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The 15 Dumbest Wrestling Characters That Actually Got Over Part 3

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Offline shemps#1

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This is it, the final part of my series of the 15 dumbest wrestling characters that actually became popular: and to be quite honest I'm a bit excited to write this as the man who reigns at the top of the list is quite a doozy. I had actually "wrestled" with who would be #1 and who would be #2, but I think I made the obvious choice and that you will most certainly agree with me. Let's start with a quick recap of #'s 15-6 then get down to business.

15. The Undertaker (Wrestling Zombie)
14. Famous Wrestler Under a Mask (Hulk Hogan as Mr. America, Dusty Rhodes as Midnight Rider, etc)
13. Wrestling's Pimps (Slick and Godfather)
12. Spirit Squad (Wrestling Cheerleaders)
11. "Gay" Wrestlers (Gorgeous George, Adorable Adrian Adonis, Billy and Chuck)
10. Dusty Rhodes - The WWF Years (Polka Dot nightmare)
9. Dude Love (Mick Foley the ladies man)
8. "The Model" Rick Martel (Wrestling Model, duh)
7. Evil Canadians (New Hart Foundation, Team Canada)
6. Brother Love (WWF's answer to televangelists)

And now...the top 5.

5. Val Venis

The WWF's "Attitude" era gave rise to more "adult" or "risque" storylines that would eventually help the McMahons defeat then buy out rival World Championship Wrestling. While wrestlers having "primary jobs" was nothing new (plumbers, pimps, cops, garbage men, repo men etc) Val Venis was the first "wrestling porn star". As far as I'm concerned the character was as stupid as it sounds on paper and was for the most part just an excuse to get in more penis and sex references. However, this isn't "the 15 dumbest wrestling characters that like", and Venis was for some reason very popular, even going on to win the Intercontinental, European, and Tag Team titles. When the pushed the character as far as they could (and then some) they switched him to a member of Right to Censor, which was WWE's jab at the Parents Television Counsel, but eventually he "re-entered the adult entertainment business".

4. Goldust


Since we've featured his father on two seperate occasions during this countdown anybody who follows wrestling had to know this one was coming. Every time I see Cody Rhodes I can't help but think he's not going to get much farther in the world of professional wrestling until he becomes his own person and not the son of Dusty Rhodes. His older brother Dustin went through the same growing pains of being the son of a legend, but when he became Goldust he was able to carve out a niche all his own.

Some would say that Goldust was a gay character, but he came to the ring accompanied by his wife. I like to think of Goldust as androgynous, and one of the most intriguing characters in wrestling history: not to mention a character that had no business getting over. A wacked-out movie buff, Goldust expertly played off the prejudices of his opponents and wrestling fans, with an elaborate entrance and the way he would "flirt" with his opposition. Dustin went full bore into the character, which was modeled after the Oscar. Many was the time you could hear violently homophobic chants from the crowd, and anyone who got into the ring against Goldust was instantly over as a face. The character would become watered-down in later years, but Dustin should be commended for stepping out of the enormous (figuratively and literally) set by his father. His brother should only be half as lucky.

3. Diesel

Prior to hitting pay dirt with Diesel (and later the nWo) Kevin Nash was saddled with such retarded gimmicks as Oz and Vinnie Vegas in WCW. I'm not sure Diesel was all that much better, to tell you the truth. Is he a truck driver? A truck? Whatever Diesel was it was a shitty character, but again one that got over. Originally starting out in the WWF as Shawn Michaels bodyguard, Diesel would eventually split from HBK and would go on to hold the WWF Championship for almost an entire year. Wrestling historians look at this period (The New Generation) as a low point sandwiched in between Hulkamania and Attitude, and they're pretty much right.

