I Came Out of the Closet on Valentine's Day

Dunrobin · **on:** February 16, 2013, 11:20:15 AM

I know that it's not really relevant to this site, but I just wanted you guys to know that I "officially" came out of the closet on Thursday. I'm Gay, and I'm no longer ashamed to say so.

The fact that it was Valentine's Day was actually just a coincidence. My "little" brother, who has been my best friend all of my life, has been living on the other side of the state for over a year, and we only get to see him every couple of weeks when he comes for an overnight visit. I told him, and the rest of the family, Thursday when he got here.

If you're interested in the sordid details, I've also started a new blog and posted my coming out story there. I'll be posting there occasionally, and probably much more often once I get all the bugs fixed here on ThreeStooges.net. (Brent's probably gonna skin me alive if I don't.)

Actually, I guess this news is somewhat relevant to the site. You may have noticed that last June I made the comment, "Last, but not least, I simply got burnt out and frustrated, by these problems and by a number of other personal issues." Well, this was the primary "other personal issue" I was dealing with. I went into a severe funk over the past couple of years dealing with this issue, and it just got worse as time went on. It finally hit the breaking point right after New Year's, and fortunately when I searched online for answers I found them. It's caused me to completely re-evaluate my beliefs and finally led to me accepting myself for who I am, and realizing that God doesn't hate me for it.

Fortunately the funk is over. I now feel free to be myself and embrace life again, and in turn I am feeling much more focused again. And now it's time to get back to work, before I really do drive poor Brent crazy.

Liz · **Reply #1 on:** February 16, 2013, 10:48:51 PM

Congratulations, Rob, and you're right; God doesn't hate us for who we are. He made us all unique. Great job.

FineBari3 · **Reply #2 on:** February 16, 2013, 11:02:36 PM

I am happy for you, Rob! You deserve to be happy with yourself!

Dunrobin · **Reply #3 on:** February 17, 2013, 12:06:15 AM

Thank you both, Liz and MJ. I truly appreciate the acceptance and support. ;-D

It's funny, but I feel almost literally lighter now. I made myself miserable for three long decades through what I now realize was a contradictory understanding of the Bible, and I actually cut myself off from God even while I was trying to do what I thought was His will. Coming to terms with who I am, and that God created me this way and loves me even as I am, has renewed my faith. I can't believe that I let bigoted hatred passing itself off as "Christianity" fool me for so long. After all, we were warned to beware of false teachers preaching lies in His name.

My "little" brother has been tremendously supportive since I came out to him on Thursday, but I shouldn't be surprised because he always has been. (I always put the word little in quotes because he's 50 years old and a pretty big guy. Little isn't really a word you'd normally use in association with him, but he doesn't like it when I call him my baby brother.)

Shemp_Diesel · **Reply #4 on:** February 17, 2013, 01:01:59 PM

I'm happy for you Rob that you have accepted yourself for who you are & hope you will be much happier in the future because of it.

Dunrobin · **Reply #5 on:** February 17, 2013, 03:24:46 PM

Thanks, SD. I really appreciate how cool everyone has been about everything so far. Even my 82 year old father has been remarkably blase about my news, a far cry from what I would have expected 40 years ago (if I had had the guts to tell him back then.)

metaldams · **Reply #6 on:** February 17, 2013, 03:25:53 PM

I'm glad you've come to peace with your sexuality, Rob. I can't even begin to imagine what it must've been like for you all these years.

Dunrobin · **Reply #7 on:** February 17, 2013, 04:15:57 PM

Quote from: metaldams on February 17, 2013, 03:25:53 PM

I'm glad you've come to peace with your sexuality, Rob. I can't even begin to imagine what it must've been like for you all these years.

Thanks, Doug. It wasn't easy being that conflicted and still not turn into an ISLIPP.

metaldams · **Reply #8 on:** February 17, 2013, 04:21:28 PM

Quote from: Dunrobin on February 17, 2013, 04:15:57 PM

Thanks, Doug. It wasn't easy being that conflicted and still not turn into an ISLIPP.

Oh, believe me, I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious if our friend Slipp is going to make some boneheaded and bigoted response to this.

If you want to hear some irony, I was online earlier today researching some past presidents only to find out James Buchanan may have been gay. I read a few articles about it, then decide to visit this site and read your post. Talk about strange timing.

But hey man, I'm just happy you're happy.

Dunrobin · **Reply #9 on:** February 17, 2013, 04:34:39 PM

Quote from: metaldams on February 17, 2013, 04:21:28 PM

Oh, believe me, I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious if our friend Slipp is going to make some boneheaded and bigoted response to this.

The thought cross my mind as well.

