No Applause ~ Just Throw Money (The Book That Made Vaudeville Famous)
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Released October 06, 1949
Featuring Moe, Larry and Shemp
Featuring Moe, Larry and Shemp
Columbia
15.8 min. (Short Subject)
15.8 min. (Short Subject)
The Stooges are "Day and Night Plumbers," hired by the Norfleets to fix the plumbing in their basement while a society party is going on their mansion. The boys wreck the house with their idea of plumbing: flooding the bathroom and cross-connecting the water and electrical pipes. Mr. and Mrs. Allen, two of the party guests, steal the Norfleet's expensive Van Brocklin painting behind everyone's back. When the Norfleets discover the theft, the Allens try to make their getaway and pin the blame on our boys.
A reworking of A PLUMBING WE WILL GO (1940). Remade as SCHEMING SCHEMERS (1956), with stock footage.
This film was loosely adapted for a story in The Three Stooges # 2 comic book, St. John Publications 1953.
Avg. Rating: 
[8.70/10]
[8.70/10]
Larry Fine
Larry
Shemp Howard
Shemp
Moe Howard
Moe
Emil Sitka
Mr. Walter Norfleet
Symona Boniface
Mrs. Norfleet
Herbert Evans
Wilkes
Kenneth MacDonald
Mr. Allen
Christine McIntyre
Ethel Allen
Alfred Paix
Party guest
Celia Travers
Party guest
Cosmo Sardo
Party guest
Judy Malcolm
Party guest
Dudley Dickerson
Henry, the cook
Boyd Stockman
stunt double, Kenneth MacDonald
Charles Cross
Larry's stand-in
Harold Breen
Shemp's stand-in
Johnny Kascier
Moe's stand-in
Hugh McCollum
Producer
Edward Bernds
Director
Elwood Ullman
Story and Screenplay
Vincent Farrar
Director of Photography
Henry DeMond
Film Editor
Charles Clague
Art Director
Frederick Briskin
Assistant Director
| Title Origin: | Possibly a play on words from the 1929 Rudy Vallee comedy, "The Vagabond Lover". |
| Prod. No.: | 4140 |
| Shooting Days: | 4 days From: 1949-01-25 To: 1949-01-28 |
| Locations: |
|
No audio files are available for this episode.
Transcription by Stooge: 
VAGABOND LOAFERS
MRS. NORFLEET....Symona Boniface
MR. NORFLEET....Emil Sitka
WILKES....Herb Evans
MRS. ALLEN....Christine McIntyre
MR. ALLEN....Kenneth MacDonald
CHEF....Dudley Dickerson
The short opens up with the Norfleets, a wealthy couple, looking at the Van Brocklin painting hung up on their wall.
MRS. NORFLEET: At last, we own the Van Brocklin. Oh, Walter, I’m so thrilled. Isn’t it simply exquisite?
MR. NORFLEET: It ought to be, it cost fifty thousand dollars...
MRS. NORFLEET: Van Brocklin...what a genius. And just think – the poor man died in poverty.
MR. NORFLEET: He only died in poverty. From now on, I’ll have to live in it!
MRS. NORFLEET: Now, Walter, don’t spoil everything! Run along and change, dear, like a good boy. (Mr. Norfleet leaves) Our guests will be here any minute.
Wilkes the Butler walks in.
WILKES: Beg pardon, madam. There’s a leak in the plumbing. It’s getting worse every minute!
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh, this is dreadful, Wilkes! How can I get a plumber over here at this hour?
WILKES: Well, there’s a new place on Elm Street, madam. The, eh, “Day and Night Plumbersâ€. Apparently, they’re on duty twenty-four hours a day.
MRS. NORFLEET: Thank you, Wilkes. I’ll phone them at once.
As Mrs. Norfleet walks over towards the phone, the camera cuts over to The Day and Night Plumbers sign. We then see Moe sitting in a jeep, reading over a “How to Be a Plumber†book. The phone rings. Moe puts the book down and picks the phone up.
MOE: \"Night and Day Plumbers\". (pause) What’s that madam, a leak? (pause) Yes? (pause) Yes? (pause) Norfleet. 217 Lyndon Drive. (pause) Now don’t worry your pretty little head, we’ll be over in two shakes of a martini. (hangs up the phone) Ha, ha! Our first case (pushes the phone away but the extension at the end of it pushes it back into his head) OOH! (pushes the phone back again and it stretches back out and hits him again) OOH! Why, you... (reaches out the punch the phone, but it automatically pushes itself back) Ha, ha, ha... (the phone reaches out and hits him again) OHHH! Grr!
Moe turns on the engine to start the jeep.
MOE: (yelling up at Shemp and Larry) C’mon, you slugs! We’re rollin’!
Camera cuts over upstairs where Shemp and Larry are sleeping and snoring loudly on bunk beds attached to the wall. Camera cuts back over to Moe downstairs.
MOE: Oh, stubborn eh??!
Moe pulls a nearby wire, which causes the two bunk beds to drop Shemp and Larry on the floor. Larry gets up, but Shemp tries to go back to sleep again.
LARRY: (grabbing the plumbing tools) Hey, c’mon, Shemp! It’s our first call!
Shemp starts to wake up. Larry walks up to the firepole in the room and drops the toolbag down there. It falls and hits Moe right on the head, who’s right under the firepole. Larry then slides down the pole and lands on top of Moe, pushing his foot down on the pedal. The jeep takes off. A second afterwards, Shemp is seen sliding down the pole and he crashes into the floor, missing the jeep completely.
SHEMP: ...We gotta get a longer jeep... (looks off-screen at Moe and Larry taking off in the jeep) Hey, wait for me!
The scene ends and the next scene starts off back at the Norfleets’ mansion. There is currently a social party going on. Mrs. Norfleet is talking with the Allens, another couple.
MRS. NORFLEET: Mr. and Mrs. Allen, so glad you could come!
MRS. ALLEN: We’re simply dying to see the Van Brocklin.
MRS. NORFLEET: Well, I\'ll not keep you waiting. (to all the guests) In the living room, everybody. (to Wilkes) Oh, Wilkes, bring the cocktails.
WILKES: Very well, madam.
As everyone leaves to go to the living room, the doorbell rings. Mr. Allen walks up to the door and opens it. The Stooges, carrying their plumbing equipment, are standing outside the door. They start barging inside the house, and glance around the place.
MR. ALLEN: Well?
MOE: Day and Night Plumbers!
SHEMP: Yeah. C’mon, c’mon! Where’s the leak?
MR. ALLEN: I’m not the butler! (pointing at the living room) He’s in there.
LARRY: Well, leg on, pal.
MR. ALLEN: (mumbling to himself as he walks away) \"Pal\"...
Camera cuts over to the living room, where the guests are all observing the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: Oh, it’s divine. What color! What detail!
MRS. NORFLEET: And it’s over two-hundred years old. Every museum in the country tried to buy it.
MR. ALLEN: It’s a masterpiece, alright. I congratulate you.
WILKES: (handing Mr. Allen a cocktail) Mr. Allen?
MR. ALLEN: (taking the cocktail) Thank you. Oh, uh, the plumbers are looking for you. (starts sipping his cocktails)
WILKES: In the drawing room??? They should’ve come around the back way. Thank you, sir. (walks away)
Camera cuts over to the Stooges waiting in the drawing room. Wilkes walks up to them.
WILKES: Look here, you men!!
LARRY: (noticing the cocktails on the tray that Wilkes is holding) Refreshments!
MOE: (to Wilkes) Thanks!
The Stooges each drop their plumbing tools on Wilkes’ feet as they reach for the cocktails.
WILKES: OOOH!!
The guests in the living room overhear the noise from the drawing room.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Oh, excuse me.
MRS. ALLEN: Of course.
Mrs. Norfleet leaves the room and goes up to the Stooges.
MRS. NORFLEET: How dare you come in here and mingle with my guests?
MOE: Now take it easy, lady. Don’t blow a fu...
MRS. NORFLEET: Never mind! Give me that.
Moe hands her the cocktail.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Larry) I’ll take yours, too. (Larry angrily hands her his cocktail) The idea!
Mrs. Norfleet places the two cocktails back on the tray.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Shemp) Now, you! Give me what you have in your hand!
SHEMP: (handing her a blowtorch) Here...