With that said, the Diesel character, despite it vagueness, somehow got over (some would say due to his close friendship with Michaels), and I say that again because I'm still amazed. Let's face it, Diesel was corny...if I remember correctly he and Michaels were called the Dudes With Attitude or something equally gay. Homophobes want complain about Gorgeous George or Goldust but I think Diesel was more suited to be seen at the Pink Flamingo than either of them. Fortunately for Nash he got a huge money offer from WCW to switch promotions and we would make a bigger name for himself as a founding member of the New World Order and help usher in the late 90's boom period.

2. Honky Tonk Man

I can only imagine the creative meeting for this one:

Vince: "I want a wrestling Elvis impersonator, it will go over big!"
Sycophant: "Yes sir Boss, whatever you say!"
(Sycophant makes the crazy sign behind Vince's back)

As utterly asinine as a wrestling Elvis sounds this character was over big time, thanks to two people: Wayne Ferris, the man who played (and still plays on the indy circuit) the Honky Tonk Man, and "Colonel" Jimmy Hart, who was the perfect manager for HTM. The WWF introduced Honky as if he were a face but knowing full well the fans would absolutely despise him. Honky, undeterred, would constantly thank the crowd and coming to see him. He had one of the coolest theme songs in wrestling history and is the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion in history: a record that will most likely never be broken given the current "a month is too long for anyone to hold a belt" climate of wrestling today. Honky himself stated that he was actually supposed to drop the belt to Randy Savage sooner, but was able to talk his way out of doing so. Savage would go on to win the WWF Championship at Wrestlemania IV a short time later, which Honky likes to give a little credit to himself for.

Honky finally dropped the strap to Ultimate Warrior (who could have easily made this list) at the first SummerSlam event, but would continue to hang around in the mid card for awhile, eventually teaming with Greg "The Hammer" Valentine (who would dye his hair jet black) to form Rhythm and Blues before moving on to WCW and eventually the indy circuit. He was recently seen at Cyber Sunday after winning a poll between himself, Roddy Piper and Goldust to fight then IC champ Santino Marella.

1. Akeem


Here he is, the dumbest wrestling character that ever got over in the history of professional wrestling. My words for the former One Man Gang cannot do the man justice. Was it politically correct? No way. Was it overtly racist? Hell yes, BUT Akeem was so over the top hilarious I to this day can't help but crack up when he does the head shaking and hand-jiving "Bro-tha!"

Here is the footage of the transformation from One Man Gang to Akeem.
[youtube=425,350]lAWJbjrzUYA[/youtube]
All hail Akeem, the African Dream!
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown


Offline metaldams

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Offline metaldams

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Oh, and African tribal men dancing aroud a ghetto trash fire?  I think Vince McMahon is/was WAY out of touch with reality.

I guess that's part of the appeal, though.  When I was a kid, I took everything in wrestling so seriously, even as an adult, unfortunately.  The camp appeal is now so blatantly obvious.
- Doug Sarnecky


Offline shemps#1

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Oh, and African tribal men dancing aroud a ghetto trash fire?  I think Vince McMahon is/was WAY out of touch with reality.

I guess that's part of the appeal, though.  When I was a kid, I took everything in wrestling so seriously, even as an adult, unfortunately.  The camp appeal is now so blatantly obvious.

That was the beauty of the WWF as a kid, the sheer insanity of it. I don't think wrestling should (nor could really) take itself seriously, especially with the cat being out of the bag that wrestling is a staged event. For the wrestlers or wrestling to take itself seriously seems even dumber than a 450 lb white man shucking and jiving like a black stereotype.

The best parts of the Akeem video:
At about 35 seconds
Slick: Yo, Bro-tha!
Mean Gene: What is it, Cousin?

The face Akeem makes when Mean Gene calls him One Man Gang the first time.

Akeem grabbing the ghetto blaster and he and Slick walking out.

Pretty much anytime Akeem is on camera.

The "natives" looking at Mean Gene as if he were lunch.

