Three Stooges, The (An Illustrated History, From Amalgamated Morons to American Icons)
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Transcribed By: Moron4392
Date Added: 2008-07-21
SHORT STARTS:
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A THERMOMETER:
(The thermometer exceeds the reading of 130 degrees).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A HUSBAND AND WIFE:
(They are fanning themselves. He is using a leaf shaped fan, and she is using her apron).
WIFE to HUSBAND: (Still fanning themselves). "We'd die with the heat before those dumb ice me get here. Yesterday, they put the ice in the radio."
(The husband and wife then exit into their home).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A HORSE AND ICE WAGON:
(The wagon reads: "Zero Ice & Coal Co. Ice with Personality, Coal with Oomph").
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE HORSE AND A SIGN:
(The horse notices a sign posted on a fence post that reads: "Zero Ice & Coal Co.").
(Moe, Larry, and Curly are fast asleep in the back of the wagon. The horse is bobbing his head up and down ringing a bell to get the attention of the sleeping Moe, Larry, and Curly).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE BACK OF THE WAGON:
(The Stooges are still fast asleep. The horse rears up ringing the bell even louder to get the attention of the sleeping Larry, Curly, and Moe).
(Finally, the horse rears up, shakes the wagon hard, and throws Moe and Larry out of the back of the wagon and onto the street).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE:
MOE to LARRY: (Mad. Picks Larry up off the street and says). "What ya'd roll over in your sleep for.? Where's that other Chucklehead?"
(Larry with a perplexed and dumfounded look on his face. Shrugs his shoulder at Moe. Then looks around the street for Curly).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:
(Curly is sitting in the back of the wagon, betwixt two blocks of ice, and with a ice block on his head).
CURLY to MOE and LARRY: (With a cold look on his face and a worried sounding voice says). "Hey fellas, hey fellas, woo-woo-woo-woo, I'm stuck, woo-woo-woo-woo, yun-yun-yun-yun, (he then takes a small lick off of the ice block on his head). Defrost me!"
(Moe and Larry are standing there looking at Curly. Moe has his hands on his hips and a mad look on his face. Larry just has a blank look on his face).
MOE to CURLY: (With a mischievous sounding voice and a mischief look on his face says). "Oh, a frozen dainty!"
MOE to CURLY: (As both Moe and Larry are mad, run over to the back of the wagon, pulling Curly to the end saying). "Come out there, come on, come on!"
(Then Larry and Moe grab Curly by the ankles and drag him out of the wagon onto the street on his backside. He is still wearing his ice block).
CURLY to LARRY and MOE: (Cold and worried says). "Hey fellas, get me out!"
(Larry is standing by Curly with his hands on his hips and a mad look on his face).
MOE to CURLY: (Supporting a mad look on his face and shouts to him). "What are ya using ice for a pillar again?"
MOE to LARRY: (Shouting and mad. Points his thumb over his shoulder at the wagon and says). "Get, the tools."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY:
(Larry then turns around and removes an axe and a chisel from the back of the wagon).
(Larry hands Moe the axe. He is holding the chisel).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:
(Curly is still sitting on the street, (saying, woo-woo-woo-woo), wearing his ice block. Has a look of coldness on his face, and is blowing on the ice block to try and melt it).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:
(Larry is holding the chisel. Moe has the axe. Curly is sitting on the street with the ice block still on his head).
MOE to LARRY: (Refering to the chisel). "Put it in the middle!"
CURLY to LARRY and MOE: (With a scared look on his face and a scared sounding voice says). "Oh no, not that, put a hole by my nose, so I can breathe."
MOE to CURLY: "Okay!"
(Larry then takes the chisel and puts it on the ice block by Curly's nose as Moe asks Curly, "Is that okay?" CURLY: "Okay").
(Larry is holding the chisel by Curly's nose while Moe is hammering at it with the axe).
(Curly is crying out in pain, 'ow-ow-ow-ow').
(Moe then takes five whacks at the chisel by Curly's nose).
MOE to LARRY: (With a mad look on his face, when he has discovered that chopping at Curly's nose is getting no place fast). "Put it in the middle, it don't work."
(Larry is now holding the chisel in the middle of the ice block).
MOE to LARRY: "Give me that chisel."
(Moe then takes the chisel from Larry. Larry is standing there looking at Curly with a blank stare).
(Moe is now supporting both the chisel and the axe. He hits the chisel twice).
LARRY to MOE: (With a dumbfounded look on his face says to Moe). "That don't work."
MOE to LARRY: (With a determined look on his face says). "Wait a minute."
(When Moe has discovered that pounding at the chisel does not work, puts the chisel in his pocket and bangs at the ice with the axe head).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY, CURLY, AND MOE:
(Larry is holding the ice block on Curly's head while Moe whacks the ice block twice with the axe and breaks it off of Curly).
(Curly is yelping in pain, 'oooh-oooh-oooh-oooh,').
(Larry is now standing by Curly with his hands on his hips and a look of dismay on his face).
CURLY to MOE and LARRY: (Waving his hands in happiness and has a happy look on his face still sitting on the street says). "Thanks fellas, I'm chilled to the bone."
MOE to CURLY: (As he and Larry are helping him up). "Well get up here."
(Larry is standing by Curly's side. Moe is mad and still holding onto the chisel).
MOE to CURLY: (As he bonks Curly in the head with it says). "I'll warm you up!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND CURLY:
MOE to CURLY: (With the chisel in his hand and madness in his voice). "Let me tell you----."
CURLY to MOE: (As he is looking at Larry (off camera), with a happy look on his face says). "Oh, look, you bent the chisel, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk).
MOE to CURLY: (Thoroughly mad at Curly bonks him on the head with the unbent portion of the chisel says). "I'll straighten that!"
(Curly then grabs hold of his head in pain and rubs it. Then he approaches Moe and waves his hand in his face in madness).
CAMERA STILL ON CURLY AND MOE:
MOE to CURLY: (Shouting!). "Go on, deliver that ice!"
