are caught. Get me out.
[Moe and Larry yank out Curly’s fingers with the tire irons]
MOE: Hup.
[Moe and Larry pull out Curly’s fingers and they both hit themselves in the face]
MOE: Oh!!
MOE: [looking angry] We’ll have to start over again! Come on. Where’s the hammer?
LARRY: Wait a minute! You wanna kill him?
CURLY: Why don’t you mind your own business? Go ahead Moe!
MOE: Ok, kid!
[Moe grabs the hammer]
MOE: I’ll just give you one tap to loosen it.
CURLY: What? The sweater?
MOE: No, the head.
CURLY: Oh, I get the--- Nyahhhh ah!
[Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer]
MOE: Hold still [Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer]
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: Did it move?
[Curly feels his teeth. Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer again]
CURLY: Oh! Oh! Oh! Hmm.
MOE: Hold still. [Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer]
CURLY: Oh! Hehehe.
[Moe continues to bang on Curly’s head with the hammer]
MOE: [as he’s banging] Move it to the left a little way.
CURLY: Oh! Oh! [Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer] Oh!
LARRY: A little further. That’s it.
MOE: Alright!
LARRY: A little more leverage. That’s it.
[Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer]
CURLY: Oh! Hmm.
MOE: How’s your iron there?
LARRY: It’s alright.
MOE: Ok, now one more and it’ll be all over, I think. [Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer]
CURLY: Ohh! Don’t mind me. Don’t mind me.
MOE: Hold what you got there. Take it easy kid.
CURLY: Ok!
MOE: I got an idea.
CURLY: Ok.
MOE: Hold still. Now pry it up.
[Moe stick the tire irons in the middle of Curly’s neckline. The tire irons are now covering Curly’s face and he can’t breathe]
LARRY: Get the hammer! That a boy!
[Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer twice. We suddenly hear a rattle sound]
LARRY: Oh, it’s loose. I hear a rattle.
MOE: Wait a minute. We ain’t getting no place with this. [removes the tire irons]
[Moe grabs the bottom of Curly’s sweater and pulls it up]
MOE: Grab a hold of him. Up you go! Up!
[Moe and Larry were now able to pull out the bottom part of the sweater, but the neckline is still stuck on Curly]
MOE: Easy. Take it easy!
CURLY: Easy!
MOE: Wait a minute. Get your hand out of the way. [Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer while he’s under the sweater]
CURLY: Oh! Ow!
[Moe almost falls down but Larry catches him]
MOE: Wait a minute. [to Larry] Thanks.
CURLY: Oh ahahaha.
[Moe bangs on Curly’s head with the hammer]
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: We gotta do something.
CURLY: Hey fellas.
MOE: What?
CURLY: I’m smothering.
MOE: Do something. Quick. Hurry up!
LARRY: Oh! [grabs a pair of scissors]
MOE: That’s it. Start snipping, right through there. [Larry cuts through the sweater very slowly] Come on, come on work faster.
[As Larry cuts through the sweater, we hear a sound as if Larry poked something]
MOE: [to Larry] Wait a minute! [to Curly] Hey! Did that sweater have a pink bow?
CURLY: No!
MOE: You cut his ear off him! [bonks Larry’s head] Come on! Come on!
[Larry is cutting too slow, so Moe grabs the scissors away from Larry and he takes over]
MOE: Work faster! Give me that thing here. My goodness.
LARRY: Well, he only got two ears, ya know.
MOE: How ya doing?
[Moe is almost finished cutting the sweater off of Curly]
CURLY: Ah ta ta ta ta ta ta. Ah ta ta ta ta ta ta.
MOE: Yeah, I got it.
[Curly is now free from his sweater. However, some parts of the neckline and sleeves are still on him.]
CURLY: Oh. Thanks fellas. [looks at the sleeves, which are covering his hands] Hmm. Mittens. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. [Moe bonks Curly’s head] Oh!
[The scene ends and a new scene begins where we see the stooges driving down the street in their car. Curly is blowing a horn, while Moe drives the car and yells out to people.]
MOE: [yells] Make old pans new. Pots and pans.
[Moe stops the car and looks off-camera]
MOE: Look! Business!
CURLY: Where?
