Films of the Stooges, The (Larry, Curly & Moe... The Columbia Shorts)
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Transcribed By: Stooge
Date Added: 2002-09-17
VAGABOND LOAFERS
MRS. NORFLEET....Symona Boniface
MR. NORFLEET....Emil Sitka
WILKES....Herb Evans
MRS. ALLEN....Christine McIntyre
MR. ALLEN....Kenneth MacDonald
CHEF....Dudley Dickerson
The short opens up with the Norfleets, a wealthy couple, looking at the Van Brocklin painting hung up on their wall.
MRS. NORFLEET: At last, we own the Van Brocklin. Oh, Walter, I’m so thrilled. Isn’t it simply exquisite?
MR. NORFLEET: It ought to be, it cost fifty thousand dollars...
MRS. NORFLEET: Van Brocklin...what a genius. And just think – the poor man died in poverty.
MR. NORFLEET: He only died in poverty. From now on, I’ll have to live in it!
MRS. NORFLEET: Now, Walter, don’t spoil everything! Run along and change, dear, like a good boy. (Mr. Norfleet leaves) Our guests will be here any minute.
Wilkes the Butler walks in.
WILKES: Beg pardon, madam. There’s a leak in the plumbing. It’s getting worse every minute!
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh, this is dreadful, Wilkes! How can I get a plumber over here at this hour?
WILKES: Well, there’s a new place on Elm Street, madam. The, eh, “Day and Night Plumbersâ€. Apparently, they’re on duty twenty-four hours a day.
MRS. NORFLEET: Thank you, Wilkes. I’ll phone them at once.
As Mrs. Norfleet walks over towards the phone, the camera cuts over to The Day and Night Plumbers sign. We then see Moe sitting in a jeep, reading over a “How to Be a Plumber†book. The phone rings. Moe puts the book down and picks the phone up.
MOE: "Night and Day Plumbers". (pause) What’s that madam, a leak? (pause) Yes? (pause) Yes? (pause) Norfleet. 217 Lyndon Drive. (pause) Now don’t worry your pretty little head, we’ll be over in two shakes of a martini. (hangs up the phone) Ha, ha! Our first case (pushes the phone away but the extension at the end of it pushes it back into his head) OOH! (pushes the phone back again and it stretches back out and hits him again) OOH! Why, you... (reaches out the punch the phone, but it automatically pushes itself back) Ha, ha, ha... (the phone reaches out and hits him again) OHHH! Grr!
Moe turns on the engine to start the jeep.
MOE: (yelling up at Shemp and Larry) C’mon, you slugs! We’re rollin’!
Camera cuts over upstairs where Shemp and Larry are sleeping and snoring loudly on bunk beds attached to the wall. Camera cuts back over to Moe downstairs.
MOE: Oh, stubborn eh??!
Moe pulls a nearby wire, which causes the two bunk beds to drop Shemp and Larry on the floor. Larry gets up, but Shemp tries to go back to sleep again.
LARRY: (grabbing the plumbing tools) Hey, c’mon, Shemp! It’s our first call!
Shemp starts to wake up. Larry walks up to the firepole in the room and drops the toolbag down there. It falls and hits Moe right on the head, who’s right under the firepole. Larry then slides down the pole and lands on top of Moe, pushing his foot down on the pedal. The jeep takes off. A second afterwards, Shemp is seen sliding down the pole and he crashes into the floor, missing the jeep completely.
SHEMP: ...We gotta get a longer jeep... (looks off-screen at Moe and Larry taking off in the jeep) Hey, wait for me!
The scene ends and the next scene starts off back at the Norfleets’ mansion. There is currently a social party going on. Mrs. Norfleet is talking with the Allens, another couple.
MRS. NORFLEET: Mr. and Mrs. Allen, so glad you could come!
MRS. ALLEN: We’re simply dying to see the Van Brocklin.
MRS. NORFLEET: Well, I'll not keep you waiting. (to all the guests) In the living room, everybody. (to Wilkes) Oh, Wilkes, bring the cocktails.
WILKES: Very well, madam.
As everyone leaves to go to the living room, the doorbell rings. Mr. Allen walks up to the door and opens it. The Stooges, carrying their plumbing equipment, are standing outside the door. They start barging inside the house, and glance around the place.
MR. ALLEN: Well?
MOE: Day and Night Plumbers!
SHEMP: Yeah. C’mon, c’mon! Where’s the leak?
MR. ALLEN: I’m not the butler! (pointing at the living room) He’s in there.
LARRY: Well, leg on, pal.
MR. ALLEN: (mumbling to himself as he walks away) "Pal"...
Camera cuts over to the living room, where the guests are all observing the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: Oh, it’s divine. What color! What detail!
MRS. NORFLEET: And it’s over two-hundred years old. Every museum in the country tried to buy it.
MR. ALLEN: It’s a masterpiece, alright. I congratulate you.
WILKES: (handing Mr. Allen a cocktail) Mr. Allen?
MR. ALLEN: (taking the cocktail) Thank you. Oh, uh, the plumbers are looking for you. (starts sipping his cocktails)
WILKES: In the drawing room??? They should’ve come around the back way. Thank you, sir. (walks away)
Camera cuts over to the Stooges waiting in the drawing room. Wilkes walks up to them.
WILKES: Look here, you men!!
LARRY: (noticing the cocktails on the tray that Wilkes is holding) Refreshments!
MOE: (to Wilkes) Thanks!
The Stooges each drop their plumbing tools on Wilkes’ feet as they reach for the cocktails.
WILKES: OOOH!!
The guests in the living room overhear the noise from the drawing room.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Oh, excuse me.
MRS. ALLEN: Of course.
Mrs. Norfleet leaves the room and goes up to the Stooges.
MRS. NORFLEET: How dare you come in here and mingle with my guests?
MOE: Now take it easy, lady. Don’t blow a fu...
MRS. NORFLEET: Never mind! Give me that.
Moe hands her the cocktail.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Larry) I’ll take yours, too. (Larry angrily hands her his cocktail) The idea!
Mrs. Norfleet places the two cocktails back on the tray.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Shemp) Now, you! Give me what you have in your hand!
SHEMP: (handing her a blowtorch) Here...
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh!
Moe takes the blowtorch and bangs it over Shemp’s head.
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh! Such impertinence! Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work! (leaves the room)
WILKES: Yes, madam.
LARRY: (imitating Mrs. Norfleet) "Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work!"
MOE: (speaking in a snobbish voice) Yes, you heard what the gentleman said!
SHEMP: (also speaking in a snobbish voice) Please, please...
WILKES: Here, here, here! The leak’s in the basement! Go on, go on!
MOE: It’s practically fixed!