(Curly has a perplexed look on his face and waves his hand at Moe and says, 'unh-unh-unh-unh').
(Curly is now at the back of the wagon. He puts on his hat, picks up a pair of ice tongs and then the block of ice).
(As Curly is carrying the ice block, he notices ten empty milk bottles. He uses the ice block as a bowling ball and rolls it. He is waving his hand saying, 'yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah', as if he is helping the ice block to give him a strike).
(Curly after he has completed his play, and gets a strike, he says 'yeah.' He then proudly walks back to the ice wagon where there is a bowling score sheet and is saying 'n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk' as he is marking off the strike).
(Curly turns around and is singing in happiness 'La-Lee, La-Lee, La-Lee, La-Lee.' Moe then approaches Curly. When Curly notices Moe, jumps back a bit startled).
MOE to CURLY: (With a questionable look on his face says). "What are you up to now?"
CURLY to MOE; (In happiness as he points to the score sheet says). "I go a poifect score."
MOE to CURLY: (Mad as he hits Curly in the face). "No you haven't, you need another strike!"
(Curly is now totally mad at Moe, waves his hand back and forth in front of Moe saying, 'un-un-un-un,' then he hits Moe on the chin).
MOE to CURLY: (Disgustingly mad, picks up the axe to hit Curly, but Curly ducks out of the way, and Moe hits the wagon says). "Why you."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON POINDEXTER LAWRENCE, (Vernon Dent), AND THE BAKER, (Bud Jamison).
(They are standing in front of the bake shoppe, with a sign on the bottom of the door that reads: "Weber's Bakery").
BAKER to MR. LAWRENCE: (With a look of happiness and accomplishment on his face as he hands him a beautiful three tier white cake decorated in beautiful white roses and roping says). "Here you are."
MR. LAWRENCE to the BAKER: (As he happily receives the cake says). "It's a beautiful cake."
BAKER to MR. LAWRENCE: (With a look of glee on his face says). "It took me two days to make it, so becareful with it."
MR. LAWRENCE to BAKER: "S-U-R-E."
(Just as Mr. Lawrence is turning to walk away, Curly runs into him to get away from Moe. He then knocks Mr. Lawrence onto the street, where he lands face first into the beautiful cake).
(Curly noticing what had just happened, turns around running away in the other direction saying, 'enh-enh-enh-enh').
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE BAKER AND MR. LAWRENCE:
(Mr. Lawrence is now raising his face that is covered with cake, and the baker is standing behind him with a hurt look on his face. Mr. Lawrence is cleaning the cake off of his face).
BAKER to MR. LAWRENCE: (Waving his hands in hurt and has a hurtful sounding voice said). "I told you to be careful!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES, THE HORSE, AND THE ICE WAGON:
(Lady/wife is in the background, waving a handkerchief, and standing outside at the top of the five flights of stairs, shouting through he bull horn to Larry, Curly, and Moe who have dumbfounded looks on their faces).
LADY/WIFE to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY: "Yoo-hoo, ice man, ice man, bring me up ten cents worth of ice and make it snappy!"
(The Stooges are trying not to have to complete the delivery).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE HORSE AND CURLY SITTING IN THE WAGON:
CURLY to the HORSE: "Giddie-up!"
(The horse refuses to move, trying to tell them that they need to complete their delivery).
(Larry, Curly, and Moe all with looks of wonderment on their faces).
CURLY to the HORSE: (Shaking the horses reins hard and yelling). "Giddie-up."
(Once again, the horse refuses to move).
(Moe, Larry, and Curly are now getting off of the wagon).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES AT THE BACK OF WAGON:
MOE to LARRY and CURLY: (In general discussion, as they are getting off the wagon). "Go on, getting going, come on."
(Larry, Curly, and Moe are now off the wagon and are behind it. Moe is chopping off a ten cent portion of ice from a main block).
MOE to LARRY: "You get ready."
(While Moe is getting the piece of ice, Larry in turn puts Curly in his place to complete the delivery).
MOE to CURLY: (After he has chopped of the correct amount of ice, and Curly is grabbing it with ice tongs says). "Plung it!"
MOE to LARRY and CURLY: (In general discussion, and is removing his hat and wiping his forehead says). "Ten cent hunk going up."
(Curly removes the block of ice from the wagon, slings it over his shoulder and hits Moe in the head with it. Moe the staggers a bit to regain his balance).
(Larry is standing in the background behind Curly).
CURLY to MOE: (With a perplexed look on his face and in his voice said). "Hey, you almost broke the ice."
MOE to CURLY: (Now thorougly mad says). "I'll break your head."
(Moe then starts running after Curly who is saying, 'woo-woo-woo-woo,' as Curly is running up the stairs to complete the delivery).
(Curly is now running up the five flights of stairs for the delivery).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE:
(Larry is resting on the back of the wagon, and Moe is mad).
MOE to LARRY: (In a mad sounding voice says). "What are you standing around for?, get that ice cut up."
(Larry is at the back of the wagon with the axe in his hand. He raises it to chop the ice and hits Moe in the head).
(Larry turns around and puts his hand to his mout in worry, then he puts his hands on Moe's arms).
LARRY to MOE: (In an apologetic voice). "I'm sorry Moe, I didn't know you were standing there!"
MOE to LARRY (With a mad look on his face and mischief in his voice, as he is opening and shutting the ice tongs says). "Oh, that's all right kid, accidents can happen in the best of families."
(Moe then takes the ice tongs and crushes Larry's ears with them).
(Larry is standing there with a hurtful look on his face and is yelling in pain, 'ow-ow-ow, Moe, 'ow-ow-ow', as Moe is crushing his ears).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE LADY/WIFE:
(She is standing at the top of the stairs with a mad look on her face, and her hands on her waist, still holding onto the bull horn. Patiently waiting for her ice).
(Curly is now approaching the top of the stairs with what use to be the block of ice, but now has melted).
