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It seems everything's gone wrong since Canada came along

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Offline Dunrobin

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BLAME CANADA

Times have changed,
Our kids are getting worse -
They won't obey their parents,
They just want to fart and curse!
Should we blame the government?
Or blame society?
Or should we blame the images on TV?

NO!
BLAME CANADA!  BLAME CANADA!
With all their beady, little eyes,
And flapping heads so full of lies -
Blame Canada!  Blame Canada!
We need to form a full assault -
It's Canada's fault!

Don't blame me for my son, Stan -
He saw the darn cartoon and now he's off to join the Klan!
And my boy, Eric, once had my picture on his shelf -
But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself!

Well -
BLAME CANADA!  BLAME CANADA!
It seems that everything's gone wrong
Since Canada came along
Blame Canada!  Blame Canada!
(They're not even a real country anyway!)

My son coulda been a doctor,
Or a lawyer, rich and true,
Instead he burned up like a piggy on a barbeque!
Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?

Heck no!
BLAME CANADA!  BLAME CANADA!
With all their hockey hullabaloo
(And that bitch, Anne Murray, too)
Blame Canada!  Shame on Canada!
For the smut we must stop,
The trash we must bash,
The laughter and fun
Must all be undone,
We must be mad and cause a fuss
Before somebody thinks of blaming us!


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Pilsner Panther

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It started with that Canadian bacon... then Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians, and then Canada Dry Soda... where will it all end? In two years, we'll all be wearing Mountie uniforms because of this horrible cultural infiltration. All our children will be learning Canadian! We've got to build a fence along the Northern border before every single American citizen is eating warm beaver and cold hockey pucks, and joining the Loyal Order of Moose!

W.C. Fields: "From now on, I'm going to drink Canada Dry."

Charlie McCarthy: "I can believe it."

 [crosseyed]





Offline Dunrobin

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What can I say?  I was bored.   >:D

I was running a major update on one of my databases at work, which took some time to process, and I was listening to this file while I was waiting, so I decided to transcribe it and post it here.  Plus, that way I could download the file here at home.   ;)

I thought some of you guys would appreciate it.  My co-worker has a friend in Canada that she chats with all the time, and I'm always teasing her about Canadians.
 :angel:


Offline ZEKE

If I could wrap my 18" pythons around your neck I'd give you the best Canadian frienship hug you ever had.
ZEKE---in AJAX-(G.T.A.), Canada.


Offline JazzBill

If I could wrap my 18" pythons around your neck I'd give you the best Canadian frienship hug you ever had.
Ya Hey Dare Zeke,  It's aboot time you posted here ! ( I took Canadian for a year in high school )
"When in Chicago call Stockyards 1234, Ask for Ruby".


Offline Dunrobin

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I heard a comedian on Comedy Central Presents awhile back (I don't remember his name) who did a funny bit about Canada.  He suggested that they should attack some 3rd world country, like Turkey.  Nobody'd expect that!  Playing posssem for 200 years, and then wham!  "We're taking over Turkey, and we're calling it Chicken!" 




Jimmie Adams

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I hate to get political and sappy, but I will in this instance.  Can you imagine what it would be like in the U.S. if our northern neighbor over the years was Germany instead of Canada?  The decent and good natured people of Canada enable this country to get on with our business and sleep soundly at night.  Could you imagine putting your kids to bed at night with Russia or Germany a few hundred miles to the north?
I have spent some time in western Canada and it is one of the most beautiful places on earth and I have been around the world twice.  All hail Canada, you couldn't ask for a better neighbor.

Oh yeah, I must temper this with a negative about Canada.  Those folks drink a lot of beer.  You wouldn't see that in the States! ;)


Pilsner Panther

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Well, that's the trouble with Canadians: they're too decent and good-natured. Try to pick a fight with one, and he'll offer you a (warm) beer.

Not only that, but they own half of Niagara Falls:

"Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch...!"

[stooges]


Offline Dunrobin

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True enough - Canada is a beautiful country, and Canadians are generally a good bunch to have as neighbors.  (Just watch out for those sneak attacks - they'll play possum for centuries, if needs be.)

