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"I baked a cake once, but it fell and killed the cat." - Moe (UNCIVIL WARRIORS, 1935)


Average Rating:     [6.94/10]   25 votes


The Stooges are electricians who are fired after messing up a job. They decide to go away for a vacation and check into Doc Mallard's Rest Home and Clinic. It's not long before they discover that Doc Mallard is a quack, and his clinic is designed to gyp patients of their money. The boys try to escape, and Mallard's cure for that is to stop them by any means necessary.

Curly's condition was so bad during production that Moe had to coach him line by line.

Kenneth MacDonald's first appearance in a Stooge short.

IMDb Rating


Moe, Larry and Curly
Release Date
June 20, 1946
Production Type
Short Subject
18.2 min.
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Production Notes   (4)
Working Title(s):   SANITARIUM STOOGE
Title Origin:   Expression, "monkey business."
Prod. No.:   4058
Shooting Days:   4 days   From: 1946-01-30   To: 1946-02-02

Stooge Mayhem   (Avg. 5.00)
Face Slaps: 19 Eye Pokes: 1 Head Bonks: 0 Pastry Thrown: 0

Stooge Quotes   (6)
  • "High Altitude, Low Prices. No matter what you got, you'll lose it at Mallard's."

  • "What'd you give him?" "Ether." "Ether?" "Yeah. Ether the bottle or the hammer."
    (Moe, Larry & Curly)

  • "Keep smilin', McGann!"

  • "That Mallard's nothin' but a quack." "That means 'duck'!"
    (Larry & Moe)

  • "Why aren't you more careful when you climb up a ladder?!" "I only climbed up 7 steps!" "The ladder had 6!"
    (Moe & Curly)

  • "We'll get some grease." "Yeah?" "Spill it on the floor." "Yeah?" "And slip by." "Yeah... No!" [bonk!]
    (Curly, Moe & Larry)

Stooge Goofs   (6)
  • Bud Jamison's Voice
    When Curly falls off of the stretcher, we hear Bud Jamison's yell instead for some odd reason. Even weirder is the fact that Jamison was dead by this time. The yell must have been dubbed in from an earlier short with him. We also hear the same yell a few shorts later in RHYTHM AND WEEP after Curly drops a hammer on somebody's head off-screen.

  • Clear Glass Door
    When Dr. Mallard (Kenneth MacDonald) is supposed to take the axe out from the glass case, MacDonald tries to reach it through the actual glass for a few seconds before opening the glass door. The glass must've been so clear that he didn't notice that it was there at first.

  • Cueing Curly
    During the scene with the Stooges at Dr. Mallard's office, you can see Moe elbowing Curly several times to cue him on when his next lines are.

  • Disappearing and Reappearing Pipe
    When McGann walks in the room, Moe and Larry drop two pipes on top of Curly's head, then both pipes fall on the floor. Then the camera cuts to the next angle and one of the pipes is suddenly leaning on Curly's head, and then the pipe keeps disappearing and reappearing in different camera shots.

  • Got Stuck?
    When Curly falls backward off the stretcher, he lands on his back with his legs sticking up, and we can clearly see him struggling to turn a somersault and right himself.

  • Too Loud
    When Curly asks â€Å"I picked?!!”, he says it so loud, he accidentally blows Moe's bangs to the side.

Stooge Routines   (6)

Stooge Trivia   (0)

No trivia have been logged for this episode.

Audio Files   (0)

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Video File   (Y)

Transcript   (Y)

Transcription by Stooge:  

[ The short opens with a close-up of a smiling picture of Sam McGann on a desk in his office. The camera pulls back and reveals McGann sitting at his desk, yelling angrily on the phone as we hear loud noises coming from the next room. ]

SAM MCGANN: I wanna speak to Mr. Jordan! [ pause ] Hello, Jordan?! This is McGann speaking! [ pause ] Smiling Sam McGann, you robber!! What's the matter with your ears?!! Listen, you half-wit! What kind of electricians you send me?! My lights have been out for the last two hours, and they're still out!

[ McGann pulls the light chord down on the lamp on his desk and it breaks off ]


[ McGann tries to throw the chord on the floor, but his hand accidentally slams through an open drawer below him ]

SAM MCGANN: Listen, Jordan! The manpower shorting is supposed to be over!!