CURLY to the LADY/WIFE: (Not knowing the ice has melted, shows her the remaining portion of the ice says). "Here you are lady, where I'll put it?"
LADY/WIFE to CURLY: (About the melted ice block). "You can put that piece in your pocket."
(Curly then looks at the ice and notices that it has melted says, 'unh-unh-unh-unh,').
CURLY to MOE: (Shouting down the stairs and showing him the ice cube). "Hey, Moe, look!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE:
(They are standing behind the wagon. Larry with his hands by his side and Moe is holding the ice tongs).
MOE to LARRY: (As he is looking at Larry mischievously). "How do you like that, we forgot to allow for shrinkage."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE LADY/WIFE AND CURLY AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS:
(Curly the takes the "ice cube" from the tongs and puts it in her apron pocket).
CURLY to the LADY/WIFE: "Free sample, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk!"
(Curly after he puts the "ice cube" in her pocket runs down the stairs to the wagon).
MOE to LARRY: "We'll have to double up on the size."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES AT THE WAGON:
(Curly is now getting to the bottom of the stairs, out of breath saying). "You know I----."
(Larry and Moe are both standing there each holding a block of ice in separate tongs).
MOE to CURLY: "I know, we gotta send up two hunks, to wind up with one."
(Larry and Moe both hand Curly there blocks of ice).
MOE and LARRY to CURLY: (In unison). "Here, here."
CURLY to LARRY and MOE: "Here?"
MOE to CURLY: (As he is pointing up the stairs says). "No, up there!"
(Curly with a determined and worried look on his face, holding the two blocks of ice saying, 'unh-unh-unh-unh').
(Larry is standing by Moe and Curly is now going up the stairs with the ice).
MOE to CURLY: (In a determined sounding voice shouts). "Get going, hurry up."
(Curly is now running up the stairs as fast as he can with the ice blocks in his hand).
(As Curly is approaching the top of the stairs to the lady/wife who is waiting patiently for ice, with her hand on her waist and still holding the bull horn. With the weather being so hot the ice once again melted).
CURLY to LADY/WIFE: (Raising the "ice cubes"). "Here you are, two for one!"
(Curly noticing the melted ice once again, has a worried look on his face and says, 'unh-unh-unh-unh').
CURLY to MOE: (Shouting down the stairs again and showing Moe the 'ice cubes" in his tongs says). "Hey Moe, they defrosted!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE AT THE WAGON:
LARRY to MOE: (In a mischievous voice says). "Ice cubes."
MOE to LARRY: (Looking at him says). "Yeh, that gives me an idea, we'll relay it!"
MOE to CURLY: (Cupping his mouth with his hands says). "Hey you, wait on that fifth flight."
MOE to LARRY: (Commanding him). "You take the third flight, and don't do anything, until you see the whites of my eyes."
LARRY to MOE: (As he is approaching the third flight of stairs mumbles). "What a brain."
(Moe then turns back to the wagon and gets the block of ice).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE LADY/WIFE AND CURLY:
(The lady/wife is looking really mad at Curly who now is holding a pair of ice cubes in separate tongs).
CURLY to the LADY/WIFE: (As Curly pitches a sales pitch at her). "Lady, why don't you, get an electric ice box, does away with all your woik, worry, fuss, and bother and gives you plenty of fresh food."
LADY/WIFE to CURLY: "Say that again!"
(Curly still holding his "ice cubes", starts his sales pitch again, then he realizes what he is about to do, looks at her and barks at her loudly. She jumps back, putting her hand to her chest, still holding the bull horn, yells, 'yoa').
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY:
(Larry is approaching the third flight of stairs, waving his hand, with Moe behind him holding onto the ice, as Moe quicly passes it to Larry, and says,'hike', who in turn runs it up quickly and gives it to Curly who is running up the stairs with it, laughing, 'hee-hee-hee-hee', n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk').
(Curly has now reached his destination).
CURLY to MOE and LARRY: (Holding up the block of ice happily). "Hey, fellas, look, I made it."
(As Curly goes to show Moe and Larry that he made it, drops the ice on the ground).
(With the ice block on the ground and Curly is mad at himself for dropping it, is approached by Larry and Moe who are both mad a him).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:
(Larry is standing by Curly).
MOE to CURLY: (As he grabs Curly and gets ready to sock him in his nose says). "Why you turniphead, I outta----."
CURLY to MOE: (As he interrupts Moe with an idea says). "Wait a minute, I got and idea, let's bring the ice box down to the ice."
(Moe, Larry, and Curly are standing at the top of the stairs still mad about the ice).
MOE to CURLY: (Disgustingly mad. Slaps both Larry and Curly across their faces says to Curly). "When I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Get the ice box, go on!"
(Curly and Larry are running to get the ice box with Moe following behind them).
(Larry and Curly are standing by the ice box at the bottom of the stairs at the wagon. Moe is putting the ice in it).
CURLY to MOE: (As he is standing behind the ice box and pointing his finger at him says). "Why didn't you think of this before?"
MOE to CURLY: (As he is finishing putting the ice in the ice box). "I did!"
LARRY to CURLY and MOE: (In general discussion, and pointing his finger at Moe, and standing by the ice box says). "What a brain!"
(Moe, Curly, and Larry are picking up the ice box, after Moe has put the ice in it and supposedly closed the door).
MOE to CURLY and LARRY: (In general discussion as they are carrying the ice box up the stairs with the door bouncing open and closed with the ice sliding in and out). "Come on, get moving out of here, let's go."
QUICK CAMERA SHOT ON MR. LAWRENCE AND ANOTHER CAKE:
MR. LAWRENCE to the CABBIE: (As he is paying his fare says happily). "Thanks, I got home all right with this cake."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES AND THE ICE BOX:
(The Stooges are diligently carrying the ice box up the stairs, not knowing the door to the ice house is unlocked).
(The ice block falls out of the ice compartment, not knowingly to Moe, Larry, and Curly. The ice block falls out and goes rolling down the stairs and knocks down poor Mr. Lawrence, who once again falls flat into his second cake).