As Shemp and Larry pick up their tools and leave, they knock over a dresser holding a flower vase. Wilkes drops the tray he’s holding and catches the falling vase.
MOE: (to Wilkes) They came in here to fix the leak, and almost wrecked the house the clumsy idiots!
As Moe turns around, the pipe he’s carrying over his arm bangs into the back of Wilkes head, causing him to drop the vase on the ground. It smashes.
WILKES: (aggravated) Oh!
The scene ends and the next scene begins down in the basement of the mansion. Moe is twisting a wrench on a pipe as Shemp watches.
SHEMP: That’s got it!
MOE: Yeah, just a little sauntering job. (handing Shemp the wrench, which is still connecting to the pipe) Hold on to this, and don't let it slip. (to Larry) Gimme that blow torch.
Larry aims the blowtorch towards Moe’s behind and accidentally turns it on, burning Moe's behind.
MOE: YEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
Moe accidentally steps in the bucket and gets his foot stuck inside of it.
MOE: (to Larry) Get my foot outta there!
LARRY: Okay!
Larry yanks Moe’s leg up, causing Moe to unintentionally knee him. Moe falls backwards and bumps into Shemp, causing Shemp’s arm holding the wrench to slip, and the wrench bangs into Moe’s head. The pipe goes leaking again. Moe holds his hand under the leak, then holds his hand over to Larry.
MOE: (to Larry) Now see whatcha did?
LARRY: (looking at Moe’s hand) What?
MOE: (slapping Larry with the wet hand) Get outta hea!
LARRY: Wait a minute! We can’t fix it while it’s leakin’. (looking around the basement) I wonder where you shut the water off.
SHEMP: It must be upstairs. Water always runs downhill.
MOE: (pinching Shemp’s cheek) You’re a very intelligent imbecile!
SHEMP: Thanks!
MOE: Yeah... Shut the water off!!!!
SHEMP: Alright! (quickly picks up his tools and heads for the stairs leading to the outside of the basement)
Moe bends back down under the pipe and the water leaks on his head.
MOE: (holding his head) Oh!
LARRY: Wet, ain’t it? Heh!
MOE: Yeah... (reaches over to eyepoke Larry)
LARRY: (covering his eyes) Ohh...
Moe punches Larry on the stomach, then bops him on the head, followed by a slap on the forehead. Camera cuts over to Shemp walking in the hallway of the mansion. One of the pipes he’s carrying happens to fall right down next to the basement door. Shemp walks around and notices a bathroom door. He opens the door and then drops his tools on the floor and walks in. Somebody is using the shower behind the curtains. Shemp walks up to the shower curtains and knocks on it like a door. The curtains open up and Mr. Norfleet peeks his head out from behind it.
SHEMP: Sorry, buddy. You’ll have to shut off that water.
MR. NORFLEET: I beg your pardon!
SHEMP: C’mon, pal, this’ll run into overtime! (opens the shower curtains and reveals Mr. Norfleet with a towel wrapped over his lower body)
MR. NORFLEET: (walking out of the shower) I say!
SHEMP: Never mind what you say...
MR. NORFLEET: Who are you???
SHEMP: Who am I? I’m the plumber. Get outta here! (Mr. Norfleet leaves through the bathroom door and Shemp closes it after him) "Who am I?" That’s a hot one!
Shemp steps into the shower and turns the shower faucet all the way off, but water still comes out of the shower head.
SHEMP: Oh, stubborn, eh?
Shemp takes a wrench out of his toolbag and twists the water faucet all the way off. Water splashes out of the faucet hole and onto Shemp.
SHEMP: Oh, must be a loose washer! (covering the faucet hole with his hands) How do ya like that? (reaching for the pliers in his back pocket) I’ll fix that in a minute! Gotta be a loose washer... (accidentally drops the pliers) Oh!
Shemp uncovers the faucet hole and then bends over and pick up the pliers. The water from the faucet hole slashes him again. Shemp covers the hole again and then swings the pliers at it, but accidentally hits his hand.
SHEMP: OOH! OOH! OOH!
Camera cuts back down inside of the basement with Moe and Larry. Moe is twisting the pipe with a wrench, as Larry sits beside him, relaxing while reading a newspaper. Larry notices that the pail next to him held under the leak is filled with water, so he puts his newspaper down and dumps all the water out of the pail. Then he stands the pail back up under the leak again.
LARRY: (picking the newspaper back up again) Ah!
An irate Moe looks over at Larry and then bangs his wrench over Larry’s head.
MOE: A great help you are! That other chowder-head didn’t shut the water off, now you do it! (handing Larry a diving rod) Here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! Where will I find a valve?
MOE: That’s your job, ya dummy! Look in the kitchen...Look in the attic...(slapping Larry)...Look in the backyard!
LARRY: Alright!
Larry holds his diving rod behind him then begins to walk away. The rod gets caught onto the back of Moe’s suspenders. As Larry tries to walk away, the suspenders stretch out farther. So Larry then legs go of the rod, and it goes flying backwards into Moe’s head, knocking him into the furnace. Larry jumps in the shock as he sees this, and then dashes out of the basement in fright. The camera cuts back into the bathroom, where Shemp is in front of the leaking faucet hole, and he’s holding a pipe.
SHEMP: I’ll let the water out in the window, that’s what I’ll do.
Shemp screws the pipe onto the faucet hole, and the water from the faucet hole ends up leaking outside of the other end of the pipe.
SHEMP: Oh, yeah???
Shemp gets another pipe and then screws it onto the end of the first pipe. The leak ends up coming out of the end of the second pipe. Shemp gets even more aggravated as he notices this. This goes on and on, before the camera cuts over to the Norfleets’ social party. The Allens are both looking at the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: (whispering) The real Van Brocklin alright! Worth a fortune.
MR. ALLEN: (whispering back) Okay, we’ll...
The Norfleets walk by and the Allens stop whispering to each other.
MRS. NORFLEET: I want you to meet my husband. Mr. and Mrs. Allen, Mr. Norfleet!
Camera cuts to Larry outside the mansion, digging a hole in the ground. Back inside of the basement, Moe is done finishing screwing a pipe together.
MOE: Well, that's that! (water from the pipe starts spraying all over his face) AARRGH! I wonder where those other lugs are!! (looks behind him and notices another pipe leaking) All these pipes are full of termites!