[ Suddenly, pipes drop loudly on the floor in the next room and scares McGann ]

SAM MCGANN: Never mind… Never mind!! I'll call you back!

[ McGann hangs up the phone, then stands up from his chair and angrily walks over to the next room ]

[ Electricians Moe, Larry, and Curly are in the next room. Curly is laying on the floor, with his head in between a ladder, and several pipes scattered around him. Moe and Larry begin picking up the pipes. ]

MOE: [ to Curly ] You pebble-brain! Why aren't you more careful when you climb up a ladder?!

CURLY: I only climbed up seven steps!!

MOE: The ladder had six! [ slaps Curly's hat off ]


SAM MCGANN: What's going on here?!!

[ Moe and Larry get startled by McGann and drop the pipes in their hand over Curly's head ]


SAM MCGANN: Listen, you nitwits! The lights are still out in my office! I want juice and I want it right away!

CURLY: [ holds up wire ] Here ya are!

[ McGann grabs the wire and receives a strong electric shock ]

SAM MCGANN: OWW!! OHH!! OOOH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!! OH!! OOOH!! OHHO!! OWWOH!! OHHHO!! Ooh-hoo! [ drops wire ] Pick up that stuff and get to work or I'll strangle ya!!

[ Moe and Larry pick up two pipes and hold them over their shoulders, accidentally hitting McGann on the head with them. McGann holds his head and staggers around. Moe and Larry both drop their pipes on the floor and hold McGann. ]

MOE: We'll fix everything up! Take it easy, McGann, we'll take care of everything! Everything!

[ Moe leads McGann back into his office and Moe closes the door. A second later, he opens it back up. ]

MOE: Keep smilin', McGann!

[ Moe closes the door again and walks over to Curly and Larry ]

MOE: We'd better get busy before he finds out we were breaker-uppers of the Peanut Brittle Foundry! [ to Larry ] Hey, porcupine, trace that wire. [ points to wire on floor ]

[ Larry gets on the floor and begins following the wire ]

MOE: [ to Curly ] Grape-head, gimme a hand.

CURLY: Which one??

MOE: Never mind! [ yanks Curly away by ear ]


[ Moe and Curly walk up to the electricity switch box. Curly reaches his hands towards the box, but Moe pulls him away. ]

MOE: Get outta there! You wanna get a shock?! That's intricate stuff. Stand aside.

[ Moe touches the wires inside the box and receives an electric shock ]


CURLY: Ha ha! That's pretty intricate! Ha ha! Ha!

[ Moe takes a pair of pliers and squeezes Curly's nose with it ]


[ Moe flicks Curly's nose, then looks at the pliers he has ]

MOE: Hey. Why didn't I use these in the first place? Ho ho ha ha ha ha!

[ Moe uses the pliers to pull a wire in the electricity box and ends up getting electrocuted again. Curly puts his arms around Moe to help and ends up getting electrocuted himself. After a few seconds, Moe lets go of the wires and the electrocuting stops. ]

[ Meanwhile, Larry is crawling through several boxes on the floor while continuing to "trace" the wire. Moe looks over and notices. ]

MOE: I always knew he was a groundhog.

[ Curly puts the end of one wire in his mouth ]

MOE: Hey, look out! You'll get a shock!

CURLY: Shock? No shock!

MOE: Ha ha…

[ Moe pats Curly's head and grabs a wire ]

MOE: Whaddaya know! No shock!

[ Moe and Curly shake hands with the wires still in their hands and they both end up getting electrocuted ]

[ Meanwhile, Larry is pulling on a wire that leads to McGann's office in the next room ]

SAM MCGANN: [ on phone ] Jordan!

[ Suddenly, the lamp on McGann's desk falls off and smashes on the floor due to Larry pulling the wire. McGann watches in surprise. Larry tries to continue pulling the wire, but it's stuck. ]

LARRY: [ to Moe and Curly ] Hey, fellas! This wire's stuck. Gimme a hand!

[ Moe and Curly walk over to Larry ]

MOE: What's the matter, kid?

LARRY: I need more muscle.

CURLY: [ flexes arm muscle ] How's that?

MOE: [ feels Curly's stomach ] Not bad. Go ahead.

[ The Stooges all grab on the wire ]

MOE: Heave… HO!!