(Mr. Lawrence then sits up on the sidewalk, covered once again in cake. His hat and the crushed cake are there beside him. He sits up perterbed and dismayed, slaps his thighs, removing cake from his eyes and says. "Blah!").
(Mr. Lawrence then goes chasing Moe, Larry, and Curly up the stairs thoroughly mad at them).
(Moe, Larry, and Curly are still carrying up the ice box, (not knowing about the ice being out), take a rest break at the mid way point).
MOE to LARRY and CURLY: "Okay, rest!"
(Moe, Larry, and Curly are now at the mid way landing, wiping sweat off their faces. Moe says, 'Man, oh, man', as he spits on his hands. While Curly with a happy look on his face starts to point at something, and Larry wipes his hands on his vest).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. LAWRENCE AND THE ICE BOX:
(The ice box which is percariously perched on the landing, goes rolling down the stairs, chasing after Mr. Lawrence who is running down the stairs voiding t be hit with it shouts, 'ah-ah-ah-ah').
(The ice box then hits Mr. Lawrence, sending him crashing into the ice wagon. Hurting him, scaring the horse, and making kindling out of the ice box).
(Mr. Lawrence who is sitting under the wagon and wearing his second cake, pushes back some of the debris from the ice box, and has a look of bewilderment on his face).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE CHEF, (Gino Corrado) IN THE KITCHEN:
(The chef is complaining about the menu that he has to prepare. Moe, Larry, and Curly come running in through the kitchen door, voiding being caught by Mr. Lawrence. They hit the chef with the door on the backside, causing him to go crashing into the kitchen wall and falling onto the floor, knocking down a canister set that is on a shelf above, hitting him in the head with the sound of a xylaphone as they hit him in the head).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES:
(They are standing there laughing at the chef being hit in the head with the canister set, and Curly is saying, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk).
(The chef is now ferious at Larry, Curly, and Moe, goes over to his work table that has various different vegetables on it, a can of baking powder, and partially prepared cake on it).
CHEF to MOE, LARRY and CURLY: (Who is beyond ferious at them, picks up a butcher knife and says). "This is the last roasta."
CHEF to THE STOOGES: (As he picks up the butcher knife and starts to throw it at Moe, Larry, and Curly who are now in a total state of panic. Then he throws it and hits Curly in his hat says). "Now, before I go!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:
(Curly is leaning against some kitchen cabinets, with the knife still in his hat, and a terrified look on his face and saying, 'huff-huff-huff-huff').
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON A KETCHUP BOTTLE:
(A ketchup bottle in a cabinet over Curly's head opens up and is dripping down on Curly who is in total state of panic, thinking that he is bleeding and saying, 'unh-unh-unh-unh').
CURLY to MOE: (Still in a total state of panic and with worry in his voice and with a worried look on his face says). "Hey, Moe, Moe what does blood smell like?"
(Moe is standing by Curly, as Curly licks a bit of the "blood" off of his face).
CURLY to MOE: (After he tastes the "blood" says). "Hum, not bad, it tastes like ketchup."
(Moe then notices the open upper cabinet and the dripping ketchup bottle).
MOE to CURLY: (In a state of madness says). "It is ketchup, you Numbskull".
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE MAD CHEF:
(The mad chef is standing in front of his work table).
MAD CHEF to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY: (Picks up another butcher knife and starts chasing after them saying). "I'm gonna kill you."
(Curly, Larry, and Moe are raising their hands in motion to stop the chef from coming after them and being chased around the work table. All are now in a total state of panic).
MOE, LARRY, and CURLY to the MAD CHEF:
MOE: "Take it easy pal, now listen pal, take it easy pal, now listen up pal, wait a minute."
CURLY: "Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo."
LARRY: Just running away from the mad chef and saying nothing.
(Curly saying, 'oh-oh-oh-oh,' and he stops at the work table looking at the partially prepared cake. Moe and Larry are also looking at it. They are "deciding" what needs to be added to it. He is waving his finger at the chef while Larry and Moe are shaking their heads in dismay at the chef in regards to the cake, look at the cake to see what is "wrong" with it).
(The chef then bends over to see what is possibly wrong with his cake. Curly then looks at Moe and Larry with total mischief on his face, shakes his head, and points to the cake. Moe and Larry agree with Curly. Then The Stooges shove the chef's face into the batter, and gives him a quick face washing, and slaps him on the head).
(The chef is now raising up from the cake batter, and is super ferious at Moe, Larry, and Curly. Wipes some batter from his eyes and says, 'wa-wa-bray-bray-wa').
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE MAID, (Blanche Payson), AND MRS. LAWRENCE, (Bess Flowers).
(Mrs. Lawrence and the maid are now entering the kitchen both with looks of madness on their faces).
MRS. LAWRENCE to the CHEF: (In a total state madness says). "What's going on here, dinner is suppose to be ready, and you're out here playing a game!"
(The chef who is still covered with the cake mixture, and is outrageously mad, and shaking his hands feriously).
CHEF to MRS. LAWRENCE: (Still outrageously mad, waving his hands and shouts). "Games! madame, I quit!"
MRS. LAWRENCE to the MAD CHEF: (Both in a total stage of madness, and she has a slight cry in her voice). "Quit, you can't quit, what about my dinner?"
CHEF to MRS. LAWRENCE: (As he grabs the maid by the arm and in a super state of madness says). "Dinner, you cook it yourself, I quit and she quit too!"
(The chef and the maid are now leaving).
(Mrs. Lawrence is now crying and in a total state of panic).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MRS. LAWRENCE:
MRS. LAWRENCE: (In general discussion and waving her hands in panic and madness is saying). "What will I do, my husband's birthday, and no one to cook the dinner."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES IN FRONT OF THE WORK TABLE:
(They all have worried looks on their faces and Curly is still coated with the ketchup).
(Moe, Larry, and Curly are now approaching the sad Mrs. Lawrence, in her time of despair).