Moe grabs a box to stand on top of and then begins tightening the pipe with a wrench. Camera cuts over to a chef in the kitchen washing his hands in the sink. In the basement, Moe twists a pipe around. This causes the sink faucet in the kitchen to twist to the other side as well. The chef watches in surprise. As he tries to grab the faucet, it begins turning up and down. The chef grabs the faucet and pulls it out of the wall, causing water to leak out of the faucet hole. Back inside the basement, Moe accidentally pulls the two pipes apart, causing the water stops leaking out of the kitchen faucet hole. The chef puts his face up to the hole in curiosity. Moe then begins re-attaches the two pipes, causing the water to spray out of the kitchen faucet hole again and into the chef’s face. The water stops coming out of the hole and chef holds his face up to it again. Moe finishes re-attaching the pipes, and the water sprays chef in the face again. Camera cuts back over to the bathroom, where Shemp is covered in a maze of attached pipes. Shemp is tightening the last pipe with a wrench.
SHEMP: That’s got it! (throwing the wrench to the ground) Now to get out... (notices that he’s trapped in the maze of pipe and there’s no way out) MOE! LARRY! I’m trapped by the risin’ water. I’ll be drowned like a rat! Oh, Moe! (reaches in his toolbag and takes out a hand- drill) Ah, now I’m usin’ the ol’ bean! (begins to drill a hole through the floor)
Camera cuts down inside of the basement, where Moe has finished tightening the pipe again.
MOE: Success at last! Just goes to show ya, you don’t have to have brains to be a plumber! Ha, ha, ha...
Suddenly, water from the drill holes in the bathroom floor above splashes on Moe’s head.
MOE: YEEEOOOOOWWWW!!! (moves to the side) What’s the matta? What’s goin’ on here? (more water starts dripping on him) OHHH, moida!
Suddenly, Shemp comes crashing down from the bathroom floor into the basement and breaks a pipe
MOE: (helping Shemp up) You dimwit! What’s the idea of dropping in without a calling card? Now look whatcha went and done!!!! (pushing Shemp away) Go on, get another length of pipe! Go ahead!
Shemp walks over to an electricity box and pulls a pipe attached to the top of the box. He notices the electrical wires inside the pipe
SHEMP: Hey, Moe! No wonder the water don’t woik. These pipes are clogged up with wires! (Moe walks up to him) Look.
MOE: Well, yank ‘em out and we’ll hook the pipes up all over again. You oyster-brain! (pushing Shemp) Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! (begins to yank the wires out of the pipe)
Camera cuts over to Mr. Norfleet talking to a guest.
MR. NORFLEET: ...no, we don’t go in for sculpture. It’s too bulky. We...
The lights on the wall nearby begin to shake, from Shemp pulling the electrical wires down in the basement. Mr. Norfleet tries to catch the shaking light and appear casual in front of his guest at the same time.
SHEMP: (pulling the wires) White all colors...
Suddenly, the light on the wall gets pulled inside of the wall, and makes a big hole.
MR. NORFLEET: Short circuit, no doubt!
Camera cuts back to the chef in the kitchen, mixing batter. There is suddenly some clanking noise above him. He looks up at the light above him and notices the lightbulb moving up and down due to Shemp's wire pulling. Then the hands of a clock on top of the wall in front of the chef are going crazy. The chef does a double-take when he sees this. The clock falls off the wall and into the bowl of batter, splashing it all over the chef’s face. Camera cuts back in the basement and we see a big pile of wires, then the camera pans over and we see Shemp still pulling the wires out of the pipe. Finally, Shemp pulls out the last of the wires.
SHEMP: (to Moe) That does it! End of the line!
Moe walks over to Shemp, dragging a water pipe with him.
MOE: Okay! We’ll try and get these pipes together and then everything will be oakie-doakie.
SHEMP: Alright!
Shemp and Moe try to connect the electrical pipes and the water pipe together. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the chef turns on the lightbulb switch. Water flows inside of the bulb instead of the light turning on. It fills completely with water, then cracks and drips the water out of it. The bewildered chef looks up at the dripping lightbulb.
CHEF: This house has sho’ gone crazy! [ grabs a match above the stove ]
Camera cuts back down to the basement, where Shemp and Moe have connected both the electrical and water pipes together.
SHEMP: I never thought I’d do it!
MOE: (shaking Shemp’s hand) Success! Ha, ha, ha!
Back in the kitchen, the chef lights the stove with a match and water sprays out of the stove instead of fire and sprays in the chef’s face. He tries turning the stove off, but no luck. He then heads for the closet but slips on the wet floor several times on his way. Camera cuts over back to the outside of the mansion. Larry pokes his head through from under the ground.
LARRY: I’ll find this thing, or else! (sticks his head back in the hole)
Back inside the kitchen, the chef peers his out of the closet door, dressed in a raincoat. He rushes over to the stove and tries to stop the water from coming out. After having no luck, he heads towards the outside of the kitchen and again slips on the floor on his way. Meanwhile, back in the Norfleets’ social party.
MRS. NORFLEET: Dear me! I can’t understand what’s holding up dinner.
The chef enters.
CHEF: Sorry, folks. Dinner’s postponed on account of rain! (leaves)
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Well, I-I’m sure it won’t be long. Shall we see what’s on the television set?
MR. NORFLEET: Uh, excellent...uh, excellent idea. (clears throat)
The Norfleets and the guest all walk over to the television set. Meanwhile, Mr. Allen secretly cuts around the Van Brocklin painting with a knife as Mrs. Allen keeps a lookout.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to her guests) The very latest set, you know. We get the most amazing results.
Mrs. Norfleet turns the TV set on.
TV ANNOUNCER: Good evening, friends.
MRS. NORFLEET: Th-That’s odd! There’s sound, but no picture.
TV ANNOUNCER: Our special feature for tonight will be glimpses of scenic America. First we take you to Niagara Falls.
MRS. NORFLEET: (trying to get the picture on in the TV set) I’ll get it in a minute...
The picture on the TV set turns on and we see the Niagara Falls. Suddenly, water bursts forth from the TV set and splashes all over Mrs. Norfleet.
MR. NORFLEET: OH! Oh, dear!
MRS. NORFLEET: OH! W-W-Water!
MR. NORFLEET: Clarabelle, you’re all wet! I tell you, (yelling in the broken TV set) television people! (to Mrs. Norfleet) Realistic, isn’t it, darling?
Wilkes the Butler walks up to the weeping Mrs. Norfleet.
WILKES: Madam, shall I get you some water?
MRS. NORFLEET: NO!!! (looks over and notices the Van Brocklin painting is missing from the frame) Oh, my painting! It’s gone!
The Allens are about to leave, but Mr. Norfleet cuts them off on the way.
MR. NORFLEET: Nobody leaves the house! ...Sorry, just the formality. (picks up the phone) I’ll call the police.
Suddenly, water starts shooting out of the phone receiver and into Mr. Norfleet’s face.
