Any Similarity to Persons Living or Dead Is Purely Coincidental (An Anthology of Comic Art, 1979 - 1985)
This website is made possible, in part, by displaying a few online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Transcribed By: Stooge
Date Added: 2008-08-07
CASH AND CARRY
[ The short opens with the Stooges riding down the street in an old, broken-down car. Larry is driving, Moe is in the passenger’s seat and Curly’s on the back of the car with a donkey next to him. Curly is feeding himself and the donkey a snack. ]
LARRY: I’m through with prospecting forever!
MOE: Me, too. We’ve been diggin’ for six months, and all I got is blisters.
CURLY: I’m still gettin’ blisters! [ lifts his foot up off the ground ]
[ A tire on the car pops loudly and hisses ]
MOE: There goes our last tire!
CURLY: We oughta trade this car in next year.
LARRY: Yeah. I hope it’ll last till we get home.
MOE: [ gleefully ] Home sweet home! I can hardly wait!
LARRY: [ looking around ] Gee, the old neighborhood still looks the same!
CURLY: [ pointing ] Hey! There’s our house! Turn in quick!
[ The car drives up to the Stooges’ home… the City Dump ]
[ The car stops next to a pile of junk and the engine makes a loud backfiring noise as Larry turns the ignition off ]
CURLY: [ to the donkey ] We made it! Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!
[ The Stooges get out of the car ]
MOE: Bring the key - the car ain’t insured!
[ Larry brings the key with him ]
MOE: Got the key?
LARRY: Yeah. [ puts the key in his pocket ]
MOE: Good.
[ The Stooges look over at the outside of their shack in the middle of the city dump, and realize that somebody else moved in ]
MOE: How do ya like that? Somebody livin’ in our house!
CURLY: Let’s throw ‘em out! Come on!
[ The Stooges each grab a digging tool, then barge inside of the shack. A little boy named Jimmy is sitting at a table, doing his homework. He gets startled as the Stooges walk over to him. ]
MOE: What’s the idea of movin’ into our apartment?
LARRY: Come on, beat it!
JIMMY: I’m sorry, mister. Sis and I didn’t know anyone lived here, so we just moved in. But we’ll get out right away.
[ Jimmy stands up. The Stooges are surprised to see his right leg in a metal brace and him using a crutch to walk. ]
CURLY: Hey! Where’s your father?
JIMMY: We ain’t got no father. Just sis and I.
MOE: Wait a minute, son. We made a mistake. This ain’t our house. We didn’t have any curtains!
[ Curly and Larry look at each other and shake their heads ]
MOE: Go on - sit down and do your homework.
JIMMY: Oh, thank you. [ walks back over to the table ]
MOE: Take it easy.
[ The Stooges help Jimmy sit back down ]
MOE: There we are!
[ Jimmy continues doing his homework, then looks at the Stooges ]
JIMMY: I’m stuck. How much is six and six?
[ Curly and Larry slowly try to sneak away ]
MOE: Well… [ to Curly and Larry ] Hey! You help ‘im!
[ Moe walks away, followed by Larry ]
CURLY: Six and six?
JIMMY: Uh-huh.
CURLY: Don’t tell me. [ pauses ] Two sixes… [ pauses ] Hmm! Boxcars!!
JIMMY: Boxcars?
CURLY: Yeah! Looks like two lumps of sugar with smallpox! You throw it up--
MOE: Hey, wait a minute! What are you tryin’ to learn the kid? Come on, we got places to go! Get goin’!
[ The Stooges leave and Larry waves goodbye to Jimmy ]
[ Outside the shack, Curly walks over to the donkey, who’s seated on the ground ]
CURLY: Come on, Clementine.
[ Curly pulls the donkey’s leash and tries to walk away, but the donkey continues sitting ]
CURLY: Hmm!
[ Curly tries several more times to pull the donkey’s leash ]
CURLY: Hmm!!
[ Moe angrily walks over to Curly ]
MOE: What’s the matter witchoo?!
CURLY: [ pointing at the donkey ] It’s him! He’s on a sit-down strike!
MOE: We gotta get some tires! [ slaps Curly’s hand ]
CURLY: Tires? Where?
MOE: Right here where we got the car!
CURLY: Oh--
[ Moe grabs Curly by the ear and drags him away ]
CURLY: Oww! Ooh!
[ Moe spots a tire stuck in the middle of a pile of cans ]
MOE: There’s one. Get it out! [ walks away ]
CURLY: Hmmm!
