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The 3 Stooges As Ideological Literature Part 1 of 2

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Offline middlenamewayne

I can't recall if I've told you guys before about Dave Sim
(Surely the most famous white Canadian Muslim comic book writer/
artist on the planet!) and how he incorporated doppelgangers of the
3 Stooges into the epic 6000 page storyline of his life's work Cerebus,
completed in late 2004. In a sense, Sim uses the Stooges'
images to represent the Jewish faith in the story, though the tale
doesn't really take place on this Earth as we know it, and the times
and places given for events have no direct bearings on our reality.



The guy on the left is Sim, who uses Moe, Larry & Curly as the
pivotal characters The Three Wise Guys aka Mosher, Losher,
& Kosher. The clip shown above is from an interview which goes
awry as Sim's foil (another cartoonist) dares to declare that "Harold
Lloyd
vs the Stooges is a case of slapstick vs torture". Sim
takes offense to this, and the discussion erupts into a festival of
slaps, slugs, and eye-pokes (including Stooge-worthy sound effects)!

I thought some of you might also appreciate the following passages
from Cerebus issue #279 [aka Latter Days Chapter 11].
They chronicle the passing of Cerebus' beloved assistants the Wise Guys.

(A word of warning: as this is a work of fiction, Sim doesn't necessarily
stick to the facts 100%. For one thing, Moe/Mosher comes off as quite
crass and cruel in the ways he deals with his brothers. I believe Sim's
intention may be to represent the whole "Comedy III" deal through Mosher.
Authentic or no, the end is a bittersweet tear-jerker (I think so, anyway!)

I wish that I could have included the artwork along with the prose, but
the former isn't available online. In fact, even simple pix of the Three
Wise Guys are hard to come by, but here's a set of "head shots":

     
     
     

I have attempted to reproduce the layout of the wording in the clipped   
'Torah/Bible verse' style Sim used for Latter Days, so at least his
pacing/phrasing remains more-or-less intact. In any case, enjoy:


From "LATTER DAYS" Ch. 11 by Dave Sim.
       Excerpted under Fair Use laws.
   Cerebus copyright 2005 Dave Sim.



*  It was Moshie
   who told Cerebus:

*  "Babe was
    sitting in a
    chair ..."

* (That was the
   only time Cerebus
   heard Moshie use
   the nickname he
   had for Jerome
   when they were
   boys)

* "His mouth
    became distorted...
    and when he got
    up from the
    chair ... "

*  "... he fell to
    his knees ..."

* (It was also the
   only time Cerebus
   heard Moshie not
   speak in the sacred
   BOOK OF RICKE
   language)

*  Cerebus was
   surprised when
   Jerome's hair
   started growing
   back in.

* (Cerebus hadn't
   known that he
   had been shaving
   it off all along)

* And even MORE
   surprised when
   Jerome got married
   for the fourth time!

* (Cerebus hadn't
   known that he
   had been married even ONCE!)

* His wife's name
   was Valerie.
 _________

*  Later,
   in the year
   Eighteen

* Moshie sent
   him a letter.

* "Dear Bro Babe (it read)"

* "I trust you
   are feeling
   better at this
   writing.

* "It might encourage
   you and -- in a way
   DELIGHT you to know
   that brother Shem
   was agreeable to
   step into your boots."

* ("DELIGHT you?"
   thought Cerebus)

* "Until such time
   as you are well
   enough to return
   to the trio.

* "It may further delight
   you to know that I have
   made arrangements with
   Shem and Loshie so that
   during your illness you
   will receive 150 Crowns a
   week to assist you"

* "for a time"

* "toward the extraodinary
   medical expenses that
   you have and are still
   incurring."

* "Further"

* "in view of the
   fact that Shem
   is now operating
   with us in your
   place

* "I will need
   from you, by
   your signature
   underneath
   attesting to the
   fact that you
   give me

* "as owner
   of the
   THREE WISE
   FELLOWS

* "the perpetual
   rights to use
   pictures of your
   face for all
   future
   advertising,
   commercial
   tie-ins,
   merchandising

* "and any other
   way needed and
   the right to
   assign these rights
   to others
   if and when
   the need may
   arise.

* "Loshie and I
   miss you very
   much and
   we are hoping
   and praying

* "to have
   you back
   with us
   soon now."
 __________

* Shem quickly
   fit in

* even though
   he had been
   away for
   fifteen
   years.