MR. NORFLEET: Wha...??? Who? What do I...??? Op- Operator! What...? (coughs)
Camera cuts over to the Allens walking into the hallway in the mansion. The chef, who walks up to them carrying a big butcher knife, suddenly frightens them.
CHEF: You folks goin’ somewhere?
MRS. ALLEN: ...Um, just looking for a drink of water.
CHEF: Turn on anything, you’ll get it!
The Allens look at the chef in confusion as he walks away. When he leaves, they walk down the hallway a little further.
MR. ALLEN: He’s gone. (looking out one end of the hall) We can’t make it out that way.
MRS. ALLEN: We’ll be searched!
MR. ALLEN: Yeah... (looks down and notices a pipe lying on the floor that Shemp dropped earlier) Yeah! (picks up the pipe) They won’t find anything.
The door opens up behind the Allens and Shemp walks out of the basement. He stops suddenly when he sees the Allens with the stolen painting.
MR. ALLEN: (stuffing the painting into the pipe) I’ll slip the picture in here ‘till the excitement blows over.
MRS. ALLEN: Anything, anything! Hurry! I’ll get back to the rest before we’re missed. (leaves)
MR. ALLEN: Yeah, okay.
SHEMP: (to Mr. Allen) Gimme that pipe, I gotcha covered!
Shemp snatches the pipe out of Mr. Allen’s hand and then swings it back, knocking out Moe, who just walked right behind them. Shemp then swings the pipe forward and whacks it on Mr. Allen’s head.
SHEMP: (running away) WHOOAAA! WHOA!
Camera cuts over to Mrs. Allen talking to Mrs. and Mrs. Norfleet.
MRS. ALLEN: Mrs. Norfleet, the only strangers in the house are those plumbers. They must’ve taken you’re painting.
MRS. NORFLEET: Of course!
MR. NORFLEET: Well, what’re we waiting for??? Let’s go find them!
MRS. NORFLEET: The thieves!
The Norfleets, Mrs. Allen, and Wilkes all run towards the hallway. When they get to the hallway, they see Moe, standing there holding his head in pain from when Shemp accidentally hit him with the pipe.
MR. NORFLEET: (pointing to Moe) There’s one of them!
MOE: Take it easy, folks! I’m just a beginner!
Moe runs into the basement and the whole crew except for Mrs. Allen follows him down there. When they get there, Moe tips over a garbage can to trip them. Meanwhile, back upstairs in the bathroom, Shemp is covering the hole he made in the floor with a rug.
SHEMP: A hole in the floor like this can be dangerous!
Mr. Allen suddenly walks in the bathroom, startling Shemp.
SHEMP: Whoa!
MR. ALLEN: Alright, sonny boy, the pipe!
SHEMP: Come and get it!
As Mr. Allen walks over to Shemp, he steps on the rug and falls right down the hole, landing in the basement. His entrance startles Mrs. Norfleet and the others.
MRS. NORFLEET: AAAAAHHHHHHH! HOO, HOO!
Moe runs up to Mr. Allen and grabs him up from the floor.
MOE: Get up outta there you! (to the Norfleets) There’s the guy that took your picture! (to Mr. Allen) Where is it?!!? Where is...
MRS. NORFLEEET: Stop it!!! No guest of mine would steal that painting!
MR. ALLEN: Of course not! This man’s out of his head!
Back upstairs in the bathroom, Mrs. Allen suddenly walks in and pulls a gun on Shemp.
MRS. ALLEN: Drop that pipe!
MR. ALLEN: (in the basement) If I took that picture... (holds his right hand up) may I be struck by a bolt from the blue!
MRS. ALLEN (to Shemp) You heard me, drop it!
Shemp drops the pipe down the hole and it falls in the basement and lands right on Mr. Allen’s head.
MR. NORFLEET: (noticing the painting sticking out of the pipe) There it is! Look!
Moe reaches over to get the pipe, but Mr. Allen pushes him back.
MR. ALLEN: Wait a minute! (pulling out a gun) Stand back, everybody.
Meanwhile, the chef, holding a bag of flour, is peeking into the basement through the door. Larry walks up behind him.
LARRY: (tapping the chef on the shoulder) Hey...
CHEF: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
The chef gets startled and throws the bag of flour in the air. It lands right on Larry’s head and covers his face with flour, giving him a ghastly look. Larry shrugs his shoulders, and then heads on down to the basement, where Moe, Wilkes, and the Norfleets are holding their arms up in the air as Mr. Allen is pointing a gun at them.
MR. ALLEN: ...and if ya wanna keep on livin’, count to a hundred before you move!
WILKES: One, two, three...
MRS. NORFLEET: (shoving Wilkes’ arm) Wilkes!
Larry walks up behind Mr. Allen and sticks his finger into Mr. Allen’s back. Mr. Allen holds his arms up in the air, thinking Larry’s finger poking into his back is a gun, and then turns around towards Larry. He gets startled by the sight of Larry covered in all the flour.
MR. ALLEN (falling backwards): AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Mr. Allen crashes off-screen as Larry jumps in shock. Camera then cuts over to Mr. Allen laying on the floor with his head stuck in a bucket. Moe, Wilkes and the Norfleets grab him up from the floor.
MR. NORFLEET: Get him up!
MOE: Get up! Hold on to him. (pointing to the gun on the floor) Get that gun!
Mr. Norfleet picks up the gun, and then points it at Mr. Allen.
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, call the police!
WILKES: (yelling around the basement) Police! Police! Police!
The flour-covered Larry walks up to Moe, and the sight of him startles Moe for a second.
MOE: What would you charge to haunt a house?
LARRY: How many rooms???
MOE: I -- (slaps Larry) Quiet!
Moe and Larry suddenly jump as they see Shemp walking into the basement, holding a gun at Mrs. Allen.
SHEMP: (to the others) Look at me! I got the other one! (to Mrs. Allen) Keep goin’, sister, or I’ll knock your brains out! Go ahead!
MRS. ALLEN: (trying to run away) Oh, no you don’t!
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, get her!
Wilkes grabs Mrs. Allen before she can run away.
MRS. ALLEN: You made a mistake! I’m not the...
MOE: (to Mrs. Norfleet) Madam! (pulls the Van Brocklin painting out of the pipe) Here is your picture.
MRS. NORFLEET: (taking the painting) Oh! My painting! Name your reward and you shall have it!
SHEMP: We don’t want no reward, lady!
MOE: What are you sayin’???
LARRY: You heard ‘im! We don’t want no more money!
SHEMP: No, it’ll put us in a higher tax bracket!
MOE: I’ll bracket yer head!
Moe swings the pipe towards Shemp and Larry but accidentally knocks down the plumbing pipes connected to the walls. Water starts splashing from it, and spraying all over Moe, Larry, and Shemp.