 [cheers]


Offline Bruckman

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It was a standing joke among my friends after I graduated high school in 82 that I'd chosen to continue my education in Canada rather than remain in the Reagan-controlled US, where none of us were certain Ronnie wouldn't push the Big Red Button every morning.

How I sigh for those innocent days....now we have a President who's done everything but push the button when it comes to ruining the country.

Anyway, I was a resident of Canada for many years. I worked there seasonally until 9-11 took away that privilege for good with tightened border restrictions and long, expensive paperwork-filled visa applications. I lived in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan from 1982 to 1991 with time off for good behavior when I'd come back to the States to eran some good ol' US of A cash (much appreciated in those days when the Canadian dollar was weak - now it's our dollar that's weak), and again from 1994 to 1997.

Things I enjoyed about living in Canada:
-Inexpensive health care. Imagine walking into a clinic and being charged only $20 to see a doctor when you have bronchitis, including the lab fee.

-Beer. Although I'm now an MGD man, Molson's was my preferred brand for many years. Never cared for Labatt's or O'Keefe's. Great Western Breweries is passable although somewhat watered down. Kokanee was my treeplanting drink. Keep 'em cold in the nearest creek to camp.

-Hockey every Saturday night (2 games) on TV. More than that if you spoke French and could follow the play-by-play on Radio-Canada.

-Odd names for domestic cars (Dodge Polara, Pontiac Laurentian, etc. Falling out of favor now that there's less domestic production. Kingston is Canada's Detroit).

-If you don't like the government, you can vote it out of office w/a vote of no-confidence. This happened last winter, when Paul Martin was deposed as PM in favor of Steven Harper. Elections are called w/very little time to campaign, compared to US politics: a few months being average. An extremely unpopular PM might lose his position w/in a few months if he isn't careful. Think what the US gov't might be like if citizens possessed this ability.

-Medical marijuana. (We allegedly have this here in Motnana too, but the Federal gov't recently scotched one's right to this).

Things I didn't enjoy:
-Thirty below weather (without the wind chill). Wind chills in Canada are not, as you might expect, calculated in degrees but in an index ranging from 1000 (tolerable) upwards. These numbers express heat loss in joules. The expected joke was that if the wind chill was higher than 2500 you stood a good chance of freezing off your joules.

-Summer, though pleasant temperature wise, was full of mosquitoes and blackflies, and only lasted a bare 8 weeks, roughly last week of June - mid-August. "Indian summer" fell in mid-Sept. Snow was likely any time after Sept. 1 up to early June. July is the only month I never saw a snowfall in Canada, and one year while treeplanting we were hit with such a blizzard in June we were called down to camp early, in order not to be marooned on a mountainside.

-Taxes. Especially sales taxes. Canada has a national sales tax (7%) and most provinces add their own (in Sask., 9%). Income taxes are also quite steep. Canadians do get something of a refund if they happen to be low-income, but resident aliens (as I was) get nothing for their refund.


One benefit I took away from Canada (besides a typical Canadian Prairie accent, most noticeable when I say "about"): being able to sing all the words to "O Canada" at Bruins games. (Never did learn "The Maple Leaf Forever", though).
"If it wasn't for fear i wouldn't get out of bed in the morning" - Forrest Griffin


Pilsner Panther

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-Medical marijuana. (We allegedly have this here in Montana too, but the Federal gov't recently scotched one's right to this).


Well, if I can't have medical marijuana, medical scotch will do well enough. One "Breath O' Heather," please.

[stooges]

Quote

One benefit I took away from Canada (besides a typical Canadian Prairie accent, most noticeable when I say "about"): being able to sing all the words to "O Canada" at Bruins games. (Never did learn "The Maple Leaf Forever", though).


Canadian Army Major: "Can you play 'The Maple Leaf Forever?'"

Bugler Spike Milligan: "No, I get tired after a few choruses."



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Offline Dunrobin

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Quote
Medical marijuana

Well, I know I only smoke "medicinally" - if I don't smoke pot I get violently ill from all the bullshit coming out of Rome-on-the-Potomac!   ::)
 [pot]