Transcription by xraffle:
[The short opens up on a sign that says, "Museum of Ancient History- Hours 10 to 5"]
[Dissolve to a door that's labeled, "Egyptian Room." Wilson opens the door and approaches Powell]
WILSON: Dr. Powell. Dr. Powell.
WILSON: Bad news. The police aren't able to find any trace of Professor Tuttle. His disappearance has 'em completely baffled.
POWELL: That room is our hopes of ever finding the tomb of King Rutentuten. Professor Tuttle is the only man alive who knows its exact location.
WILSON: First Professor Dalton dies mysteriously and then Tuttle disappears. Something terrible happens to anyone who tries to explore that tomb. I'm telling you. It is the curse of Rutentuten.
POWELL: But unless we secure the mummy of King Rutentuten, our entire collection is worthless. We must find Tuttle.
WILSON: Well, I'm doing the best I can. I sent for the three best investigators in the city…And they're our last hope.
[We hear a rhythmic knock on the door]
WILSON: Come in.
[Three men in disguise walk in]
STOOGES: At your service night and day. If we don't get 'em, you don't pay. Excelsior!
[The three men turn around and the stooges reveal their true identity]
MOE: To the hunt.
[The stooges approach Powell and Wilson]
MOE: Where's Professor Tuttle?
WILSON: He's been kidnapped. That's why we went for you.
MOE: Kidnapped, eh! What's the old bird look like?
WILSON: Here is a picture of Professor Tuttle.
[The camera cuts to the picture.]
[The camera cuts back to the stooges]
CURLY: [rhythmically] Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
LARRY: [rhythmically] Hmm. Hmm
[Moe does a double take]
WILSON: Gentlemen, you must find him.
CURLY: I got an idea.
MOE: What is it?
CURLY: We'll start in the basement.
MOE: To the basement.
LARRY: To the basement.
CURLY: To the basement.
[The stooges enter the basement]
STOOGES: To the basement.
[When the stooges approach the entrance of the basement, they fall down a couple of stories and land down in the basement.]
CURLY: This must be the basement.
[Jackson is hammering a wooden crate. The camera cuts to the inside of the crate where we see the professor tied up]
[The camera cuts to the basement again. The stooges approach Jackson]
MOE: Excuse us for buttin' in, mister. But we're looking for a kidnapped professor. We're detectives.
[The stooges show their badges and turn around to show their disguise]
JACKSON: Oh, detectives eh? And you're looking for a kidnapped professor. Well well.
[The camera cuts to the inside of the crate again where we see the professor tied up.]
[The camera cuts to Jackson and the stooges again.]
JACKSON: Hey look fellas. I gotta carry this out. [points to the crate] Will you give me a hand?
MOE: Sure, you might do us a favor some day. I'll take that end. [points to one end of the crate]
LARRY: I'll take this end. [points to the other end of the crate]
CURLY: I'll take the end in the middle. [climbs under the crate]
JACKSON: And I'll open the door. [opens the door]
MOE: Up we go boy! Oh boy! Take it easy. Up we go!
LARRY: You got it?
[The crate is on top of Curly. Curly is struggling to balance the crate on his back.]
MOE: Take it easy now.
LARRY: Are you alright?
MOE: Easy! Easy easy!
[Curly accidentally hits Moe on the head with the crate]
MOE: Oh!! You take it easy or I won't let you carry it at all.
[The stooges lift the crate out the door. The crate accidentally hits the wall]
MOE: Easy now!
[The stooges dump the crate into the truck. The camera cuts to inside the crate where we see the professor get bumped around due to the impact]
[The scene transitions to a new scene where we see the stooges come out from the basement and approach Powell and Wilson.]
MOE: Halt! Have you seen Professor Tuttle?
POWELL: Certainly not!
MOE: [taps Larry] Have you?
MOE: [taps Curly] Have you?
POWELL: That means we'll never find the missing King.
CURLY: [takes out the King of diamonds card from his jacket pocket] How did you know the King was missing? I--- [Moe turns and looks at Curly] Oof!!
MOE: Oh, so you're the one eh? That's how you won my thirteen cents.
[Moe hits Curly in the stomach and then he bonks him on the forehead]
CURLY: Oh! Oh!