Quote

If you want to hear some irony, I was online earlier today researching some past presidents only to find out James Buchanan may have been gay. I read a few articles about it, then decide to visit this site and read your post. Talk about strange timing.

It must be a weekend for serendipity. Right after I posted my coming out story, I saw the news about Robbie Rogers, the soccer star, coming out and retiring.

Desmond Of The Outer Sanctorum · **Reply #10 on:** February 18, 2013, 11:08:07 AM

Quote from: Dunrobin on February 17, 2013, 03:24:46 PM

I made myself miserable for three long decades through what I now realize was a contradictory understanding of the Bible, and I actually cut myself off from God even while I was trying to do what I thought was His will. Coming to terms with who I am, and that God created me this way and loves me even as I am, has renewed my faith. I can't believe that I let bigoted hatred passing itself off as "Christianity" fool me for so long. After all, we were warned to beware of false teachers preaching lies in His name.

Sorry, but I find your words haunting as they are very similar to what I heard from someone who was once very close to me. When he said them, he was in the early stages of suffering from AIDS. And they rang very hollow as I could see how hard he was trying to convince himself. By the time he died, at 33, he was making an effort to let young people know not to take the path he had taken.

He had encountered a lot of the same "hate" as you have. At least I was able to show him I cared about him, even though I didn't say the things he wanted to hear.

Liz · **Reply #11 on:** February 18, 2013, 04:48:53 PM

Quote from: metaldams on February 17, 2013, 04:21:28 PM

Oh, believe me, I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious if our friend Slipp is going to make some boneheaded and bigoted response to this.

I didn't even think of that, and I wasn't really there for when all of that happened! I read the threads in the ISLIPP board too much. Just too much fun, even though I don't know who to side with.

Larrys#1 · **Reply #12 on:** February 19, 2013, 08:00:10 AM

Certainly nothing to be ashamed about. So sorry this was bothering you for so many years. I'm so glad you finally accepted yourself for who you are and have realized that you're perfectly normal.

Dunrobin · **Reply #13 on:** February 19, 2013, 08:34:09 AM

Quote from: Larrys#1 on February 19, 2013, 08:00:10 AM

Certainly nothing to be ashamed about. So sorry this was bothering you for so many years. I'm so glad you finally accepted yourself for who you are and have realized that you're perfectly normal.

The only thing I am ashamed of is that I deluded myself into thinking that there was something wrong with me for so long.

metaldams · **Reply #14 on:** February 21, 2013, 08:19:42 PM

Hey Rob, I thought you might be interested in this. Here's another Rob coming out in 1998, as this wouldn't be complete without me throwing in a heavy metal twist to this.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oo_sTzE6Tck

I'm using an iPad these days and I can't seem to directly post you tube vids on the site, so the link's above.

Dunrobin · **Reply #15 on:** February 21, 2013, 09:43:40 PM

Quote from: metaldams on February 21, 2013, 08:19:42 PM

Hey Rob, I thought you might be interested in this. Here's another Rob coming out in 1998, as this wouldn't be complete without me throwing in a heavy metal twist to this.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oo_sTzE6Tck

I'm using an iPad these days and I can't seem to directly post you tube vids on the site, so the link's above.

That was pretty interesting. I hadn't heard that Halford had come out, but then I've never been one for following entertainment news. I'm also not a big metalhead like some

but I've always liked Judas Priest.

One thing that caught my ear was a fan's comment about wishing that Halford had stayed in the closet. Then Paul Gargano makes the observation that a lot of older Priest fans might be thinking "I idolized this guy. My idol was a gay man, so what does this make me?" (6:34) The answer is, whatever you are. If you're a Priest fan and you are straight, then obviously idolizing a gay man doesn't have any affect on your sexuality. Hell, I've idolized a lot of straight people over the years - it didn't change me.

metaldams · **Reply #16 on:** February 22, 2013, 05:47:53 AM

Quote from: Dunrobin on February 21, 2013, 09:43:40 PM

That was pretty interesting. I hadn't heard that Halford had come out, but then I've never been one for following entertainment news. I'm also not a big metalhead like some but I've always liked Judas Priest.

One thing that caught my ear was a fan's comment about wishing that Halford had stayed in the closet. Then Paul Gargano makes the observation that a lot of older Priest fans might be thinking "I idolized this guy. My idol was a gay man, so what does this make me?" (6:34) The answer is, whatever you are. If you're a Priest fan and you are straight, then obviously idolizing a gay man doesn't have any affect on your sexuality. Hell, I've idolized a lot of straight people over the years - it didn't change me.

The vast majority of Priest and metal fans could care less about Halford's sexuality except for the fact, as hinted at in the documentary, that it gives a different twist to a few of those old Priest lyrics.

