Topic: Other occupations?

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Alright now ... Audiologists (hearing doctors) in the episode "An Earful of Mirth"

(Moe, in his german accent): Vell, seet down und I vill give you a test. (okay, my take on accent phonetic spelling comes out sounding more like Chekov on Star Trek, so bear with me)
(Curly): Whatya say? You want me to keep brown and you cut out my chest?
(Moe): No, no ... seet! Pleeze seet down!
(Curly): Seat? You want me to take a seat?
(Moe): Yes, seet!
(Curly): (picking up the chair) ... what'll I do with it?
(Moe): Seet in eet!
(Curly): I can't eat while holding a chair.
(Moe): (to Larry, the lab assistant) Peegeun Head, show theess man how to pleez seet.
(Larry): ... uh, (to Curly) whadhee say?
(Curly): He told you to put cheese on my head, and show me how to pizza.
(Larry): Oh, boy! ... A party!

This episode was inspired by my own visit to an audiologist who told me I had "typical old man hearing loss" ... so in honor of her gracious use of my condition, I dedicate this episode.

[Paul Pain]

Giff, you and I need to collaborate and make a pitch for an episode script for a first-run syndication comedy to C3.  But we need to make sure we have people who can act as well as the Three Stooges, not three talentless hacks who have their hair done Stooge style despite clearly bearing no resemblance... I volunteer ourselves for two of the roles!  metaldams can be the "third Stooge," which means we'll kill him off in 8-15 years.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Talent hacks ... hhhmmm, you know, actual "good" actors tried that once. Remember the 2000 TV movie of the Three Stooges? It starred Paul Ben-Victor as Moe, Evan Handler as Larry, and Michael Chiklis as Curly. I actually thought Michael's reenactment of Curly and the clam chowder routine was very good. The problem with THAT movie was it focused on the Three Stooges in their real life, and not necessarily on their body of work.

Besides, when the 2012 Stooge movie was in the "we're gonna make it, we promise" stage, all of us here went through nearly every actor yet born and no one was able to fill the roles of Moe, Larry and Curly, in the context of a Farrelly Brothers film of them, of course.

There needs to be a concerted effort to make a film and story line that emulates our boys perfectly, and actors who can act just like them. In THAT regard, there would not be a movie studio, production company, or free lance filmmaker on the planet wanting to waste film and pixels on such an endeavor, because only the few of us who enjoy that kind of thing would pay money to see it, so the film would become an instant box office flop.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Watching my grandsons play "Grand Theft Auto" on the computer does bring up the possibility of recreating a digital Moe, Larry and Curly and putting them in a movie, kinda like the digital things that are out today ... Finding Dory, Kung Fu Panda 3, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc.
But then it would be relegated to "Children's Movies" in the video store after it got old ... but there still may be some hope for you coming up with a screenplay that digital hollywood would buy.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

On second thought ... our boys, The Three Stooges, in ALL of their threesome combinations, struck that childlike, not exactly innocent, stoopnagle quality that all of us, (but mostly men) share. And that was only done by our guys. Perhaps we could do some more of those comic bonk things Norman Maurer did but in graphic novel form? .... nah, probably already thought of by C3 and I just haven't seen them yet.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Giff, you and I need to collaborate and make a pitch for an episode script for a first-run syndication comedy to C3.  But we need to make sure we have people who can act as well as the Three Stooges, not three talents hacks who have their hair done Stooge style despite clearly bearing no resemblance... I volunteer ourselves for two of the roles!  metaldams can be the "third Stooge," which means we'll kill him off in 8-15 years.

I did not miss you saying we will kill off metaldams in 8-15 years ... you MUST have him pegged as Curly or Shemp!

[metaldams]

You can kill me off, and Brad Pitt will be my double in the metaldams a.d. shorts.  I also want my death on camera.

[Paul Pain]

You can kill me off, and Brad Pitt will be my double in the metaldams a.d. shorts.  I also want my death on camera.

You may be beheaded, or you can be burned at the stake!

P.S. Falling off the 97th story is OK too.

We can't kill you on camera as we want teenagers to watch this...

Especially with the warning before every episode about not re-enacting the scenes because it's dangerous.

[Paul Pain]

Talent hacks ... hhhmmm, you know, actual "good" actors tried that once. Remember the 2000 TV movie of the Three Stooges? It starred Paul Ben-Victor as Moe, Evan Handler as Larry, and Michael Chiklis as Curly. I actually thought Michael's reenactment of Curly and the clam chowder routine was very good. The problem with THAT movie was it focused on the Three Stooges in their real life, and not necessarily on their body of work.