(The Stooges are in a gleeful mood).
MOE to MRS. LAWRENCE: (As he removes his hat and Larry and Curly are by his side). "Weep the moment lady, we'll cook it for you."
(Larry and Curly both standing there and making agreeable hand gestures and support happy looks of their faces).
CURLY to MRS. LAWRENCE: "Sointenly lady, we'll cook you a dinner that's the talk of the town, also the county!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MRS. LAWRENCE:
MRS. LAWRENCE to THE STOOGES: (In a total state of happiness and questionable sounding voice says). "You will?"
MOE, LARRY, and CURLY to MRS. LAWRENCE: (In happy voices and in unison says). "Will we!"
(The front doorbell has just rung and Mrs. Lawrence is now exiting to answer it).
MRS. LAWRENCE to MOE, LARRY, and CURLY: "Oh, there's my husband."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES STANDING IN THE KITCHEN:
LARRY to MOE: (With a worried and questionable sounding voice and his hands on his waist says). "Do we know how to cook?"
MOE to LARRY: "Do we!"
CURLY to LARRY and MOE: (With a very questionable sound in his voice). "Do we?"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. AND MRS. LAWRENCE:
(Mrs. Lawrence is running happily to the front door to let her husband in).
MRS. LAWRENCE to MR. LAWRENCE: (In a gleeful voice). "Hello dear, happy birthday!"
(Mr. Lawrence is standing there totally mad and still covered with cake).
MR. LAWRENCE to his WIFE: (Mad and shouts). "What's happy about it?"
MRS. LAWRENCE to her HUSBAND: (In a total state of worry and question says). "Where's the cake?"
MR. LAWRENCE to his WIFE: (Totally perturbed and waving his hands down his suit says). "I'm wearing it!"
MRS. LAWRENCE to her HUSBAND: (With a look of hurt on her face and a hurt and questionable voice says). "No cake?"
MR. LAWRENCE to his WIFE: (Who is still mad and cake coated shouts). "No cake!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES IN THE KITCHEN PREPARING DINNER:
(Curly is at the work table with an uncooked turkey, where he is massaging it and getting it ready to be stuffed with the different stuffing ingredients on the work table. Moe and Larry are at the kitchen counter and sink where Moe is whisking up a cake. Larry is preparing some punch and picks up a bottle of wine and reads it before he adds it to the punch).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY AND HIS TURKEY:
CURLY to his TURKEY: (As he smacks the turkey with a meat mallet and the turkey yelps out in pain says). "Oh, muscle bound, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk).
(Curly is happily massaging the turkey's wings to loosen them up in preparation for the cooking).
CURLY to his TURKEY: (As he slightly fights with it, and has a pair of slip joint pliars in his hand and pulls a tip off of one of the turkey's wing tips says). "Oh, a hang nail!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AT HIS PUNCH BOWL:
(Larry takes a small taste of his punch to see if it is all right).
(Larry then turns around and looks at Curly who still is preparing his turkey).
LARRY to CURLY: (With a determining sounding voice says). "Hey, Curly shave some ice!"
CURLY to LARRY: (Not understanding what he said says). "What?"
LARRY to CURLY: (Shouting and repeating himself says). "Shave some ice."
CURLY to LARRY: (With detemination in his voice and waves his hand and says). "Hun!"
CURLY to his TURKEY: "Don' go away!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND LARRY:
(Moe is reading the cake recipe and how to finish preparing it. Larry is putting the finishing touches on his punch).
MOE COMPLETING THE CAKE:
"HALF A CUP OF BUTTER, HALF A CUP OF BUTTER:"
(Moe then picks up a full pound of butter and feels it and says as he puts it into the cake). "That's about a half a cup!"
"DASH OF BAKING POWDER, DASH OF BAKING POWDER:"
(Moe says dash of baking powder coming up. Picks up a 12 ounce can, puts in a big shake, decides not enough, finishes the can).
(Moe is singing happily as he is finishing mixing his cake).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:
(Curly is standing in front of a block of ice which he has put on a shaving robe and bib. Curly is sharpening a straight edge razor on a razor strap, preparing to "SHAVE SOME ICE").
CURLY to his BLOCK OF ICE: "You're new in the neighborhood aren't you? Once over lightly, yes sir!"
(To see if the razor is sharp enough, Curly takes a piece of his hair and cuts it as bells sound and Curly says, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk).
CURLY to his BLOCK OF ICE: "Hot towel?, no, okay!"
(Curly then picks up a cup of shaving lotion and a shaving brush and puts the lotion of the ice block).
CURLY to his ICE BLOCK: (As he is putting the shaving lotion on it asks). "Tell me is it as warm in the Summer as it is in the country, or vice versa?, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk, who cares!"
(Curly then puts down the shaving lotion cup and brush and is singing happily as he rubs the lotion onto the ice block).
CURLY to his ICE BLOCK: "You look very familiar, enough?, yes sir, (as he finishes putting the lotion on.)"
(Curly then picks up the razor and starts to "SHAVE SOME ICE").
(After Curly has shaved off some lotion wipes the razor off with his fingers and puts it in his pocket and then "SHAVES SOME MORE ICE").
CURLY to his ICE BLOCK: "Are you married, or happy?" "you have a very tuff beard, like nails!"
(Curly then puts some more shaving lotion into his pocket as he keeps "SHAVING ICE").
CURLY to his ICE BLOCK: (In reference to the lotion in his pocket). "I'm saving this for the children, unh, yes, to make mud pies."
CURLY to his ICE BLOCK: (As he curls his lips says). "Hey, mister make like this!" "Thank you!"
CURLY to his ICE BLOCK: "Oops, pardon me, (Curly then looks at his razor and says), "did you have a pink tie one?" "No, well here's your lip back." (He then gives the ice block back his lip). N'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk.
(Moe is now approaching Curly very mad at what Curly is doing).
CURLY to MOE: (Not knowing it is Moe says). "Sit right down, you're next!"