THE END
MRS. NORFLEET....Symona Boniface
MR. NORFLEET....Emil Sitka
WILKES....Herb Evans
MRS. ALLEN....Christine McIntyre
MR. ALLEN....Kenneth MacDonald
CHEF....Dudley Dickerson
The short opens up with the Norfleets, a wealthy couple, looking at the Van Brocklin painting hung up on their wall.
MRS. NORFLEET: At last, we own the Van Brocklin. Oh, Walter, I’m so thrilled. Isn’t it simply exquisite?
MR. NORFLEET: It ought to be, it cost fifty thousand dollars...
MRS. NORFLEET: Van Brocklin...what a genius. And just think – the poor man died in poverty.
MR. NORFLEET: He only died in poverty. From now on, I’ll have to live in it!
MRS. NORFLEET: Now, Walter, don’t spoil everything! Run along and change, dear, like a good boy. (Mr. Norfleet leaves) Our guests will be here any minute.
Wilkes the Butler walks in.
WILKES: Beg pardon, madam. There’s a leak in the plumbing. It’s getting worse every minute!
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh, this is dreadful, Wilkes! How can I get a plumber over here at this hour?
WILKES: Well, there’s a new place on Elm Street, madam. The, eh, “Day and Night Plumbersâ€. Apparently, they’re on duty twenty-four hours a day.
MRS. NORFLEET: Thank you, Wilkes. I’ll phone them at once.
As Mrs. Norfleet walks over towards the phone, the camera cuts over to The Day and Night Plumbers sign. We then see Moe sitting in a jeep, reading over a “How to Be a Plumber†book. The phone rings. Moe puts the book down and picks the phone up.
MOE: "Night and Day Plumbers". (pause) What’s that madam, a leak? (pause) Yes? (pause) Yes? (pause) Norfleet. 217 Lyndon Drive. (pause) Now don’t worry your pretty little head, we’ll be over in two shakes of a martini. (hangs up the phone) Ha, ha! Our first case (pushes the phone away but the extension at the end of it pushes it back into his head) OOH! (pushes the phone back again and it stretches back out and hits him again) OOH! Why, you... (reaches out the punch the phone, but it automatically pushes itself back) Ha, ha, ha... (the phone reaches out and hits him again) OHHH! Grr!
Moe turns on the engine to start the jeep.
MOE: (yelling up at Shemp and Larry) C’mon, you slugs! We’re rollin’!
Camera cuts over upstairs where Shemp and Larry are sleeping and snoring loudly on bunk beds attached to the wall. Camera cuts back over to Moe downstairs.
MOE: Oh, stubborn eh??!
Moe pulls a nearby wire, which causes the two bunk beds to drop Shemp and Larry on the floor. Larry gets up, but Shemp tries to go back to sleep again.
LARRY: (grabbing the plumbing tools) Hey, c’mon, Shemp! It’s our first call!
Shemp starts to wake up. Larry walks up to the firepole in the room and drops the toolbag down there. It falls and hits Moe right on the head, who’s right under the firepole. Larry then slides down the pole and lands on top of Moe, pushing his foot down on the pedal. The jeep takes off. A second afterwards, Shemp is seen sliding down the pole and he crashes into the floor, missing the jeep completely.
SHEMP: ...We gotta get a longer jeep... (looks off-screen at Moe and Larry taking off in the jeep) Hey, wait for me!
The scene ends and the next scene starts off back at the Norfleets’ mansion. There is currently a social party going on. Mrs. Norfleet is talking with the Allens, another couple.
MRS. NORFLEET: Mr. and Mrs. Allen, so glad you could come!
MRS. ALLEN: We’re simply dying to see the Van Brocklin.
MRS. NORFLEET: Well, I'll not keep you waiting. (to all the guests) In the living room, everybody. (to Wilkes) Oh, Wilkes, bring the cocktails.
WILKES: Very well, madam.
As everyone leaves to go to the living room, the doorbell rings. Mr. Allen walks up to the door and opens it. The Stooges, carrying their plumbing equipment, are standing outside the door. They start barging inside the house, and glance around the place.
MR. ALLEN: Well?
MOE: Day and Night Plumbers!
SHEMP: Yeah. C’mon, c’mon! Where’s the leak?
MR. ALLEN: I’m not the butler! (pointing at the living room) He’s in there.
LARRY: Well, leg on, pal.
MR. ALLEN: (mumbling to himself as he walks away) "Pal"...
Camera cuts over to the living room, where the guests are all observing the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: Oh, it’s divine. What color! What detail!
MRS. NORFLEET: And it’s over two-hundred years old. Every museum in the country tried to buy it.
MR. ALLEN: It’s a masterpiece, alright. I congratulate you.
WILKES: (handing Mr. Allen a cocktail) Mr. Allen?
MR. ALLEN: (taking the cocktail) Thank you. Oh, uh, the plumbers are looking for you. (starts sipping his cocktails)
WILKES: In the drawing room??? They should’ve come around the back way. Thank you, sir. (walks away)
Camera cuts over to the Stooges waiting in the drawing room. Wilkes walks up to them.
WILKES: Look here, you men!!
LARRY: (noticing the cocktails on the tray that Wilkes is holding) Refreshments!
MOE: (to Wilkes) Thanks!
The Stooges each drop their plumbing tools on Wilkes’ feet as they reach for the cocktails.
WILKES: OOOH!!
The guests in the living room overhear the noise from the drawing room.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Oh, excuse me.
MRS. ALLEN: Of course.
Mrs. Norfleet leaves the room and goes up to the Stooges.
MRS. NORFLEET: How dare you come in here and mingle with my guests?
MOE: Now take it easy, lady. Don’t blow a fu...
MRS. NORFLEET: Never mind! Give me that.
Moe hands her the cocktail.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Larry) I’ll take yours, too. (Larry angrily hands her his cocktail) The idea!
Mrs. Norfleet places the two cocktails back on the tray.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Shemp) Now, you! Give me what you have in your hand!
SHEMP: (handing her a blowtorch) Here...
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh!
Moe takes the blowtorch and bangs it over Shemp’s head.
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh! Such impertinence! Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work! (leaves the room)
WILKES: Yes, madam.
LARRY: (imitating Mrs. Norfleet) "Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work!"
MOE: (speaking in a snobbish voice) Yes, you heard what the gentleman said!
SHEMP: (also speaking in a snobbish voice) Please, please...
WILKES: Here, here, here! The leak’s in the basement! Go on, go on!
MOE: It’s practically fixed!
As Shemp and Larry pick up their tools and leave, they knock over a dresser holding a flower vase. Wilkes drops the tray he’s holding and catches the falling vase.