MOE: Over there!
[Moe points to a spot where we see several metal lunchboxes sitting there unattended]
MOE: Come on!
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo.
MOE: Got the tools?
LARRY: Right.
[The stooges run up to the spot]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo woo.
CURLY: Oh! A bonanza!
MOE: Stop thinking of food and get to work.
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Larry starts banging holes into the lunchboxes]
MOE: Shh. Hey! Nix nix. Jiggers.
[People start walking in]
MOE: [to the people] Fix your lunch pail for a nickel a hole.
CURLY: [to the people] Nickel a hole.
MOE: Two for a dime.
CURLY: Two for a dime.
CURLY: Three for fifteen. We’ll fix ‘em, I’ll say. A nickel a hole. Twoooo for a dime.
[Moe taps Curly in the back and Curly turns around]
CURLY: [to Moe] Fix your pan mister. [realizes it’s Moe and gets scared] Nyah ah ah ah.
[Moe grabs Curly’s nose and bangs on it]
CURLY: Ahhh!
[Curly falls on one of the person’s lap]
CURLY: [to the person] Two for a nickel and three for a dime. [The person pushes him]
MOE: [to Curly] Oh you imbecile. [to one of the men] Fix your lunch pail buddy?
MAN: Nah, there’s nothing wrong with it.
MOE: That’s what you think.
[The man picks up his lunchbox and it starts leaking]
MAN: Hey, what is this?
MOE: Just as I suspected. A leak. Fix it up for a nickel?
[We suddenly hear Larry bang more holes into the other lunchboxes. The people see Larry]
STOOGES: Nyah ah ah!
[The stooges run away]
MAN: Hey, come back here you!
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.
[The stooges run up to the front of a construction area. In the front is a sign that says “Apex Construction Co. Employment Office”]
LARRY: In there. [points to the construction area]
[The stooges run inside]
MANAGER: That’s all for today.
[The camera cuts to inside the construction area. A bunch of men are standing there to apply for the riveting job]
MANAGER: How many of your guys are riveters?
[The stooges push their way through the men]
STOOGES: Here we are?
MOE: At you service buddy!
CURLY: Three of the best riveters that ever riveted.
MANAGER: Ok, we pay you one dollar an hour.
MOE: Pal, you just hired yourself three good men.
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Where do we start?
MANAGER: On the ninety-seventh floor.
CURLY: Ninety-seventh floor? [looks up and faints] Eeeh! Eeeh! Eeeh! Eeeeh!
CURLY: [while on the floor] Ninety-seven! Ninety-seven!
LARRY: What’s the matter?
CURLY: I can’t stand height.
MOE: Was your mother frightened by something?
CURLY: Yeah, by me.
[Moe slaps Curly’s head]
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: Come on! Get up! [pulls Curly’s ear]
CURLY: Eeeeh! Ah ah ah ah!
[The scene transitions into a new scene where the stooges are getting ready to be raised up onto the 97th floor]
MANAGER: Come on, shake a leg you guys.
MOE: Ok. Coming right up there!
MANAGER: Hop on that girder and get up to work.
[The stooges get up on the girder]
MOE: Hurry up, lamebrain. [to Curly who is wearing a parachute] Hey! What’s that thing?
CURLY: In case we gotta bail out.
[The girder starts moving up]
STOOGES: Ohh!
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo. Hey Moe!
[Curly taps Moe and Moe almost falls off the girder]
MOE: Ohhhh! [to Curly] Don’t ever do that ya dummy! You got us into this. Three of the best riveters that ever riveted!!! Why didn’t you tell him you were a groundhog?
CURLY: Listen, you laugh when you say that!
MOE: Ha ha ha ha! [slaps Curly]
[Curly almost falls]
CURLY: Ohhh!
STOOGES: Oh!
[The girder finally reaches the 97th floor]
CURLY: Hey fellas, this is where we get off.
MOE: Ok, why don’t they stop it?
CURLY: Woo woo woo.
[The stooges get off the girder and step onto the platform. Curly looks down and gets scared]
CURLY: Nyah ah ah ah ah.
MOE: Come on. Let’s get to work.
CURLY: I can’t. Every time I look down, I get dizzy.