[ The Stooges all pull the wire ]

SAM MCGANN: [ on phone ] Listen, Jordan--

[ Suddenly, the phone on McGann's desk falls into his lap due to the Stooges pulling the wire ]

SAM MCGANN: The line is busy!!

[ McGann yanks his end of the phone wire, causing the Stooges on the other side to slam into the wall ]

CURLY: Oh, a live wire!

MOE: Why, you--

[ The Stooges all pull the wire again, causing McGann to fall backwards out of his chair and onto the floor ]

MOE: Once more, boys.


[ The phone in McGann's office gets pulled through the wall and bonks Moe's head ]

CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk--

[ The phone receiver bonks into Curly's head ]


MR. JORDAN: [ over phone ] Hello?! Hello?! Who is this?!! Answer me!

[ Curly picks up the phone ]

CURLY: Hello?

MR. JORDAN [ over phone ] Hello?! Hello?! Who is this?!!

[ Curly hands the phone over to Moe ]

MOE: Hello, Mr. Howard talking. [ pause ] Oh, it's you, Mr. Jordan! Well, e--

MR. JORDAN: [ over phone ] Listen, you dimwits! You told me you were electricians! Don't come back here! Don't ever come back here, you're fired!

[ Jordan's voice speeds up very fast and Moe quickly drops the phone receiver on the floor. Smoke and flames come from the receiver and the phone wire shorts out. ]

[ The Stooges stand up from the floor ]

MOE: Well, partners - looks like we resigned.

CURLY: Hey, you know what we oughta do? Go somewhere for a nice, long rest.

LARRY: Yeah, we need a rest!

CURLY: Yeah!

[ Moe picks up a pamphlet and reads it ]

MOE: Hey, here's just the place. [ reads ] "Rest your cares away. Mallard's Rest Home & Clinic. High altitude, low prices. No matter what you got, you'll lose it at Mallard's." Sounds good.

LARRY: Yeah… but what are we gonna use for money?

MOE: Well, we'll just-- I never thought of that.

CURLY: Hey, I got somethin' put away for a rainy day! [ walks away ]

MOE: [ to Larry ] Leave it to him!

[ Curly returns with an umbrella ]

MOE: Oh, a wiseguy! [ slaps Curly's head ] Get ouuut!

LARRY: [ slaps Curly's head ] You!

CURLY: Hmm!!

[ Curly pulls out money from inside the umbrella and holds the money up ]

MOE: Oh, moolah! [ takes money ] Coin of the realm! [ to Curly ] Well, kid, we accept your apology!

CURLY: [ angrily ] Hmm!!

LARRY: And what's more, you can go with us.

CURLY: Oh, thanks!

[ Moe and Larry walk over to the wall and lean their ears against it to listen out for McGann. On the other side of the wall, McGann is leaning his ear against it as well. ]

MOE: Not a sound.

LARRY: I guess he's gone!

[ McGann punches his fists through the wall, punching Moe and Larry in the face ]

[ The scene ends ]

[ The next scene begins with an outside shot of Mallard's Rest Home & Clinic ]

[ The camera dissolves inside where we see Dr. Mallard standing in front of a patient in a wheelchair who's leg is in a cast. Dr. Mallard's two assistants are standing with him and a nurse is behind the patient. ]

DR. MALLARD: Take the patient out, nurse. [ opens door ] Now don't worry, Mr. Grimble. We'll have you fixed up and out of here in no time.

[ As the nurse moves Mr. Grimble in his wheelchair towards the door, she accidentally bumps him into the wall ]


DR. MALLARD: Ah, nurse, be careful. The patient has a very bad foot.

[ The nurse again bumps Mr. Grimble into the door while leaving ]


DR. MALLARD: Be careful, please!

[ Dr. Mallard closes the door, pick up a clipboard, and walks over to his two assistants ]

DR. MALLARD: Yeah, he'll get out of here when we get the rest of the dough and not before.

ASSISTANT #1: Say, doc, is there anything really wrong with his foot?

DR. MALLARD: No, it's mostly in his mind, but if our patients like to stay sick and pay us for the privilege… it's their business.

ASSISTANT #2: What a racket! Doc, you're a chiseler after my own arm.

DR. MALLARD: Thank you. Thank you, boys.

[ The nurse comes back in the room with her hair all frazzled ]

NURSE SHAPELY: I beg your pardon… but three new… patients are here.