MOE: (to Wilkes) They came in here to fix the leak, and almost wrecked the house the clumsy idiots!
As Moe turns around, the pipe he’s carrying over his arm bangs into the back of Wilkes head, causing him to drop the vase on the ground. It smashes.
WILKES: (aggravated) Oh!
The scene ends and the next scene begins down in the basement of the mansion. Moe is twisting a wrench on a pipe as Shemp watches.
SHEMP: That’s got it!
MOE: Yeah, just a little sauntering job. (handing Shemp the wrench, which is still connecting to the pipe) Hold on to this, and don't let it slip. (to Larry) Gimme that blow torch.
Larry aims the blowtorch towards Moe’s behind and accidentally turns it on, burning Moe's behind.
MOE: YEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
Moe accidentally steps in the bucket and gets his foot stuck inside of it.
MOE: (to Larry) Get my foot outta there!
LARRY: Okay!
Larry yanks Moe’s leg up, causing Moe to unintentionally knee him. Moe falls backwards and bumps into Shemp, causing Shemp’s arm holding the wrench to slip, and the wrench bangs into Moe’s head. The pipe goes leaking again. Moe holds his hand under the leak, then holds his hand over to Larry.
MOE: (to Larry) Now see whatcha did?
LARRY: (looking at Moe’s hand) What?
MOE: (slapping Larry with the wet hand) Get outta hea!
LARRY: Wait a minute! We can’t fix it while it’s leakin’. (looking around the basement) I wonder where you shut the water off.
SHEMP: It must be upstairs. Water always runs downhill.
MOE: (pinching Shemp’s cheek) You’re a very intelligent imbecile!
SHEMP: Thanks!
MOE: Yeah... Shut the water off!!!!
SHEMP: Alright! (quickly picks up his tools and heads for the stairs leading to the outside of the basement)
Moe bends back down under the pipe and the water leaks on his head.
MOE: (holding his head) Oh!
LARRY: Wet, ain’t it? Heh!
MOE: Yeah... (reaches over to eyepoke Larry)
LARRY: (covering his eyes) Ohh...
Moe punches Larry on the stomach, then bops him on the head, followed by a slap on the forehead. Camera cuts over to Shemp walking in the hallway of the mansion. One of the pipes he’s carrying happens to fall right down next to the basement door. Shemp walks around and notices a bathroom door. He opens the door and then drops his tools on the floor and walks in. Somebody is using the shower behind the curtains. Shemp walks up to the shower curtains and knocks on it like a door. The curtains open up and Mr. Norfleet peeks his head out from behind it.
SHEMP: Sorry, buddy. You’ll have to shut off that water.
MR. NORFLEET: I beg your pardon!
SHEMP: C’mon, pal, this’ll run into overtime! (opens the shower curtains and reveals Mr. Norfleet with a towel wrapped over his lower body)
MR. NORFLEET: (walking out of the shower) I say!
SHEMP: Never mind what you say...
MR. NORFLEET: Who are you???
SHEMP: Who am I? I’m the plumber. Get outta here! (Mr. Norfleet leaves through the bathroom door and Shemp closes it after him) "Who am I?" That’s a hot one!
Shemp steps into the shower and turns the shower faucet all the way off, but water still comes out of the shower head.
SHEMP: Oh, stubborn, eh?
Shemp takes a wrench out of his toolbag and twists the water faucet all the way off. Water splashes out of the faucet hole and onto Shemp.
SHEMP: Oh, must be a loose washer! (covering the faucet hole with his hands) How do ya like that? (reaching for the pliers in his back pocket) I’ll fix that in a minute! Gotta be a loose washer... (accidentally drops the pliers) Oh!
Shemp uncovers the faucet hole and then bends over and pick up the pliers. The water from the faucet hole slashes him again. Shemp covers the hole again and then swings the pliers at it, but accidentally hits his hand.
SHEMP: OOH! OOH! OOH!
Camera cuts back down inside of the basement with Moe and Larry. Moe is twisting the pipe with a wrench, as Larry sits beside him, relaxing while reading a newspaper. Larry notices that the pail next to him held under the leak is filled with water, so he puts his newspaper down and dumps all the water out of the pail. Then he stands the pail back up under the leak again.
LARRY: (picking the newspaper back up again) Ah!
An irate Moe looks over at Larry and then bangs his wrench over Larry’s head.
MOE: A great help you are! That other chowder-head didn’t shut the water off, now you do it! (handing Larry a diving rod) Here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! Where will I find a valve?
MOE: That’s your job, ya dummy! Look in the kitchen...Look in the attic...(slapping Larry)...Look in the backyard!
LARRY: Alright!
Larry holds his diving rod behind him then begins to walk away. The rod gets caught onto the back of Moe’s suspenders. As Larry tries to walk away, the suspenders stretch out farther. So Larry then legs go of the rod, and it goes flying backwards into Moe’s head, knocking him into the furnace. Larry jumps in the shock as he sees this, and then dashes out of the basement in fright. The camera cuts back into the bathroom, where Shemp is in front of the leaking faucet hole, and he’s holding a pipe.
SHEMP: I’ll let the water out in the window, that’s what I’ll do.
Shemp screws the pipe onto the faucet hole, and the water from the faucet hole ends up leaking outside of the other end of the pipe.
SHEMP: Oh, yeah???
Shemp gets another pipe and then screws it onto the end of the first pipe. The leak ends up coming out of the end of the second pipe. Shemp gets even more aggravated as he notices this. This goes on and on, before the camera cuts over to the Norfleets’ social party. The Allens are both looking at the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: (whispering) The real Van Brocklin alright! Worth a fortune.
MR. ALLEN: (whispering back) Okay, we’ll...
The Norfleets walk by and the Allens stop whispering to each other.
MRS. NORFLEET: I want you to meet my husband. Mr. and Mrs. Allen, Mr. Norfleet!
Camera cuts to Larry outside the mansion, digging a hole in the ground. Back inside of the basement, Moe is done finishing screwing a pipe together.
MOE: Well, that's that! (water from the pipe starts spraying all over his face) AARRGH! I wonder where those other lugs are!! (looks behind him and notices another pipe leaking) All these pipes are full of termites!