WILSON: Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
LARRY: Who came in?
[The stooges turn and look behind them, but no one is there]
POWELL: You don't understand. The missing King is Rutentuten the third of Egypt.
MOE: Oh, missing persons are right up our ally. When was he last seen?
POWELL: About uh, two thousand years, come Michaelmas Day.
MOE: Huh! A mere bagatelle. Give us two thousand years and we'll bring him back alive.
CURLY: Come any day! Hahaha. [clicks his teeth]
[Wilson and Powell step aside for a minute to talk in private]
WILSON: I'm afraid we might have to accept their offer.
POWELL: Nobody in his right mind would undertake that expedition.
WILSON: It's almost certain death.
POWELL: Let's hire them before they find out about the curse of King Rutentuten.
WILSON: Done! And if the curse does strike 'em, it will be a blessing to humanity.
[Wilson and Powell end their private discussion and they approach the stooges]
POWELL: Gentlemen, you're hired. We're sending to bring back the mummy of King Rutentuten. You'll leave immediately for Cairo.
CURLY: Say! I got an uncle in Cairo. He's a chiropractor. Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
[Moe grabs Curly's nose and hits it]
WILSON: And if you are successful. We will pay you five thousand dollars.
POWELL: The recovery of the mummy would prove of untold value to science.
MOE: For science.
LARRY: For science.
CURLY: For five thousand bucks.
MOE: Viva science.
[Moe and Larry walk up to Powell and Wilson and kiss them in the cheek]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo woo.
[Curly grabs Wilson and gets ready to kiss him]
CURLY: Ruff! [lets go of Wilson and he falls on the floor]
[Cut to outside where we see a taxi cab pulled over. The cab says "Bronx Taxi Cab Co." The stooges call the taxi]
MOE: Taxi! Taxi!
[The stooges go inside the cab]
TAXI DRIVER: Where to?
TAXI DRIVER: Right! [does a double take] Huh?
[The taxi driver turns on the meter. The meter starts out at 15 cents. The camera now dissolves to that same meter and it's now showing $2,198.55]
[Dissolve to the middle of a dry dessert. The taxi cab is driving through the dessert and it looks all worn out]
MOE: Hey driver stop here!
LARRY: Hold it, will ya.
MOE: Hold on here a minute now. Let's get off here.
CURLY: This looks like the place.
LARRY: Yeah, we might be here now.
[The driver stops]
MOE: Weigh the anchor.
CURLY: [sticks out the anchor] Forty pounds!!
[Curly throws out the anchor, which has a rope attached to it. Larry throws a rope ladder out as well. The stooges climb out from the opening on top of the cab.]
MOE: Up we go! Ah! There we are!
[The stooges dust themselves off. Suddenly, an announcer starts speaking on the cab radio]
RADIO ANNOUNCER: You have been listening to Ali Ben Woodmen and his swinging bedouins. Do you need money? Borrow on your camel or elephant. No red tape, no cosigners.
MOE: [to Curly] Everywhere we go commercial announcements. [to the cab driver] Shut that thing off. [to Curly] Where's the map?
CURLY: [searches the inside of his clothes] I musta lost it.
MOE: Now we'll have to travel by compass. I wonder, are we near the place?
CURLY: [in a southern accent] Well being there's no other place around the place. I reckon this must be the place I reckon. Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. [Moe kicks Curly in the leg] Ow ow ow ow!
LARRY: If we don't come to a filling station pretty soon, I'm gonna die of thirst.
MOE: Me too. My throat feels like a bail of hay.
CURLY: Hay hay! [Moe bonks Curly on the head] Oh!
MOE: I think I'll reckon oughta. [looks through his telescope.]
LARRY: Think I'll get my hat. [picks up his hat from the ground and when he stands up again, he unintentionally stands right in front of the telescope that Moe is looking through]
[Moe is still looking through the telescope. Since Larry is standing right in front of it, he is looking directly at Larry's hair without realizing it]
MOE: We're coming to a jungle. I can see the tangled underbrush. And camels walking through it. No no! They're octopus.
LARRY: [looks ahead] I can't see anything.
[Moe stops looking through the telescope and he sees Larry in the way]
MOE: You will. [hits Larry in the head with the telescope]
CURLY: [points off-camera] Look. A sign post. Woo woo woo woo.