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh!
Moe takes the blowtorch and bangs it over Shemp’s head.
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh! Such impertinence! Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work! (leaves the room)
WILKES: Yes, madam.
LARRY: (imitating Mrs. Norfleet) \"Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work!\"
MOE: (speaking in a snobbish voice) Yes, you heard what the gentleman said!
SHEMP: (also speaking in a snobbish voice) Please, please...
WILKES: Here, here, here! The leak’s in the basement! Go on, go on!
MOE: It’s practically fixed!
As Shemp and Larry pick up their tools and leave, they knock over a dresser holding a flower vase. Wilkes drops the tray he’s holding and catches the falling vase.
MOE: (to Wilkes) They came in here to fix the leak, and almost wrecked the house the clumsy idiots!
As Moe turns around, the pipe he’s carrying over his arm bangs into the back of Wilkes head, causing him to drop the vase on the ground. It smashes.
WILKES: (aggravated) Oh!
The scene ends and the next scene begins down in the basement of the mansion. Moe is twisting a wrench on a pipe as Shemp watches.
SHEMP: That’s got it!
MOE: Yeah, just a little sauntering job. (handing Shemp the wrench, which is still connecting to the pipe) Hold on to this, and don\'t let it slip. (to Larry) Gimme that blow torch.
Larry aims the blowtorch towards Moe’s behind and accidentally turns it on, burning Moe\'s behind.
MOE: YEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
Moe accidentally steps in the bucket and gets his foot stuck inside of it.
MOE: (to Larry) Get my foot outta there!
LARRY: Okay!
Larry yanks Moe’s leg up, causing Moe to unintentionally knee him. Moe falls backwards and bumps into Shemp, causing Shemp’s arm holding the wrench to slip, and the wrench bangs into Moe’s head. The pipe goes leaking again. Moe holds his hand under the leak, then holds his hand over to Larry.
MOE: (to Larry) Now see whatcha did?
LARRY: (looking at Moe’s hand) What?
MOE: (slapping Larry with the wet hand) Get outta hea!
LARRY: Wait a minute! We can’t fix it while it’s leakin’. (looking around the basement) I wonder where you shut the water off.
SHEMP: It must be upstairs. Water always runs downhill.
MOE: (pinching Shemp’s cheek) You’re a very intelligent imbecile!
SHEMP: Thanks!
MOE: Yeah... Shut the water off!!!!
SHEMP: Alright! (quickly picks up his tools and heads for the stairs leading to the outside of the basement)
Moe bends back down under the pipe and the water leaks on his head.
MOE: (holding his head) Oh!
LARRY: Wet, ain’t it? Heh!
MOE: Yeah... (reaches over to eyepoke Larry)
LARRY: (covering his eyes) Ohh...
Moe punches Larry on the stomach, then bops him on the head, followed by a slap on the forehead. Camera cuts over to Shemp walking in the hallway of the mansion. One of the pipes he’s carrying happens to fall right down next to the basement door. Shemp walks around and notices a bathroom door. He opens the door and then drops his tools on the floor and walks in. Somebody is using the shower behind the curtains. Shemp walks up to the shower curtains and knocks on it like a door. The curtains open up and Mr. Norfleet peeks his head out from behind it.
SHEMP: Sorry, buddy. You’ll have to shut off that water.
MR. NORFLEET: I beg your pardon!
SHEMP: C’mon, pal, this’ll run into overtime! (opens the shower curtains and reveals Mr. Norfleet with a towel wrapped over his lower body)
MR. NORFLEET: (walking out of the shower) I say!
SHEMP: Never mind what you say...
MR. NORFLEET: Who are you???
SHEMP: Who am I? I’m the plumber. Get outta here! (Mr. Norfleet leaves through the bathroom door and Shemp closes it after him) \"Who am I?\" That’s a hot one!
Shemp steps into the shower and turns the shower faucet all the way off, but water still comes out of the shower head.
SHEMP: Oh, stubborn, eh?
Shemp takes a wrench out of his toolbag and twists the water faucet all the way off. Water splashes out of the faucet hole and onto Shemp.
SHEMP: Oh, must be a loose washer! (covering the faucet hole with his hands) How do ya like that? (reaching for the pliers in his back pocket) I’ll fix that in a minute! Gotta be a loose washer... (accidentally drops the pliers) Oh!
Shemp uncovers the faucet hole and then bends over and pick up the pliers. The water from the faucet hole slashes him again. Shemp covers the hole again and then swings the pliers at it, but accidentally hits his hand.
SHEMP: OOH! OOH! OOH!
Camera cuts back down inside of the basement with Moe and Larry. Moe is twisting the pipe with a wrench, as Larry sits beside him, relaxing while reading a newspaper. Larry notices that the pail next to him held under the leak is filled with water, so he puts his newspaper down and dumps all the water out of the pail. Then he stands the pail back up under the leak again.
LARRY: (picking the newspaper back up again) Ah!
An irate Moe looks over at Larry and then bangs his wrench over Larry’s head.
MOE: A great help you are! That other chowder-head didn’t shut the water off, now you do it! (handing Larry a diving rod) Here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! Where will I find a valve?
MOE: That’s your job, ya dummy! Look in the kitchen...Look in the attic...(slapping Larry)...Look in the backyard!
LARRY: Alright!
Larry holds his diving rod behind him then begins to walk away. The rod gets caught onto the back of Moe’s suspenders. As Larry tries to walk away, the suspenders stretch out farther. So Larry then legs go of the rod, and it goes flying backwards into Moe’s head, knocking him into the furnace. Larry jumps in the shock as he sees this, and then dashes out of the basement in fright. The camera cuts back into the bathroom, where Shemp is in front of the leaking faucet hole, and he’s holding a pipe.
SHEMP: I’ll let the water out in the window, that’s what I’ll do.
Shemp screws the pipe onto the faucet hole, and the water from the faucet hole ends up leaking outside of the other end of the pipe.
SHEMP: Oh, yeah???
Shemp gets another pipe and then screws it onto the end of the first pipe. The leak ends up coming out of the end of the second pipe. Shemp gets even more aggravated as he notices this. This goes on and on, before the camera cuts over to the Norfleets’ social party. The Allens are both looking at the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: (whispering) The real Van Brocklin alright! Worth a fortune.
MR. ALLEN: (whispering back) Okay, we’ll...
The Norfleets walk by and the Allens stop whispering to each other.
MRS. NORFLEET: I want you to meet my husband. Mr. and Mrs. Allen, Mr. Norfleet!
Camera cuts to Larry outside the mansion, digging a hole in the ground. Back inside of the basement, Moe is done finishing screwing a pipe together.
MOE: Well, that\'s that! (water from the pipe starts spraying all over his face) AARRGH! I wonder where those other lugs are!! (looks behind him and notices another pipe leaking) All these pipes are full of termites!
Moe grabs a box to stand on top of and then begins tightening the pipe with a wrench. Camera cuts over to a chef in the kitchen washing his hands in the sink. In the basement, Moe twists a pipe around. This causes the sink faucet in the kitchen to twist to the other side as well. The chef watches in surprise. As he tries to grab the faucet, it begins turning up and down. The chef grabs the faucet and pulls it out of the wall, causing water to leak out of the faucet hole. Back inside the basement, Moe accidentally pulls the two pipes apart, causing the water stops leaking out of the kitchen faucet hole. The chef puts his face up to the hole in curiosity. Moe then begins re-attaches the two pipes, causing the water to spray out of the kitchen faucet hole again and into the chef’s face. The water stops coming out of the hole and chef holds his face up to it again. Moe finishes re-attaching the pipes, and the water sprays chef in the face again. Camera cuts back over to the bathroom, where Shemp is covered in a maze of attached pipes. Shemp is tightening the last pipe with a wrench.
SHEMP: That’s got it! (throwing the wrench to the ground) Now to get out... (notices that he’s trapped in the maze of pipe and there’s no way out) MOE! LARRY! I’m trapped by the risin’ water. I’ll be drowned like a rat! Oh, Moe! (reaches in his toolbag and takes out a hand- drill) Ah, now I’m usin’ the ol’ bean! (begins to drill a hole through the floor)
Camera cuts down inside of the basement, where Moe has finished tightening the pipe again.
