Where does Larry the Cable end and Dan Whitney begin? We may never know due to the fact that we never see Dan Whitney out in public.
Dan Whitney was a rather unfunny struggling stand up comic who caught fire when he created the character Larry the Cable Guy. That's right; if you didn't already know everything about LTCG is fake, right down to the affected southern accent. Mr. Whitney is actually from Nebraska originally and moved to Palm Beach Florida when he was in his teens, attending a private school called King's Academy. Granted there are white trash rednecks in Florida but very few in Palm Beach, and I'll bet dollars to donuts none attend King's Academy. Also, people from Nebraska tend to not speak in a southern drawl but rather the bland mid-west accent that is coveted nationwide when a newscaster is needed. Indeed, Whitney does have said midwest accent, as you can plainly hear from the youtube video of a pre-LTCG Whitney flopping at Caroline's.
Fans/defenders of Whitney always cry that he's "playing a character" when you bring up the whole "phony/not really a redneck" thing. OK, let's go with that for a minute; LTCG is a character portrayed by comedian Dan Whitney. Why is it that all this guy does is this one character? Because he is an unfunny fuckwad hack, that's why. The great comedians change up their routine and evolve over time. Character comics usually play more than one character. This overflowing colostomy bag not only does this one character at all times, but his routine and jokes have remained the same over the years. Fellow "blue collar" (read: redneck) comic Jeff Foxworthy is an example of someone who evolved over time, as his act has gone beyond "you might be a redneck".
You may be wondering why am I writing about this bukkake queen. In my line of work I have to watch alot of movies, many of them absolutely shitty. The time came when I was assigned the three Larry the Cable Guy films; LTCG: Health Inspector, Delta Farce, and his latest tour de fart Witless Protection. Each of these movies follow the same premise with very minor tweaks. LTCG has a job that he is not qualified to have, whether it's a health inspector, army reservist or sheriff. He also has a wife/girlfriend/love interest that is way too hot for him and completely unbelievable. I guess fat, disgusting, pseudo-redneck slobs that have a hot chick on their arm is supposed to be comedy gold. He also has an uptight superior in every film, and somehow manages to save the day and win in the end in spite of his stupidity. Throw a bunch of pro-redneck jokes, anti-gay material, pretty much anti-everyone-who-isn't-white-and-southern material and spinkle in a fuckload of flatulence and you have the basic premise of each of these films. It's all the same, from his films to his stand-up act. Nothing changes, nothing evolves and quite frankly it's very tired.
Watching these comedic abortions was akin taping an M-80 to my nutsack and lighting the fuse. I never laughed once, and had each film figured out within the first five minutes. I started to do some research (since that's what people who don't light their own farts and laugh each and every time do when they feel as though they are ill-informed on a topic, Dan), wondering who would find this tripe funny, and found out a few interesting things. First off, critics of both comedy and film pretty much loathe this man who one notch below the hillbilly kid who plays Dueling Banjos in Deliverance. Whitney usually dismisses bad reviews with the "you don't know/understand my audience" routine. So let's try to figure out who his audience is.
Message board threads on LTCG tend to quickly become divided and heated arguments. Surprisingly enough the fights become political, with defenders labelling detractors "liberal yankees" while the detractors come back with "inbred redneck Bush supporters". Also common among LTCG fans seems to be the inability to type properly; no punctuation or capitalization. Again the divide seems to be between the rural areas of the south and midwest and the urban/progressive big cities. Even in 2008 the cultural gap seems to widen. It really makes me wish that the Confederacy was allowed to secede.
So the average LTCG fan seems to be an undereducated, unsophisticated, ignorant waste of space that shouldn't be allowed to procreate. Whitney panders to them quite well, the guy has made millions off of this one note character, even going so far as to flood the market with various LTCG paraphernalia, and intentionally misspelling words and using lousy grammar on his website. Nothing pisses me off more than someone who has the ability to write properly but refuses not to.
In closing, I propose that Dan Whitney be executed for crimes against humanity and all LTCG be sterilized for the good of the nation and the world. There is nothing at all redeeming about this phenomenon, and is in fact a sad, depressing commentary on the current state of american culture. Before I leave you to go bang my head against the wall in the hopes of knocking any memories of Larry the Cable Guy out of my head, I present to you the aforementioned youtube video of Dan Whitney doing stand up. LTCG fans might be able to recognize a few of the jokes. This video is from the early 90's and he still uses many of them in his act to this day.
[youtube=425,350]VROn7ZvVoW8[/youtube]