LARRY: Well, don’t look down.
CURLY: I can’t help it. I belong down there.
MOE: I’ll fix that. Turn around.
[Moe blindfolds Curly]
MOE: There we are!
CURLY: Gee, thanks I can’t see a thing.
MOE: Alright, follow me.
CURLY: Ok. [Curly bumps into a girder] Oh! Hmmm. [Curly turns around and bumps into another girder] Oh! I’m surrounded. Hmm.
[Curly walks around the girder still blindfolded. He walks towards the end of the platform and, with his foot, he feels the edge and thinks it’s a step]
CURLY: Hey fellas! How far is this first step?
MOE: Only ninety-seven stories!
CURLY: Ninety-seven stories?
[Curly removes his blindfold and sees that he’s on the end of the platform]
CURLY: Nyah ah ah ah!
[Curly walks up to Moe]
CURLY: Hey, did you see where I almost went?
MOE: I know where you ought to go. Come on, stop playing and get this thing off of ya. [takes the parachute off of Curly] What’s the matter with you?
CURLY: Careful now.
MOE: Let me get up. Why you---
[Larry cooks some sausages on the grill]
LARRY: A hot one medium rare. [throws it to Curly]
[Curly catches it with a small pot and gets ready to eat it]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
MOE: Hey!
CURLY: I was just gonna try it.
[Curly gives the sausage to Moe]
MOE: No mustard.
[Larry is still cooking more sausages but the manager sees him. Larry sees the manager and quickly exchanges the sausage with a rivet.]
LARRY: Rivets. A hot one comin’ up. [throws a rivet to Curly]
[Curly catches the rivet with his bun thinking it’s a sausage. He starts eating it. Curly is making a lot of noise while eating the rivet. Moe looks at him, but Curly just looks back and continues eating. More noise comes out of Curly as he eats the rivet]
MOE: Hey! What are you eating?
CURLY: A weenie but it’s kinda tough. How’s yours?
MOE: Mine’s alright.
[Moe opens up Curly’s bun and sees the rivet]
MOE: That’s a rivet!
CURLY: Oh! [Moe takes the rivet and throws it on Curly’s head] Ow!
MOE: Why!
[Moe tries to eyepoke Curly, but he blocks it. So, Moe uses his index finger on both hands to eyepoke him]
CURLY: Ohh!
MANAGER: [to Moe and Curly] Hey! It isn’t lunch time. Get back to work.
[Moe and Curly take their food, put it in their pockets and quickly go to work]
MANAGER: [to Larry] Anymore stalling and I’ll throw you off the building.
LARRY: Yes sir!
LARRY: [throws a rivet to Moe] Hot stuff coming up!
[Moe catches the rivet with a pot and put the rivet into the girder]
MOE: A hot one!
CURLY: A hot one!
MOE: Bucker up!
CURLY: Bucker up!
[Curly places his bucking bar on one side of the girder while Moe bucks the rivet with the rivet gun on the other side. Moe starts the rivet gun. Curly’s bucking bar flies off and hits the manager on the head]
CURLY: Hey hey!
MOE: [stops the rivet gun] What’s the matter?
CURLY: I lost my buckaroo.
MOE: Well, why don’t you hang onto it?
CURLY: You knocked it out of my hand. Hmm!
[Curly bends down to pick up something and Moe bucks Curly’s rear with the gun]
CURLY: Ohhh! Wait a minute! What do I look like, a rivet?
MOE: How do you feel?
CURLY: Like a rivet. Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Curly takes his hand and moves it back and forth in front of Moe’s face. As Moe follow Curly’s hand. Curly bonks him on the head]
MOE: Oh!
[Moe bucks Curly’s stomach with the gun]
CURLY: Oh ah ah ah! Don’t do that.
MOE: Go on! Get another bucker-upper!
CURLY: Ruff!
[Larry grills another rivet and throws it to Moe]
LARRY: Get ‘em while they’re hot.
[Moe catches the rivet with the pot and places the rivet into the girder]
MOE: Bucker up!
CURLY: Bucker up!
[Curly is now wearing a special bucking bar on his head. He places his head over the tail of the rivet on the other side of the girder]
CURLY: Give her the gas.