MOE: Success at last! Just goes to show ya, you don’t have to have brains to be a plumber! Ha, ha, ha...
Suddenly, water from the drill holes in the bathroom floor above splashes on Moe’s head.
MOE: YEEEOOOOOWWWW!!! (moves to the side) What’s the matta? What’s goin’ on here? (more water starts dripping on him) OHHH, moida!
Suddenly, Shemp comes crashing down from the bathroom floor into the basement and breaks a pipe
MOE: (helping Shemp up) You dimwit! What’s the idea of dropping in without a calling card? Now look whatcha went and done!!!! (pushing Shemp away) Go on, get another length of pipe! Go ahead!
Shemp walks over to an electricity box and pulls a pipe attached to the top of the box. He notices the electrical wires inside the pipe
SHEMP: Hey, Moe! No wonder the water don’t woik. These pipes are clogged up with wires! (Moe walks up to him) Look.
MOE: Well, yank ‘em out and we’ll hook the pipes up all over again. You oyster-brain! (pushing Shemp) Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! (begins to yank the wires out of the pipe)
Camera cuts over to Mr. Norfleet talking to a guest.
MR. NORFLEET: ...no, we don’t go in for sculpture. It’s too bulky. We...
The lights on the wall nearby begin to shake, from Shemp pulling the electrical wires down in the basement. Mr. Norfleet tries to catch the shaking light and appear casual in front of his guest at the same time.
SHEMP: (pulling the wires) White all colors...
Suddenly, the light on the wall gets pulled inside of the wall, and makes a big hole.
MR. NORFLEET: Short circuit, no doubt!
Camera cuts back to the chef in the kitchen, mixing batter. There is suddenly some clanking noise above him. He looks up at the light above him and notices the lightbulb moving up and down due to Shemp\'s wire pulling. Then the hands of a clock on top of the wall in front of the chef are going crazy. The chef does a double-take when he sees this. The clock falls off the wall and into the bowl of batter, splashing it all over the chef’s face. Camera cuts back in the basement and we see a big pile of wires, then the camera pans over and we see Shemp still pulling the wires out of the pipe. Finally, Shemp pulls out the last of the wires.
SHEMP: (to Moe) That does it! End of the line!
Moe walks over to Shemp, dragging a water pipe with him.
MOE: Okay! We’ll try and get these pipes together and then everything will be oakie-doakie.
SHEMP: Alright!
Shemp and Moe try to connect the electrical pipes and the water pipe together. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the chef turns on the lightbulb switch. Water flows inside of the bulb instead of the light turning on. It fills completely with water, then cracks and drips the water out of it. The bewildered chef looks up at the dripping lightbulb.
CHEF: This house has sho’ gone crazy! [ grabs a match above the stove ]
Camera cuts back down to the basement, where Shemp and Moe have connected both the electrical and water pipes together.
SHEMP: I never thought I’d do it!
MOE: (shaking Shemp’s hand) Success! Ha, ha, ha!
Back in the kitchen, the chef lights the stove with a match and water sprays out of the stove instead of fire and sprays in the chef’s face. He tries turning the stove off, but no luck. He then heads for the closet but slips on the wet floor several times on his way. Camera cuts over back to the outside of the mansion. Larry pokes his head through from under the ground.
LARRY: I’ll find this thing, or else! (sticks his head back in the hole)
Back inside the kitchen, the chef peers his out of the closet door, dressed in a raincoat. He rushes over to the stove and tries to stop the water from coming out. After having no luck, he heads towards the outside of the kitchen and again slips on the floor on his way. Meanwhile, back in the Norfleets’ social party.
MRS. NORFLEET: Dear me! I can’t understand what’s holding up dinner.
The chef enters.
CHEF: Sorry, folks. Dinner’s postponed on account of rain! (leaves)
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Well, I-I’m sure it won’t be long. Shall we see what’s on the television set?
MR. NORFLEET: Uh, excellent...uh, excellent idea. (clears throat)
The Norfleets and the guest all walk over to the television set. Meanwhile, Mr. Allen secretly cuts around the Van Brocklin painting with a knife as Mrs. Allen keeps a lookout.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to her guests) The very latest set, you know. We get the most amazing results.
Mrs. Norfleet turns the TV set on.
TV ANNOUNCER: Good evening, friends.
MRS. NORFLEET: Th-That’s odd! There’s sound, but no picture.
TV ANNOUNCER: Our special feature for tonight will be glimpses of scenic America. First we take you to Niagara Falls.
MRS. NORFLEET: (trying to get the picture on in the TV set) I’ll get it in a minute...
The picture on the TV set turns on and we see the Niagara Falls. Suddenly, water bursts forth from the TV set and splashes all over Mrs. Norfleet.
MR. NORFLEET: OH! Oh, dear!
MRS. NORFLEET: OH! W-W-Water!
MR. NORFLEET: Clarabelle, you’re all wet! I tell you, (yelling in the broken TV set) television people! (to Mrs. Norfleet) Realistic, isn’t it, darling?
Wilkes the Butler walks up to the weeping Mrs. Norfleet.
WILKES: Madam, shall I get you some water?
MRS. NORFLEET: NO!!! (looks over and notices the Van Brocklin painting is missing from the frame) Oh, my painting! It’s gone!
The Allens are about to leave, but Mr. Norfleet cuts them off on the way.
MR. NORFLEET: Nobody leaves the house! ...Sorry, just the formality. (picks up the phone) I’ll call the police.
Suddenly, water starts shooting out of the phone receiver and into Mr. Norfleet’s face.
MR. NORFLEET: Wha...??? Who? What do I...??? Op- Operator! What...? (coughs)
Camera cuts over to the Allens walking into the hallway in the mansion. The chef, who walks up to them carrying a big butcher knife, suddenly frightens them.
CHEF: You folks goin’ somewhere?
MRS. ALLEN: ...Um, just looking for a drink of water.
CHEF: Turn on anything, you’ll get it!
The Allens look at the chef in confusion as he walks away. When he leaves, they walk down the hallway a little further.
MR. ALLEN: He’s gone. (looking out one end of the hall) We can’t make it out that way.
MRS. ALLEN: We’ll be searched!
MR. ALLEN: Yeah... (looks down and notices a pipe lying on the floor that Shemp dropped earlier) Yeah! (picks up the pipe) They won’t find anything.
The door opens up behind the Allens and Shemp walks out of the basement. He stops suddenly when he sees the Allens with the stolen painting.
MR. ALLEN: (stuffing the painting into the pipe) I’ll slip the picture in here ‘till the excitement blows over.
MRS. ALLEN: Anything, anything! Hurry! I’ll get back to the rest before we’re missed. (leaves)
MR. ALLEN: Yeah, okay.
SHEMP: (to Mr. Allen) Gimme that pipe, I gotcha covered!
Shemp snatches the pipe out of Mr. Allen’s hand and then swings it back, knocking out Moe, who just walked right behind them. Shemp then swings the pipe forward and whacks it on Mr. Allen’s head.
SHEMP: (running away) WHOOAAA! WHOA!
Camera cuts over to Mrs. Allen talking to Mrs. and Mrs. Norfleet.
MRS. ALLEN: Mrs. Norfleet, the only strangers in the house are those plumbers. They must’ve taken you’re painting.
MRS. NORFLEET: Of course!
MR. NORFLEET: Well, what’re we waiting for??? Let’s go find them!
MRS. NORFLEET: The thieves!
The Norfleets, Mrs. Allen, and Wilkes all run towards the hallway. When they get to the hallway, they see Moe, standing there holding his head in pain from when Shemp accidentally hit him with the pipe.
MR. NORFLEET: (pointing to Moe) There’s one of them!
MOE: Take it easy, folks! I’m just a beginner!
Moe runs into the basement and the whole crew except for Mrs. Allen follows him down there. When they get there, Moe tips over a garbage can to trip them. Meanwhile, back upstairs in the bathroom, Shemp is covering the hole he made in the floor with a rug.
SHEMP: A hole in the floor like this can be dangerous!
Mr. Allen suddenly walks in the bathroom, startling Shemp.
SHEMP: Whoa!
MR. ALLEN: Alright, sonny boy, the pipe!
SHEMP: Come and get it!
As Mr. Allen walks over to Shemp, he steps on the rug and falls right down the hole, landing in the basement. His entrance startles Mrs. Norfleet and the others.