Besides, when the 2012 Stooge movie was in the "we're gonna make it, we promise" stage, all of us here went through nearly every actor yet born and no one was able to fill the roles of Moe, Larry and Curly, in the context of a Farrelly Brothers film of them, of course.

There needs to be a concerted effort to make a film and story line that emulates our boys perfectly, and actors who can act just like them. In THAT regard, there would not be a movie studio, production company, or free lance filmmaker on the planet wanting to waste film and pixels on such an endeavor, because only the few of us who enjoy that kind of thing would pay money to see it, so the film would become an instant box office flop.

I ask more for accurate behavior than looks.  Every time, they spend too much money trying to make "look-a-likes" and end up with a bunch of wannabe actors.

But I think an accurate rendition, if it could be condensed into a 30-minute prime time effort, would be perfect for today's short attention span generation, especially if you can appropriately modernize them into a script like that unfilmed episode "When the Toll is Called Up Yonder."

[Paul Pain]

I did not miss you saying we will kill off metaldams in 8-15 years ... you MUST have him pegged as Curly or Shemp!

 

Oh, yeah... it's gonna be a crazy time figuring out how we dispose of him... don't let your nephew watch, metaldams!

[metaldams]

Oh, yeah... it's gonna be a crazy time figuring out how we dispose of him... don't let your nephew watch, metaldams!

Maybe my nephew can have the bloody knife in his hand. 

I've been watching American Horror Story recently, hence the macabre humor.

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Next ... Mall Kiosk Hawkers ... this little episode is titled "The Burr Under My Saddle"

(Moe): Okay numbskulls, we gotta get out in the hallway and sell! sell! sell!
(Larry): What are we selling?
(Moe): Ourselves! ... and these expensive things no one wants.
(Curly): (to a passing mall patron) Hey, lady, how'd you like to peek under my mask?
(Mall Patron): Ooooh!! (stomps off)
(Moe): Why are you wearing a mask?
(Curly): It worked for the Lone Ranger ...
(Moe): Take your lumps, Kimo Sabe ... (slap! punch!)
(Moe): You know, we would sell more of these things if you birds didn't have A-D-D ...
(Larry): A-D-D?! What's that?
(Moe): All Dumb Disorder!

[archiezappa]

How about The Three Stooges as mailmen!  That would have been hilarious.  Especially, Curly trying to deliver a parcel to the door of a house.  Talk about going postal!

[Paul Pain]

How about The Three Stooges as mailmen!  That would have been hilarious.  Especially, Curly trying to deliver a parcel to the door of a house.  Talk about going postal!

Well, we'll find out in FAIL CALL, where are heroes are indeed mailmen... all jammed into the same truck!

Naturally, the short opens with the boys sleeping... in the back of a mail truck, but we'll skip that scene for one in the truck.

Larry: Move over.  I can't see to drive!
Moe: Whoever hoid of a steering wheel on the right!
Curly: Queen Elizabet!
Moe: Queen Elizabeth, you say?
Curly: Yeah!
Moe: *holds a fist* You see that?
Curly: Yeah!
Moe: Well! *moves fist back, hits Larry, moves fist forward, hits Curly in the forehead*
Larry: Ow! *bangs head on door and loses consciousness*
Curly: Oh!  Why you!
Moe: You lamebrain!  I oughta!
Curly: Hey, don't look now, but I think we're about to be killed! *sees oncoming semi-truck*
Moe: Look out!

...

Later on, our boys are making their first delivery of the shift.

Moe: Now remember: the evens go in one pile, and the odds go in the other.
Larry: *Looks at mail*
Moe: Superstitious, eh? *eye poke*
Larry: Oh!
Moe: Curly, the mail always goes to the house on the right!
Curly: Right!
Moe: Nitwit!  I said the right!  The right!
Curly: *points to the right, which is Moe's left*
Moe: *starts crying* Larry, this idiot won't listen to me!
Larry: Oh, playing tough, eh?
Curly: Moe said the mail goes to the house on the right!
Larry: Well, uh... the right is straight down the street.  So we'll go until there's a house that way.
Moe: Boy, am I dumb.  *looks at Curly* He's a clever imbecile.  What's with the one pile?
Curly: You said "the evens go in one pile, and the odds go in the other."
Moe: Yeah?
Curly: It was all even!  No bumps or anything!
Moe: You idiot!  I meant even numbers and odd numbers!  Remind me to kill you later!
Curly: I'll make a note of it.  Have you got a pen?
Moe: I changed my mind!  I'll do it now!
Curly: Not that! *gets bonked with a package, which flies out the back into the street*  Why you!
Moe: Nyah! *ducks, more mail flies out the back*  That one was lost in transit!