MOE: Come on.
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.
[The stooges run toward the sign.The sign says "Cairo City Limits." There are also four different arrows above the sign and each of the arrows are pointing in different directions. Each sign says, "Tunis 1500 MI."]
MOE: Oh boy! We're nearly in Cairo. The tomb ought to be around here someplace.
CURLY: I'd rather go to Tunis, so we can have tuna sandwiches for lunch. [Moe slaps Curly] Ah!
[The camera cuts to a body of water]
CURLY: Oh look! Water! Real pure salty water. It's the ocean.
[The camera cuts back to the stooges]
LARRY: Ocean nothing. That's a miridge.
MOE: Miridge is something you see yourself in. That's a mirage!
CURLY: Mirage? That's where you keep your automobile.
MOE: I said a mirage.
CURLY: Mirage miridge, whatever it is. I'm going swimming.
[Curly places his hand in front of Moe and moves it towards Larry's direction. Moe follows his hand and as soon as he sees Larry, both him and Larry do double takes. Curly walks up to the middle of the sand thinking it's water. Curly removes his hat and starts swimming in the sand.]
CURLY: Yah! Eh ah!! Ah! Gee! The water's cold. [still pretends to swim] Come on in.
[Moe and Larry look at each other in confusion while Curly pretends to swim]
CURLY: Hey fellas, hey fellas. Come on in.
[Curly grabs his hat and runs toward Moe and Larry]
CURLY: Gee the water's just wonderful.
LARRY: Maybe he's got something there.
CURLY: You think I'm crazy. Come on, try it. The last one is an old maid.
MOE: Come on.
[The stooges get ready to dive into the sand thinking it's water]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.
MOE: Ready, set, go!
[The stooges dive into the sand and that part of the sand happens to be a trap. As soon as they dive, that part of the sand opens up and the stooges fall in]
[Cut to the stooges inside a tomb]
[The camera cuts to the wall where we see an opening. Someone is looking through it and is spying on the stooges.]
[Cut to the stooges]
MOE: I wonder where we are.
LARRY: Maybe we're in the subway.
[A voice suddenly comes out of nowhere]
VOICE: This is the tomb of the mighty King Rutentuten.
MOE: [turns to Curly] How do you know?
CURLY: I didn't say anything.
[Moe turns to Larry]
LARRY: Neither did I.
VOICE: Infidels! Prepare to die.
CURLY: The joint's haunted.
[Larry and Curly run around Moe]
MOE: Now wait a minute. Listen. Listen, fellas wait!
CURLY: Listen, I gotta get out.
MOE: We'll take a look around the joint. Take a grip on yourselves. [Larry and Curly grab Moe] Turn me loose. I wanna be free. Now come on. We'll look around there. [points behind him]
[The stooges walk around the tomb and all of a sudden, a knife flies right by Moe and lands on the wall.]
[The stooges run to the other end of the room and they stand there.]
MOE: Wonder where that knife came from.
[A moving skeleton is standing behind the stooges. The stooges turn around and see the skeleton]
CURLY: Ruff! Woo woo woo woo woo.
[The stooges run away from the skeleton. As they run, Curly bumps into Moe. Curly gets scared and he runs away.]
CURLY: Ah!!! Ahh!
MOE: Hey! It's us.
CURLY: Look out!
[Curly runs back up to Moe. The stooges all run together around the tomb. They run back to the spot they originally entered the tomb]
CURLY: Hmm. After all that running, we're back in the same place.
MOE: Alright wise guy, you lead the way.
CURLY: But listen I---
MOE: Go on!
CURLY: I'll go when I'm ready.
MOE: Are you ready?
CURLY: Follow me.
[Curly leads the way.]
MOE: [drags Larry and has him follow Curly] Come on!
[With Curly leading the way, the stooges walk through the tomb. As they walk down the tomb, a hand comes out from behind the wall and pulls Moe in. Curly and Larry continue walking without realizing that Moe is gone. Then, another hand comes out from behind another wall and it grabs Larry. Curly is now walking in the tomb by himself and he still thinks Moe and Larry are behind him]
CURLY: Gee it's spooky in here. I'm glad you guys are behind me.
