[The short opens up in the courtroom. Gail is at the witness stand. The court clerk is holding the bible. Gail places here left hand on the bible and raises her right hand]

COURT CLERK: [speaking indistinctly] Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

GAIL: I do. [sits down on the witness stand]

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: What is your name?

GAIL: Gail Tempest.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: What is your occupation?

GAIL: I'm a dancer.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: On the night of February the 13th, were you working at the Black Bottom café the night this murder was committed?

GAIL: Yes, but I didn't do it.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: Then, who killed Kirk Robbin?

GAIL: I don't know.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: [yells] Didn't you kill Kirk Robbin?

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: [stands up] I object, your honor. And ask that the last question be stricken off the records. It is merely an attempt to influence this intelligent, broad-minded and most intellectual jury.

[The camera shows a shot of the jury and all of them look like they're in a daze]

JUDGE: Objection sustained.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Thank you, your honor.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: [to Gail] That is all! [Gail gets up and walks away from the witness stand]

[A parrot that's in cage next to defense attorney starts talking]

PARROT: [squawks] Find the letter.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: [to the parrot] Quiet Polly! [to the judge] If it please the court, you honor. At this time, I would like to introduce my three main witnesses: Howard, Fine and Howard.

[The defense attorney turns around and sees a sign on the spot where the stooges were sitting. The sign reads "Gone to lunch- Moe Larry Curly"]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: They were here a minute ago. Will you pardon me, your honor? I'll be right back.

[The defense attorney leaves the courtroom and enters another room. Inside the room, he sees a crowd of people. He spreads the crowd out and the stooges are on the floor playing games. Moe and Larry are playing tic-tac-toe on the floor and Curly is bouncing a ball and grabbing objects on the floor. Curly spreads the objects all over Larry and Moe's tic-tac-toe game. Curly bounces the ball, grabs the objects and it ruins Moe and Larry's game]

MOE: Hey! What's the idea of spoiling the game?

CURLY: I was for onesies!

MOE: Well, here's twosies. [eyepokes Curly]

CURLY: Oh!

LARRY: He was for onesies. You give him two---

MOE: Here's fivesies. [slaps Larry]

LARRY: Uh!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Don't you realize Miss Gail Tempest's life is at stake?

LARRY: Oh Gail!

CURLY: Woo woo woo woo!

[The stooges run into the courtroom. They burst the door open and the door hits the court officer in the face. Moe gets in through the gate. He lets go of the gate and it hits Larry's leg]

LARRY: Oh!

[Larry walks through the gate and let's go of it, but Curly jumps out of the way to avoid getting hit.]

CURLY: Ehhh!!! [sticks out his tongue]

[The defense attorney pushes Curly aside. He tries to push the gate, but it locks, so he jumps over it. Curly jiggles the gate and it's also locked, so he jumps over it, but he falls over. Everyone in the court laughs.]

JUDGE: Will you gentlemen please try to be a little more quiet in the court?

CURLY: Soitenly judgy! The gate is locked.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Would you please step forward?

[Curly takes one step forward]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: No no no! Prepare yourself for the witness box.

[Curly takes his cane and points it at the defense attorney. As he points, Curly taps his derby hat on his head several times to make it sound like he's shooting him. Moe slaps Curly and Curly walks up to the witness box]

COURT CLERK: Take off your hat. [Curly takes off his hat] Now raise your right hand. [Curly puts his hat back on and raises his right hand] Now place your left hand here. [points to the bible]

[Curly puts his cane in his right hand and places his left hand on the bible.]

JUDGE: Take off your hat.

[Curly removes his hand from the bible. He holds his cane with his left hand and removes his hat with his right hand]

COURT CLERK: Raise your right hand. [Curly puts his hat back on and raises his right hand] Now put your left hand here. [points to the bible]

[Curly puts his cane in his right hand and places his left hand on the bible.]

JUDGE: Please take off your hat.

[Curly removes his hand from the bible. He holds his cane with his left hand and removes his hat with his right hand]

COURT CLERK: Raise your right hand.

CURLY: Hmm

[Curly puts his hat back on and raises his right hand]

COURT CLERK: Now put your left hand here.

[Curly puts his cane in his right hand and places his left hand on the bible.]

JUDGE: Will you please take off your hat!!

[Curly removes his hand from the bible. He holds his cane with his left hand and removes his hat with his right hand]

COURT CLERK: Raise your right hand. [Curly puts his hat back on and raises his right hand] Now put your left hand here.

[Curly puts his cane in his right hand and places his left hand on the bible.]

JUDGE: Take off your hat!!!

