I don't know how many of you have heard of Dave Sim (Surely the most
famous white Canadian Muslim comic book writer/artist on the planet!)
and how he incorporated doppelgangers of the Stooges into the
epic 6000 page storyline of his life's work
Cerebus the Aardvark. The
300 issue series was begun 1977, and Sim completed it, right on
schedule, in late 2004!). In a sense the Stooges (as I read it)
represent Judaism in the story, though the tale doesn't really take
place on this Earth as we know it, and the years given for events have
no bearing on those in our reality.
Anyhow, I thought some of you might like to read the following passages
from Cerebus issue #279 aka
Latter Days Chapter 11 -they chronicle
the final days on earth of Cerebus' beloved assistants and allies,
Mosher*, Losher** and Kosher*** - the Three Wise Guys!
(A word of warning: this is a work of fiction, and Sim doesn't
necessarily stick to the facts 100%. For one thing, "Mosher" aka
Moe comes off as a trifle crass and self-centered in his ways of
dealing with his brothers. Authentic or not, though, the ending is
quite the bittersweet tear-jerker!(I think so, anyway!) I only wish I
could have included the artwork along with the prose (I kept the latter
in the clipped 2-3 words per line 'Bible verse' style that Sim originally used
for the sequence, so his the pacing/phrasing should remain
more-or-less intact).
In any case, enjoy (or don't):
[From LATTER DAYS Ch. 11 by Dave Sim. Excerpted under Fair Use laws.
Cerebus copyright 2005 Dave Sim.]* It was Moshie
who told Cerebus:
* "Babe was
sitting in a
chair ..."
* (That was the
only time Cerebus
heard Moshie use
the nickname he
had for Jerome
when they were
boys)
* "His mouth
became distorted
... and when he got
up from the
chair ... "
* " ... he fell to
his knees ..."
* (It was also the
only time Cerebus
heard Moshie not
speak in the sacred
BOOK OF RICKE
language)
* Cerebus was
surprised when
Jerome's hair
started growing
back in.
* (Cerebus hadn't
known that he
had been shaving
it off all along)
* And even MORE
surprised when
Jerome got married for the fourth time!
* (Cerebus hadn't
known that he
had been married even ONCE!
* His wife's name
was Valerie
* Later,
in the year
Eighteen
* Moshie sent
him a letter.
* "Dear Bro Babe (it read)"
* "I trust you
are feeling
better at this
writing.
* "It might encourage
you and -- in a way
DELIGHT you to know
that brother Shem
was agreeable to
step into your boots."
* ("DELIGHT you?"
thought Cerebus)
* "Until such time
as you are well
enough to return
to the trio.
* "It may further delight
you to know that I have
made arrangements with
Shem and Loshie so that
during your illness you
will receive 150 Crowns a
week to assist you"
* "for a time"
* "toward the extraodinary
medical expenses that
you have and are still
incurring."
* "Further"
* "in view of the
fact that Shem
is now operating
with us in your
place
* "I will need
from you, by
your signature
underneath
attesting to the
fact that you
give me
* "as owner
of the
THREE WISE
FELLOWS
* "the perpetual
rights to use
pictures of your
face for all
future
advertising,
commercial
tie-ins,
merchandising
* "and any other
way needed and
the right to
assign these rights
to others
if and when
the need may
arise.
* "Loshie and I
miss you very
much and
we are hoping
and praying
* "to have
you back
with us
soon now."
* Shem quickly
fit in
* even though
he had been
away for
fifteen
years.
* (Shem had been
the ORIGINAL
third Wise Fellow -
before Koshie.)
* (Cerebus
hadn't
known
that.)
* Jerome and
Valerie had
a baby girl
* they
named
Janie.
* After Janie
was born
* Koshie had
several more
strokes
* Once he
told Valerie
* "I hope Janie
- in life -
does what makes
her happy --
* "Because
I'VE found
* "What makes
ME happy
* "And that's
the most
important
thing in
the world ...
* "To do
what
makes
you
happy."
*Valerie told
Cerebus that
story the thirtieth
of Wintermonth
in the year
Twenty-Four
* The day of
Koshie's --
JEROME's
funeral.
* Then.
* The sixtieth of Steve
in the year
Twenty-Seven ...
* Shem died.
* On the EIGHTIETH
of Steve, Moshie
sent Loshie a
letter:
* "It is hereby understood and agreed between us that I am to have
the sole and final say in the selection of any new partner that might
be asked to join with us as a 'third Wise Fellow' in the combination
known as 'The Three Wise Fellows'. This is no way a reflection of
your professional knowledge of talent values, but merely a reiteration
of clauses of an agreement drawn by us in year Six." (This was the
first Cerebus had heard about that!) "This does not in any way mean
I will not consult with you on all major problems that arise. Your
signature under mine will signify your agreement/acceptance of the above."
* Loshie
never
signed
it.
* Instead, the Legion
of Substitue Wise
Fellows voted
five-to-four
to make one of their
own -- Joe
Schlimmer -- the
new third Wise Fellow.
* Cerebus
endorsed
the vote.
* Basically?
Just to piss
Mosher off.
* Of course there
was no real NEED
for the Three
Wise Fellows
by then
* Cerebus had nine
Substitute Wise
Fellows to take
care of everything.
* That didn't
stop MOSHIE,
of course!
* He brought in
* "Koshie Joe"
* Seriously!
"Koshie Joe"!