DR. MALLARD: Fine, fine… send them in, Ms. Shapely.

[ The nurse gets a nervous expression on her face, then exits the room ]

DR. MALLARD: [ to assistants ] You boys wait in there while I give 'em the once-over. We'll run 'em ragged and take 'em for every nickel they've got.

[ The two assistants leave ]

[ The nurse opens the door and lets the Stooges enter the room. After they walk inside, the nurse slaps Curly on the face. Curly takes his hat and rattles it on the top of head while pointing his fingers at the nurse as if he's shooting a machine gun. The nurse leaves and as she closes the door, Larry tries to follow her but she closes the door on his nose. ]


MOE: [ grabs Larry and Curly ] Come on, you!

DR. MALLARD: Won't you come in?

[ The Stooges walk over to Dr. Mallard ]

DR. MALLARD: Of course, you know our treatments are expensive.

CURLY: Pooh-pooh! Who cares about expenses?!

[ Curly tries to snap his fingers at Dr. Mallard, but his fingers don't make a snapping sound. After Curly struggles for a few seconds, Moe instead snaps his fingers at Dr. Mallard successfully. Curly smiles and points at Moe. ]

DR. MALLARD: Splendid, splendid! And now, the first thing to discuss is your diet. We'll begin by cutting out starches, sugars, proteins, and carbohydrates.

CURLY: What do we eat???

DR. MALLARD: Vitamins and calories.

CURLY: Oh, boy, with cream gravy!

DR. MALLARD: As I was saying… I'm going to prescribe your daily schedule. You'll arise at 5 AM.

[ Moe and Larry look at each other in surprise ]

DR. MALLARD: Horseback riding until 6…

[ The Stooges pretend they're horseback riding ]

DR. MALLARD: Chopping wood until 7…

[ The Stooges pretend they're chopping wood ]

DR. MALLARD: Roadwork until 8…

[ The Stooges pretend they're running ]

DR. MALLARD: And then… breakfast.


[ The Stooges rub their hands together ]

DR. MALLARD: A nice big bowl of milk.

[ The Stooges do a double take ]

DR. MALLARD: After breakfast… more roadwork…

[ The Stooges pretend they're running ]

DR. MALLARD: More woodchopping…

[ The Stooges pretend they're chopping wood ]

DR. MALLARD: A good, stiff workout in the gym…

[ The Stooges pretend they're punching at punching bags ]

DR. MALLARD: And then… lunch.


DR. MALLARD: A nice big bowl of… milk.

MOE: Nyaaah!

DR. MALLARD: In the afternoon… more roadwork…

[ The Stooges pretend they're running ]

DR. MALLARD: More woodchopping…

[ The Stooges pretend they're chopping wood ]

DR. MALLARD: More gym…

[ The Stooges pretend they're punching at punching bags ]

DR. MALLARD: You punch the bag for an hour, and then… dinner.

CURLY: I know - a nice big bowl of milk!

DR. MALLARD: No, no. No milk. You drank it all for lunch!

LARRY: Nyaaah!

CURLY: I'm still hungry!

MOE: You got a tapeworm! [ slaps Curly's hat off ]

DR. MALLARD: Now let me see… I, um… I'll have to get you a couple of nurses. [ leaves ]

MOE: Nurses! [ fixes tie ]

[ The Stooges run around excitedly and Moe and Curly bump into each other ]

MOE: Get outta the way!

CURLY: Nurses, nurses, beautiful nurses! [ giggles ]

MOE: Take it easy, bloodhound. I'm running a fever myself.

LARRY: I ain't freezin'!

DR. MALLARD: [ looks out into hallway ] Uh, would you nurses mind stepping in please?

CURLY: Nurses, nurses!

[ Curly bangs his head repeatedly on a nearby lamp in excitement ]

MOE: Hey, you wanna break the joint up?!

[ Curly continues banging his head on the lamp ]

MOE: Hey, hey, hey!

[ Curly stops ]

MOE: [ to Larry ] Take his tempo! [ to Curly ] Hold still, baby!

[ Larry puts the thermometer in Curly's mouth for a few seconds ]

MOE: What's it say?

[ Larry takes the thermometer out of Curly's mouth and reads it ]

LARRY: "90 proof".

