Topic: Brain Cramps

[Dunrobin]

Sometimes, I just feel like beating my head against a wall.  Here are some great quotes that illustrate why:

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
 --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
 --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
 --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
 --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
 --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
 --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it"
 --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
 --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
 --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
 --Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
 --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
 --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
 --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
 --Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
 --Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
 --Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
 --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
 --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


Ohh - my aching head! 

[Pilsner Panther]

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
 --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

Well, at least the U.S. military is still upholding its old standards of forthrighness and veracity; there were weapons of mass destuction in Iraq, too.

(former Army Medical Corps P.A.O., Pils)

 

[Baggie]

 Here are some more choice quotes:

"They misunderestimated me"
 - George W. Bush

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
 - Geogre W. Bush

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
 - George Dubya Bush

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
 - Ahem, George W. Bush

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
 - erm, George Dubya

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." - Bush

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." -George W. Bush

"But I also made it clear to (Vladimir Putin) that it's important to think beyond the old days of when we had the concept that if we blew each other up, the world would be safe." - George

"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead."
 - George W Bush

 Sorry, I'll stop now, got a bit carried away there.

[Senorita Rita]

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
 --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

Sounds like a Stooge line.