(NOTE: Music That Sucks is the correct opinion of the author. The reader may disagree, but the reader would be wrong.)
Keeping in the spirit of the most f**ked-up holiday of them all, I have compiled two Top Ten lists. The first "Top Ten Suckiest Traditional Xmas Songs", will just be a list as everyone should know these since they have been forced down our throats every year. The second list "Top Ten Suckiest Rock/Pop Xmas Songs" I will into a little more detail on and attach the #1 song to this post so that anyone interested may appreciate it's sucktitude.
The hardest part of compiling these lists was that there have been so many Xmas songs, almost all of them sucking hairy ass.
So without further ado:
Top Ten Suckiest Traditional Xmas Songs
10. The First Noel
9. Winter Wonderland
8. We Wish You A Merry Christmas
7. Silver Bells
6. The Christmas Song ("chestnuts roasting on an open fire...")
5. 12 Days Of Christmas
4. Joy To The World
3. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
2. White Christmas
1. Silent Night
Dishonorable Mention: O' Christmas Tree, O' Holy Night, Frosty the Snowman, It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas, Away In A Manger, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, Deck The Halls, and all others.
Top Ten Suckiest Rock/Pop Xmas Songs
10. Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms: This one is nowhere near as bad as the others on this list, but it makes the list primarly due to repeated overexposure. This has to be the most played song on radio this time of year.
9. Little Saint Nick - Beach Boys: I hate most of the Beach Boys catalog, and this Mulelog is no different.
8. Feliz Navidad - Jose Feliciano: Probably second only to Jingle Bell Rock in terms of radio play this time of year, add that to the fact that I think Spanish is a horrible language on the ears, not to mention all that "bottom of my heart" s**t, and you have one crappy song.
7. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Elmo and Patsy: This is song is cute, if you're either 5 years old or a redneck. I know I'm stretching rock/pop a bit to include this one, but I couldn't leave it off.
6. Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley: What would a sucky Xmas song list be with The King himself? He seems to be going for a crooner style here, and it doesn't work.
5. Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives: Yet another overplayed ditty, this is the only time Mr. Ives gets any radio play. Have a holly jolly foot up your dead ass, you Santa-looking bastard!
4. Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee: Yet another overplayed tune, and nobody rocks around the Xmas tree, they grab their presents and hoard them in their rooms. Bitch.
3. Happy X-Mas (War Is Over) - Melissa Etheridge: Everybody's favorite dyke this side Rosie and Ellen decided to cover this John Lennon tune, meant sarcastically, and brighten it up; thus ruining the song.
2. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause - Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons: No, what you saw was your mommy bent over the sink taking a high-hard one from shemps#1. What a slut.
1. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney: Words cannot describe how sappy, corny, and all around sucky this piece of s**t is. If you've never heard it I urge you to download it. Don't say I didn't warn you, though.
Christmas, breeding ground for music...that sucks!