MOE AND LARRY: [ do a double take ] NNNGH!

[ Larry puts the thermometer back in Curly's mouth. Curly begins chewing the thermometer. ]

CURLY: Hmmm…

[ Curly bops himself on the head several times, then swallows the thermometer ]

MOE: A nanny goat!

[ Larry feels Curly's head and his hands end up getting burned by steam coming from Curly's head ]

LARRY: AAAAAAGH! [ blows hand ]

[ Moe feels Curly's head and his hand also gets burned ]

MOE: Ouch!

[ Moe and Larry both grab Curly's hands and look at them ]

[ Behind the Stooges' backs, Dr. Mallard comes back with his two male assistants from before ]

DR. MALLARD: And here are your nurses!

[ The Stooges all smile excitedly, then Larry and Curly quickly grab onto the two male assistants without looking and hug them, thinking they are women. Curly pats one assistant on the face, then he and Larry both look up at the assistants' faces and realize they're male. ]


DR. MALLARD: You two nurses will have charge of these guests. Start tomorrow morning, bright and early.

ASSISTANT #1: Yeah, doc. Bright and early.

ASSISTANT #2: [ to the Stooges ] Gentlemen?

LARRY: Who came in?

[ The Stooges look behind themselves ]

ASSISTANT #2: [ points at open door ] This way, please.

[ The Stooges slowly begin walking towards the door ]

ASSISTANT #2: Please, gentlemen, this way.

[ Suddenly, the assistants grab the Stooges from the back and rush them out the door ]


[ The scene ends ]

[ The next scene begins with a close-up of an alarm clock ringing ]

[ The camera cuts to the Stooges asleep in bed, snoring loudly ]

[ Moe wakes up to the ringing from the alarm clock ]

MOE: Hey, you guys, get up! You snore so loud, my ears are ringin'!

LARRY: Yeah, mine are ringin', too!

CURLY: Mine, too, like an alarm clock.

MOE: [ looks at clock ] It is the alarm clock! We'd better get up!

[ The Stooges get up out of bed ]

MOE: Come on.

[ Curly picks up the alarm clock while Moe and Larry take off their pajamas, revealing their regular clothes already on under it ]


[ Curly dumps the ringing alarm clock into a pitcher of water, causing the clock to break ]

CURLY: [ barking at clock ] RUFF!! RUFF!!

[ Curly walks up to Moe and Larry ]

LARRY: 5:00. That's the time you get up, you get shot at sunrise!

MOE: Quit squawkin'. This early mornin' air's good for ya. Face the window!

[ The Stooges face the window ]

MOE: Take a deep breath.

[ The Stooges inhale some air, then suddenly begin coughing violently ]

LARRY: That's that fresh air!

[ The two assistants enter the room ]

ASSISTANT #2: What do ya think you're doin'?!

MOE: We're breathin'.

ASSISTANT #2: Well, cut it out! It ain't on the schedule!

ASSISTANT #1: [ throws sweat clothes at Stooges ] Get this stuff on! Let's get goin'!

[ The scene ends ]

[ The next scene begins with the two assistants opening the door to the gymnasium, followed by the Stooges slowly walking inside ]

ASSISTANT #2: Gentlemen, the gymnasium.

[ The two assistants suddenly push the Stooges inside the gym ]

ASSISTANT #2: Pay attention over here!

ASSISTANT #1: [ pulling on two weight handles ] All you gotta do is pull 'em… Up and down… Up and down… Get busy.

[ The two assistants walk away ]

CURLY: Ha ha ha! Up and down! Ha ha! [ grabs two weight handles ] I--

[ Curly tries to pull the weight handles, but they're too heavy for him ]

CURLY: Hmm! Hmm!!

[ Curly tries harder to pull the weights, but he ends up slamming backwards into the wall ]

MOE: [ whispers to Larry ] Too much weight.

[ Curly spits on his hands and begins to practice punching the air. Meanwhile, Moe and Larry pick up the weights from the machine and begin throwing the weights behind them. ]

ASSISTANT #2: [ shows Assistant #1 a paper ] We'll use this schedule--

[ Suddenly, the weights that Moe and Larry are throwing in the air bonk the assistants on the head ]


[ Two more weights hit the assistants on the head, causing them to faint on the ground ]

[ Curly flexes his muscles ]

MOE: Hey, muscle-brain!