[Moe starts the rivet gun and Curly removes his head from girder. Curly’s head vibrates. Moe sees him]
MOE: Hey! Bucker up, I said.
[Curly snaps his fingers]
CURLY: Bucker up. [places his head against the girder] Give her the gas!
[Moe starts the rivet gun. While Curly’s head is on the girder, he accidentally knocks over a pail of grease with his foot. The grease spills all over the place and now the platform is slippery. While Moe is bucking the rivet, Curly slips all the way to edge of the platform]
CURLY: Hmm. Hmm.
[Curly walks back up to where Moe is bucking and he places his head on the girder again. Curly slips all the way to the edge again]
CURLY: Hmm! [walks back to up to where Moe is bucking and he barks on the girder] Ruff! Ruff! Hmmm!
[Curly places his head on the girder and he slips all the way to the edge again]
CURLY: Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. [walks back to up to where Moe is bucking and he barks on the girder] Ruff! Hmm! Hmm!
[Curly places his head on the girder and he slips all the way to the edge and falls]
CURLY: Whoa!!! [Curly lands on the grill] Yah ah ah ah ah ah!! Ahh! Ahh! Yah ah! Yah ah!
[Curly gets up off the grill and he sits on a big pail of water]
CURLY: Ah! Ah! Ah!
[The scene dissolves into a different part of the construction site. A workman, Mr. Blake and the manager are looking around to check out the construction work that the stooges have done.]
WORKMAN: We put three new riveters on this section Mr. Blake.
BLAKE: How are they working out?
WORKMAN: Haven’t checked on them yet.
BLAKE: Well, it looks like good solid construction. You know, you fellas--- [leans on the construction and it collapses]
BLAKE: Oh! [The workman catches Blake] Solid construction eh? Where are those three new men?
MANAGER: Why, they’ve been working up above there. They--- [points up and we see the terrible construction job that the stooges did]
[Cut to Moe and Curly. Curly is wearing his parachute again and he is pacing back and forth. Moe gives Curly an angry look. Curly turns around and sees Moe]
CURLY: Ah!
MOE: Where you been and what do you got this thing on again for? [points to the parachute]
CURLY: I was downstairs. Did you see where I landed?
[Cut to Blake, the workman, and the manager]
BLAKE: What do you mean by hiring men like them?
[Cut to Larry who is cooking the rivets on the grill]
LARRY: A hot one right off the griddle! [throws the rivet to Moe and Curly]
[Curly catches the rivet with his bare hands]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo [quickly throws the rivet to Moe]
[Moe catches the rivet with his bare hands]
MOE: Ehhh!
[Moe drops the rivet and it falls into Mr. Blake’s shirt]
BLAKE: Ahh! Ahhh! Ohhh! Ohh! Ohh! I’m on fire!
[Cut to the stooges]
MOE: You dummy! [bonks Curly’s head]
CURLY: Oh! [looks down] Hey, throw that rivet back up.
[Cut to Blake, the workman, and the manager]
BLAKE: Get those men off of this building.
MANAGER: Yes sir!
BLAKE: Go on! Hurry up!
[Cut to the stooges]
CURLY: I think he means us.
MOE: I’m sure he does.
[The workman and manager go after the stooges]
MOE: Come on! I hope that parachute works.
[The stooges jump off the 97th floor]
STOOGES: Ohhh!
[The stooges are now falling 97 stories]
MOE: Open the parachute!
CURLY: How?
MOE: Pull the cord.
CURLY: What cord?
MOE: That one hanging there. [points to a string sticking out of Curly’s shirt]
CURLY: Oh! [pulls the string and no parachute comes out] Nothing happened.
MOE: It will. [hits Curly in the stomach]
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: Pull the other cord, the one with the ring on it here.
CURLY: You mean this? [pulls the rings]
[The parachute opens and the stooges slowly land into their car.]
STOOGES: Ahhh!
[The parachute covers their car and the stooges drive away. Since the parachute is covering the car, the stooges can’t see a thing. They still continue driving though.]
CURLY: Help me get out! Help me get out!
[The stooges continue driving through the streets while the car is covered and they crash. The scene ends.]
--THE END--
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