I'm always amused over the many religion oriented Stooge parodies,
etc. Y'all remember the Stooge Bible (of Nat'l Lampoon origin, IIRC)
and such - so, below is an excerpt from a deep theological tirade by
Dave Sim (who used the Stooges (under the names Mosher, Losher and
Kosher) to represent the Jewish faith in his epic "Cerebus the Aardvark").
Aside from that, all the set-up you really need is the knowledge that Sim believes that GOD and YHWH are two separate entities - YHWH is sort of an earth spirit who BELIEVES itself to be GOD...
- mnw
Sim writes: "I know most of you aren't remotely interested in the
Torah, but—since this ties in with one of my theories that I'll
probably never be this close to, again, I might as well do an Oh, That
Reminds Me:
"I don't know what the best current Orthodox Jewish thinking is on why
Moshe had to die instead of going into the Promised Land and what,
exactly, was his big deal crime in in Meribah in Numbers 20, I'm sure
I could look it up in the Talmud if I was interested, but really I'm
not. See, my theory is along these lines. Starting at verse 2:
"And there was no water for the Congregation: and they gathered
themselues together against Moshe and against Aaron.
"And the people chode with Moshe and spake, saying, Would God that we
had died when our brethren died before the YHWH.
"And why haue yee brought up the Congregation of the YHWH into this
wildernesse, that we and our cattell should die there?
"And wherefore haue ye made vs to come vp out of Egypt, to bring vs in
vnto this euil place? It is no place of seed, or of figges, or vines, or
of pomegranates, neither is there any water to drinke.
"And Moshe and Aaron went from the presence of the assembly, vnto the
doore of the Tabernacle of the congregation, and they fell vpon their
faces: and the glory of the YHWH appeared vnto them.
"And the YHWH spake vnto Moshe, saying, Take the rodde, and gather thou
the assembly together, thou and Aaron, thy brother, and speake yee
vnto the rocke before their eyes, and it shall giue foorth his water,
and thou shalt bring foorth to them, water out of the rocke: so thou
shalt giue the Congregation, and their beasts drinke.
"And Moshe tooke the rod from before the YHWH, as he commanded him.
"And Moshe and Aaron gathered the Congregation together before the
rocke,
"Okay? You got the set-up? Remember. It's my theory that YHWH is the
living thing inside the earth and inside every rock. "…speake yee vnto
the rocke before their eyes, and IT shall giue foorth HIS water…"
"…and hee said vnto them, Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water
out of this rocke?
"And Moshe lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rocke twice:
and the water came out abundantly, and the Congregation dranke, and
their beasts.
See, I think God must've just cracked up at this point. Just killing
Himself laughing. YHWH is sitting there waiting for Moshe to ask YHWH
nicely in front of everyone to give him water. And what does Moshe do?
He gives YHWH two good smacks in the face and says to the crowd,
"Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rocke?"
And of course YHWH who has NO sense of humour, immediately reacts with:
"And the YHWH spake vnto Moshe and Aaron, Because ye beleeue me not, to
sanctifie me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall
not bring this Congregation into the land which I haue giuen them.
"This is the water of Meribah [that is, Hebrew for "strife"] because
the children of Israel stroue with the YHWH…
I may be reading it wrong, but that to me is one of the great
punch-lines in the Bible. I wouldn't be surprised if three to four
thousand years later, God still has to stifle Himself when He pictures
Moshe smacking YHWH in the face. I also think that that's what the gig
is with Balaam and his talking donkey two chapters later:
"And the YHWH opened the mouth of the asse, and shee saide vnto Balaam,
What haue I done vnto thee that thou has smitten mee these three
times?
God is really trying to patch things up as best He can, but undoubtedly
knows that Moshe is still Moshe Toast at this point because of
YHWH's hurt feelings.
Anyway, I have trouble keeping a straight face whenever the Sunday
comes along that I'm reading Numbers 20 aloud. SCHMECK! SCHMECK! "Heare
now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock?"
Moe Howard couldn't have done it any better.
- D. Sim
