First off, I would like to welcome you to the first installment of Music That Sucks. Each installment will feature a musician, group, or overall genre that, well...sucks.
Note that entrants in Music That Sucks are the correct opinion of the author.
Male vagina Hugh Cregg III was unleashed by his parents onto the world in 1950. As a young adult, Hugh (Huey) learned how to crappily play the harmonica and fancied himself a blues mucisian. Real blues mucisians laughed at Huey (dubbed "our biggest mistake" by his parents), due to the fact that he is and was beyond white and wouldn't know real blues if it anally raped him. After stints in many a lousy and forgetable "blues" band, Huey fronted a band named Huey Lewis and the American Express (whose motto was "Don't leave home without our album; especially if you are on your way to the local landfill"). The name would be later changed to a name that sends shivers down the backs of anyone with good taste: Huey Lewis and the News.
1980 saw HLN's self-titled debut album. It tanked as it should have, but this being the 1980's (a decade that didn't account for good taste) HLN would get another shot. Their sophomore effort Picture This faired better, with a top ten hit "Do You Believe In Love". It wasn't until their third album Sports that the venerial disease known as Huey Lewis and the News would spread faster than AIDS at Studio 54.
Sports featured the mind numbingly tedious melodies and moronic lyrics that would become an HLN trademark. Fecal matter for the eardrums abound with such diarreah like "I Want a New Drug", "Heart of Rock and Roll", and "If This Is It" proved to the world that you can have an all-male band with 5 or 6 members yet have less testosterone than a douche commercial. Sports wound up going multi-platinum, and the true heart of Rock and Roll stopped pumping.
The biggest abomination was to come in 1986 however, with the release of Fore!. Listening to any song from Fore! makes one long for a urinary tract infection. If lousy numbers such as "Doing It All For My Baby", and "Hip To Be Square" weren't bad enough, one of the worst songs of all time "Stuck With You" was birthed from this album in a more gruesome fashion than the baby in "It's Alive!". People would eventually snap out of the hypnotic trance and realize that this group sucks, as none of their later albums would cause a stir.
Huey would make appearances on the big screen, such as a cameo in Back To The Future. The worst of these movies would be Duets, in which he and Gwenyth Paltrow would suck all of the soul out of an old Smokey Robinson tune "Cruisin"; his best appearance was in the movie Dead Husbands in which he was killed during the opening credits.
HLN is unabashedly Pop without so much as an inkling of Rock in their bones. This group should be avoided like Micheal Jackson at a preschool, and is as deep as a puddle on the floor left by an old man's dripping penis. Huey Lewis and the News: Music...That Sucks!
Thanks (for nothing) to hln.org for the particulars and for keeping the legacy of these bitches alive.