[ Curly grabs hold of the tire and tries to pick it up, but it’s stuck in between the cans. He pulls several more times, but the tire won’t budge. ]
CURLY: Hmmm!!
[ Curly pulls the tire so hard, he falls backwards on the floor ]
CURLY: Oh, stubborn, eh?
[ Curly takes a stick and whacks it into the tire, but the stick bounces back and bops Curly on the head ]
CURLY: So you wanna strike back?!
[ Curly whacks the stick into the tire again right as Moe walks behind Curly. The stick bounces back far and bops Moe on the head. ]
MOE: OH!!
[ Moe picks up a can as Curly runs away in fear. Moe chases Curly with the can. ]
CURLY: WOO-WOO! It attacked me!
[ Curly trips over a box and falls on the ground ]
CURLY: OH!
MOE: I’ll attack you!
[ Moe is about to throw the can at Curly, but he hears something rattling inside of it. Larry and Curly walk closer over to him. ]
LARRY: What’d ya find?
CURLY: Look!
[ Moe pulls dollar bills out of the can ]
MOE: Oh, boy! Real money!
CURLY: I didn’t know they put money up in cans.
MOE: Well, they don’t!
[ Curly looks closer at the can label, which says “CANNED CORN” ]
CURLY: Sure, see? “Canned Coin”!
[ Moe looks angrily at Curly ]
LARRY: Why are we prospectin’ up the hills when there’s a goldmine right in our own backyard?
CURLY: Soitenly! What are we waitin’ for?
MOE: We’ll start right here! Come on!
[ The Stooges each begin searching through a pile of cans for money ]
[ Curly digs his hand inside a thin box, then his hand gets stuck ]
CURLY: Hmmm! Hmmm!!
[ Curly smacks the box on his head a few times, then finally pulls his hand out. He pulls out a small can from inside the box and opens the can, only to find that it’s empty. ]
CURLY: Hmmm!
[ Curly throws the can down, and sees a large gasoline jug next to him. He picks it up and looks down the jug opening. Then he holds the jug upside down in the air over his face to get a better look inside of it, but gasoline spills out all over his face. ]
CURLY: Hmmm!! [ wipes his face ]
[ Jimmy and his older sister are walking near the Stooges around the city dump. The sister has money in her hand. ]
SISTER: See, Jimmy?
JIMMY: Gee, sis, won’t be long before that thing’s full.
SISTER: I know!
[ The sister crouches near the pile of cans with the tire sticking out of it and searches for their can of money, but she can’t find it ]
SISTER: Oh, Jimmy, the money!
JIMMY: What?!
SISTER: It’s gone!
[ Jimmy and his sister frantically search through the cans, throwing several cans in the air during the process. The cans fly over to the Stooges and several hit Moe on the head. ]
MOE: [ to Larry ] What’s the idea of hittin’ me with tin cans?! [ hits Larry’s head with a can ]
LARRY: OUCH! I didn’t do it!
MOE: [ to Curly ] Did you?
[ Curly shakes his head no. Suddenly, more cans fly from off-camera and hit the Stooges on the head. ]
CURLY: Oh!
[ The Stooges angrily walk over to see where the thrown cans are coming from, and notice Jimmy and his sister ]
MOE: Hey! What are you doin’ here? This is our claim!
SISTER: Oh, we didn’t mean to disturb anything, but we had $62 hidden in a tin can, and now it’s gone.
JIMMY: The money we were savin’ for my leg operation.
[ The Stooges look at Jimmy’s leg brace again ]
SISTER: You see, if we could get Jimmy’s leg fixed up, then he could walk like other boys.
[ Moe starts to feel emotional and wipes his nose with a handkerchief ]
[ Curly elbows Moe and shows him the “Canned Corn” can with the money inside. Moe takes the can and hands it to the sister. ]
MOE: There’s your money, lady. We didn’t know.
SISTER: Oh, gee, thanks! [ to Jimmy ] Look, Jimmy! [ to the Stooges ] Oh, you don’t know what this means to us.
MOE: When are you gonna have the operation done?
SISTER: As soon as we get $500.
CURLY: $500? Hmm, that’s almost a million!
MOE: What do you leave your money layin’ around in cans for? Why don’cha put it in a bank?
JIMMY: Well, the bank gave it back to us.
CURLY: Oh, sure. They didn’t used to, but now they do!