As a bonus I'll give you some more WWF racist hijinks with Slick's video for Jive Soul Bro. It's not the music video that's so bad, but check out the "yardbird" intro:

[youtube=425,350]x2iIYibSa-g[/youtube]
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown


Offline WhyIOughta

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Just goes to show ya that you never know what you'll see in the 3-Stooges fan site....(grin)

Without going into too much detail, I have ties to a few of the talent strewn about in the WWE, and was around quite a few of the kayfabes in past paid "wrestling" events, mostly in the 80's/90's..............I'll tell ya a funny story, before I get to George Grey.......

When I was in Nevada and going to school at UNLVsome 500 years ago, I struck up a friendship with a group of guys that, at that time, were working for Verne Gagne's "A.W.A." wrestling company.  We'd see each other quite often at one of the less popular watering holes out there, and, because of the industry they were in, got invited to a few of their shows that were held at the now-defunct Showboat Hotel, Casino and Bowling center.  It was a kick sittin' around and talking to these guys...We'd talk about UNLV, the NFL, baseball, crackin' jokes and one-liners about players and terams.....all kinds of crap, but hardly ever about the wrestling industry.  I think that's why it was easy for them to shoot the breeze with that skinny guy (me) -- "He's not a groupie or fan."  (Laugh)  You could say that...It was interesting to watch the people's reaction to these guys out there, and it was REALLY interesting sitting with them backstage while they shot the breeze with each other, all friends in the dressing rooms, then hating each other for show, ten minutes later.  Hey, I admired their work ethic, and their camaraderie...

Anyway, one of these guys ended up becoming a big star in the World Wrestling Federation....Mark Callaway, who, when I met him at the bar, was known as "Mean Mark Callous."   (One night I told him his name was a little dopey, and he told me he thought of it himself, whereas I told him that I really liked it, NOW....He's six-foot-eight...LOL) 

He doesn't go by that name any longer.  He's now a character known as "The Undertaker."  I knew that because of his size and the way he spoke, that he could have become a big star, but, WOW -- Mark told me about three years ago that he pulls in about $11M a year.  (And he thought of his NEW name, too, one that I thought was a lot better...hehe)

Well, every time his wrestling organization films out here in Anaheim, I'll either get a call from him, or his mom, or his buddies, saying that he wants to get together while he's out here, before the show, to harass me about my allegiance to the Chargers.  (He never forgets a thing, damn Steeler fans.  LOL)  So, he gets out to SoCal three days before, and he'll be in town on Saturday, the same weekend that we're throwin' my son's eighth birthday party.  He asks me if i'd want him to put in a quick appearance at the party, and i'm thinking, "OMG, my son will be a GOD at school, if Mark comes over for a bit. His friends will never forget it."  Now, I tell Mark that my son hasn'r ever SEEN him, but he says no prob.

That is, until MOM finds out.   :laugh:

True, pro wrestling isn't something that's ever on in our house, just one of those things.   Maybe once every three months, i'd turn it on at night to see if I could catch Mark on, but it's not something that either of my sons have even heard of, or have watched, and that goes for Mom, too.  She knows about wrestling and it's goofiness, but I tell her that one of my old friends is going to be in town, and wants to pay a visit, and show up for my boys' birthday party.  She asks, "Which one?"  So, I tell her i'll get ahold of a recording of him....I go down to Blockbuster, and rent the latest PPV event that Mark was in, take it home, and pop it into the machine.  She gets one look at the heavily-tatted Mark walking down the aisle with funeral music playing, and stuffing some poor losing opponent into a casket, and says, "I do NOT want that man anywhere NEAR my house.  N -- O, NO!"   :laugh:  She knows it's fake, but she's scared that this giant of a man is gonna scare the CRAP out of my son.  (Probably would have.  LOL)

So, Mark comes over, I tell him the tale, and he's not insulted or anything -- Actually, he's relieved.  He says the kids beat the crap out of him, when he does things like this.  Well, on Monday, I go down and watch him film his show at the Arrowhead Pond, and everyone LOVES his character.  He's made it.  And, he dodged a tough crowd, at my kid's bash.  He wins twice.  hehe...