* (Shem had been
  the ORIGINAL
  third Wise Fellow -
  before Koshie.)

* (Cerebus
   hadn't
   known
   that.)
 __________

* Jerome and
   Valerie had
   a baby girl

*  they
   named
   Janie.

* After Janie
   was born

* Koshie had
   several more
   strokes

* Once he
   told Valerie

* "I hope Janie
  - in life -
   does what makes
   her happy --

* "Because
   I'VE found

* "What makes
   ME happy

* "And that's
   the most
   important
   thing in
   the world ...

* "To do
   what
   makes
   you
   happy."
 _________

  *Valerie told
   Cerebus that
   story the thirtieth
   of Wintermonth
   in the year
   Twenty-Four

* The day of
   Koshie's --
   JEROME's
   funeral.

* Then.

* The sixtieth of Steve
   in the year
   Twenty-Seven ...

* Shem died.
 _____________

* On the EIGHTIETH
   of Steve, Moshie
   sent Loshie a
   letter:

* "It is hereby understood and agreed between us that I am to have
   the sole and final say in the selection of any new partner that might
   be asked to join with us as a 'third Wise Fellow' in the combination
   known as 'The Three Wise Fellows'. This is no way a reflection of
   your professional knowledge of talent values, but merely a reiteration
   of clauses of an agreement drawn by us in year Six." (This was the
   first Cerebus had heard about that!) "This does not in any way mean
   I will not consult with you on all major problems that arise. Your
   signature under mine will siginfy your agreement and acceptance
   of the above."

* Loshie
   never
   signed
   it.

* Instead, the Legion
   of Substitue Wise
   Fellows voted
   five-to-four
   to make one of their
   own -- Joe
   Schlimmer -- the
   new third Wise Fellow.

* Cerebus
   endorsed
   the vote.

* Basically?
   Just to piss
   Mosher off.

* Of course there
   was no real NEED
   for the Three
   Wise Fellows
   by then

* Cerebus had nine
   Substitute Wise
   Fellows to take
   care of everything.

* That didn't
   stop MOSHIE,
   of course!

* He brought in

* "Koshie Joe"

* Seriously!
   "Koshie Joe"!
 __________

* In the year
   Thirty-Nine,
   Loshie's wife
   Mabel died.

* And in the year
   Forty-One, Loshie
   had HIS stroke -
   and retired.

* Then he had
   a SECOND
   stroke in
   Forty-Six

* and - two months
   later - a massive
   stroke that put
   him in a coma.

* Two weeks
   later ...

*  Loshie died.
  _________

* Twenty-sixth of
   Wintermonth,
   in Forty-Seven ...

* Mosher
   IMMEDIATELY
   started looking
   for a
   replacement.

* N'YUCK! N'YUCK! N'YUCK!
   (heh heh heh) Nay,
   that's not true!
   ... well ... heh ...
   not ENTIRELY
   true, anyway.

* Twenty-sixth of
   Wintermonth
   in Forty-Seven

* Word got around
   that Moshie had
   lung cancer,
   so someone
   suggested

* We should
   have a tribute
   to the "Last
   of the Original
   Wise Fellows".

* Moshie didn't
   travel well by
   then, so it was
   decided to hold
   the event at the
   closest Sanctuary
   to his stronghold.

* (which - coincidentally -
   turned out to be
   the Sanctuary that
   housed Koshie's
   [extremely erotic
   sculpture of a buxom
   young nude female]
  "Angel Astonied
   At the Promise
   of a House"
   altarpiece.

* Several HUNDRED
   people showed up.
   The Angels made a TON
   of food. BALLOONS.
   The whole bit. When
   Moshie came in

* Everyone started
   applauding like
   CRAZY!

* But he was moving
   so slow ... by the
   time they got him
   to the front?

* The applause
   had stopped.

* And ... worse than
   that? Moshie just ...

* STOOD there

* looking lost.

* ... slowly ...

* Slowly ... Moshie
   turned

* and looked
   up at the
   wall ... to his
   left ...

* Then ......
   ... slowly

* ... slowly ... Moshie
   turned

* and looked
   up at the wall

* behind him.

* EVERYone's thinking
   the SAME thing --
   "He's SENILE! Poor Mosher!
   He doesn't even know
   where he IS!"

* Cerebus was squirming
   in his seat, trying to
   figure the LEAST
   EMBARRASSING WAY
   to get Mosher down
   from the boxes of
   unfinished wood.