MRS. NORFLEET: AAAAAHHHHHHH! HOO, HOO!
Moe runs up to Mr. Allen and grabs him up from the floor.
MOE: Get up outta there you! (to the Norfleets) There’s the guy that took your picture! (to Mr. Allen) Where is it?!!? Where is...
MRS. NORFLEEET: Stop it!!! No guest of mine would steal that painting!
MR. ALLEN: Of course not! This man’s out of his head!
Back upstairs in the bathroom, Mrs. Allen suddenly walks in and pulls a gun on Shemp.
MRS. ALLEN: Drop that pipe!
MR. ALLEN: (in the basement) If I took that picture... (holds his right hand up) may I be struck by a bolt from the blue!
MRS. ALLEN (to Shemp) You heard me, drop it!
Shemp drops the pipe down the hole and it falls in the basement and lands right on Mr. Allen’s head.
MR. NORFLEET: (noticing the painting sticking out of the pipe) There it is! Look!
Moe reaches over to get the pipe, but Mr. Allen pushes him back.
MR. ALLEN: Wait a minute! (pulling out a gun) Stand back, everybody.
Meanwhile, the chef, holding a bag of flour, is peeking into the basement through the door. Larry walks up behind him.
LARRY: (tapping the chef on the shoulder) Hey...
CHEF: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
The chef gets startled and throws the bag of flour in the air. It lands right on Larry’s head and covers his face with flour, giving him a ghastly look. Larry shrugs his shoulders, and then heads on down to the basement, where Moe, Wilkes, and the Norfleets are holding their arms up in the air as Mr. Allen is pointing a gun at them.
MR. ALLEN: ...and if ya wanna keep on livin’, count to a hundred before you move!
WILKES: One, two, three...
MRS. NORFLEET: (shoving Wilkes’ arm) Wilkes!
Larry walks up behind Mr. Allen and sticks his finger into Mr. Allen’s back. Mr. Allen holds his arms up in the air, thinking Larry’s finger poking into his back is a gun, and then turns around towards Larry. He gets startled by the sight of Larry covered in all the flour.
MR. ALLEN (falling backwards): AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Mr. Allen crashes off-screen as Larry jumps in shock. Camera then cuts over to Mr. Allen laying on the floor with his head stuck in a bucket. Moe, Wilkes and the Norfleets grab him up from the floor.
MR. NORFLEET: Get him up!
MOE: Get up! Hold on to him. (pointing to the gun on the floor) Get that gun!
Mr. Norfleet picks up the gun, and then points it at Mr. Allen.
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, call the police!
WILKES: (yelling around the basement) Police! Police! Police!
The flour-covered Larry walks up to Moe, and the sight of him startles Moe for a second.
MOE: What would you charge to haunt a house?
LARRY: How many rooms???
MOE: I -- (slaps Larry) Quiet!
Moe and Larry suddenly jump as they see Shemp walking into the basement, holding a gun at Mrs. Allen.
SHEMP: (to the others) Look at me! I got the other one! (to Mrs. Allen) Keep goin’, sister, or I’ll knock your brains out! Go ahead!
MRS. ALLEN: (trying to run away) Oh, no you don’t!
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, get her!
Wilkes grabs Mrs. Allen before she can run away.
MRS. ALLEN: You made a mistake! I’m not the...
MOE: (to Mrs. Norfleet) Madam! (pulls the Van Brocklin painting out of the pipe) Here is your picture.
MRS. NORFLEET: (taking the painting) Oh! My painting! Name your reward and you shall have it!
SHEMP: We don’t want no reward, lady!
MOE: What are you sayin’???
LARRY: You heard ‘im! We don’t want no more money!
SHEMP: No, it’ll put us in a higher tax bracket!
MOE: I’ll bracket yer head!
Moe swings the pipe towards Shemp and Larry but accidentally knocks down the plumbing pipes connected to the walls. Water starts splashing from it, and spraying all over Moe, Larry, and Shemp.
THE END
MRS. NORFLEET....Symona Boniface
MR. NORFLEET....Emil Sitka
WILKES....Herb Evans
MRS. ALLEN....Christine McIntyre
MR. ALLEN....Kenneth MacDonald
CHEF....Dudley Dickerson
The short opens up with the Norfleets, a wealthy couple, looking at the Van Brocklin painting hung up on their wall.
MRS. NORFLEET: At last, we own the Van Brocklin. Oh, Walter, I’m so thrilled. Isn’t it simply exquisite?
MR. NORFLEET: It ought to be, it cost fifty thousand dollars...
MRS. NORFLEET: Van Brocklin...what a genius. And just think – the poor man died in poverty.
MR. NORFLEET: He only died in poverty. From now on, I’ll have to live in it!
MRS. NORFLEET: Now, Walter, don’t spoil everything! Run along and change, dear, like a good boy. (Mr. Norfleet leaves) Our guests will be here any minute.
Wilkes the Butler walks in.
WILKES: Beg pardon, madam. There’s a leak in the plumbing. It’s getting worse every minute!
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh, this is dreadful, Wilkes! How can I get a plumber over here at this hour?
WILKES: Well, there’s a new place on Elm Street, madam. The, eh, “Day and Night Plumbersâ€. Apparently, they’re on duty twenty-four hours a day.
MRS. NORFLEET: Thank you, Wilkes. I’ll phone them at once.
As Mrs. Norfleet walks over towards the phone, the camera cuts over to The Day and Night Plumbers sign. We then see Moe sitting in a jeep, reading over a “How to Be a Plumber†book. The phone rings. Moe puts the book down and picks the phone up.
MOE: \"Night and Day Plumbers\". (pause) What’s that madam, a leak? (pause) Yes? (pause) Yes? (pause) Norfleet. 217 Lyndon Drive. (pause) Now don’t worry your pretty little head, we’ll be over in two shakes of a martini. (hangs up the phone) Ha, ha! Our first case (pushes the phone away but the extension at the end of it pushes it back into his head) OOH! (pushes the phone back again and it stretches back out and hits him again) OOH! Why, you... (reaches out the punch the phone, but it automatically pushes itself back) Ha, ha, ha... (the phone reaches out and hits him again) OHHH! Grr!
Moe turns on the engine to start the jeep.
MOE: (yelling up at Shemp and Larry) C’mon, you slugs! We’re rollin’!
Camera cuts over upstairs where Shemp and Larry are sleeping and snoring loudly on bunk beds attached to the wall. Camera cuts back over to Moe downstairs.
MOE: Oh, stubborn eh??!
Moe pulls a nearby wire, which causes the two bunk beds to drop Shemp and Larry on the floor. Larry gets up, but Shemp tries to go back to sleep again.
LARRY: (grabbing the plumbing tools) Hey, c’mon, Shemp! It’s our first call!
Shemp starts to wake up. Larry walks up to the firepole in the room and drops the toolbag down there. It falls and hits Moe right on the head, who’s right under the firepole. Larry then slides down the pole and lands on top of Moe, pushing his foot down on the pedal. The jeep takes off. A second afterwards, Shemp is seen sliding down the pole and he crashes into the floor, missing the jeep completely.
SHEMP: ...We gotta get a longer jeep... (looks off-screen at Moe and Larry taking off in the jeep) Hey, wait for me!
The scene ends and the next scene starts off back at the Norfleets’ mansion. There is currently a social party going on. Mrs. Norfleet is talking with the Allens, another couple.
MRS. NORFLEET: Mr. and Mrs. Allen, so glad you could come!
MRS. ALLEN: We’re simply dying to see the Van Brocklin.
MRS. NORFLEET: Well, I\'ll not keep you waiting. (to all the guests) In the living room, everybody. (to Wilkes) Oh, Wilkes, bring the cocktails.
WILKES: Very well, madam.
As everyone leaves to go to the living room, the doorbell rings. Mr. Allen walks up to the door and opens it. The Stooges, carrying their plumbing equipment, are standing outside the door. They start barging inside the house, and glance around the place.
MR. ALLEN: Well?
MOE: Day and Night Plumbers!
SHEMP: Yeah. C’mon, c’mon! Where’s the leak?
MR. ALLEN: I’m not the butler! (pointing at the living room) He’s in there.
LARRY: Well, leg on, pal.
MR. ALLEN: (mumbling to himself as he walks away) \"Pal\"...