Moe grabs a box to stand on top of and then begins tightening the pipe with a wrench. Camera cuts over to a chef in the kitchen washing his hands in the sink. In the basement, Moe twists a pipe around. This causes the sink faucet in the kitchen to twist to the other side as well. The chef watches in surprise. As he tries to grab the faucet, it begins turning up and down. The chef grabs the faucet and pulls it out of the wall, causing water to leak out of the faucet hole. Back inside the basement, Moe accidentally pulls the two pipes apart, causing the water stops leaking out of the kitchen faucet hole. The chef puts his face up to the hole in curiosity. Moe then begins re-attaches the two pipes, causing the water to spray out of the kitchen faucet hole again and into the chef’s face. The water stops coming out of the hole and chef holds his face up to it again. Moe finishes re-attaching the pipes, and the water sprays chef in the face again. Camera cuts back over to the bathroom, where Shemp is covered in a maze of attached pipes. Shemp is tightening the last pipe with a wrench.
SHEMP: That’s got it! (throwing the wrench to the ground) Now to get out... (notices that he’s trapped in the maze of pipe and there’s no way out) MOE! LARRY! I’m trapped by the risin’ water. I’ll be drowned like a rat! Oh, Moe! (reaches in his toolbag and takes out a hand- drill) Ah, now I’m usin’ the ol’ bean! (begins to drill a hole through the floor)
Camera cuts down inside of the basement, where Moe has finished tightening the pipe again.
MOE: Success at last! Just goes to show ya, you don’t have to have brains to be a plumber! Ha, ha, ha...
Suddenly, water from the drill holes in the bathroom floor above splashes on Moe’s head.
MOE: YEEEOOOOOWWWW!!! (moves to the side) What’s the matta? What’s goin’ on here? (more water starts dripping on him) OHHH, moida!
Suddenly, Shemp comes crashing down from the bathroom floor into the basement and breaks a pipe
MOE: (helping Shemp up) You dimwit! What’s the idea of dropping in without a calling card? Now look whatcha went and done!!!! (pushing Shemp away) Go on, get another length of pipe! Go ahead!
Shemp walks over to an electricity box and pulls a pipe attached to the top of the box. He notices the electrical wires inside the pipe
SHEMP: Hey, Moe! No wonder the water don’t woik. These pipes are clogged up with wires! (Moe walks up to him) Look.
MOE: Well, yank ‘em out and we’ll hook the pipes up all over again. You oyster-brain! (pushing Shemp) Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! (begins to yank the wires out of the pipe)
Camera cuts over to Mr. Norfleet talking to a guest.
MR. NORFLEET: ...no, we don’t go in for sculpture. It’s too bulky. We...
The lights on the wall nearby begin to shake, from Shemp pulling the electrical wires down in the basement. Mr. Norfleet tries to catch the shaking light and appear casual in front of his guest at the same time.
SHEMP: (pulling the wires) White all colors...
Suddenly, the light on the wall gets pulled inside of the wall, and makes a big hole.
MR. NORFLEET: Short circuit, no doubt!
Camera cuts back to the chef in the kitchen, mixing batter. There is suddenly some clanking noise above him. He looks up at the light above him and notices the lightbulb moving up and down due to Shemp's wire pulling. Then the hands of a clock on top of the wall in front of the chef are going crazy. The chef does a double-take when he sees this. The clock falls off the wall and into the bowl of batter, splashing it all over the chef’s face. Camera cuts back in the basement and we see a big pile of wires, then the camera pans over and we see Shemp still pulling the wires out of the pipe. Finally, Shemp pulls out the last of the wires.
SHEMP: (to Moe) That does it! End of the line!
Moe walks over to Shemp, dragging a water pipe with him.
MOE: Okay! We’ll try and get these pipes together and then everything will be oakie-doakie.
SHEMP: Alright!
Shemp and Moe try to connect the electrical pipes and the water pipe together. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the chef turns on the lightbulb switch. Water flows inside of the bulb instead of the light turning on. It fills completely with water, then cracks and drips the water out of it. The bewildered chef looks up at the dripping lightbulb.
CHEF: This house has sho’ gone crazy! [ grabs a match above the stove ]
Camera cuts back down to the basement, where Shemp and Moe have connected both the electrical and water pipes together.
SHEMP: I never thought I’d do it!
MOE: (shaking Shemp’s hand) Success! Ha, ha, ha!
Back in the kitchen, the chef lights the stove with a match and water sprays out of the stove instead of fire and sprays in the chef’s face. He tries turning the stove off, but no luck. He then heads for the closet but slips on the wet floor several times on his way. Camera cuts over back to the outside of the mansion. Larry pokes his head through from under the ground.
LARRY: I’ll find this thing, or else! (sticks his head back in the hole)
Back inside the kitchen, the chef peers his out of the closet door, dressed in a raincoat. He rushes over to the stove and tries to stop the water from coming out. After having no luck, he heads towards the outside of the kitchen and again slips on the floor on his way. Meanwhile, back in the Norfleets’ social party.
MRS. NORFLEET: Dear me! I can’t understand what’s holding up dinner.
The chef enters.
CHEF: Sorry, folks. Dinner’s postponed on account of rain! (leaves)
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Well, I-I’m sure it won’t be long. Shall we see what’s on the television set?
MR. NORFLEET: Uh, excellent...uh, excellent idea. (clears throat)
The Norfleets and the guest all walk over to the television set. Meanwhile, Mr. Allen secretly cuts around the Van Brocklin painting with a knife as Mrs. Allen keeps a lookout.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to her guests) The very latest set, you know. We get the most amazing results.
Mrs. Norfleet turns the TV set on.
TV ANNOUNCER: Good evening, friends.
MRS. NORFLEET: Th-That’s odd! There’s sound, but no picture.
TV ANNOUNCER: Our special feature for tonight will be glimpses of scenic America. First we take you to Niagara Falls.
MRS. NORFLEET: (trying to get the picture on in the TV set) I’ll get it in a minute...
The picture on the TV set turns on and we see the Niagara Falls. Suddenly, water bursts forth from the TV set and splashes all over Mrs. Norfleet.
MR. NORFLEET: OH! Oh, dear!
MRS. NORFLEET: OH! W-W-Water!
MR. NORFLEET: Clarabelle, you’re all wet! I tell you, (yelling in the broken TV set) television people! (to Mrs. Norfleet) Realistic, isn’t it, darling?
Wilkes the Butler walks up to the weeping Mrs. Norfleet.
WILKES: Madam, shall I get you some water?
MRS. NORFLEET: NO!!! (looks over and notices the Van Brocklin painting is missing from the frame) Oh, my painting! It’s gone!
The Allens are about to leave, but Mr. Norfleet cuts them off on the way.
MR. NORFLEET: Nobody leaves the house! ...Sorry, just the formality. (picks up the phone) I’ll call the police.
Suddenly, water starts shooting out of the phone receiver and into Mr. Norfleet’s face.
MR. NORFLEET: Wha...??? Who? What do I...??? Op- Operator! What...? (coughs)
Camera cuts over to the Allens walking into the hallway in the mansion. The chef, who walks up to them carrying a big butcher knife, suddenly frightens them.