LARRY: And when you take it out, they give you some more! I had a dollar once--
MOE: That’s enough! [ to the sister ] We’ll put the money in a bank for ya, lady. And then all ya have to do is wait until it grows to 500.
SISTER: Oh, gee, thank you very much. [ hands Moe the can ]
MOE: [ to Curly ] Come on, general, we got bankin’ to do!
[ The Stooges walk over to their car ]
MOE: [ to Curly ] Give it a twist!
[ Moe and Larry get inside the car, while Curly goes up to the front of the car and turns the car crank around a few times ]
CURLY: Contact!
MOE: Switch on!
LARRY: Switch on!
[ Curly continues cranking the car, until the motor suddenly explodes right out the hood and flies up in the air above Curly ]
MOE: Get under it! Grab that motor!
CURLY: I’ll get it, don’t worry!
[ Curly stands under the falling motor and holds his arms open to catch it. Instead, the motor falls right in front of Curly and crashes through the ground. ]
CURLY: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
[ Curly crouches on the ground and looks down the hole where the motor is. Moe and Larry get out of the car and walk behind Curly. ]
MOE: Why didn’t ya catch it?!
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins with the Stooges entering a bank and walking past a man, who looks over at them. The Stooges walk up to a teller booth and Moe places the can of money in front of the teller. ]
MOE: There’s 62 bucks there. How long do we have to wait before it’s close to 500?
BANK TELLER: $62?
MOE: Yes, sir?
[ The teller examines a paper next to him ]
BANK TELLER: That’ll take you 104 years, 6 months, and 17 days.
[ The Stooges look at each other in surprise ]
MOE: Oh, we can’t wait that long!
CURLY: Why not? Time marches on!
[ Moe and Larry look at Curly angrily ]
[ Meanwhile, a con man walks up to the man who the Stooges passed by a few seconds earlier ]
CON MAN #1: That guy won’t cash this check.
CON MAN #2: Never mind. [ looks at the Stooges ] I think I see some easy money.
CON MAN #1: Right. Let’s give ‘em the business.
MOE: [ to the teller ] We can’t do business with you!
LARRY: Let’s try another bank.
MOE: Sure.
CURLY: Hmm!
[ The Stooges head towards the door ]
MOE: How do ya like--
[ The con men stop the Stooges ]
CON MAN #2: Pardon me, gentlemen. How would you like to get in on a deal where you could make thousands?
CURLY: That ain’t enough - we gotta make $500!
[ Moe steps forward towards Curly with a mean expression and scares him ]
MOE: [ to Con Man #2 ] Go on, stranger. You strangely interest me.
CON MAN #2: Now, I have a house--
MOE: Yes, sir?
[ Con Man #2 takes out a cigar and puts it in Moe’s mouth, to Moe’s confusion ]
CON MAN #2: And I know that you--
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins with the Stooges driving in their car, with Curly and the two con men in the backseat. The car stops in front of a house. ]
CON MAN #2: This is the house I was tellin’ you about, boys. There’s a treasure that was buried by Captain Kidd’s kid.
CURLY: No kiddin’?
CON MAN #1: That’s right.
MOE AND CURLY: Oh, boy!
[ The Stooges exit the car ]
CON MAN #2: Just a minute!!
[ The Stooges stop ]
CON MAN #2: It’ll cost you $200 for the privilege of diggin’ it up.
CURLY: 200?
CON MAN #1: 200 or nothin’.
CURLY: Oh, we’ll take it for nothin’!
CON MAN #1: Yeh-- [ does a double take ]
MOE: Now we got $62 here. How will that do?
CON MAN #1: Throw in the car and it’s a deal.
CURLY: That money belongs to the boy!
MOE: I know, but we’re investin’ it for him, ain’t we?
CURLY: Oh, yeah!
MOE: It’s a deal!
[ Moe hands the con men the can of money ]
MOE: [ to Curly ] Get the tools! Go ahead!
[ As Curly picks up the Stooges’ digging tools, the con men move up to the front seat of their new car ]
MOE: Say - how will we know where to dig?
CON MAN #1: Oh, uh… Why, uh…
CON MAN #2: Give him the map!
CON MAN #1: Oh, yes! I almost forgot! [ hands Moe a map from his pocket ] Here. Follow that map and ya can’t go wrong.
MOE: Thanks!
CON MAN #1: You’re welcome.
