That is the weirdest post that I have ever seen on this site.
Get ready to amend your statement -- here's where the horse scholars find they need to pony up! (What that has to do with religion I have no idea.)
Okay, with Pt. 2a of this discussion, I presented a classic laff-fest that
everyone could dig:a transcript of
LET MY PEOPLE GO, NYUK-NYUK-NYUK! by T.J. Englander; from
National Lampoon 2/84.
Now, for anyone and everyone who actually completed and enjoyed Pt. 1 (Anybody? Hel-loooo?), below is another heavy (and Stooge-related!) theological tirade by
Dave Sim of
Cerebus fame. It's a bit tough going in spots, but
the key concept here is that Sim subscribes to an unusual belief which is shared only by a very small cadre of assorted deists: that
God and Jehovah (or YHWH) are not the same being; and that YHWH is the spirit of the Earth (
Mother Nature, if you will). while God is -- well, you know -- God.
[It might make it simpler to think of the Holy Trinity -- The Father (G*D), the Son (Jesus the Christ), and the Holy Ghost (Yahweh, etc.) Anyhow, that's as well as I can prepare you for this litle speech by Sim].
Sim writes:
I don't know what the best current Orthodox Jewish thinking is on
why Moshe had to die instead of going into the Promised Land and
what, exactly, was his big deal crime in Meribah in Numbers 20.
I'm sure I could look it up in the Talmud if I was interested, but really
I'm not. See, my theory is along these lines. Starting at Verse 2:
And there was no water for the Congregation: and they gathered themselues together against Moshe and against Aaron.
And the people chode with Moshe and spake, saying, "Would God that we had died when our brethren died before the YHWH.
"And why haue yee brought up the Congregation of the YHWH into this wildernesse, that we and our cattell should die there?
"And wherefore haue ye made vs to come vp out of Egypt, to bring vs in vnto this euil place? It be no place of seed, or of figges, or vines, or of pomegranates, neither is there any water to drinke." And Moshe and Aaron went from the presence of the assembly, vnto the doore of the Tabernacle of the congregation, and they fell vpon their faces: and the glory of the YHWH appeared vnto them.
And the YHWH spake vnto Moshe, saying, "Take the rodde, and gather thou the assembly together, thou and Aaron, thy brother, and speake yee vnto the rocke before their eyes, and it shall giue foorth his water, and thou shalt bring foorth to them, water out of the rocke: so thou shalt giue the Congregation, and their beasts drinke." And Moshe tooke the rod from before the YHWH, as he commanded him.
And Moshe and Aaron gathered the Congregation together before the rocke,
Okay? You got the set-up? Remember. It's my theory that YHWH is
the living thing inside the earth and inside every rock. ("Speake yee
vnto the rocke before their eyes, and IT shall giue foorth
HIS water.")
And hee said vnto them, "Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rocke?"
And Moshe did lift up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rocke twice: and the water came out abundantly, and the Congregation dranke, and [so did] their beasts.
See, I think God must've just cracked up at this point. Just killing
Himself laughing. YHWH is sitting there waiting for Moshe to ask
YHWH nicely in front of everyone to give him water. And what does
Moshe do? He gives YHWH two good smacks in the face and says to
the crowd, "Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of
this rocke?"
And of course YHWH, who has NO sense of humour, immediately
reacts with:
"Because ye beleeue me not, to sanctifie me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall not bring this Congregation into the land which I haue giuen them. This is the water of Meribah [that is, Hebrew for 'strife'] because the children of Israel stroue with the YHWH!" [/i]
I may be reading it wrong, but that to me is one of the great
punch-lines in the Bible. I wouldn't be surprised if three to four
thousand years later, God still has to stifle Himself when He pictures
Moshe smacking YHWH in the face. I also think that that's what the gig
is with Balaam and his talking donkey two chapters later:
And the YHWH opened the mouth of the asse, and shee saide vnto Balaam, "What haue I done vnto thee that thou has smitten mee these three times?"
God is really trying to patch things up as best He can at this point,
while knowing that Moshe is still 'Moshe Toast' because of YHWH's
hurt feelings... Anyway, I have trouble keeping a straight face
whenever the Sunday comes along that I'm reading Numbers 20
aloud:
(SCHMECK, SCHMECK! "Heare
now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock?")
Moe Howard couldn't have done it any better! Y'know, actually -- most of you would probably be far more amused by the unholy ruckus that was raised when I posted this screed on Usenet back in 2004:
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.comedy.slapstick.3-stooges/browse_thread/thread/7e3bf9f1e8e078f6/1312276c8ef7e65b?q=cerebus+stooges .
Ah, well -- if the actual material was too much for ya, at least give yerself the chance to giggle at the idea of being a kid in church and having the preacher give a sermon based on the Three Stooges, fashioned somewhat like the above.
Reminds me of when I was about 14 and a guest preacher at our Lutheran* church who placed a crystal wine glass and a plastic cup on the pulpit and then presented a long lesson about which one of the two you should be like. He led everyone on, thinking they should be like the lovely, delicate glassware... then at the end he picked up both of 'em and SLAMMED them down on the floor, coming within an inch or so of slicing up the patrons in the front row! Then he wandered over to where the unscathed plastic cup and placed it back onto the pulpit, without a single word.
The Moral: Why argue about religion all day when a little Stooges-like violence can get your message across in an instant?!?
-- MNW*(LUTHERAN: Essentially the same as "Catholic" but with most of the boring talk about Jesus left out.)