So, back to George Grey.  I wandered to a few shows of the then-WWF, back in the 90's and early Y2K, and got to talk to George Grey about his "Akeem" character.

He HATED it.   :laugh:    Always DID, but, if he hadn't done it for the show, he told me that the WWF wouldn't have renewed his contract, and they paid him good money to turn into the "Jive-Soul-Bro" from Africa.  I asked him, "Are you a good dancer, bud?"  I'll never forget what he told me -- "Hey, man -- For $18,000, i'll dance an irish jig, if they ask me."  Hey, I can definitely believe that.  About six months ago, I asked Mark if he knew whatever happened to George, and he told me that he thinks he hooked on with the Louisiana prison system, and works as a guard out there.  Still doin' fine, still fairly heavy, but lost the beard, and lost that goofy yellow bedsheet he used to wear.   He was a pretty cool guy, pretty funny, too.

Oh, one other thing -- Mark can't stand Jim Helwig, metaldams.  Calls him the biggest loser the industry ever saw.  Hope he's not related to you.  Mark told me he actually changed his NAME to "Warrior."  Says he's "losin' it."  Aren't we all, Mark, Aren't we all.........    ::)



Offline shemps#1

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I remember being in Hartford when the Undertaker character debuted at Survivor Series. I never heard a wrestling crowd quiet down so fast before a match. Usually when they get silent it's because the match sucks, but the crowd was in awe that time. The next year's Survivor Series I remember because he beat Hulk Hogan and a good portion of the crowd cheered even though he was a bad guy and Hogan was a good guy (by 1991 the Hogan gimmick was getting stale).You'll have to ask him for me next time if he actually has it in his contract to never lose at Wrestlemania. Some of the "smarkier" internet fans think this is the case, but it has to be too stupid to be true. For the money he gets and the relaxed schedule he has I'd lose anywhere they told me to.

I'm sure Mr. Grey didn't like being Akeem, but he provided a ton of comedy gold in the role. You have to check out the Arsenial Hall Show appearance with Akeem, Slick and Big Bossman where Arsenial refuses to dispute Akeem's blackness because of his size. I heard that he was sick recently and lost some weight, so much weight that when they called him to make a Wrestlemania appearance at a "gimmick battle royal" the Akeem outfit was too large and he had to do his old One Man Gang character.

Speaking of Arsenial Hall and Ultimate Warrior, Warrior's appearance on the show was the last for any wrestler. He ended chasing Hall through the studio building and Hall was so pissed off he said "no more wrestlers on my show", lol. From what the raving lunatic says he changed his name to Warrior while in a court battle with WWF over the trademark in order to strengthen his case (which he won, so I guess it worked). Fellow WWF alumni and wackadoo Chyna changed her name from Joanie Laurer to Chynna Doll for similar reasons.
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown


Offline WhyIOughta

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I remember being in Hartford when the Undertaker character debuted at Survivor Series. I never heard a wrestling crowd quiet down so fast before a match. Usually when they get silent it's because the match sucks, but the crowd was in awe that time. The next year's Survivor Series I remember because he beat Hulk Hogan and a good portion of the crowd cheered even though he was a bad guy and Hogan was a good guy (by 1991 the Hogan gimmick was getting stale).You'll have to ask him for me next time if he actually has it in his contract to never lose at Wrestlemania. Some of the "smarkier" internet fans think this is the case, but it has to be too stupid to be true. For the money he gets and the relaxed schedule he has I'd lose anywhere they told me to.

I'm sure Mr. Grey didn't like being Akeem, but he provided a ton of comedy gold in the role. You have to check out the Arsenial Hall Show appearance with Akeem, Slick and Big Bossman where Arsenial refuses to dispute Akeem's blackness because of his size. I heard that he was sick recently and lost some weight, so much weight that when they called him to make a Wrestlemania appearance at a "gimmick battle royal" the Akeem outfit was too large and he had to do his old One Man Gang character.