[Another hand comes out from behind another wall and it tries to grab Curly but is having a hard time reaching him. Curly doesn't see it. As Curly looks around the tomb, he sees a part of a wall that looks like a secret door]
CURLY: [touching the wall] There should be a door here. [turns around and sees the hand] Ah! Ruff! [runs away] Nyah!
[Dissolve to Moe and Larry who are behind bars. A guy is sharpening a blade getting ready to cut Moe and Larry's head. As he is sharpening, Moe and Larry feel their necks trying to imagine the pain they might experience. As the guy continues sharpening, Moe and Larry stick their hands through the bars, pull the guy and he hits his head on the bars knocking him out.]
LARRY: Get the keys!
[Moe and Larry grab the keys from the guy.]
[Cut to Curly still running around the tomb. He starts to yell]
CURLY: [yells] Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Where are you?
ECHO: Where are you?
CURLY: Hmm! An echo. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. I'm here, where are you?
ECHO: I'm here, where are you?
CURLY: I asked you first, where are you?
MAN'S VOICE: None of your business.
CURLY: Ahahaha. Ahhh! Spooks! Spooks. Moe! Larry!
[Curly runs. He then stands next to a door that slides up and down. He backs up behind it and he pushes it open half way. Curly turns around and sees the door half open. He then goes under it and enters the next room.]
CURLY: Na nee nee. [The door suddenly shuts behind him all by itself] Ah! Moe! Larry! Woo! [sees a mummy] Oh!
[Curly sees a mummy, but thinks it's a real person. He approaches the mummy and taps it]
CURLY: Pardon me. Can you tell me how I can get out of here?
[Curly wonders why he doesn't get an answer, so he takes a peak at the mummy's face. He gets scared for a second, but then calms down.]
CURLY: Oh! Excuse me. I didn't know you were a lady mummy.
[Curly sees another mummy across the room that's inside a coffin. The coffin is standing straight up]
CURLY: Hmm, looks like Rutentuten. Oh! Woo woo woo woo.
[Curly walks up to the coffin]
CURLY: Hmm! Oh boy! It's a Rutentuten alright! Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk. [tries to open the coffin but can't] Oh nailed huh. [looks around] Oh!
[Curly pulls something from off-camera. The coffin opens and inside is a mummy that's alive. Curly still didn't see the mummy]
CURLY: [pulls out something to open the coffin with] This ought to do it.
[Curly turns around and sees the mummy. He gets scared for a second, but then calms down. He touches the mummy and starts to look happy]
CURLY: I found it. I found it. King old boy! You're going on a trip.
MUMMY: That's what you think.
CURLY: Well thems my orders when I get--- [does a double take] ah ah ah ah ah ah.
[The mummy starts walking up to Curly. Curly then eyepokes the mummy and runs away.]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo.
[Curly tries to open the sliding door to get out but can't. Moe and Larry are on the other side of the door. Curly then grabs a club for self defense. He then backs up against the door.]
CURLY: Ah ah!
[At the end of the door is a wooden piece sticking out. Since Curly is backed up against the door, the wooden piece gets caught on the back of his pants. Moe and Larry, who are on the other side of the door, lift the door open and Curly gets lifted up along with it.]
CURLY: Whoa! Whoa!
[Moe and Larry go under the door and enter. Curly thinks Moe and Larry are mummies so he hits the two of them with the club while he is hanging on the door]
MOE AND LARRY: Oh!
LARRY: Oh! Who did that?
[Moe and Larry get up and approach Curly who is still hanging.]
CURLY: Gee, I'm sorry fellas. I thought you were mummies.
MOE: Oh you did, eh?
[Moe hits Curly in the stomach]
[Curly accidentally kicks Moe]
LARRY: Come on down. [pulls Curly down from the door]
CURLY: Take it easy. Take it easy! Oh! Hey fellas. Listen. Did you ever see a mummy talking?
[Moe and Larry look at Curly in an angry manner]
CURLY: Well I did!
LARRY: Now's he talking to mummies.
CURLY: Don't you believe me? He's right over there. [points off-camera] Come on. [Larry and Curly walk off-camera]
[Moe stays right where he is and doesn't join Curly and Larry because he doesn't believe Curly]
MOE: Hmm! Talking to a mummy. What does he think I am? An imbecile?