[ The con men drive away ]
CON MAN #1: So long, chumps!!
[ Moe and Larry wave goodbye ]
CURLY: Chumps? Ha ha! He don’t even know our names!
MOE: Come on, we gotta get that 500 for the kid.
CURLY: Come on!
[ Curly turns around and accidentally whacks the tools in his hand into Larry’s face ]
LARRY: OHHHH!!! OHH!
[ Curly looks around nervously, then the Stooges walk towards the entrance of the house ]
[ The scene goes over to the Stooges entering the inside of the empty house ]
CURLY: Hey, somebody beat us to the furniture!
MOE: Let the finance company worry about that.
LARRY: Hey, where do we start?
MOE: Right here. Give me the tools!
[ Curly drops the various tools on Moe’s foot ]
MOE: [ hopping ] OWWWW!! OHHH-OHHH!!! OOWWWOOOO!!!
LARRY: Come on, stop dancin’! We got work to do! Where’s the map?
MOE: Right here! [ pulls out the map ]
[ The Stooges look at the map. Around the middle of the map, there’s a big circle drawn by a marker around the area where it says “Walla Walla”, with a big “X” also drawn on next to it. ]
MOE:
CURLY: I got it! X marks the spot where the treasure is buried. It’s in the Walla!
MOE: But there’s two Wallas!
CURLY: Soitenly! [ points to a wall ] There’s a Walla… [ points to another wall ] and there’s a Walla over there!
LARRY: Which one’s it buried in?
MOE: It don’t make any difference. We’ll each take a Walla. Come on!
[ The Stooges simultaneously bend forward to pick up a tool, but end up bumping heads together ]
ALL STOOGES: OOH!
[ The Stooges stand back up ]
MOE: One at a time.
[ The Stooges bend forward and bump their heads into each other again ]
ALL STOOGES: OOH!
[ Larry quickly grabs a shovel, Moe takes a pick, and Curly gets a mallet ]
MOE: [ to Larry ] Stick this pick in your head in a minute…
[ The Stooges each walk away to a different part of the room. Curly goes up to one wall, while Moe walks to the other side of the same wall. Moe taps repeatedly on the wall to search for a soft spot. On the other side of the wall, Curly hears the tapping, then taps on the wall himself several times. This is followed by Moe repeating another tap on the wall. ]
CURLY: Hmm, mice!
[ Curly picks up his mallet and swings it through the wall, whacking Moe on the head and knocking him down. Curly peeks his head through the hole and sees Moe sitting angrily on the floor. Moe suddenly gets up from the floor, ready to attack Curly. ]
CURLY: [ running away ] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
[ Curly steps inside of a dark, floor-less room and falls though ]
CURLY: WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!
[ A loud thud is heard ]
[ The camera shows Curly at the bottom of the room, laying on the dirt ground. He gets up. ]
CURLY: Hmmm!
[ Larry runs up to the outside of the door ]
LARRY: Ya find anything?
CURLY: Yeah! I found that first step everyone tells ya to watch out for!
LARRY: Well, don’t lose it! [ leaves ]
[ Curly walks around in the room and notices a brick wall ]
CURLY: Hmm! [ taps on the wall ]
[ Curly gets cobwebs from above stuck over his hat. After struggling to pull them off, he looks around and notices a pillar with a giant X marked on it. ]
CURLY: NYAAH! X! Walla-walla-walla! I found it! Woo-woo-woo-woo!
[ Curly takes his mallet and begins banging it into the pillar repeatedly ]
[ Back upstairs, Moe sticks his head through the hole in the wall Curly made and looks around inside of it ]
[ Curly knocks the pillar to the side a bit and a loud crashing noise is heard above. Inside the hole in the wall upstairs where Moe is looking through, many broken pieces of wood crash down, including a large wooden bar which bangs on top of his head, causing him to get stuck inside the wall. ]
MOE: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! LARRY, HELP!! HELP!!
[ Larry rushes over to Moe ]
LARRY: What are you doin’ in there?
MOE: The building’s cavin’ in on me!
LARRY: Keep cool!
MOE: I can’t - it’s hot in here!
[ Larry grabs Moe by the legs and pulls repeatedly, causing Moe’s head to bang over and over into the wooden bar leaning on him ]
MOE: OWW!! OHH!! Take it easy!
LARRY: I’ll getcha out!
