The old saying that curiosity killed the cat certainly did me in tonight. I killed an evening at the updated "Stooges" movie.
It was HORRIBLE! I really wanted to like it in a strange kind of way for the sake of the original greats that we love so much. I really wanted it to draw a new generation to the originals--I just knew it wouldn't-- and it won't! With rare exception, kids just won't give black and white any consideration. Plus, the kids who were in attendance rarely laughed. It was a weird audience made up of men, fathers and their kids, and traditional families. There was one hottie who was dragged by her boyfriend and she just wanted to kill him at the end for making her sit through it all. You can bet he won't be getting any tonight--or for quite awhile from the look on her face as they exited! The older men laughed the most--very surprising as they should have been the most familiar with the original Stooges and realized that this was more than a weak substitute.
The fact that Entertainment Weekly gave this an A- proves that these reviewers are on the take.
The first trailer was awful and it showed in the film. Several more creative trailers followed- like the "Stoogesta" medical parody, which was funnier than anything contained in the actual movie.
The entire orphanage back drop was unneeded and unfunny...and after a few minutes, the whole Larry David bit wore out what very little welcome it brought.
Jane Lynch was wasted and they gave her absolutely NOTHING to do!
This was like a bad made-for-TV movie and is every bit as terrible as The Little Rascals deal from the 90s. It was sloppily made, cut and staged. In fact, there was one scene with "Moe" and "Larry" fixing the bell tower. This movie was filmed in Atlanta during the hot summer and the actor playing "Moe" was sweating down his neck like crazy and it showed on the screen.
The three split up segments were pointless because they were all tied together anyway. Even the titles were weak...."No Moe Mister Nice Guy." Really? That's the best die hard Stooge fans could come up with?
Splitting Moe from the others during the last"act' was a colossal mistake--something the Farrelly's should have known, being die hard fans.
The actors did passable impersonations, but I never thought that they were the "Stooges." Sasso's "Curly" was, by far, the weakest of the three, yet another major misfire of the movie, because Curly was supposed to be the heart of the team. His voice didn't come close to matching the sing-song octave of Curly Howard's. Additionally, his Curly ( and I have a hard time saying that because he WASN'T Curly) had none of the grace, charm and warmth of Jerome's portrayal. Seeing as the Farrelly's hold the Stooges in such high esteem, why did they make the blunder of making Moe such a softie and showing his sensitive side so often? The brothers Farrelly couldn't decide who their audience should be--kids or nostalgic baby boomers. They decided to try for both and missed the target on all sides. The impressions were forced and it showed. The actors tried too hard to be Howard, Fine and Howard. Like an Olympic athlete, the original Stooges made it seem effortless, and that was the beauty of their talent. From the very beginning, this was doomed to fail, as you simply cannot take three strangers, plop a hair piece on them, make them watch hours of original shorts, study their moves and expect them to become the Three Stooges. We all know that the real Stooges perfected their timing and craft on stage and had a BOND! They came up through the muck and meier together and honed their skills.
The pissing babies and the whole Jersey Shore thing was so un-Stooge like. Not to mention, by the time this mess finally made it to theatres, the bloom was off the rose for the reality trolls and it was already dated in itself. The Farrelly's created perhaps their biggest blunder in the movie by putting Moe in with these mooks. In a Stooges film, nobody should be dumber or more lowbrow than the Stooges. By placing Jersey Shore on the same playing field as a stooge, Moe is no longer the biggest dim wit in the room. This is the movie's biggest misstep! Seltzer bottles are too old school for today's elevated comedy taste, I guess. God help us!
I don't know, maybe because it was in color, but the buzz saw to Curly's noggin wasn't even remotely funny like in the real Stooges comedies. Nah, it was Sasso's reaction not selling the bit that is to blame. Seeing as this was in present day, why were the Stooges dressed from the 30s? And why were their overalls always looking like they just came back freshly pressed from the dry cleaner? If that was what the Farrelly's wanted, then they should have dropped the orphanage plot and employed the Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure premise instead. The iphone gag was pointless on two counts: first, just because you live in an orphanage, doesn't mean you're completely cut off from the world--they would have at least seen ads on TV. It is the present day, after all. They most likely had a TV somewhere on the premises. Plus, when Sasso as Curly looks into the thing, he says, "there's nobody there." Not that this would have made the unfunny gag much better, but he should have said, "I don't SEE anybody." Just another sloppy example of how weak the script is. That, and in twenty five years, none of the nuns aged one bit!
The pacing was off, the plot was dull, the gags weren't staged right and there were too many characters who did and contributed nothing to pad it out to 92 minutes. None of the character actors had a smidgen of what the Columbia stock players brought to the table.
As for the Farrelly's, I never cared for any of their movies...Dumb and Dumber was Stooge like, I guess, but the slapstick was too mean spirited to be funny for me. There's Something About Mary left me cold. I never saw any of their other movies.
For people who say they love the Stooges as much as they do, this was a massive failure and I suspect they used this whole project as a spring board to announce that they are making Dumb and Dumber II with the original cast...something they conveniently mentioned throughout the premiere footage I saw for the Stooges movie.
The last bit at the end with two actors pretending to be the Farrelly's was perhaps the strangest thing of this entire fiasco. I could just see some Fox suit lawyer telling them that if any kid got hurt from doing any of the Stooges bits, you'll have to put a warning in as some sort of a safety clause. The PC police strikes again. That's reason enough to have left the Stooges alone and drop the entire idea of this movie. The Farrelly's figured that if they have to give in and do it, then let's at least do it in a "funny" way. I don't think these guys would know funny if it bit them in the ass!
The shorts were the best gift the real Stooges ever got, even though they didn't know it. Nobody watches the Three Stooges for major plot or story lines. They were live action cartoons and 16-18 minutes per episode was just right. It's the main reason why the Stooges endure today, while most other comedians from the past are barely known in current times. The Stooges are one of the very few products from the 30s that receive any regular air time on modern television schedules! I would suspect if they had made features on a regular basis, as Moe would have wanted, even with a prime Curly, they would not have earned the pop culture status they now have. Look what happened to Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello and The Marx Brothers.
To wrap up, the Farrelly's claim they made this movie because they felt the Stooges were "going away." Hmmm---all 190 shorts were recently issued on DVD and sold better than expected. Film festivals still pop up all over the nation, and major markets still show them on TV. They are also on cable outlets like AMC, IFC and Antenna TV. So, where are they going away to, exactly? I think the Farrelly's wanted to use the Stooges brand in hopes that it would be the life preserver for their ever sinking careers. This project is their Titanic, and I'm not referring to the James Cameron movie (which I also have issues with).
Fox should be sued for false advertising because this "new" movie is NOT The Three Stooges! It should be re-titled The Three Phoneys!
Like one of those stuffy society dames said from the Stooges shorts of yore, "What's the meaning of this?" That's what I'd like to know, toots!
One last thing...FUCK YOU FARRELLY BROTHERS!
P.S..FUCK YOU TOO, C3!