[A hand comes out from behind the wall and grabs Moe's shoulder. Moe stands there in fear. Larry and Curly turn around and see the hand. They get scared]
CURLY: Ahh!! Hey!
MOE: [turns around and sees the hand] Nyaahhh! Ahhh!
[Moe runs backwards and bumps into Curly and Larry. All three of them fall against the wall. The wall then turns around and the stooges end up in another room]
CURLY: What's the idea of pushing?
MOE: You pulled me through.
CURLY: What happened?
[The stooges look around at this new room. Moe sees a mummy lying down on a table.]
MOE: Hey look! There's Rutentuten!
[Moe and Larry walk up to the mummy]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo! [looks around] The place is full of Rutentutens.
[Moe and Larry look at the mummy on the table]
MOE: Hey! He's the real McCoy.
LARRY: McCoy? I thought his name was Rutentuten.
[Moe gets ready to throw a punch at Larry, but Curly runs up to them]
CURLY: Hey fellas! I found it. I found it!
LARRY: You found what?
CURLY: A tisket, a tasket, that green and yellow basket. [shows a basket] Nyuk nyuk nyuk [Moe pushes Curly] Ohh!
[Curly is pushed backwards and falls into a big hole on the floor]
CURLY: Whoa oh oh ohhh!!
[Moe and Larry quickly run up and look into the hole. When Curly falls, we hear a splash sound. Water comes out of the hole and splashes all over Moe and Larry]
CURLY: [yelling in the hole] Hey!! Throw me a rope.
[Moe finds a long rope beside him. At the end of the rope is a big metal pitcher attached to it. Moe throws the pitcher down the hole and it lands on Curly's head]
CURLY: [in the hole] Oww!
[Moe and Larry pull on the rope to get Curly out of the hole.]
MOE: Up you go. Up! Get him up. Get him up out of there! Come on! Come on!
[Larry and Moe continue to pull on the rope and they get Curly out. Curly is all soaking wet.]
MOE: What a guy! What a guy!
[Curly shakes the water off of himself]
MOE: Hey! What's the idea of going swimming again?
[Moe hits Curly in the stomach and Curly ends up spitting water on Curly's face]
[Moe grabs Curly's ear and water comes out of them as well]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo!
MOE: Come on. We can't stay in this tomb all day. We gotta get the King outta here. Come on!
CURLY: [sees the hole] Hmm! That well is dangerous.
[Curly grabs a long carpet and covers the hole.]
[Curly walks up to Moe and Larry, who are standing beside the table where the mummy is]
MOE: [to Curly] Grab a hold of that mummy and be careful.
LARRY: It's worth five thousand dollars.
MOE: [to Larry] You and I will try to find that door.
[Moe and Larry walk off-camera]
CURLY: Hmm. Five thousand dollars!
[Curly picks up the mummy]
CURLY: [to the mummy] Come on, Rutentuten old kid. You're going places. Hehe! Whoever crowned you King? Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
[Curly backs into a flame]
[Curly falls down on the mummy that he was carrying. The mummy is all crushed up]
CURLY: Hmm. Hey Rutentuten! Where are you? Hmm. Hmm.
[Moe and Larry run up to Curly]
MOE: What's the matter?
LARRY: What happened?
CURLY: He blew up. He's all unraveled.
MOE: I'll unravel you. [slaps Curly]
MOE: Now we lose---
[We hear Professor Tuttle's voice through the wall]
TUTTLE: Wait wait! Help! Wait! Help! Help!
[The stooges stand by the wall and listen]
[Cut to the other side of the wall. Professor Tuttle is sitting in a chair, while Jackson and two other thugs torture him for the information on the King Rutentuten mummy. Jackson is threatening Professor Tuttle with a knife.]
JACKSON: Tuttle, you've been leading me through this tomb for hours to give those pals of yours a chance to get the mummy. Well, you better start to talk before I count three. Where is that mummy? One…two---
TUTTLE: Wait wait! It's in there. [points to a wall off-camera] I don't know where the door is.
JACKSON: Alright! [to the two thugs] Tear down the wall.