[ Larry finally pulls Moe’s head out of the hole, and they both go falling backwards and crash on the ground ]
[ Back downstairs, Curly takes out a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe sweat off his forehead with, and he unknowingly drops a gold coin from his pocket. After a few seconds, he looks down and sees the gold coin, not realizing that it’s his. ]
CURLY: Nyaaaagh! [ picks up the coin ] It’s the treasure! It’s in the ground! [ towards the door ] Hey, fellas!! I got it!! Hey, fellas! Woo-woo-woo-woo!
[ Curly grabs a pick and swings it backwards, but it gets stuck on another pillar behind him ]
CURLY: NYAAAAH! RUFF!
[ Curly yanks the pick forcefully and the pillar gets pulled down, causing the whole floor above with Moe and Larry to crash down next to Curly. Moe and Larry get up. ]
MOE: What’s the idea of pullin’ the building down?!
CURLY: I found part of the treasure! [ shows the gold coin ] See?
MOE: Where?
CURLY: [ points to the ground ] There!
MOE: [ pushes Curly and Larry ] Spread out!!
[ Moe and Larry anxiously begin digging through the dirt ground with their hands, throwing all the dirt into Curly’s face behind them ]
CURLY: HMMMM!! HMM-MMMM!
[ Curly turns around and begins digging through the dirt himself ]
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins with Curly standing in front of a large hole in the ground that the Stooges dug. Moe and Larry are down the hole. ]
CURLY: La lee laaaa la lee…
MOE: Get that big bucket down here!
[ Curly picks up the bucket next to him, which has a rope tied from it to his left wrist ]
MOE: Hurry up!
[ Curly drops the bucket down into the hole and we hear it make a loud crashing sound ]
MOE: OHHHOOOHH!!
CURLY: NYAAAH!
[ The camera shows Moe with the bucket stuck over his head. Larry looks up at Curly and shakes his fist threateningly towards him, then Moe pulls the bucket off. ]
MOE: I’d murder ya if I had ya down here!
CURLY: But I ain’t down there! Nyuk nyuk!
[ Moe notices the rope on the bucket which is tied to Curly’s wrist. Moe yanks down on the rope, pulling Curly down into the hole and landing on top of Moe and Larry. ]
CURLY: WHOOAAA-WHOAAA!!
MOE: What’s the big idea?
CURLY: I just dropped in!
MOE: [ kindly ] Well… if we knew you was comin’, we’d have baked a cake! [ slaps Curly ] What’s the matter with you, I’ll--
CURLY: [ sticks out tongue ] Mmmm!
[ Moe pours dirt on Curly’s tongue ]
CURLY: PFFT!
MOE: How do ya like that? Get busy!
CURLY: Aw, shut up!!
[ The Stooges all stand up, and Moe hands Curly a shovel ]
MOE: Take this shovel. Remember, we gotta get the money for the kid. Now get busy.
[ As Moe grabs a digging tool and bends forward, Larry swings his digging tool backwards and the handle hits Moe’s forehead ]
MOE: OOH!
[ Curly hits the back of Moe’s head with his tool handle ]
MOE: OH!
[ Larry swings his pick backwards, hitting the back of it on Moe’s leg ]
MOE: OWW!!
[ Larry swings the pick back again, hitting it on Moe’s lower back this time ]
MOE: OWWWW!!!
[ Moe looks at Curly, who’s spitting on his hands to get a better grip on his digging tool. Moe takes his own tool handle and whacks it on Curly’s head. ]
MOE: Why--!!
CURLY: OOH!
[ Curly gives Moe an angry look at first, then after a few seconds, he changes his expression to a nervous smile and continues digging ]
[ Larry pulls his digging tool back really fast, causing the handle to get stuck in Moe’s eye ]
MOE: OUCH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHOWWWWWWWW!!!!
[ Larry takes the handle out of Moe’s eye ]
MOE: [ pointing to his eye ] What’s that?
LARRY: That’s an eye.
MOE: Yeah - an eye for an eye! [ eyepokes Larry ] Get out!!
CURLY: And a tooth for a tooth?
MOE: Certainly! [ slaps Curly ] Get away from here! Now get busy.
[ Larry swings his tool handle into Moe’s face ]
MOE: OOH!
[ Curly swings his tool handle into the back of Moe’s head ]
MOE: UGH! [ looks around ] What’s goin’ on here?
[ The metal side of Larry’s shovel hits Moe in the jaw ]
MOE: OOOHHH!! [ pauses ] The idea is to get the dirt out of the hole! Now get shovelin’!