Speaking of Arsenial Hall and Ultimate Warrior, Warrior's appearance on the show was the last for any wrestler. He ended chasing Hall through the studio building and Hall was so pissed off he said "no more wrestlers on my show", lol. From what the raving lunatic says he changed his name to Warrior while in a court battle with WWF over the trademark in order to strengthen his case (which he won, so I guess it worked). Fellow WWF alumni and wackadoo Chyna changed her name from Joanie Laurer to Chynna Doll for similar reasons.

Mark talked about his debut....He said that he also remembered how quiet the crowd was, when he made his appearance in that PPV event.  Mark said that he thought to himself, "uh-ohh, they're quiet, they don't like me."  After he did his thing that evening, he said he went backstage, where Bob Remus, who was one of the organization's top execs under Vince McMahon, told him, "Mark, they're not quiet because they hate you.  They're quiet because they LOVE you."  (Bob Remus also wrestled under the moniker, "Sergeant Slaughter.")  Bob told him right then he'd be a star, and they'd go full speed ahead to introduce the storyline behind his character.

You're right about Helwig -- He actually did legally change his name to fight for control of the marketing in place from his 'Ultimate Warrior' story lines.  The reason Mark hated wrestling with Jim was because Jim would never follow the script.  They'd discuss what they were going to do, then, on show day, Jim'd do whatever he wanted.  Mark said he could make anyone look bad, and was one of many of their stable that wouldn't like being involved in plot lines with Jim's character.  (He also said it wasn't bad news when they heard that Helwig was fired soon thereater, after trying to extort money out of the WWF, refusing to go on with a scheduled PPV event unless they paid him $600,000 extra for the appearance.  Mark said that the WWF agreed to pay him, then fired him right after that PPV event was completed.)


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Oh, one other thing -- Mark can't stand Jim Helwig, metaldams.  Calls him the biggest loser the industry ever saw.  Hope he's not related to you.  Mark told me he actually changed his NAME to "Warrior."  Says he's "losin' it."  Aren't we all, Mark, Aren't we all.........    ::)


I think one of my biggest problems is people don't know when to take me seriously.   ;D  The Warrior is a complete joke to me, as are televangelists.  I at times have a camp sense of humor, and feel these things are camp.  The Warrior is a joke to me, but a funny one, and I completely realize he's a moron.

Awesome Undertaker stories, by the way.  When I first saw him as Dibiase's mystery teammate, I first said, "IT'S MEAN MARK CALLOUS!!!"  Seriously, I remember him as a member of the Skyscrapers and fueding with Lex Luger for the U.S. title.

My second cousin through marriage used to be a wrestler.  I'll tell stories about him, complete with youtube footage, tonight.  He's a cool guy.
- Doug Sarnecky


Offline WhyIOughta

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I think one of my biggest problems is people don't know when to take me seriously.   ;D  The Warrior is a complete joke to me, as are televangelists.  I at times have a camp sense of humor, and feel these things are camp.  The Warrior is a joke to me, but a funny one, and I completely realize he's a moron.

Awesome Undertaker stories, by the way.  When I first saw him as Dibiase's mystery teammate, I first said, "IT'S MEAN MARK CALLOUS!!!"  Seriously, I remember him as a member of the Skyscrapers and fueding with Lex Luger for the U.S. title.

My second cousin through marriage used to be a wrestler.  I'll tell stories about him, complete with youtube footage, tonight.  He's a cool guy.

I kinda figured, my new friend, but I had to make sure.  Helwig is such a pariah in the wrestling industry, I HAD to believe you were on the "he's goofy" end of that argument...  :D


Offline shemps#1

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Yeah I think that was SummerSlam 91 when he teamed with Hogan against Slaughter, Iron Sheik and Gen. Adnan. Warrior also came back on more than one occasion to WWF and made a stop in WCW in which they threw a ton of money at him for the sole purpose of Hogan getting his win back. I'm sure people had to love seeing Warrior get hosed (although that particular match was the shits) after all of his bullshit.