[Curly takes his hat off with his left hand and places the hat on top of his cane that he is holding on his right hand]

COURT CLERK: Raise your right hand.

[Curly raises his cane up]

COURT CLERK: Will you get rid of that hat? [takes the hat off of the cane and gives it to Curly]

[Curly takes the hat and puts it on the court clerk's head. He hangs the cane on the court clerk's jacket pocket. Curly places both of his hands on the bible]

CURLY: Raise your right hand.

[The court clerk raises his right hand. He realizes what he's done and does a double take. He puts his hand down and takes the hat off his head]

COURT CLERK: Raise your right hand!!

[Curly raises his right hand]

COURT CLERK: [speaking indistinctly] Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

CURLY: Huh?

COURT CLERK: [speaking indistinctly] Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

CURLY: Are you trying to give me the double talk?

COURT CLERK: [speaking indistinctly] Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

JUDGE: Why don't you answer him?

CURLY: He's talking pig-Latin and I don't know what he's saying.

JUDGE: He's asking you if you'll swear---

CURLY: No, but I know all the words.

JUDGE: He's asking you if you'll swear to tell the truth.

CURLY: Truth is stranger than fiction. Judgy Wudgy.

JUDGE: Kindly address this court as "your honor." And take the oath.

COURT CLERK: [speaking indistinctly] Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

CURLY: Soitenly. What have I got to lose?

JUDGE: Take the stand!

[Curly takes the chair on the witness stand and picks it up]

CURLY: Where do I put it?

JUDGE: No no! Take the stand!!

CURLY: I got it. Now what'll I do with it.

[The court clerk becomes angry, takes the chair away from Curly and puts it down]

COURT CLERK: Sit down!!!

[Curly sits down on the chair and falls back. Moe and Larry run up to help Curly get up. Moe bonks Curly on the head]

MOE: What's the matter with you? What's the matter? You're in a court, not in Clancy's pool room. [bonks Curly on the head] Sit down.

CURLY: I'm a victim of circumstance.

LARRY: [slaps Curly on the head] Sit down.

MOE: [pulls Larry by the hair] Who you hitting? [eyepokes Larry]

LARRY: Oh!

CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.

MOE: [slaps Curly] Get out of here! Be quiet!

CURLY: Hmm. [grabs his derby hat and puts it back on his head]

JUDGE: [pounds the gavel] Proceed with the case.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Were you in the black bottom café at the night of February the 13th.

CURLY: [snaps fingers] Soitenly!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Did you, at that time, see the defendant Ms. Gail Tempest in any way, shape or form, commit or try to commit bodily harm to the deceased Kirk Robbin?

[As the defense attorney is speaking, Moe and Larry play tic-tac-toe on one of the chairs. They're using chalk to write on it.]

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: I object your honor! Counsel is trying to lead the witness.

JUDGE: Objection sustained.

[The district attorney sits down on the chair that Moe and Larry are playing tic-tac-toe on]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Mr. Howard. Did you see Miss Gail Tempest in physical fight with Kirk Robbin?

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: If it pleases the court. May I suggest that Counsel be instructed to allow the witness to testify to what he saw?

[The district attorney stands up and the tic-tac-toe game is on the back of his pants. Moe and Larry continue their tic-tac-toe game on the back of the district attorney's pants. The attorney turns around wondering what is going on. Moe and Larry quickly turn to each other and pretend like nothing is happening]

MOE: I say, Jasper. Uh, what comes after seventy-five?

LARRY: Seventy-six.

MOE: That's the spirit, hahahaha.

JUDGE: Request granted. Proceed with the testimony.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Mr. Howard, kindly tell the court what you know about the murder of Kirk Robbin.

CURLY: Well, it was like this Mr. Court.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Address the judge as "your honor".

CURLY: Well it was like this, my honor.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: "Your" honor, not my honor.

CURLY: Why? Don't you like him?

JUDGE: Allow the witness to proceed. The court understands him.

CURLY: Thanks courty, you're a pal.

[The judge does a double take]

CURLY: Well, me and my pals, we're musicians. We were tearin' up some hot swing music in the orchestra. Gail, over there, was swinging her fans. Her sweetie, Kirk Robbin, was inhaling a bottle of hooch at the table.

[Cut to the jury who looks all confused.]

[Cut back to Curly]

CURLY: And a hoofer by the name of Buck Wing was getting ready to shake his tootsies.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Kindly speak English and drop the vernacular.

CURLY: [holding his derby hat] Vernacular? [points to his hat] That's a derby!!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Drop the vernacular!!

[Curly drops his derby hat on the floor]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: No no! Not that! Talk so the jury can understand.

CURLY: Is everybody dumb?

