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"Are You A Jew?" Or How To Rescue A Celebrity's Career In One Easy Lesson

Guest · 5 · 2023

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Pilsner Panther

  • Guest
We really need to back up and start over on this topic; okay, let's suppose that I'm Mel Gibson's lawyer and I'm arguing his DUI case in court.

The first thing I'd say is that he's suffering from a neurological condition like Tourette Syndrome:

http://members.tripod.com/~tourette13/

So, he compulsively repeats the same behavior over and over. In his case, it's asking everyone he meets— even if he's known them for 25 years or more— whether they're a Jew. His longtime associates have gotten used to this quirk, but strangers (such as the police) are still caught off guard at times.

"Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of this most distingushed and intellectual jury, Mr. Gobson... er, Gibson, can't stop this practice any more than His Honor up there on the bench can stop picking his nose... although I wish he would stop it."

D.A: "Objection! The defense is being unclear as to just what it is he wants stopped, Mr. Gregson... that is, Mr. Gibson's behavior, or the judge's."

"Well, both, if possible, with all due respect to the Bench and even to what's sitting on it. Mr. Gibson has no more presence of mind than the judge's desk blotter— but he's not just an ordinary idiot, he's got a medical condition which demands the sympathy of every decent person in this courtroom, if only there were any."

"The poor man comes home to his 60-room mansion every afternoon and asks the dog, the cat, and the parrot whether they're Jewish. In the considered opinion of prestigious Dr. John S. Hopkins of the Prestigious Johns Hopkins Medical School, the patient, Mr. Gribson... uh, Gribbens, no... uh, wait a second here (fumbles with stack of index cards), yes, Mr. Gibson, is patently insane."

"That is, so insane that they're trying to get a patent on it."

"I was going to call a... (fumbles with cards again), a Mr. Fee DelCastro as a character witness, but he seems to be indisposed at the moment, if not disposed of. Instead, I beg the Court's indulgence in presenting a series of color slides depicting the defendant's behavior, even when he's not blasted out of his gourd on rotgut fortified wine, malt liquor, or corn squeezin's."

"Who among you, I ask, doesn't have a relative like this? Okay, okay, without the money."

"Bailiff? Lights down, please, and let's begin."



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Pilsner Panther

  • Guest
This article is too long to post here, but the author (a film and drama critic) makes a lot of valid points about American society and the nature of celebrity here. Well worth reading:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/08/02/DDG68K8OV31.DTL

In the latest development, Mr. Gibson has agreed to go home to Australia "For a long rest..."



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Offline FineBari3

  • Master Stooge
  • Knothead
  • ******
Since Mel is such a big Stooges fan, do you think he knows they were Jewish???

A radio station out here plays Jay Leno's monologue from the night before. I heard it one day, and he said something like: "Well, I guess Mel Gibson wasn't drinking  Manischewitz!"
Mar-Jean Zamperini
"Moe is their leader." -Homer Simpson


Pilsner Panther

  • Guest
Since Mel is such a big Stooges fan, do you think he knows they were Jewish???


Naww, MJ, to people of a certain age (that is, early-to-late Baby Boomers and some of their kids) the Stooges are just the Stooges. You don't think about what their religion might be, any more than you'd wonder about the religion of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. However, there really is a lot of Yiddish-American humor in the Stooges shorts, for anyone who can recognize it.

For example, "Oil's Well That Ends Well" could be a fable right out of Isaac Bashevis Singer. Three penniless tramps are wandering down the road, they meet with unexpected luck, perform some good deeds and punish the villains, fall in love, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Probably one of the oldest stories there is, but what makes the Three Stooges' version so great is that they found a new way of telling it.

Quote
A radio station out here plays Jay Leno's monologue from the night before. I heard it one day, and he said something like: "Well, I guess Mel Gibson wasn't drinking  Manischewitz!"

The police report says an open bottle of Mogen David 20-20.

http://www.bumwine.com/md2020.html

I kid, I kid!



Offline kinderscenen

  • Porcupine
  • Chucklehead
  • ***
I had to laugh at the picture of Queen Elizabeth and Mel--if she was anything like a certain other royal, they'd have a lot in common.

Larry: They’ll hang us for this!
Moe: I know! Let’s cremate him!
Larry: Can’t do that--we ain’t got no cream!