[ The Stooges each begin digging and tossing the dirt in the air with their shovels, but the dirt keeps falling back down on them ]
MOE: Wait a minute! We gotta dig a hole to put that dirt into. [ to Larry ] Get your pick. [ hands Curly a pick ] Here’s one for you. [ picks up a shovel ] Now, we’ll start right there.
[ The Stooges begin digging their tools into a dirt wall in front of them. Suddenly, a hard clanging sound is heard when their tools go through the dirt. ]
CURLY: Look! Another Walla!
[ Moe puts his face closer to the hard wall behind the dirt ]
MOE: A concrete one. Now we gotta blast. Get a chisel and mallet.
[ Curly picks up both a chisel and mallet, and hands the chisel to Moe ]
CURLY: [ to Larry ] Hey, look out! You wanna get hurt?
MOE: Get over there.
[ Larry walks over to Curly and stands to the left of him. Moe holds the chisel up to the concrete wall. Curly picks up his mallet and holds it like a golf club. ]
CURLY: Fore!!
[ Curly swings his mallet backwards and whacks Larry in the head, then swings the mallet forwards and whacks Moe in the chest ]
MOE: OHH!!
[ Curly nervously pats Moe on the head ]
MOE: Remind me to kill you later!
CURLY: I’ll make a note of it! [ digs around his pockets ] I ain’t got a pencil!
MOE: Well, I changed my mind - I’m gonna do it now! [ gives a double-fisted punch to Curly twice ]
CURLY: OOH!! OOH!!
MOE: Grab that chisel, chisler!
[ Curly slowly walks over to the concrete wall and Moe bops him on the head ]
CURLY: Ooh!
MOE: I’ll do the whackin’ around here!
[ Larry fearfully moves out of the way so he won’t get hit by the mallet again ]
MOE: [ to Curly ] Put it up there!
[ Curly holds the chisel up to the concrete wall. Moe begins repeatedly whacking the mallet into the chisel. ]
[ The camera cuts over to the inside of a room marked “VAULT 3 - U.S. TREASURY”. The vault is filled with shelves and tables of dollar bills, money sacks, and gold bars. Two guards enter the vault and Guard #1 picks up something. The hammering sounds from the Stooges are heard loudly in the background. ]
GUARD #1: Hey, what’s that noise?
GUARD #2: Oh, that’s from next door. Some guy’s rebuilding a house.
GUARD #1: Oh!
[ The two guards exit the vault ]
[ Back to the Stooges, Curly lets go of the chisel while Moe’s still hammering it, and the chisel slides through the hole hammered into the wall. ]
CURLY: It’s through!
MOE: Alright, get the dynamite.
CURLY: Oh, boy, I like firecrackers! ZZZZZ FFFT AHHH!
MOE: Hurry up!
[ Curly goes over and picks up several sticks of dynamite tied to each other ]
CURLY: Ha ha ha ha ha!
[ While Curly is walking back, he trips over something and falls down, but Moe catches him and prevents him from nearly slamming the dynamite into the ground ]
CURLY: OOH!!
MOE: What’s the matter witchoo, you wanna blow us all up? [ hits Curly’s head with the dynamite ]
CURLY: OOH!
[ Moe sticks the dynamite into the hole in the hard wall ]
MOE: [ to Larry ] Light ‘er up!
[ Larry lights the dynamite fuse with a match ]
CURLY: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
MOE: Hey, we’d better get outta here!
LARRY: Yeah.
[ The Stooges quickly back away from the dynamite and frantically try to find a way out of the hole they dug themselves into ]
CURLY: Woo-woo-woo!
LARRY: How you gonna get--
[ Curly falls down and his face lands right next to the lit dynamite ]
CURLY: NYAAAAAAHH!
LARRY: Where’s the rope?!!
[ Larry stands on top of Curly’s head and unsuccessfully tries to boost himself out of the hole ]
CURLY: HEY! HEY!
LARRY: Let me out!
MOE: Outta my way!
CURLY: [ leaning on Moe’s back ] WOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUGGHHH!!
MOE: Get off of me!
[ The Stooges quickly dig small holes into the ground with their hands and they stick their heads into it ]
[ The dynamite explodes. After the smoke clears, we see the Stooges covered in dirt and a huge hole in the concrete wall. ]
CURLY: [ shaking the dirt off him ] HMMMM!!