* In the year
Thirty-Nine,
Loshie's wife
Mabel died.
* And in the year
Forty-One, Loshie
had HIS stroke -
and retired.
* Then he had
a SECOND
stroke in
Forty-Six
* and - two months
later - a massive
stroke that put
him in a coma.
* Two weeks
later ...
* Loshie died.
________
* Twenty-sixth of
Wintermonth,
in Forty-Seven ...
* Mosher
IMMEDIATELY
started looking
for a
replacement.
* N'YUCK! N'YUCK!
N'YUCK!
(heh heh heh) Nay,
that's not true!
... well ... heh ...
not
ENTIRELY
true, anyway.
* Twenty-sixth of
Wintermonth
in Forty-Seven
* Word got around
that Moshie had
lung cancer,
so someone
suggested
* We should
have a tribute
to the "Last
of the Original
Wise Fellows".
* Moshie didn't
travel well by
then, so it was
decided to hold
the event at the
closest Sanctuary
to his stronghold.
* (which - coincidentally -
turned out to be
the Sanctuary that
housed Koshie's
[extremely erotic
sculpture of a buxom
young nude female]
"Angel Astonied
At the Promise
of a House"
altarpiece.
* Several HUNDRED
people showed up.
The Angels made a TON
of food. BALLOONS.
The whole bit. When
Moshie came in
* Everyone started
applauding like
CRAZY!
* But he was moving
so slow ... by the
time they got him
to the front?
* The applause
had stopped.
* And ... worse than
that? Moshie just ...
* STOOD there
* looking lost ...
* ... slowly ...
* Slowly ... Moshie
turned
* and looked
up at the
wall ... to his
left ...
* Then ......
... slowly
* ... slowly ... Moshie
turned
* and looked
up at the wall
* behind him.
* EVERYone's thinking
the SAME thing --
"He's SENILE! Poor Mosher!
He doesn't even know
where he IS!"
* Cerebus was squirming
in his seat, trying to
figure the LEAST
EMBARRASSING WAY
to get Mosher down
from the boxes of
unfinished wood.
* Cerebus was just
about to go up
himSELF
* when Mosher turns
slowly back around
* and says
* "I was just
wondering."
* "Which one of these
lousy tapestries is
what's-er-name's
amazing ASS hiding
behind?"
* !!!!!!
* LAUGH?!?
Cerebus had
NEVER laughed
so hard! Cerebus
had never HEARD
PEOPLE laugh that
hard! 'Til our
SIDES ACHED!!
* Roll up the tapestry!
(Cerebus was signalling)
Roll up the tapestry!
* (Finally someone saw
Cerebus signalling and
rolled up the tapestry)
* So then somebody
gets Moshie a chair
and they start the
speeches and
presentations, see?
* Only, midway through
the first speech ...
* Slo-o-owly Moshie's
head turns ... to look
at what's-er-name's
amazing ass.
* And everybody breaks out
laughing all OVER again!
And it takes (whoever it
was) FOREVER to get
through his speech,
right?
* And Moshie does the
same thing to the next
guy ... and the next guy
Hahaha! Here's all these
people TRYING to say
nice things about him
"An inspiration" ... "A paragon" ...
and slo-o-owly Moshie's
head would turn and
you couldn't hear
ANYTHING for the laughter!
* Then?
Then UNCLE MILTY
gets up.
* See, the thing is ...
NOBODY upstages
Uncle Milty ...
It's this major
thing with him.
* Hehhehheh.
* So Uncle Milty pulls
out his speech
* And Moshie's SMILING.
Moshie's been waiting
his whole LIFE for
this. Because they
BOTH know that ... as
soon as Milty gets
two sentences into
his first joke?
* Slo-o-owly Moshie's
head is going to turn
and Uncle Milty's
speech is (hehheh)
DONE FOR!
* So Uncle Milty does a
triple take (heh - ONLY
Uncle Milty could do a
TRIPLE!) because
Moshie's just
SMILING
at him.
* So heh-heh Uncle Milty smiles BACK ... and then he ... wiggles
his eyebrows a bit ... and he makes a KISSY-FACE ...
and Moshie? ... hehheh Moshie doesn't budge an INCH. He just ...
SITS there ... waiting for Uncle Milty to start his speech.
* So NOW it's a staring-and-smiling contest, right?
And EVERYONE is quietly laughing
and holding their breath at the same time.
And then everyone could see that Uncle Milty's mouth
was twitching a bit ... and then you could see his whole upper body
starting to vibrate from trying not to laugh ... FINALLY ...
* FINALLY,
Uncle Milty
THROWS
his speech up
in the air
and yells:
* "Heck, Mosh!
I'm STAHVING --
how about you?"
* And then Uncle
Milty runs over,
PICKS Mosher UP
in his arms and
CARRIES him
down to the
buffet table!
* That's IT for
the speeches and
the presentations!
* The wine
starts
flowing
and ...
* ... and.
* Heh.
Guess
you had
to be
there.
* ... heh ...
_______
* Two days
later
* The forty-second
of Springmonth
in Forty-Seven
* Moshie
died
in his
sleep. The End (or should I say "Amen"?
- mnw
*
http://www.cereb.us/wiki/images/c/cf/Mosher.jpg**
http://www.cereb.us/wiki/images/4/46/Losher.jpg***
http://www.cereb.us/wiki/images/5/55/Kosher.jpg 