The problem with Warrior was that he was immensely over...moreso than anybody on the current WWE roster (Taker included) in his prime. He was Spock to Hogan's Kirk and was given a high profile rub from Hogan himself. This seems to have gone to his head and he certainly wasn't going to do what a young, unproven punk like Taker control the match. He just got real full of himself.

Bobby Heenan once told a funny story of the time when Warrior was in a program with Andre. Andre was broken down by the time he feuded with Warrior and could barely move so they usually kept these matches real short and Warrior would go over. Well one spot Andre liked to do was get knocked into the ropes and tie himself up into the ropes, and this had to be timed just right or else he'd miss the ropes and fall to the mat. Warrior kept fucking the spot up, and one night Andre got so fed up that when Warrior bounced off the ropes to give the clotheslines to start the spot Andre just stuck his fist out and Warrior ran right into it knocking himself out.
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown


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OK, this is a link to my cousin's promotion.  He basically trains young up and coming guys. He's "commisioner" Tommy Cairo and married to my Dad's cousin. 

http://www.forceoneprowrestling.com

I see him once every few years and I really get along with him.  He was friends with Chris Candido and when I saw him in 2005 (I believe), he was telling me how well Chris was doing and how he overcame his demons.  A few weeks later, Chris was dead.

I also remember when I was 14, before the Internet mind you, he was over my house for dinner and passing bloody pictures around of Russian chain matches he had with Ivan Koloff.  This is when I found out wrestlers don't use blood capsles and I learned about blading.

By the way, if you guys get a chance to see THE WRESTLER, highly recommended!
- Doug Sarnecky


Offline WhyIOughta

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By the way, if you guys get a chance to see THE WRESTLER, highly recommended!

Rented it a few days ago......Pains me to watch it.  VERY realistic portrayal of the life of the men that keep going, when their body tells them, "uh-uhh."  Rourke was one of the few men I could think of to portray that character.

I've got some YouTube footage that belongs on here with the rest  of these wrestling gems....How do you post the vids on here:?


Offline metaldams

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To post a You Tube video, hit the you tube icon above, then copy and paste the numbers and letters after the equal sign in the you tube url in the middle of the brackets.

There were several subtle little touches I loved about THE WRESTLER, especially the way The Ram was stuck in the 80's.  That little video game scene where he's playing old school Nintendo with that kid who'd rather play some newer game was genius.  He also uses a pay phone instead of a cell phone and when he plays his 80's hair metal in his car, he uses a cassette player.  I bought the DVd a couple of weeks ago and watched it three times that weekend, which is not usual behavior for me.  I was really touched by this movie.
- Doug Sarnecky


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Oh, and my one complaint about THE WRESTLER, no way Marissa Tomei is believable as being a washed up stripper.  She acts well, but she's still gorgeous and is way hotter than these plastic 20 somethings out there.  No way I'd turn down a dance!
- Doug Sarnecky


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I've got some YouTube footage that belongs on here with the rest  of these wrestling gems....How do you post the vids on here:?

To post a You Tube video, hit the you tube icon above, then copy and paste the numbers and letters after the equal sign in the you tube url in the middle of the brackets.

Here's an example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23IlZMEZnNk

Post that video like this:

Code: [Select]
[youtube=425,350]23IlZMEZnNk[/youtube]
It's that simple. You know, for a guy without brains, I'm a genius!


Offline WhyIOughta

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OK, here goes...A redux of Jive Soul Bro...

[youtube=425,350] mKF6FhEP4zw&feature=PlayList&p=CCB43AB2728B5FFE&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=33 [/youtube]


Offline WhyIOughta

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All that needs to be said...."Hornswoggle."

[youtube=425,350] emu_V2QNiro [/youtube]


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Another "legend" has just passed on.  Here's a tribute.  R.I.P. Buddy.

[youtube=425,350]-1Cy8vLdgu0[/youtube]
- Doug Sarnecky