The "lost" Marx Brother, Gummo, did it. He was also reportedly seen in the vicinity of Dealey Plaza— and at the Audubon Ballroom in Manhattan two years later, when Malcolm X was assassinated.
There's also a signed motel registration card for one "G. Marks" in the room right next to James Earl Ray's, on the day that Martin Luther King was killed.
Not only that, but Bobby Kennedy was reported to be chewing
gum when he was shot... a clue?
Harpo Marx was questioned, but he said nothing.
"Exactly one month later, a body was found in an ally [sic] not far from Chico's house. Phillip "Philly Long" Longstreth was dead at 55 years old, and the autopsy concluded that "the murderer to the stars" used the last of his deadly concoction on himself. What became of his body? Read the book and find out!"
Uh, I hate to shoot down anyone's balloon, especially an author who stands to make a good deal of money— but 55, by actuarial (insurance company mortality) reckoning, was about the average male American lifespan in the mid-20th century. Not only that, but Chico had a long and well-documented history of heart trouble at the time he died.
Gummo, now 112 years old, is reported to be living on a remote rubber plantation (where else?) in Tierra Del Fuego, with only a trained penguin for company.
There just
aren't enough conspiracy theories around, so I have to make up my own!