Camera cuts over to the living room, where the guests are all observing the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: Oh, it’s divine. What color! What detail!
MRS. NORFLEET: And it’s over two-hundred years old. Every museum in the country tried to buy it.
MR. ALLEN: It’s a masterpiece, alright. I congratulate you.
WILKES: (handing Mr. Allen a cocktail) Mr. Allen?
MR. ALLEN: (taking the cocktail) Thank you. Oh, uh, the plumbers are looking for you. (starts sipping his cocktails)
WILKES: In the drawing room??? They should’ve come around the back way. Thank you, sir. (walks away)
Camera cuts over to the Stooges waiting in the drawing room. Wilkes walks up to them.
WILKES: Look here, you men!!
LARRY: (noticing the cocktails on the tray that Wilkes is holding) Refreshments!
MOE: (to Wilkes) Thanks!
The Stooges each drop their plumbing tools on Wilkes’ feet as they reach for the cocktails.
WILKES: OOOH!!
The guests in the living room overhear the noise from the drawing room.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Oh, excuse me.
MRS. ALLEN: Of course.
Mrs. Norfleet leaves the room and goes up to the Stooges.
MRS. NORFLEET: How dare you come in here and mingle with my guests?
MOE: Now take it easy, lady. Don’t blow a fu...
MRS. NORFLEET: Never mind! Give me that.
Moe hands her the cocktail.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Larry) I’ll take yours, too. (Larry angrily hands her his cocktail) The idea!
Mrs. Norfleet places the two cocktails back on the tray.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to Shemp) Now, you! Give me what you have in your hand!
SHEMP: (handing her a blowtorch) Here...
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh!
Moe takes the blowtorch and bangs it over Shemp’s head.
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh! Such impertinence! Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work! (leaves the room)
WILKES: Yes, madam.
LARRY: (imitating Mrs. Norfleet) \"Wilkes, get them out of here and put them to work!\"
MOE: (speaking in a snobbish voice) Yes, you heard what the gentleman said!
SHEMP: (also speaking in a snobbish voice) Please, please...
WILKES: Here, here, here! The leak’s in the basement! Go on, go on!
MOE: It’s practically fixed!
As Shemp and Larry pick up their tools and leave, they knock over a dresser holding a flower vase. Wilkes drops the tray he’s holding and catches the falling vase.
MOE: (to Wilkes) They came in here to fix the leak, and almost wrecked the house the clumsy idiots!
As Moe turns around, the pipe he’s carrying over his arm bangs into the back of Wilkes head, causing him to drop the vase on the ground. It smashes.
WILKES: (aggravated) Oh!
The scene ends and the next scene begins down in the basement of the mansion. Moe is twisting a wrench on a pipe as Shemp watches.
SHEMP: That’s got it!
MOE: Yeah, just a little sauntering job. (handing Shemp the wrench, which is still connecting to the pipe) Hold on to this, and don\'t let it slip. (to Larry) Gimme that blow torch.
Larry aims the blowtorch towards Moe’s behind and accidentally turns it on, burning Moe\'s behind.
MOE: YEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
Moe accidentally steps in the bucket and gets his foot stuck inside of it.
MOE: (to Larry) Get my foot outta there!
LARRY: Okay!
Larry yanks Moe’s leg up, causing Moe to unintentionally knee him. Moe falls backwards and bumps into Shemp, causing Shemp’s arm holding the wrench to slip, and the wrench bangs into Moe’s head. The pipe goes leaking again. Moe holds his hand under the leak, then holds his hand over to Larry.
MOE: (to Larry) Now see whatcha did?
LARRY: (looking at Moe’s hand) What?
MOE: (slapping Larry with the wet hand) Get outta hea!
LARRY: Wait a minute! We can’t fix it while it’s leakin’. (looking around the basement) I wonder where you shut the water off.
SHEMP: It must be upstairs. Water always runs downhill.
MOE: (pinching Shemp’s cheek) You’re a very intelligent imbecile!
SHEMP: Thanks!
MOE: Yeah... Shut the water off!!!!
SHEMP: Alright! (quickly picks up his tools and heads for the stairs leading to the outside of the basement)
Moe bends back down under the pipe and the water leaks on his head.
MOE: (holding his head) Oh!
LARRY: Wet, ain’t it? Heh!
MOE: Yeah... (reaches over to eyepoke Larry)
LARRY: (covering his eyes) Ohh...
Moe punches Larry on the stomach, then bops him on the head, followed by a slap on the forehead. Camera cuts over to Shemp walking in the hallway of the mansion. One of the pipes he’s carrying happens to fall right down next to the basement door. Shemp walks around and notices a bathroom door. He opens the door and then drops his tools on the floor and walks in. Somebody is using the shower behind the curtains. Shemp walks up to the shower curtains and knocks on it like a door. The curtains open up and Mr. Norfleet peeks his head out from behind it.
SHEMP: Sorry, buddy. You’ll have to shut off that water.
MR. NORFLEET: I beg your pardon!
SHEMP: C’mon, pal, this’ll run into overtime! (opens the shower curtains and reveals Mr. Norfleet with a towel wrapped over his lower body)
MR. NORFLEET: (walking out of the shower) I say!
SHEMP: Never mind what you say...
MR. NORFLEET: Who are you???
SHEMP: Who am I? I’m the plumber. Get outta here! (Mr. Norfleet leaves through the bathroom door and Shemp closes it after him) \"Who am I?\" That’s a hot one!
Shemp steps into the shower and turns the shower faucet all the way off, but water still comes out of the shower head.
SHEMP: Oh, stubborn, eh?
Shemp takes a wrench out of his toolbag and twists the water faucet all the way off. Water splashes out of the faucet hole and onto Shemp.
SHEMP: Oh, must be a loose washer! (covering the faucet hole with his hands) How do ya like that? (reaching for the pliers in his back pocket) I’ll fix that in a minute! Gotta be a loose washer... (accidentally drops the pliers) Oh!
Shemp uncovers the faucet hole and then bends over and pick up the pliers. The water from the faucet hole slashes him again. Shemp covers the hole again and then swings the pliers at it, but accidentally hits his hand.
SHEMP: OOH! OOH! OOH!
Camera cuts back down inside of the basement with Moe and Larry. Moe is twisting the pipe with a wrench, as Larry sits beside him, relaxing while reading a newspaper. Larry notices that the pail next to him held under the leak is filled with water, so he puts his newspaper down and dumps all the water out of the pail. Then he stands the pail back up under the leak again.
LARRY: (picking the newspaper back up again) Ah!
An irate Moe looks over at Larry and then bangs his wrench over Larry’s head.
MOE: A great help you are! That other chowder-head didn’t shut the water off, now you do it! (handing Larry a diving rod) Here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! Where will I find a valve?
MOE: That’s your job, ya dummy! Look in the kitchen...Look in the attic...(slapping Larry)...Look in the backyard!
LARRY: Alright!
Larry holds his diving rod behind him then begins to walk away. The rod gets caught onto the back of Moe’s suspenders. As Larry tries to walk away, the suspenders stretch out farther. So Larry then legs go of the rod, and it goes flying backwards into Moe’s head, knocking him into the furnace. Larry jumps in the shock as he sees this, and then dashes out of the basement in fright. The camera cuts back into the bathroom, where Shemp is in front of the leaking faucet hole, and he’s holding a pipe.
SHEMP: I’ll let the water out in the window, that’s what I’ll do.
Shemp screws the pipe onto the faucet hole, and the water from the faucet hole ends up leaking outside of the other end of the pipe.
SHEMP: Oh, yeah???
Shemp gets another pipe and then screws it onto the end of the first pipe. The leak ends up coming out of the end of the second pipe. Shemp gets even more aggravated as he notices this. This goes on and on, before the camera cuts over to the Norfleets’ social party. The Allens are both looking at the Van Brocklin painting.
MRS. ALLEN: (whispering) The real Van Brocklin alright! Worth a fortune.
MR. ALLEN: (whispering back) Okay, we’ll...
The Norfleets walk by and the Allens stop whispering to each other.
MRS. NORFLEET: I want you to meet my husband. Mr. and Mrs. Allen, Mr. Norfleet!
Camera cuts to Larry outside the mansion, digging a hole in the ground. Back inside of the basement, Moe is done finishing screwing a pipe together.