[The two thugs start to tear down the wall with a pick and shovel]
JACKSON: [to Tuttle] And you better be telling the truth. Because if that mummy isn't in there intact, it'll be the finish for you and those three goofs. Get it?
[Cut to the stooges on the other side of the wall]
CURLY: If they find out we killed the mummy, they'll kill us. What'll we do?
MOE: [to Curly] I got an idea. We'll make a mummy outta you.
CURLY: I can't be a mummy. I'm a daddy.
LARRY: Alright, so you'll be a daddy mummy.
CURLY: Oh, that's different.
MOE: [to Larry] Hurry, get those bandages. [points to the bandages on the floor]
[Larry gets the bandages on the floor and wraps Curly in them. Moe takes out a thread and needle from his pocket]
MOE: Here, good thing I'm an old tailor.
LARRY: [to Curly as he wraps him up] Get your arm down.
[Dissolve to the same location, only Curly is all wrapped up as a mummy and is lying on the table. The two thugs just finished tearing down the wall]
MOE: [to Curly] Shh! Here they come. Don't even take a breath. [Curly holds his breath]
[Jackson, his two thugs and Tuttle enter through the hole]
MOE: [to Jackson] Well fancy seeing you here!
JACKSON: Oh, so you guys are in here, eh? Where's Rutentuten?
MOE: [points to Curly lying on the table] Over there and he's a good as new.
JACKSON: [looks at Curly] Boy was he homely.
[Curly opens his eyes and gives an annoyed gesture while Jackson and the two thugs aren't looking. Curly then closes his eyes again.]
THUG: Say, where are those jewels that's supposed to be buried with him?
JACKSON: Well, they always wrap them up inside the mummy. We'll have to cut him open.
[Jackson turns to his thugs to get the knife]
JACKSON: Let me have that sharp knife you got there.
[While Jackson's back is turned, Curly quickly opens his mummy outfit in fear of being cut open]
JACKSON: [turns around and sees Curly's mummy outfit open] He's burst open.
[Jackson sticks his hand in Curly's outfit and grabs a newspaper.]
JACKSON: Ah! [opens the newspaper and reads it] "Yanks win World Series." Can you beat that?
CURLY: Yeah and I won five bucks.
JACKSON: No kidding. I had the Cubs in--- [yells in shock] What???!!!!
CURLY: Ah ah ah ah! Ah ah ah ah!
[Curly gets off of the table. The stooges and Tuttle run to the end of the room. Jackson and the two thugs run after the stooges.]
JACKSON: Highjackers eh! After 'em boys!
[While running after the stooges, Jackson and his two thugs step onto the carpet Curly used to cover the hole on the floor. All three of them fall into the hole.]
JACKSON AND THE THUGS: Whoaa!!! [we hear a splash]
MOE: They're gone. Professor, come on. Let's get out of here.
LARRY: Yeah, but what about King Rutentuten and the five thousand?
CURLY: He blew away!
JACKSON: That wasn't King Rutentuten. That was his wife, Queen Hotsytotsy. [holding a small coffin] This is Rutentuten. He was a midget.
MOE: A midget? And all this trouble over a shrimp like that?
CURLY: What a small world!!
LARRY: Oh boy! A midget!!
[An alligator comes crawling by at the other end of the room]
CURLY: [turns around and sees the alligator] Ah! Hey fellas! Look! A mummy alligator. I'm gonna take him home.
[Curly walks up to the alligator]
CURLY: Oh boy will you look good on my wall. How am I gonna get you up here? [sees a rope on the floor] Oh, a rope! [taps the alligator] Nyuk nyuk nyuk
[Curly bends down to pick up the rope, but the alligator bites him in the rear]
CURLY: Yahhh!! Ooowwww!!
[Moe, Larry and Tuttle run up to Curly]
MOE: What's the matter?
CURLY: [points to the alligator] He bit me!
MOE: Ahh! He couldn't bite--- [looks at the alligator. It snaps its jaw]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo woo!
[The stooges run away]
[Cut to the dessert where we see the stooges and Tuttle run toward that same Taxi cab they were riding earlier.]
MOE: Taxi! Taxi!
[As the stooges call the taxi cab and run towards it, the scene ends]