* Cerebus was just
   about to go up
   himSELF

* when Mosher turns
   slowly back around

* and says

* "I was just
   wondering."

* "Which one of these
   lousy tapestries is
   what's-er-name's
   amazing ASS hiding
   behind?"

  * !!!!!!

* LAUGH?!?
   Cerebus had
   NEVER laughed
   so hard! Cerebus
   had never HEARD
   PEOPLE laugh that
   hard! 'Til our
   SIDES ACHED!!

* Roll up the tapestry!
   (Cerebus was signalling)
   Roll up the tapestry!

* (Finally someone saw
   Cerebus signalling and
   rolled up the tapestry)

* So then somebody
   gets Moshie a chair
   and they start the
   speeches and
   presentations, see?

* Only, midway through
   the first speech ...

* Slo-o-owly Moshie's
   head turns ... to look
   at what's-er-name's
   amazing ass.

* And everybody breaks out
   laughing all OVER again!
   And it takes (whoever it
   was) FOREVER to get
   through his speech,
   right?

* And Moshie does the
   same thing to the next
   guy ... and the next guy
   Hahaha! Here's all these
   people TRYING to say
   nice things about him
   "An inspiration" ... "A paragon" ...
   and slo-o-owly Moshie's
   head would turn and
   you couldn't hear
   ANYTHING for the laughter!

* Then?
   Then UNCLE MILTY
   gets up.

* See, the thing is ...
   NOBODY upstages
   Uncle Milty ...
   It's this major
   thing with him.

* Hehhehheh.

* So Uncle Milty pulls
   out his speech

* And Moshie's SMILING.
   Moshie's been waiting
   his whole LIFE for
   this. Because they
   BOTH know that ... as
   soon as Milty gets
   two sentences into
   his first joke?

* Slo-o-owly Moshie's
   head is going to turn
   and Uncle Milty's
   speech is (hehheh)
   DONE FOR!

* So Uncle Milty does a
   triple take (heh - ONLY
   Uncle Milty could do a
   TRIPLE!) because
   Moshie's just
   SMILING
   at him.

* So heh-heh Uncle Milty smiles BACK ... and then he ... wiggles
   his eyebrows a bit ... and he makes a KISSY-FACE ...
   and Moshie? ... hehheh Moshie doesn't budge an INCH. He just ...
   SITS there ... waiting for Uncle Milty to start his speech.

* So NOW it's a staring-and-smiling contest, right?
   And EVERYONE is quietly laughing
   and holding their breath at the same time.
   And then everyone could see that Uncle Milty's mouth
   was twitching a bit ... and then you could see his whole upper body
   starting to vibrate from trying not to laugh ... FINALLY ...

* FINALLY,
   Uncle Milty
   THROWS
   his speech up
   in the air
   and yells:

* "Heck, Mosh!
   I'm STAHVING --
   how about you?"

* And then Uncle
   Milty runs over,
   PICKS Mosher UP
   in his arms and
   CARRIES him
   down to the
   buffet table!

* That's IT for
   the speeches and
   the presentations!

* The wine
   starts
   flowing
   and ...

* ... and.

* Heh.
   Guess
   you had
   to be
   there.

*  ... heh ...
   _______

* Two days
   later

* The forty-second
   of Springmonth
   in Forty-Seven

* Moshie
   died
   in his
   sleep.

 _________________________________________

Well, that's the Three Wise Guys' final appearance in Cerebus.
Obviously, there's a lot of missing context -- some 6000 pages'
worth -- but I hope at least some of you found the above as
touching as I do. I dunno -- maybe you did have to be there.

Anyhow, there's a Part Two to my Three Stooges As Ideological
Literature
if you want me to type it up, but if this just confused
you or irritated you or bored you, let me know and I'll save myself
the trouble of retyping it (I posted all this in slightly different form
years ago on alt.comedy.slapstick.three-stooges on Usenet).

"May Your Soups Be Nutty and Your Tours Be Kooky!"

   -- mnw


Offline Dr. Hugo Gansamacher

  • Birdbrain
  • ****
  • "Pleese! You zit!"
That is the weirdest post that I have ever seen on this site. The only phrase that I can think of that would express my reaction to it comes not from The Three Stooges but from Towelie on South Park: "Oh, man! I have no idea what is going on!" :o