MOE: Well, that\'s that! (water from the pipe starts spraying all over his face) AARRGH! I wonder where those other lugs are!! (looks behind him and notices another pipe leaking) All these pipes are full of termites!
Moe grabs a box to stand on top of and then begins tightening the pipe with a wrench. Camera cuts over to a chef in the kitchen washing his hands in the sink. In the basement, Moe twists a pipe around. This causes the sink faucet in the kitchen to twist to the other side as well. The chef watches in surprise. As he tries to grab the faucet, it begins turning up and down. The chef grabs the faucet and pulls it out of the wall, causing water to leak out of the faucet hole. Back inside the basement, Moe accidentally pulls the two pipes apart, causing the water stops leaking out of the kitchen faucet hole. The chef puts his face up to the hole in curiosity. Moe then begins re-attaches the two pipes, causing the water to spray out of the kitchen faucet hole again and into the chef’s face. The water stops coming out of the hole and chef holds his face up to it again. Moe finishes re-attaching the pipes, and the water sprays chef in the face again. Camera cuts back over to the bathroom, where Shemp is covered in a maze of attached pipes. Shemp is tightening the last pipe with a wrench.
SHEMP: That’s got it! (throwing the wrench to the ground) Now to get out... (notices that he’s trapped in the maze of pipe and there’s no way out) MOE! LARRY! I’m trapped by the risin’ water. I’ll be drowned like a rat! Oh, Moe! (reaches in his toolbag and takes out a hand- drill) Ah, now I’m usin’ the ol’ bean! (begins to drill a hole through the floor)
Camera cuts down inside of the basement, where Moe has finished tightening the pipe again.
MOE: Success at last! Just goes to show ya, you don’t have to have brains to be a plumber! Ha, ha, ha...
Suddenly, water from the drill holes in the bathroom floor above splashes on Moe’s head.
MOE: YEEEOOOOOWWWW!!! (moves to the side) What’s the matta? What’s goin’ on here? (more water starts dripping on him) OHHH, moida!
Suddenly, Shemp comes crashing down from the bathroom floor into the basement and breaks a pipe
MOE: (helping Shemp up) You dimwit! What’s the idea of dropping in without a calling card? Now look whatcha went and done!!!! (pushing Shemp away) Go on, get another length of pipe! Go ahead!
Shemp walks over to an electricity box and pulls a pipe attached to the top of the box. He notices the electrical wires inside the pipe
SHEMP: Hey, Moe! No wonder the water don’t woik. These pipes are clogged up with wires! (Moe walks up to him) Look.
MOE: Well, yank ‘em out and we’ll hook the pipes up all over again. You oyster-brain! (pushing Shemp) Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! (begins to yank the wires out of the pipe)
Camera cuts over to Mr. Norfleet talking to a guest.
MR. NORFLEET: ...no, we don’t go in for sculpture. It’s too bulky. We...
The lights on the wall nearby begin to shake, from Shemp pulling the electrical wires down in the basement. Mr. Norfleet tries to catch the shaking light and appear casual in front of his guest at the same time.
SHEMP: (pulling the wires) White all colors...
Suddenly, the light on the wall gets pulled inside of the wall, and makes a big hole.
MR. NORFLEET: Short circuit, no doubt!
Camera cuts back to the chef in the kitchen, mixing batter. There is suddenly some clanking noise above him. He looks up at the light above him and notices the lightbulb moving up and down due to Shemp\'s wire pulling. Then the hands of a clock on top of the wall in front of the chef are going crazy. The chef does a double-take when he sees this. The clock falls off the wall and into the bowl of batter, splashing it all over the chef’s face. Camera cuts back in the basement and we see a big pile of wires, then the camera pans over and we see Shemp still pulling the wires out of the pipe. Finally, Shemp pulls out the last of the wires.
SHEMP: (to Moe) That does it! End of the line!
Moe walks over to Shemp, dragging a water pipe with him.
MOE: Okay! We’ll try and get these pipes together and then everything will be oakie-doakie.
SHEMP: Alright!
Shemp and Moe try to connect the electrical pipes and the water pipe together. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the chef turns on the lightbulb switch. Water flows inside of the bulb instead of the light turning on. It fills completely with water, then cracks and drips the water out of it. The bewildered chef looks up at the dripping lightbulb.
CHEF: This house has sho’ gone crazy! [ grabs a match above the stove ]
Camera cuts back down to the basement, where Shemp and Moe have connected both the electrical and water pipes together.
SHEMP: I never thought I’d do it!
MOE: (shaking Shemp’s hand) Success! Ha, ha, ha!
Back in the kitchen, the chef lights the stove with a match and water sprays out of the stove instead of fire and sprays in the chef’s face. He tries turning the stove off, but no luck. He then heads for the closet but slips on the wet floor several times on his way. Camera cuts over back to the outside of the mansion. Larry pokes his head through from under the ground.
LARRY: I’ll find this thing, or else! (sticks his head back in the hole)
Back inside the kitchen, the chef peers his out of the closet door, dressed in a raincoat. He rushes over to the stove and tries to stop the water from coming out. After having no luck, he heads towards the outside of the kitchen and again slips on the floor on his way. Meanwhile, back in the Norfleets’ social party.
MRS. NORFLEET: Dear me! I can’t understand what’s holding up dinner.
The chef enters.
CHEF: Sorry, folks. Dinner’s postponed on account of rain! (leaves)
MRS. NORFLEET: (to the guests) Well, I-I’m sure it won’t be long. Shall we see what’s on the television set?
MR. NORFLEET: Uh, excellent...uh, excellent idea. (clears throat)
The Norfleets and the guest all walk over to the television set. Meanwhile, Mr. Allen secretly cuts around the Van Brocklin painting with a knife as Mrs. Allen keeps a lookout.
MRS. NORFLEET: (to her guests) The very latest set, you know. We get the most amazing results.
Mrs. Norfleet turns the TV set on.
TV ANNOUNCER: Good evening, friends.
MRS. NORFLEET: Th-That’s odd! There’s sound, but no picture.
TV ANNOUNCER: Our special feature for tonight will be glimpses of scenic America. First we take you to Niagara Falls.
MRS. NORFLEET: (trying to get the picture on in the TV set) I’ll get it in a minute...
The picture on the TV set turns on and we see the Niagara Falls. Suddenly, water bursts forth from the TV set and splashes all over Mrs. Norfleet.
MR. NORFLEET: OH! Oh, dear!
MRS. NORFLEET: OH! W-W-Water!
MR. NORFLEET: Clarabelle, you’re all wet! I tell you, (yelling in the broken TV set) television people! (to Mrs. Norfleet) Realistic, isn’t it, darling?
Wilkes the Butler walks up to the weeping Mrs. Norfleet.
WILKES: Madam, shall I get you some water?
MRS. NORFLEET: NO!!! (looks over and notices the Van Brocklin painting is missing from the frame) Oh, my painting! It’s gone!
The Allens are about to leave, but Mr. Norfleet cuts them off on the way.
MR. NORFLEET: Nobody leaves the house! ...Sorry, just the formality. (picks up the phone) I’ll call the police.
Suddenly, water starts shooting out of the phone receiver and into Mr. Norfleet’s face.
MR. NORFLEET: Wha...??? Who? What do I...??? Op- Operator! What...? (coughs)
Camera cuts over to the Allens walking into the hallway in the mansion. The chef, who walks up to them carrying a big butcher knife, suddenly frightens them.
CHEF: You folks goin’ somewhere?
MRS. ALLEN: ...Um, just looking for a drink of water.
CHEF: Turn on anything, you’ll get it!
The Allens look at the chef in confusion as he walks away. When he leaves, they walk down the hallway a little further.
MR. ALLEN: He’s gone. (looking out one end of the hall) We can’t make it out that way.
MRS. ALLEN: We’ll be searched!
MR. ALLEN: Yeah... (looks down and notices a pipe lying on the floor that Shemp dropped earlier) Yeah! (picks up the pipe) They won’t find anything.
The door opens up behind the Allens and Shemp walks out of the basement. He stops suddenly when he sees the Allens with the stolen painting.
MR. ALLEN: (stuffing the painting into the pipe) I’ll slip the picture in here ‘till the excitement blows over.