[Curly stands up and approaches the judge]

CURLY: Say judgy. If you let me, my partner, and Gaily kind of act it out for ya, we'll show you just what happened.

JUDGE: If the counsel doesn't object, that's an excellent idea.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: No objections.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: No objections.

CURLY: No objections. [snaps fingers] Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.

[Curly walks up to Moe and Larry]

CURLY: Ok Gaily!

[Gaily walks up to the front of the court. She removes her coat and reveals a skimpy outfit. Everyone starts looking at her. The court clerk takes one look and does a double take.]

[The stooges are ready to play music. Moe is holding a baton and has a mouth harmonica. Larry is playing the violin and Curly is tapping two spoons together. Moe plays a couple of notes on the mouth harmonica and Larry plays a couple of notes on the violin. Curly taps his two spoons together twice. Moe taps his foot three times. The stooges then begin playing their swing music as Gaily dances in front of the court.]

[During the middle of the swing music, Curly starts playing a bass fiddle. As he plays the bass fiddle, the bow gets caught on one of the strings. Curly pulls the string and lets go of the bow. The bow flies into the court clerk's mouth. He takes it out and looks at Curly in anger. Curly then spins the bass fiddle around and it hits him in the stomach. He looks at the bass fiddle in anger.]

[As Larry plays the violin, the end of the bow accidentally removes the court clerk's toupee. When Larry sees the toupee, he freaks out and thinks it's a tarantula]

LARRY: A tarantula!

MOE: Ah!! Ah Ah!

LARRY: Get it away from me.

MOE: Ah Ah!!

[Moe quickly removes the toupee off the bow with his foot.]

CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.

[As Moe tries to stomp on the toupee, Curly tries to hit it with a hammer, but he accidentally hammers on Moe's foot]

MOE: Ow! [slaps Curly in the head]

CURLY: Oh!

MOE: What's the matter with you?

[The court officer quickly walks up to the stooges. Moe grabs the gun from the court officer and starts shooting the toupee. As Moe is shooting, the court clerk feels his head and realizes that the "tarantula" is his toupee.]

MOE: I killed it!

[The court officer grabs the gun away from Moe]

COURT OFFICER: What's the matter with you?

CURLY: Oh! A field mouse.

LARRY: [picking up the toupee with the bow] Stand back, it's liable to bite ya.

[Moe grabs the toupee with his hands because he realizes it's not a tarantula after all]

MOE: Tarantula? Shot five holes in a divot. Get out. [slaps Larry in the head] Go on. [looks at the toupee] Wasted five good slugs in a---

[The court clerk walks up to Moe, grabs the toupee and puts it on his head]

COURT CLERK: I'll sue you for this.

MOE: Oh superstitious eh?

CURLY: Oh, vici kid!

JUDGE: Gentlemen, you must control your killing instincts. Proceed with the testimony please.

MOE: Proceed!

CURLY: Pro--- [Moe hits Curly in the head with the baton] Ow! Mmm.

[Moe blows a couple of notes on his mouth harmonica. Moe and Curly then begin playing their swing music. Curly plays his bass fiddle and Moe continues playing his mouth harmonica. Gaily continues her dance. Curly and Moe finally finish playing]

CURLY: That was sure hot Moe.

[Curly slaps Moe on the back and he accidentally swallows his mouth harmonica. Moe tries to take a deep breath and notes come out of his mouth every times he breathes.]

CURLY: Hey Larry! [Larry approaches Curly] Listen!

[Curly press Moe's stomach and we hear the harmonica. Larry does the same and we hear the harmonica again. They press on Moe's stomach a few more times and more notes come out. Curly grabs Moe's arm and pulls it up and down. Larry continuously squeezes Moe's stomach. As Curly and Larry do this, we hear the song "Ach Du Lieber Augustin" start playing. Moe pushes Curly and Larry out of the way and starts coughing notes out of his mouth. Curly gives Moe a push with his knee, the mouth harmonica comes out and Moe catches it]

CURLY: You got it.

JUDGE: Please omit the rest of the entertainment. And continue.

MOE: Now Gaily's dance was over. I stuck my head in the office door and I heard Kirk Robbin and Buck Wing arguing…over by the parrot cage.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: What were they arguing about?

MOE: I dunno. But Buck Wing was sizzling like a hot hamburger. He grabs Kirk by the neck like that. [grabs Curly's neck] See? And then he drags him over to the letter press. See? [drags Curly to the letter press] Then he smacks him in the head like that. [takes a hammer and hits Curly on the head knocking him out]

CURLY: Ohh!