(When Curly has realized it was Moe who has a mad look on his face says, 'eep-eep-yuk-yuk').
MOE to CURLY: (With a grimace look on his face and madness in his voice says). "What are you up to, you Grapehead?"
CURLY to MOE: (In determination). "I was shaving some ice."
MOE to CURLY: (Still mad). "Well, get back there and stuff that turkey!"
(Curly now mad at Moe, says, 'hun,' and sticks his tongue out at him).
(Moe then grabs Curly by his tongue as Curly is yelping in pain, 'ow-ow-ow-ow,' while Moe drags him over to his work table and the turkey).
MOE to CURLY: (As he points to the turkey). "Get busy!"
CURLY to MOE: (A bit disgusted). "Hunh!"
(Curly is now preparing the stuffing).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY SOLO AT HIS WORK TABLE:
(Curly is dressed in a white chef's uniform and hat).
"STUFFING ACCORDING TO CHEF CURLY:"
"SEPARATE TWO EGGS."
Curly picks-up two whole eggs sitting next to each other, puts on in each hand, and moves them from one another about six inches, and then he places the whole eggs shells and all into the turkey. When he has done that he rubs his hands together in accomplishment.
"TWO POTATOES DICED:"
He picks up two whole potatoes, shakes them like a pair of dice, and then he rolls them on the table and says, 'Right,' n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk. Then he places the whole potatoes into the turkey peelings and all.
"A PINCH OF SALT:"
Curly reaches into the salt box. Takes out a large handful of salt, and pinches it tightly with a determined look on his face and says, 'hunh, then he places the entire large handful into the turkey.
"HALF A DOZEN OYSTERS:"
Curly goes and picks up one oyster shell to put it into the turkey and replies, "Oh, they forgot to clean this one." Curly removes the oyster and keeps the shell. Then he picks an entire bowl of fresh whole oysters, about a dozen, and inserts them into the turkey shells and all.
"A CAN OF PEAS:"
Curly picks up a pound size can of peas and inserts it into the turkey, can, label, and peas.
"ONE LOAF OF BREAD WELL SOAKED:"
Curly picks up an entire loaf of bread and beats it several times and then he stuffs it into the turkey totally whole, using a meat tenderizing mallet to help stuff it in.
(Curly now takes his hand and shoves the ingredients farther back into the cavity of turkey to make sure that they are in there securely, saying, 'yeah, yeah, yeah,.' He then takes hold of the zipper head of the zipper that is on the turkey and zips it shut. After he has successfully zipped it shut, supporting a look of happiness and accomplishment on his face, he pats the turkey and claps his hands and says yeah).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. AND MRS. LAWRENCE AND THEIR DINNER GUESTS:
"THE STOOGES ARE NOW SERVING DINNER:"
MOE: (As he sets down a plate says). "Come and get it!"
CURLY: "Second round coming up!"
LARRY: (As he takes a large pair of ice tongs and is putting ice cubes into their glasses says). "Comin' up!"
MOE: "The best of the market aboard!"
(Poor Mrs. Lawrence is sitting at the table with a horrified look on her face).
(Curly is now filling their water glasses with a garden hose. After he has filled up Mrs. Lawerence's glass, he takes an outdoor thermometer and inserts it into her glass to see if it is the right temperature and there is enough water, Curly then inserts a tad more water).
(Larry is walking around with his large ice tongs and putting ice cubes in everybody's glasses).
(Curly then proceeds to fill the rest of the guests water glasses, with the hose, dragging it across the table).
CURLY to one GUEST: "Hold up your glass, shorty."
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. AND MRS. LAWRENCE:
(They are sitting there at the table with horrified look s on their faces about the way Moe, Larry, and Curly are "SERVING" dinner).
MOE to the LAWRENCES:
MRS. LAWRENCE: (He sets down a plate of food and says). "Here we are!"
MR. LAWRENCE: (With a total look of mischief on his face says). "Not bad, aye, click-click-click."
(Mrs. Lawrence is giving her guests a worried and apologetic look about the way Moe, Larry, and Curly are serving the dinner).
(Mr. Lawrence, after seeing Moe, now has a look of wonderment on his face, recognizing The Stooges from someplace else, but cannot quiet put a finger on it).
MR. LAWRENCE to his WIFE: (As he bends over closer to her and whispers). "Say I've seen these fellas someplace before, but I just can't place them."
(Curly is still filling the water glasses with his garden hose. Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence are picking up their silverware, preparing to eat. Mr. Lawrence once agin gives The Stooges a look of wonder trying to place where he saw them before).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON PARTY GUEST, (Symona Boniface):
(She is supporing a perplexed look on her face as she takes a bite of food and starts to eat it, crunching down on something, she then discovers a ring in her stuffing).
PARTY GUEST, (Symona) to MRS. LAWRENCE: (With a happy look on her face and glee in her voice says). "Well, a ring, I never heard of prizes in turkey dressing before, thank-you darling." (She then puts the ring on her finger).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. LAWRENCE:
(Mr. Lawrence has a quizzical look on his face, while the rest of the dinner guests are trying to enjoy their meals, while Curly is in the background mixing up the punch).
(PARTY GUEST, Symona then takes another bite of her stuffing and once again crunches down on something, which turns out to be a mans wrist watch).
PARTY GUEST, (Symona) to MRS. LAWRENCE: (With glee in her voice and happiness on her face says). "Another prize, a wrist watch, that's really too wonderful darling."
(Curly when he here's her say wrist watch, turns around, looking at both of his wrists and recgognizes that it is his watch).
CURLY to SYMONA: (With a mad look on his face and madness in his voice as he reaches over and takes his watch off of her fork says). "Hey, wait a minute, that's mine, where's the stem?"
(Mrs. Lawrence and Symona are both sitting there looking at Curly with perplexed looks on their faces. Curly is picking up Symona's stuffing looking through it for his watch stem).