CHEF: You folks goin’ somewhere?
MRS. ALLEN: ...Um, just looking for a drink of water.
CHEF: Turn on anything, you’ll get it!
The Allens look at the chef in confusion as he walks away. When he leaves, they walk down the hallway a little further.
MR. ALLEN: He’s gone. (looking out one end of the hall) We can’t make it out that way.
MRS. ALLEN: We’ll be searched!
MR. ALLEN: Yeah... (looks down and notices a pipe lying on the floor that Shemp dropped earlier) Yeah! (picks up the pipe) They won’t find anything.
The door opens up behind the Allens and Shemp walks out of the basement. He stops suddenly when he sees the Allens with the stolen painting.
MR. ALLEN: (stuffing the painting into the pipe) I’ll slip the picture in here ‘till the excitement blows over.
MRS. ALLEN: Anything, anything! Hurry! I’ll get back to the rest before we’re missed. (leaves)
MR. ALLEN: Yeah, okay.
SHEMP: (to Mr. Allen) Gimme that pipe, I gotcha covered!
Shemp snatches the pipe out of Mr. Allen’s hand and then swings it back, knocking out Moe, who just walked right behind them. Shemp then swings the pipe forward and whacks it on Mr. Allen’s head.
SHEMP: (running away) WHOOAAA! WHOA!
Camera cuts over to Mrs. Allen talking to Mrs. and Mrs. Norfleet.
MRS. ALLEN: Mrs. Norfleet, the only strangers in the house are those plumbers. They must’ve taken you’re painting.
MRS. NORFLEET: Of course!
MR. NORFLEET: Well, what’re we waiting for??? Let’s go find them!
MRS. NORFLEET: The thieves!
The Norfleets, Mrs. Allen, and Wilkes all run towards the hallway. When they get to the hallway, they see Moe, standing there holding his head in pain from when Shemp accidentally hit him with the pipe.
MR. NORFLEET: (pointing to Moe) There’s one of them!
MOE: Take it easy, folks! I’m just a beginner!
Moe runs into the basement and the whole crew except for Mrs. Allen follows him down there. When they get there, Moe tips over a garbage can to trip them. Meanwhile, back upstairs in the bathroom, Shemp is covering the hole he made in the floor with a rug.
SHEMP: A hole in the floor like this can be dangerous!
Mr. Allen suddenly walks in the bathroom, startling Shemp.
SHEMP: Whoa!
MR. ALLEN: Alright, sonny boy, the pipe!
SHEMP: Come and get it!
As Mr. Allen walks over to Shemp, he steps on the rug and falls right down the hole, landing in the basement. His entrance startles Mrs. Norfleet and the others.
MRS. NORFLEET: AAAAAHHHHHHH! HOO, HOO!
Moe runs up to Mr. Allen and grabs him up from the floor.
MOE: Get up outta there you! (to the Norfleets) There’s the guy that took your picture! (to Mr. Allen) Where is it?!!? Where is...
MRS. NORFLEEET: Stop it!!! No guest of mine would steal that painting!
MR. ALLEN: Of course not! This man’s out of his head!
Back upstairs in the bathroom, Mrs. Allen suddenly walks in and pulls a gun on Shemp.
MRS. ALLEN: Drop that pipe!
MR. ALLEN: (in the basement) If I took that picture... (holds his right hand up) may I be struck by a bolt from the blue!
MRS. ALLEN (to Shemp) You heard me, drop it!
Shemp drops the pipe down the hole and it falls in the basement and lands right on Mr. Allen’s head.
MR. NORFLEET: (noticing the painting sticking out of the pipe) There it is! Look!
Moe reaches over to get the pipe, but Mr. Allen pushes him back.
MR. ALLEN: Wait a minute! (pulling out a gun) Stand back, everybody.
Meanwhile, the chef, holding a bag of flour, is peeking into the basement through the door. Larry walks up behind him.
LARRY: (tapping the chef on the shoulder) Hey...
CHEF: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
The chef gets startled and throws the bag of flour in the air. It lands right on Larry’s head and covers his face with flour, giving him a ghastly look. Larry shrugs his shoulders, and then heads on down to the basement, where Moe, Wilkes, and the Norfleets are holding their arms up in the air as Mr. Allen is pointing a gun at them.
MR. ALLEN: ...and if ya wanna keep on livin’, count to a hundred before you move!
WILKES: One, two, three...
MRS. NORFLEET: (shoving Wilkes’ arm) Wilkes!
Larry walks up behind Mr. Allen and sticks his finger into Mr. Allen’s back. Mr. Allen holds his arms up in the air, thinking Larry’s finger poking into his back is a gun, and then turns around towards Larry. He gets startled by the sight of Larry covered in all the flour.
MR. ALLEN (falling backwards): AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Mr. Allen crashes off-screen as Larry jumps in shock. Camera then cuts over to Mr. Allen laying on the floor with his head stuck in a bucket. Moe, Wilkes and the Norfleets grab him up from the floor.
MR. NORFLEET: Get him up!
MOE: Get up! Hold on to him. (pointing to the gun on the floor) Get that gun!
Mr. Norfleet picks up the gun, and then points it at Mr. Allen.
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, call the police!
WILKES: (yelling around the basement) Police! Police! Police!
The flour-covered Larry walks up to Moe, and the sight of him startles Moe for a second.
MOE: What would you charge to haunt a house?
LARRY: How many rooms???
MOE: I -- (slaps Larry) Quiet!
Moe and Larry suddenly jump as they see Shemp walking into the basement, holding a gun at Mrs. Allen.
SHEMP: (to the others) Look at me! I got the other one! (to Mrs. Allen) Keep goin’, sister, or I’ll knock your brains out! Go ahead!
MRS. ALLEN: (trying to run away) Oh, no you don’t!
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, get her!
Wilkes grabs Mrs. Allen before she can run away.
MRS. ALLEN: You made a mistake! I’m not the...
MOE: (to Mrs. Norfleet) Madam! (pulls the Van Brocklin painting out of the pipe) Here is your picture.
MRS. NORFLEET: (taking the painting) Oh! My painting! Name your reward and you shall have it!
SHEMP: We don’t want no reward, lady!
MOE: What are you sayin’???
LARRY: You heard ‘im! We don’t want no more money!
SHEMP: No, it’ll put us in a higher tax bracket!
MOE: I’ll bracket yer head!
Moe swings the pipe towards Shemp and Larry but accidentally knocks down the plumbing pipes connected to the walls. Water starts splashing from it, and spraying all over Moe, Larry, and Shemp.
THE END
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