LARRY: [ points to the hole ] Look, it’s open!
CURLY: Another room!
MOE: Come on!
[ The Stooges step through the hole in the concrete wall and are inside Vault 3 of the U.S. Treasury. The Stooges look around at all the dollar bills, money bags, and gold bars in disbelief. ]
CURLY: WOO-WOO! NYUUUH!
MOE: The treasure! We found it!
LARRY: Now Jimmy can get his operation!
CURLY: There’s enough here for all of us to have an operation!
MOE: Yaaay!
[ The Stooges spread out and each begin taking money ]
[ In another part of the treasury building, a bell starts ringing loudly and on the wall, a bulb lights up above a label which says “VAULT NO. 3”. Many guards quickly run up to a stack of rifles and each pick up one. ]
GUARD CAPTAIN: It’s Vault 3!!!
[ The captain and guards begin rushing towards the vault ]
[ Back in the vault, the Stooges are packing the money. Curly is stuffing all the gold bars into a sack, when he accidentally drops the sack on his foot. ]
CURLY: OOOHH! OOOH-HOO-HOO!! [ a beat ] But I don’t care! Ha ha ha! [ continues stuffing the sack ]
[ Moe is holding a stack of dollar bills up to his ears and he flips his finger through the bills, which makes a sharp rasping sound ]
MOE: Just right! $500! The rest is profit! [ continues taking more money ]
[ Larry stuffs his pants pockets to the max with several gold bars. When he reaches over for more, his pants fall down to the floor. After he notices, he quickly pulls his pants back up with an embarrassed expression. ]
[ Curly is almost finished stuffing the sack with gold bars ]
CURLY: HAHHH HA HA HA!! HAHHH HA HA!! I got a bag full!
[ Curly struggles to lift up the sack ]
CURLY: HMM! HMM!
[ The bottom of the sack rips and the gold bars fall through and land on the floor ]
CURLY: Hey! We better get a truck to get this outta here!
MOE: Ya dummy!!
[ The alarm bell in the treasury building continues ringing loudly ]
[ Back in the vault, Curly picks up a pile of gold bars with his hands ]
MOE: Hey! We’d better take this load out and come back for another.
[ With the money, the Stooges start heading back out the hole in the wall. Suddenly, the captain and all his guards enter the vault, pointing their rifles at the Stooges. ]
MOE: Oh, claimjumpers, eh? Well, beat it, all of ya! We were here first!
CURLY: What Walla did you come through?
GUARD CAPTAIN: “Claimjumpers”?! You’ll get life for breaking into the
MOE: Treasury?!
CURLY: It said “
GUARD CAPTAIN: Stick ‘em up!!
[ The Stooges raise their arms in the air, dropping the money in their hands onto the captain and guards’ feet ]
GUARD CAPTAIN: OHHH!! OH! [ to the guards ] GET ‘EM OUT!!!
[ The scene ends ]
[ The next scene begins with an outside shot of the White House ]
[ Inside the White House, President Roosevelt’s secretary and several politicians are standing outside the door to the Oval Office ]
SECRETARY: I’m sorry, gentlemen, but the senate subcommittee will have to wait. The president is in conference.
[ The politicians all look at each other and walk away ]
[ The secretary opens the door to the Oval Office. We see the Stooges, Jimmy, and his sister standing in front of President Roosevelt’s desk. Moe is speaking to the president. ]
MOE: Yes, sir. And when they told us the money was yours, you could’ve knocked us down with a gold bar! And that’s the whole story, Mr. President, so help me.
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT: I see. [ to Jimmy ] Well, Jimmy, I shall arrange personally for your operation.
[ Jimmy and his sister look at each other and smile ]
JIMMY: Thank you, Mr. President!
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT: [ to the Stooges ] And as for you gentlemen…
[ The Stooges get worried expressions on their faces ]
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT: In view of the extenuating circumstances, I find it possible to extend to you executive clemency.
[ Moe and Larry smile ]
CURLY: Oh, no, please, not that!
[ Moe stomps on Curly’s foot ]
CURLY: OOH!!
MOE: Mr. President means we’re free!
CURLY: No?
MOE: Yes!
CURLY: Gee, Mr. President, you’re a swell guy!
MOE: You said it!
[ The Stooges all salute and smile ]
THE END
FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We make such material available in an effort to advance awareness and understanding of the issues involved. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information please visit: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission directly from the copyright owner.