I think MTV decided they had to air a homophobe or two to make things more interesting, but from my experience, most people don't care. He's arguably the best metal vocalist ever and the private lives of stars are usually of more interest to Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears fans, you know, people without real talent.

That said, the Halford interview part was interesting, no doubt.

shemps#1 · **Reply #17 on:** February 23, 2013, 02:27:20 PM

Congratulations Rob, now you've got some catching up to do. I prescribe a diet of as much cock as necessarily to make up for the denial years.

Dunrobin · **Reply #18 on:** February 23, 2013, 03:19:04 PM

Quote from: shemps#1 on February 23, 2013, 02:27:20 PM

Congratulations Rob, now you've got some catching up to do. I prescribe a diet of as much cock as necessarily to make up for the denial years.

I don't know whether I could survive catching up on 30 years worth, but it would be fun trying and what a way to go!

metaldams · **Reply #19 on:** February 23, 2013, 07:38:15 PM

Quote from: shemps#1 on February 23, 2013, 02:27:20 PM

Congratulations Rob, now you've got some catching up to do. I prescribe a diet of as much cock as necessarily to make up for the denial years.

Classic.

QuinceHead · **Reply #20 on:** February 24, 2013, 06:31:27 PM

Congratulations, Rob! :-)

Good to know there are other gay Stooges fans out there...

For duty and humanity,
JohnH aka QuinceHead

Dunrobin · **Reply #21 on:** February 24, 2013, 07:57:30 PM

Quote from: QuinceHead on February 24, 2013, 06:31:27 PM

Congratulations, Rob! :-)

Good to know there are other gay Stooges fans out there...

For duty and humanity,
JohnH aka QuinceHead

Thanks, John. There may well be more of us than anyone knows.

metaldams · **Reply #22 on:** February 25, 2013, 07:09:53 AM

Sooooo, now that we have two people who are out, I have a serious question, and it's Stooge related.

Over the years, the occasional, "I can't stand Joe Besser because he's the gay Stooge" remark pops out of posters. What's your reaction to it? Do you find it amusing, offensive, a little of both, or have a completely different take?

Dunrobin · **Reply #23 on:** February 25, 2013, 08:53:59 AM

Quote from: metaldams on February 25, 2013, 07:09:53 AM

Sooooo, now that we have two people who are out, I have a serious question, and it's Stooge related.

Over the years, the occasional, "I can't stand Joe Besser because he's the gay Stooge" remark pops out of posters. What's your reaction to it? Do you find it amusing, offensive, a little of both, or have a completely different take?

Personally, I never cared for Besser as a Stooge just because his comedic style didn't really mesh well with the Stooges' slapstick. I've never thought of Besser's characterizations as "gay." Although I can understand some people thinking of his mannerisms as being gay, I always thought of them as being more like a little child trapped in a grown-up's body.

The problem is that the stereotype of gays as always being effeminate in mannerisms is mistaken. There are far more "straight acting" gays than most people suspect. At least a few people that I've come out to were surprised because I never "acted gay" (although they did wonder why I was never interested in dating anyone.)

Anyway, to answer your question I suppose that I do get a bit annoyed over Besser being called "Gay," just because it (a) isn't true (he was happily married to his wife, Emma, for more than 50 years,) and (b) it assumes that all gays have similar mannerisms, which also isn't true. Calling Besser "gay" just betrays a person's ignorance.

You can dislike Besser as a Stooge without resorting to nonsensical - and incorrect - stereotypes. Many, if not most, gays do not act effeminate, and not all men who have effeminate mannerisms are gay.

QuinceHead · **Reply #24 on:** February 25, 2013, 09:13:14 AM

Quote from: metaldams on February 25, 2013, 07:09:53 AM

Sooooo, now that we have two people who are out, I have a serious question, and it's Stooge related.

Over the years, the occasional, "I can't stand Joe Besser because he's the gay Stooge" remark pops out of posters. What's your reaction to it? Do you find it amusing, offensive, a little of both, or have a completely different take?

I find such statements both amusing and exasperating, depending on my mood at the time.

In my opinion, such a remark shows the ignorance of equating "gay" with "sissy" and/or "effeminate", which is clearly not the case anymore. I mean, yes, back in less-enlightened times, that was the "code" / "shorthand" for gay characters, but like Rob, I always thought of Joe the Stooge as a "sissy boy" (not unlike some of Joe Besser's other comic personas) in a grown man's body, not as a gay stereotype.

Besser is probably one of my least favorite Stooges, but even his tenure has some highlights. Granted, it's been over 20 years since I've watched the majority of his shorts...

For duty and humanity,
JohnH aka QuinceHead