CAMRA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:
(Curly now has found his watch stem and has put it back in his watch. Curly holds the watch up to his ear and is moving his head in rhytmn to the ticking of his watch which sounds like an alarm clock).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP on PARTY GUEST (Symona) AND OTHER PARTY GUEST (Larry Steers):
(The two of them are trying to politely enjoy their meals).
(Party guest (Larry Steers) is trying to eat his dinner as politely as possible as he is chewing on an oyster shell with party guest (Symona) giving him a mad look).
(All of the other party guests are now supporting looks of wonder on their faces as they are trying to enjoy their meals and all are crunching down on oyster shells).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE GUESTS IN THE LIVING ROOM:
(The guests are happily dancing while Curly is standing in front of the punch bowl rubbing his face, and clasping his hands together).
CURLY to the PUNCH BOWL: "Ah, a tootsie, fruitsie."
(Curly is now looking over his shoulder to see if anyone is watching as he puts his hands into the punch bowl and pushes away a bunch of orange slices and finds a maskazino cherry. He blows on it and clicks his teeth together as he eats it).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND CURLY:
(Moe is approaching Curly in a mad state, while Curly is pouring himself a glass of punch).
MOE to CURLY: (Whispering and a blank look on his face says). "What are you doing?"
CURLY to MOE: (Not realizing he is talking to Moe and with a happy look on his face says). "Nothing!"
(Curly then stands up with his punch in his hand a recognizes that it is Moe, jumps back with a scared look on his face, yells unh-unh-unh-unh.' He then looses his balance and falls backwards onto the back of the davenport where Mrs. Lawrence and another male party guest are sitting there smiling and enjoying the concert. Curly then spills the punch onto the davenport and down Mrs. Lawrence's neck).
(Mrs. Lawrence then jumps up totally mortified, shouting, 'oh-oh-oh-oh,' at the fact that punch was spilled on her davenport as well as on her. The guest next to her looks at her as if to say what are you all upset about, there is nothing to be mad about).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND CURLY:
(Moe has just now recognized what Curly has done. Moe now has a nasty look on his face, grabs Curly by the face, inserting a couple of eye pokes. Then shoves him backwards where Curly falls and breaks a lounge chair).
MOE to CURLY: "Why you Ignoramus."
(Curly then sits up in the chair and looks at it in madness and waves his hand at it and barks).
PARTY GUEST, (Symona) to CURLY: "Are you hurt?"
CURLY to SYMONA: (Not realizing he has the chair spring hooked onto his belt loop says). "Soitenly not, let's dance."
(Curly and Symona are dancing happily together as Curly is saying n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk, and still not knowing that he has the chair spring on his trousers).
CURLY to SYMONA: "Father, died dancing on the end of the rope." "I use to do toe work, until they wanted to take me out and shoot me, but I----."
(Curly then backs into Mr. Lawrence who is standing there having a conversation with one of the other lady party guests).
(Curly then has an apologetic look on his face as he looks at Mr. Lawrence and hooks the spring onto Mr. Lawerence's trousers).
(Curly in the meantime is still dancing with Symona).
CURLY to MR. LAWRENCE: "Pardon me!"
MR. LAWRENCE to CURLY: (Has a happy look on his face says as he returns to his conversation with the other lady). "Certainly."
(Curly says, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk, while the other party guests are in the background dancing and laughing at Curly).
(Curly is now hooked to Mr. Lawrence with the spring. He then dances forward with Symona as the spring gets stretched out as far as it goes and Curly is pulled backwards by the force of the spring as he bumps into Mr. Lawrence, who turns around and gives Curly a dumbfounded look, while the other party guests are in the background laughing at Curly).
(Curly then walks back up to Symona, still not knowing about the spring, takes hold of her hands as they are happily dancing once again).
(The other guests are still watching Curly as they are dancing and laughing at him).
(Once again, Curly is pulled backwards by the force of the spring saying, 'unh-unh-unh-unh,' and hitting Mr. Lawrence in the backside).
CURLY to MR. LAWRECNE: (A tad disgusted). "You're getting into my hair, arf."
(Now for the third time, Curly starts to dance happily with Symona, and gets pulled backwards right into Mr. Lawrence by the force of the spring, that at the moment he still knows nothing about).
(Curly is now thoroughly disgusted with backing into Mr. Lawrence, turns around and gives him a mad look, barks at him, and does a small shuffle).
(The other guests are still watching, dancing, and laughing at Curly).
(Once again, for the forth time, Curly returns to dance with Symona. The spring breaks from Mr. Lawrence's trousers, sending Curly crashing into Symona. Symona is mad, at Curly for crashing into her and gives him a good, hard smack on his face).
(Curly now in a state of madness, in return hits Symona on her face).
(It now has turned into a smack down. Curly and Symona, with mad looks on their faces give each other two more smacks).
(Then as they go to hit each other for the fifth time. Curly and Symona stop in mid hit as Curly takes hold of her hands saying, n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk. He starts dancing with her. Symona is dancing with Curly, she has a really mad look on her face).
(The other guests are still in the background dancing and laughing at Curly).
CURLY to SYMONA: (Trying to make her smile, with a smile on his face as he clicks his teeth together says). "Small woild, isn't it?"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE OVEN DOOR:
(The oven door which reads: "Quick MBAL, Loberlin, Oven Heat Regulator." Is "breathing" in and out from too much baking powder that was added to the cake during prepartions. The cake has now expanded three times its normal size).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE:
(Larry and Moe with worried looks on their faces, run over to the "breathing" oven).
LARRY to MOE: (With his hands on his waist says). "I wonder if it's done?"
MOE to LARRY: (A tad mad says). "What do you think"
(Moe then grabs the oven door, opens it and peaks in to see if the cake is done).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE OVEN:
MOE to LARRY: (In happiness about his cake says). "Oh boy, a mountain of cake!"
(Larry then takes a cooking fork and pokes the cake with it to see if it done).
MOE to LARRY: (Mad. Hits Larry on the head and says). "Now look what you did, you deflated it!"