....

Making a delivery

Symona: Oh, the mailman!  Is any postage due?
Larry: Lady, the package ain't wet, and we're all men!
Symona: No, do I owe you any money.
Larryy: Nah!  Lady, this one's on the house.
Symona: What do you mean?
Larry: Well... *looks on the roof*
Symona: You blithering idiots!  I'll tell your manager about this!
Larry: Lady, don't *gets door shut on nose* Ouch!

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Well, let's see .. we can't do an episode of Flip or Flop or Property Brothers because our boys have done that one -
we can't do an episode of MasterChef or Chopped because our boys have done that one -
we can't do an episode of Fear Factor or Survivor because our boys have done that one -
we can't do an episode of Barney and Friends or Thomas the Train because our boys have done that one (Curly Joe) -
we can't do an infomercial about a wondrous product at 3am because our boys have done that one -

AAaaahhh!!! I got it!! Gastric Bypass infomercials! (do I even need to write this one?)

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Wait ... I take that back. Too Farrelly like ... besides, there would be doctors in this infomercial and our boys would have done that too.
(rapping fingers) ... hhhmmmm ...

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

How about ... an Olympic cyclist with testicular cancer! - no -
... a politician with visions of grandeur! ... wait, we are watching that episode now - no -
... a man proclaiming godhood and rising from the dead! - no -
... WAIT! Nail Parlor Technicians! Just think of the odors!

[Paul Pain]

WAIT! Nail Parlor Technicians! Just think of the odors!

Did anyone ever tell you that you have pretty paws?  Next!

[Paul Pain]

Things go awry, as usual, as the boys are landscapers in THREE BROWN THUMBS.

Moe: Larry, go clip the hedges!  And this time do what the owner says!
Larry: Whatever!
Curly: *starts ride-on mower*

Oh, yeah, this would be good... knocking down trees, breaking windows, smashing cars...

[Paul Pain]

Maybe my nephew can have the bloody knife in his hand. 

I've been watching American Horror Story recently, hence the macabre humor.

Who said anything about a knife?  Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

Okay then ... State Fair Funnel Cake Vendors! (Episode Title - "Ballin' the Cake") (a spoof of the old timey song "Ballin' the Jack")
(I know this is close to the chef/cooking/eating/anything food/ our boys have done, but I just couldn't resist ...)

(Larry): Funnel Caaaaaakkkeeeesss!!! Come and get 'em while they're hot!
(Customer): What kind of flavors do you have?
(Moe): Well, (nudging the other two) we've got ...
(All, chanting): Blueberry, Boysenberry, Raspberry, Shift!
Farkleberry, Whoosenbeery, Snoozeberry, Spit!
(Customer): Snoozeberry!? ... Whoever heard of a snoozeberry?
(Curly): We also have hotdogs!! (Looking down) ... Say, did you order hot dogs or Funnel Cakes?
(Customer): I ordered funnel cakes.
(Curly): Well then, I just cut off my fingers! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woooooo! Hey, Moe!! Hey Larry!!

[Paul Pain]

Moe, Larry, and Shemp work in a flour mill in THREE MILLSTONED DOPES...

Moe: Get these on the truck!
Shemp: What truck?
Moe: Take off the glasses...

Larry: I can't reach it *bag falls on head*
Shemp: M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m
Moe: What?  Speak up, you imbecile.
Shemp: A g-g-g-g-g-ghost!
Moe: There's no such thing as... NYAH!
Larry: What's wrong with him?

[Paul Pain]

Paul ... please watch your phraseology when posting comments ...
You said a "Moe, Larry, and Shemp" episode, but when you posted the actual lines, they were Moe, Larry, and Curly
(No gratitude required from the resident Stooge nitpicker of all time)
Sorry, hope I didn't hurt your feelings, it was just an "almost" obvious discrepancy I couldn't resist pointing out
(I'm an irascible nitpicker)

Fixed   

[Giff me dat fill-em!]

In that case - comment removed! Yay!

[Paul Pain]

In that case - comment removed! Yay!

Double Yay!