MRS. ALLEN: Anything, anything! Hurry! I’ll get back to the rest before we’re missed. (leaves)
MR. ALLEN: Yeah, okay.
SHEMP: (to Mr. Allen) Gimme that pipe, I gotcha covered!
Shemp snatches the pipe out of Mr. Allen’s hand and then swings it back, knocking out Moe, who just walked right behind them. Shemp then swings the pipe forward and whacks it on Mr. Allen’s head.
SHEMP: (running away) WHOOAAA! WHOA!
Camera cuts over to Mrs. Allen talking to Mrs. and Mrs. Norfleet.
MRS. ALLEN: Mrs. Norfleet, the only strangers in the house are those plumbers. They must’ve taken you’re painting.
MRS. NORFLEET: Of course!
MR. NORFLEET: Well, what’re we waiting for??? Let’s go find them!
MRS. NORFLEET: The thieves!
The Norfleets, Mrs. Allen, and Wilkes all run towards the hallway. When they get to the hallway, they see Moe, standing there holding his head in pain from when Shemp accidentally hit him with the pipe.
MR. NORFLEET: (pointing to Moe) There’s one of them!
MOE: Take it easy, folks! I’m just a beginner!
Moe runs into the basement and the whole crew except for Mrs. Allen follows him down there. When they get there, Moe tips over a garbage can to trip them. Meanwhile, back upstairs in the bathroom, Shemp is covering the hole he made in the floor with a rug.
SHEMP: A hole in the floor like this can be dangerous!
Mr. Allen suddenly walks in the bathroom, startling Shemp.
SHEMP: Whoa!
MR. ALLEN: Alright, sonny boy, the pipe!
SHEMP: Come and get it!
As Mr. Allen walks over to Shemp, he steps on the rug and falls right down the hole, landing in the basement. His entrance startles Mrs. Norfleet and the others.
MRS. NORFLEET: AAAAAHHHHHHH! HOO, HOO!
Moe runs up to Mr. Allen and grabs him up from the floor.
MOE: Get up outta there you! (to the Norfleets) There’s the guy that took your picture! (to Mr. Allen) Where is it?!!? Where is...
MRS. NORFLEEET: Stop it!!! No guest of mine would steal that painting!
MR. ALLEN: Of course not! This man’s out of his head!
Back upstairs in the bathroom, Mrs. Allen suddenly walks in and pulls a gun on Shemp.
MRS. ALLEN: Drop that pipe!
MR. ALLEN: (in the basement) If I took that picture... (holds his right hand up) may I be struck by a bolt from the blue!
MRS. ALLEN (to Shemp) You heard me, drop it!
Shemp drops the pipe down the hole and it falls in the basement and lands right on Mr. Allen’s head.
MR. NORFLEET: (noticing the painting sticking out of the pipe) There it is! Look!
Moe reaches over to get the pipe, but Mr. Allen pushes him back.
MR. ALLEN: Wait a minute! (pulling out a gun) Stand back, everybody.
Meanwhile, the chef, holding a bag of flour, is peeking into the basement through the door. Larry walks up behind him.
LARRY: (tapping the chef on the shoulder) Hey...
CHEF: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
The chef gets startled and throws the bag of flour in the air. It lands right on Larry’s head and covers his face with flour, giving him a ghastly look. Larry shrugs his shoulders, and then heads on down to the basement, where Moe, Wilkes, and the Norfleets are holding their arms up in the air as Mr. Allen is pointing a gun at them.
MR. ALLEN: ...and if ya wanna keep on livin’, count to a hundred before you move!
WILKES: One, two, three...
MRS. NORFLEET: (shoving Wilkes’ arm) Wilkes!
Larry walks up behind Mr. Allen and sticks his finger into Mr. Allen’s back. Mr. Allen holds his arms up in the air, thinking Larry’s finger poking into his back is a gun, and then turns around towards Larry. He gets startled by the sight of Larry covered in all the flour.
MR. ALLEN (falling backwards): AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Mr. Allen crashes off-screen as Larry jumps in shock. Camera then cuts over to Mr. Allen laying on the floor with his head stuck in a bucket. Moe, Wilkes and the Norfleets grab him up from the floor.
MR. NORFLEET: Get him up!
MOE: Get up! Hold on to him. (pointing to the gun on the floor) Get that gun!
Mr. Norfleet picks up the gun, and then points it at Mr. Allen.
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, call the police!
WILKES: (yelling around the basement) Police! Police! Police!
The flour-covered Larry walks up to Moe, and the sight of him startles Moe for a second.
MOE: What would you charge to haunt a house?
LARRY: How many rooms???
MOE: I -- (slaps Larry) Quiet!
Moe and Larry suddenly jump as they see Shemp walking into the basement, holding a gun at Mrs. Allen.
SHEMP: (to the others) Look at me! I got the other one! (to Mrs. Allen) Keep goin’, sister, or I’ll knock your brains out! Go ahead!
MRS. ALLEN: (trying to run away) Oh, no you don’t!
MR. NORFLEET: Wilkes, get her!
Wilkes grabs Mrs. Allen before she can run away.
MRS. ALLEN: You made a mistake! I’m not the...
MOE: (to Mrs. Norfleet) Madam! (pulls the Van Brocklin painting out of the pipe) Here is your picture.
MRS. NORFLEET: (taking the painting) Oh! My painting! Name your reward and you shall have it!
SHEMP: We don’t want no reward, lady!
MOE: What are you sayin’???
LARRY: You heard ‘im! We don’t want no more money!
SHEMP: No, it’ll put us in a higher tax bracket!
MOE: I’ll bracket yer head!
Moe swings the pipe towards Shemp and Larry but accidentally knocks down the plumbing pipes connected to the walls. Water starts splashing from it, and spraying all over Moe, Larry, and Shemp.
THE END
COLUMBIA : Three Stooges Collection, The Vol. 6: 1949 - 1951
Published by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment (2009)
Released on:
Published by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment (2009)
Released on:
- DVD
Day and Nite Plumbers
We Never Sleep
We Never Sleep
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Face Slaps: 5
Eye Pokes: 0
Head Bonks: 0
Pastry Thrown: 0
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No trivia have been logged for this episode.
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2001-10-08 14:18:00 by Shemp_Diesel
Edited 2014-12-24 11:30:20 by Shemp_Diesel
Reviewer's Rating: (7)
Posted 2001-10-08 14:18:00 by Shemp_Diesel
Edited 2014-12-24 11:30:20 by Shemp_Diesel
Pretty good, but probably one of the more overrated Shemp shorts. It has nothing to do with it being a remake--the original was very good but not a masterpiece to me. This short just has a very "low gear" feel to it & Moe's aggression never seemed more stifled. As for the reused maze-of-pipes gag, I never thought it was laugh out loud funny in either. It's a memorable sight gag that has stuck out over the years, but still nothing that ever made me laugh till I hurt.
7 pokes
Reviewer's Rating:
(7)
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2010-10-13 16:39:22 by JustSayMoe
Reviewer's Rating: (10)
Posted 2010-10-13 16:39:22 by JustSayMoe
Another prime Shemp short, at least equal to A-Plumbing We Will Go. One improvement was in starting the plumbing gags much sooner than in the Curly original. The ending was also an improvement and I liked the addition to the plot of art thieves McIntyre and MacDonald. However, it does have one of the worst TITLES. The boys are neither vagabonds (they're small businessmen, not bums) nor loafers (they work very hard for the most part in this short - incompetence and stupidity are their vices, not laziness).
Reviewer's Rating:
(10)
RE: VAGABOND LOAFERS (1949)
Posted 2003-12-24 02:20:00 by Benson
Edited 2006-03-26 15:33:24 by shemps#1
Posted 2003-12-24 02:20:00 by Benson
Edited 2006-03-26 15:33:24 by shemps#1
Loved this one. Shemp was a natural at being a plumber since he had taken a plumbing course in his high school years and looks like he knows what he's doing as he unscrews the shower handle and connects the pipes. I think Bruckman is right- that scene with Larry pouring off the surplus water and than returning to reading the newspaper was hilarious. Moe than gives that- What? I'm doing all the work and you sit here and read?!-look and clang! on the head.