MOE: Then, he pokes his coconut into the letter press, see, like that. [places Curly's head in the letter press] Then he says, "I'll squeeze the cider out of your Adam's apple." Then, he gives him the works like this.

[Moe turns the wheel on the letter press]

CURLY: [as his head is being crushed] Woo woo woo woo woo.

MOE: [as he's turning] Then he keeps turning and twisting.

CURLY: Woo woo woo woo! Woo woo woo woo.

[Moe stops turning]

MOE: And that ladies and gentlemen is--- [the wheel spins rapidly in the opposite direction. Moe looks at the wheel and his head turns side to side rapidly as he tries to follow the spinning of the wheel. The wheel flies out of the letter press and it falls on Moe's head]

[Curly comes out from under the letter press. He can't close his mouth]

CURLY: [as his mouth his open] Oh oh oh oh oh! [Moe places one hand under Curly's chin and he bonks Curly's head with the other hand] Hmm! [Curly's mouth is fine now. He turns to Moe and says] What's the matter? You wanna kill me?

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: [stands up] Why, it's preposterous! When the police broke into the office, they found this woman, the defendant Gail Tempest, bending over the body of the murdered man with a revolver clutching in her hand.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: [stands up with a pistol in his hand] Which only goes to prove that my client is innocent.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: Innocent?!?!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Exactly and I'll prove it. [shows everyone the pistol in his hand] Ladies and gentlemen, the action of this pistol is so hard, it would take the strength of a mule to pull the trigger. [gives the pistol to Curly] Try it.

CURLY: I'm no mule.

MOE: No! Your ears are too short. [eyepokes Curly] Come on!

CURLY: Mm mm! So I'm a mule! [takes the pistol]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Pull the trigger.

[Curly looks scared as he is holding the pistol.]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Never fear, it's not loaded.

[Curly tries to pull the trigger but has a hard time.]

CURLY: Hmm. Nyuk nyuk! [Curly still tries to pull the trigger. After pulling the trigger very hard with both index fingers, the trigger finally snaps]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: [to the Jury] How could Gail Tempest's frail little finger pull the rusty trigger of that instrument of destruction?

CURLY: [to Moe] See, there was nothing in it. [pulls the trigger and a shot gets fired at the defense attorney's rear]

[The defense attorney falls on one of the older female jurors.]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Oh!

JUROR: Broad Lane. Nine nine seven two. After five o'clock.

CURLY: [runs up to the defense attorney] Woo woo woo. It's stuck. Help me!

[Curly's index fingers are stuck in the trigger]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: What? What's the--- [tries to help Curly get his fingers out of the trigger but another shot fires. It shoots the tie off both Moe and Larry's shirt]

MOE: [to Larry] What did you do with my boutonniere?

CURLY: Hmm Hmm.

[Curly runs up to Moe and Larry with his fingers still caught in the gun. The defense attorney is still with him]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: [to Curly] Give me that gun.

CURLY: What happened?

[As Curly struggles to get his fingers free, he accidentally aims the gun at Larry]

LARRY: Don't point that gun at me. [ducks]

[Curly accidentally fires another shot and it shoots the toupee off the court clerk's head]

CURLY: Woo woo woo woo.

MOE: Every man for himself fellas.

[Moe finally gets the gun off of Curly's fingers]

MOE: Ah there ya are boss!

[Moe gives the gun back to the defense attorney]

MOE: [to Curly] You was called to be a witness, wasn't you?

CURLY: Soitenly.

LARRY: So was you!

MOE: [pulls Larry's hair] What are ya buttin' in for? [to Curly] You're supposed to be a good one, ain't ya?

CURLY: Well, ain't I?

MOE: Then, what are you disturbing the court for? [tries to pull Curly's hair but there is nothing to pull]

CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. [Moe tries to eyepoke Curly but he blocks it with his hand] Ehehehe--- [Moe tries again and he successfully eyepokes Curly this time] Oh!

MOE: Get going!

[Curly makes an annoyed gesture to Moe and walks away.]

[The camera cuts to Curly sitting in the witness stand chewing gum in a noisy, squeaky manner]

JUDGE: Stop chewing that gum!

CURLY: Soitenly.

[Curly takes the gum out of his mouth but he has a hard time holding onto the gum because it's so sticky]

JUDGE: Will you throw that gum away?!

[Curly rolls the gum into a ball and throws it off camera]

CURLY: Look! I got rid of it. [shows his empty hands to the judge]

[We suddenly hear the gum land on something. Curly turns his head and we see that the gum landed right on Moe's nose]

[Larry grabs a tissue and approaches Moe]

LARRY: Wait a minute. Hold still. I'll get it.