(Moe then hits Larry in the forehead and knocks him back into a wall).
(Moe then reaches into the oven and grabs the hot cake with his bare hands. Moe then frantically goes for the work table to set down the hot cake and blows on his hands).
LARRY to MOE: "Hey, we better blow it up again."
MOE to LARRY: "Yeh, take the gas pipe."
(Larry then walks over to a natural gas hose that is located on the wall and starts sucking on it).
MOE to LARRY: (In a state of worry says). "Not you, the cake, I'll kill you later, poisonally."
(Moe has the gas hose in his hand and is walking over to the cake. Larry is standing there with a look of worry on his face).
MOE to LARRY: (As he starts to insert the gas hose into the cake). "Where's that hole you made,? there it is!"
(Moe then inserts the gas hose and turns to the worried Larry).
MOE to LARRY: (As he waves his hand and has a determined look on his face says). "Give her the gas!"
(Larry then walks over to the gas switch on to wall).
LARRY to MOE: "Gas on!"
(Curly then walks into the kitchen and is in a state of panic when he sees what Larry and Moe are up to).
MOE to LARRY: (As he is inflating the cake says). "Gas on!"
CURLY to MOE: (With an exciting sounding voice says). "Hey, hurry, they're waiting for the cake."
(Curly then steps back with a scared look on his face as he is watching Moe inflate the cake with the gas).
MOE to CURLY: (As he is finishing inflating the cake says). "Oh, take your time!"
MOE to LARRY: (When he has decided the cake is inflated enough says). "Gas off!"
LARRY to MOE: (In response to Moe as he is walking over to turn the gas line off says). "Gas off!"
MOE to LARRY and CURLY: (In general discussion). "That oughta be enough!"
CURLY to MOE: (As he inserts a tire gauge into the cake). "Wait, I'll let ya know?"
(Curly then inserts the tire gauge into the cake and takes a reading).
CURLY to MOE: "Thirty-eight pounds, okay!"
LARRY to CURLY and MOE: (In general discussion). "Maybe somebody will want a second helping!"
(Moe then turns around and gives Larry a look of agreement).
MOE to LARRY: "Pump in four more slices."
LARRY to MOE: "Gas on!"
MOE to LARRY: (In response to Larry says). "Gas on!"
(All the while Moe and Larry are inflating the cake with the gas, Curly is standing way back, raising his hands. He is supporting a scared look on his face and is saying, 'unh-unh-unh-unh').
MOE to LARRY and CURLY: (In general discussion). "Come on, I'm gonna plug her up!"
(Moe is removing the gas hose from the cake, as Larry and Curly are wathcing with worried looks on their faces and Moe is inserting a tire plug into the hole of the cake).
(Larry is standing behind Moe in a really happy mood watching Moe inflate the cake).
MOE to CURLY: (With a gleeful sounding voice and a look of glee on his face says). "Make with the white stuff, put the icing on and we'll bounce it in!"
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON CURLY:
(Curly is singing happily, 'La-Lee, La-Lee, La-Lee, La-Lee,' as he is squirting the icing onto the cake).
(The icing bag then jams up and Curly picks it up and looks at it saying with a perplexed look on his face as he is trying to un-jam it, 'hum-hum-hum-hum.' Then in total madness Curly then gives the icing bag a good hard squeeze to loosen it up. He then ends up squirting Moe right in the face with the icing).
(Curly has now noticed that he has squirted Moe with the icing says in worry, 'Ah, hiya, eeppa-eeppa-eeppa-eeppa').
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE:
(Moe is standing there with a mad and dumbfounded look on his face as he is wiping the icing off of his face and is totally mad at Curly).
CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MR. AND MRS. LAWRENCE:
(They are standing in the living room both supporting worried looks on their faces as she is twining her fingers together).
MRS. LAWRENCE to her HUSBAND: (Whispering in a worried sounding voice says). "I wonder where those servants are with the cake?"
MR. LAWRENCE to his WIFE: (With a questionable look on his face and a questionable sounding voice whispers). "I'm still wondering where I saw them before!"
(Mr. Lawrence turns around as he notices Moe and Larry standing by the kitchen doorway, making trumpet sounds as Curly is coming out of the kitchen with cake and lighted candles).
THE STOOGES START TO SING TO MR. LAWRENCE:
MOE: "We baked you a birthday cake."
LARRY: "If you get a tummy ache."
CURLY: "And if you moan and groan and woe."
STOOGES IN UNISON: (Waving their fingers at him with happy looks on their faces and glee in their voices). "Don't forget we told you so!"
(Then Moe, Larry, and Curly all shout in unison and in glee to Mr. Lawrence). "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
(Mr. Lawerence, his wife, and The Stooges are all in a totally happy state).
MRS. LAWRENCE to her HUSBAND: (Happily). "Make a wish dear, and blow out the candles!"
(Symona is standing it the background through all of this).
SHORT ENDS:
(Mr. Lawrence says in total glee as he goes to blow out his candles and the cake blows up). "Here, the go!"
(As he blows out the candles and the cake explodes on himself, his wife, The Stooges and Symona. They all stand up totally dazed out. With cake and bits of house debris raining on them).
(As Mr. Lawrence is wiping cake icing from his face says, "Now I remember," in reference to where he saw Moe, Larry, and Curly before).
MR. LAWRENCE to the STOOGES: (Shouting feriously). "The Ice Men!"
(Moe, Larry, and Curly then exit through the kitchen door, running, saying, 'woa-woa-woa-woa-woa,' with Mr. Lawrence chasing after them).
(Symona and Mrs. Lawrence are standing there totally upset and mad covered with cake. Mrs. Lawrence's house is totally damaged also).
FINAL CONCLUSION OF THE SHORT:
(The Stooges are sitting on a flat cart rolling down the ice stairs as fast as they can to get away from Mr. Lawrence. As they are rolling down the stairs and Curly saying, 'woo-woo-woo-woo,' colide with their ice wagon, fall off of the cart onto the street with looks of dismay on their faces).
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