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2001-02-21 19:33:00 by Stooge
Edited 2003-06-26 04:06:00 by Stooge
Reviewer's Rating: (9)
Posted 2001-02-21 19:33:00 by Stooge
Edited 2003-06-26 04:06:00 by Stooge
Although this is a remake of the excellent A PLUMBING WE WILL GO and it's usually a bad idea to do a remake of a classic short, this remake is still great in its own right. Some of the reused gags work fine in this, although I didn't like seeing Shemp re-do the maze of pipes routine. It just wasn't as funny without Curly. But that's my only complaint about this. The painting stealers was also a nice and creative addition to the plot. This also has an excellent all-star supporting cast (which is so big, that in the opening credits, they had to list all the supporting actors on a seperate title card as opposed under the title of the short like they usually do!).
Reviewer's Rating:
(9)
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2003-04-20 04:31:00 by Bruckman
Reviewer's Rating: (10)
Posted 2003-04-20 04:31:00 by Bruckman
"Day and Night Plumbers--We Never Sleep". Well, one-third of the personnel doesn't, anyways. The reused footage from A-PLUMBING WE WILL GO doesn't hurt this one a bit; except for Larry's cutaway gag involving the search for the missing shutoff valve, the Stooge material is all new, and the addition of Kenneth McDonald (in one of his best tuxedo-ed oily-villain roles) and Christine McIntyre (as his accomplice) add much interest to the subplot. Moe's increasing irritation at this apparently unstoppable deluge is hilarious. Although he's surprisingly patient in some of the earlier scenes, it doesn't take long before he's raging how he's going to MURDER someone if this water isn't shut off, somewhat in the manner of King Lear raging at the elements and, by extension, Fate itself for having singled him out to be the put-upon recipient of the fallout of others' incompetency. A big laugh from me when Larry, seated and reading a paper while Moe sweats at repairs, sees that a pail of water intended to catch the drips from a leaky pipe has become full, calmly dumps it all over the floor, sets the pail upright again beneath the leak, and resumes reading his paper--whereupon Moe crowns him with a gigantic wrench. Great slow-burn from Moe and "what-was-that-for?" reaction from Larry. Despite the abundance of plot, this is a fast-moving and entertaining short, a definite Shemp classic.
Reviewer's Rating:
(10)
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2002-01-28 22:45:00 by BJR
Posted 2002-01-28 22:45:00 by BJR
Just saw this one a few days ago after ordering the Columbia video. Btw, it's a great video, and also includes PEST MAN WINS and THREE DARK HORSES, both excellent. Actually, they are both a little better than this short... but anyway, here goes.As you probably know, this is a remake of the "classic" short A-PLUMBING WE WILL GO with Curly. Now A-PLUMBING is certainly a great short that had some good gags, but to call it the best short of all with such classics as THEY STOOGE TO CONGA, GOOF ON THE ROOF, and ANTS IN THE PANTRY out there seems a little far-fetched, IMO. So with that said, I didn't have very high expectations for this remake, since I didn't think the originial was THAT good. I was very pleasantly surprised, though, as Shemp was just as good, if not better, than Curly in this short. In case you were wondering, I prefer Shemp slightly over Curly.If you are one of the fans who thinks A-PLUMBING is the best or one of the best shorts, don't worry about your Curly Classic being destroyed; the plot is not that similar. The boys are actually plumbers in this one, as opposed to vandals that run away from the law and take refuge by pretending to be plumbers. While some footage was re-used, it was only a minute or so, mostly of the cook in the kitchen.There aren't really any great or outstanding moments that I found, but instead, it's a fast-paced short that has some pretty good laughs every few seconds. I won't go into detail and ruin the funny parts.A good short. I definitely recommend the VAGABOND LOAFERS video, mostly because of the other two shorts included. PEST MAN WINS is another non-AMC short, making the video valuable to fans who are hoping to see new shorts. And everyone knows DARK HORSES is a classic!Rating: 7/10
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2001-12-24 11:35:00 by [Deleted Member]
Posted 2001-12-24 11:35:00 by [Deleted Member]
I just saw this last night for the first time in many years. I loved it! They did do a good job combining old and new footage. The only plot in "A-Plumbing" was that the boys were on the run, right? That makes the lot of "Loafers" more original and creative. Kenneth and Christine do an excellent job here. I could swear that Christine was wearing the exact same dress that she wore in "Who Done it?"- another one of her vilainess roles.Curly's maze of pipes scene is a little bit funnier than Shemp's, but I laughed at Shemp's too. Like metaldams said above, Shemp's "water rising" line was great. A new scene that I liked was seeing Emil's reactions to the lamp on the wall. Hilarious! I think I prefered seeing Bess Flowers do the squirting phone gag ("A-Plumbing"), but Emil does great with it too.Was the butler the same guy that played the Earl of Glenheather Castle in "Hot Scots"/"Scotched in Scotland"? He looked and sounded like him. The whole cast was great. You might think that there was just old footage of Dudley Dickerson, but I know he had to have re-filmed his line "Sorry folks, dinner's postponed on account of rain" for this short. Overall, a great short- and I say it's everybit as good as "A-Plumbing" in it's own right.ISLIPP when the Stooges fix my pipes. ©2001
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2001-11-28 18:06:00 by Stooge_Ben
Reviewer's Rating: (10)
Posted 2001-11-28 18:06:00 by Stooge_Ben
I got this short on the Merry Mavericks DVD.I love this short, this is an absolute classic. I know it is a remake, but Shemp does a great job in this one. It may not be as good as the original, but in my opinion it is close. This is an episode I've been looking for for a while, so I am glad I got it!Recomend it to everyone, 4 pokes!
Reviewer's Rating:
(10)
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2001-10-08 20:09:00 by Mike Holme
Posted 2001-10-08 20:09:00 by Mike Holme
A great remake, but Moe's temper seems to be in check, he should've twisted Shemp's nose with a wrench for making that hole! Still a great remake with an excellent plot alteration. I agree with metaldams that this had the opportunity to be a bomb, but Ed Bernds did a great job...again!Slaps: 3 Bonks: 1 Stomach hits: 1 Punishment with objects: 23 1/2 pokesEdited by - Mike Holme on 12/4/2001 2:12:00 AM
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2001-05-24 23:08:00 by metaldams
Posted 2001-05-24 23:08:00 by metaldams
I agree with you 100% on everything you said Stooge. A-Plumbing We Will Go is my favorite short, and I thought this one would be a disaster, but I was pleasantly surprised. I will say this: the maze of pipes gag is my favorite Stooge gag, and Shemp, while doing a good job, does not even come close to Curly. What makes it so funny when Curly does it is that everytime he puts a pipe in, for a split second he thinks he's solved the problem. You get a few nyuks out of him, and then he realizes that the water is still running. Of course the audience knows it the whole time. Curly's mannerisms and timing in the maze of pipes scene is pure genius. Curly was also funnier in the cage of pipes, though I do like Shemp's line about the water rising up and drowning him.
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2001-05-15 11:24:00 by BeAStooge
Reviewer's Rating: (9)
Posted 2001-05-15 11:24:00 by BeAStooge
It may be a reworked short, but if only all remakes were this good. Shemp classic!
Reviewer's Rating:
(9)
Re: VAGABOND LOAFERS
Posted 2000-12-28 10:45:00 by Uncle Mortimer
Posted 2000-12-28 10:45:00 by Uncle Mortimer
I'll tell you what they were thinking...Shemp is excellent and it's a funny story. I can't give any real detailed review because those chiselers at AMC aren't playing it.(haven't seen it since I was a kid) But I do remember liking it. Yes, "A-PLUMBING.." is the best, but I like seeing Christine McIntyre and the rest of the Shemp-era supporting cast. They were great too and Christine was one of the greatest comedic actresses of ALL TIME. Plus, it has the stolen painting bit which was, in my memory, enough of a differance from the original to make it seem new within a re-make. But again, I haven't seen it in a long time, so maybe it's not as good as I remember. I love AMC for playing these shorts unedited, but they've got to play the majority of the rest. At least the good ones like "Scrambled Brains", "They Stooge To Conga", "Hula-la-la" etc...And I'd like to see "Vagabond Loafers" too. So I can determine, after all these years wheather this is just a lame remake or if it's the enjoyable short I remember. Hey, it's got Shemp in it. So in my book, it's got a good chance! (I'll rate it after I see it again.)
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