[Larry takes his tissue and grabs the gum from Moe's nose very vigorously]

MOE: Ow!! Ow, my nose!

[Larry takes the gum that's on the tissue, drops it on the floor, and steps on it with his foot. He then begins to yell in the court like Tarzan]

LARRY: [yells] Whoo! Whoo! Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaah!

MOE: [grabs Larry] Hey! You're in a court, not in the woods, Tarzan. [slaps Larry]

LARRY: Oh!

MOE: Cut it out, come on. [pulls Larry by the hair]

JUDGE: [pounds with the gavel] Order in this court.

[The stooges sit down on the table and the parrot begins talking]

PARROT: [squawks] Find the letter. [squawks] Find the letter.

JUDGE: What does this parrot mean by "find the letter?"

MOE: There's a whole pile of letters there. [points to the pile of papers on the table]

LARRY: Must me here.

[The stooges search through the papers on the table]

MOE: [looks at the parrot] Look, there's a note tied to the parrot's foot. [He gently takes the parrot out of the cage] Come on Polly Polly Polly. Come on Polly Polly Polly. Come on Polly Polly Polly. Come on. Ouch!

[The parrot squawks and flies around the courtroom]

LARRY: Look out. Here it comes.

MOE: Get that parrot.

CURLY: Stand still, I'll catch it.

[The parrot flies over each of the juror's heads. Curly tries to hit the parrot with a hammer, but he ends up knocking out several of the jurors instead.]

MOE: [grabs Curly] Hey!

[The parrot lands on the table. Larry takes a hammer and tries to hit it, but he ends up hitting his violin by accident.]

LARRY: [picks up his broken violin] Oh my Stradivarius. Oh my beautiful Stradivarius.

MOE: Grab your ear. [Curly holds onto his ear and Moe pulls Curly's arm] Come on.

CURLY: Oww ooh!

[The parrot is on top of its cage. Larry tries to hit it with the hammer. He misses and the parrot flies away.]

JUDGE: Order in this court.

CURLY: [as Moe pulls him by the ear] Oh oh oh!

[Moe and Curly look up and see that the parrot is now on top of one of the lights]

PARROT: [squawks] Find the letter! Find the letter!

LARRY: [runs up to Moe and Curly] How will we get him now?

CURLY: Let's get some salt and put it on its tail.

MOE: That's no way to get a parrot. You gotta wet its feathers so it can't fly.

CURLY: [looks off-camera] Oh, don't do nothing until you hear from me. [walks off-camera]

MOE: Come on. Give me a hand.

[Larry tries to climb onto Moe]

LARRY: Wait a minute, Hold it.

MOE: What do ya mean?

[Moe and Larry fall because Moe couldn't support Larry's weight while he was climbing him]

[Curly takes the hose from the wall]

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: [yells] I object, you honor. These proceedings, this courtroom

[Curly turns on the hose. Water starts coming out.]

CURLY: Hmm.

COURT OFFICER: [approaches Curly] What's the idea?

[Curly turns to the court officer and accidentally shoots water on him. The hose gets out of control and it splashes water all over the jurors. As the water splashes all over the place, Curly continuously does his "woo woo." The court officer tries to turn the hose off, but the knob breaks.]

COURT OFFICER: [walks up to Curly] Give me that hose.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY: Do to the a--- [turns around] What? Wha--- [water splashes on his face]

[The court officer is trying to grab the hose away from Curly]

CURLY: We gotta get that parrot.

COURT CLERK: Hey you! [stands up and water splashes on his face and his toupee falls off. He bends down to pick up his toupee and water splashes on his rear]

[Curly finally shoots the parrot off from the light with the hose. The parrot falls and Moe catches it.]

COURT CLERK: Shut that off!

CURLY: Wait a minute! I'll have to tie a knot in it.

[Moe removes the note from the parrot's foot]

MOE: Give me that. I--- I got it.

LARRY: Got it?

MOE: [announces to everyone in the court] Get this. [reads the note] "Who killed Kirk Robbin? I killed Kirk Robbin and not with my little bow and arrow. Don't try to find me as I'm shuffling off to Buffalo. Signed Buck Wing." Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

[Everyone in the court yells in excitement and cheers. Two cameramen approach the stooges, the defense attorney and Gail to take their pictures.]

CAMERAMAN: Hold it. Hold it.

CURLY: [still holding the hose] Wait a minute! Wait a minute! [positions himself next to Larry] Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

MOE: Just a second now.

[The stooges fix their hair]

CAMERAMAN: Now ready? Hold it.

[The hose that Curly is holding starts to inflate because of the knot he tied. It finally pops and water splashes all over the place. Everyone screams. The short ends.]

---THE END---