[ Curly looks at Moe and walks over to the machine, which has no weights left on it ]

MOE: Up and down!

CURLY: [ grabbing the weight handles ] Up and down! I-- [ struggles to pull the weight handles ] Hnnnn!!

[ Curly runs forward with the handles and ends up pulling the machine apart and he crashes on the ground ]

CURLY: Ooh!! Mmmmm!

[ Moe and Larry help Curly up ]

MOE: You dope! Now we'll have to pay for that! [ slaps Curly's head ] What's the matta with you?!

CURLY: Hnnn!

[ Suddenly, the assistants, still laying on the floor in a daze, begin speaking ]

ASSISTANT #2: [ dazedly ] Tweet-tweet little birdies!

[ The Stooges look over at the assistants ]

ASSISTANT #2: I get it, doc… We'll run 'em ragged and take 'em for every cent they got!

MOE: You hear that?

LARRY: That Mallard's nothin' but a quack.

MOE: That means duck. Come on!

[ The Stooges run out of the room and as they're about to turn down the hallway, they notice a guard asleep on a chair ]

ALL STOOGES: [ quietly ] Nyaaaaah!

[ The Stooges run down the opposite end of the hallway and hide behind a wall ]

[ Dr. Mallard walks up to the sleeping guard ]

DR. MALLARD: Oh, for heaven's sakes… [ wakes up guard ] George, George!! Stay awake!

[ The two assistants exit the gymnasium while shaking their heads, then they see Dr. Mallard ]

ASSISTANT #2: Hey, doc!

[ The two assistants run up to Dr. Mallard ]

ASSISTANT #2: The patient slugged us!

ASSISTANT #1: Yeah, and got away!

DR. MALLARD: They did?! [ to George ] Watch this hallway and don't let anyone out! [ to assistants ] Come on, we'll search the grounds!

[ Dr. Mallard and the assistants run away ]

[ The Stooges peek down the hallway and see George falling back asleep in his chair ]

MOE: We gotta get outta here.

LARRY: But how? That mug is guardin' the door.

CURLY: I got an idea.


CURLY: We'll get some grease…


CURLY: Spill it on the floor…


CURLY: And slip by.


[ Moe and Larry do a double take ]

MOE: No!! [ bonks Curly's head ]

CURLY: Hnnngh! Hngh!

[ Larry peeks back down the hall and sees George asleep ]

LARRY: Come on, now's our chance!

[ The Stooges begin sneaking down the hallway. As they walk next to George, George suddenly snores loudly and scares the Stooges. The Stooges lean against the wall. Curly begins to sneeze. ]

CURLY: Ah… ah…

[ Moe sticks his finger under Curly's nose, then gives him a nosehonk and bops his head. Curly's sneeze stops, then he smiles and waves at Moe. Suddenly, Curly sneezes loudly. ]


[ A vase behind Curly falls off a shelf and smashes over Curly's head ]

CURLY: [ holds head ] OWW!! OOHHH OOHHH!!

[ George wakes up suddenly and walks over to Curly ]

GEORGE: Hey, what happened? [ to Curly ] Who are you?


GEORGE: What's the matter with him? Is he sick?

LARRY: Oh, yeah, terribly sick!

MOE: Yeah, I think we'll have to operate.

GEORGE: Oh, you're doctors?

LARRY: Oh, sure, sure, sure!

MOE: Yeah, we're doctors. [ to Larry ] Dr. Windbag, I presume. [ shakes Larry's hand ]

LARRY: Well, blow me down!

GEORGE: Well, gosh, we gotta go right in the operatin' room!

MOE: So we do!

[ A nurse walks past while pushing Mr. Grimble in a wheelchair ]

GEORGE: Well, hello, Mr. Grimble. A couple of new doctors.

MR. GRIMBLE: [ to Moe ] Doctor, will you examine me?

MOE: [ looks over Mr. Grimble ] Boy, you look terrible!

[ The Stooges begin walking towards the operating room ]

MR. GRIMBLE: I'll give $1000 to anyone who cures me!

[ Moe and Larry suddenly turn back around and spin Mr. Grimble's wheelchair ]

MOE: Say that louder!!

GEORGE: Hey, wait a minute! [ points at Curly ] You gotta operate on him first!

LARRY: [ to Mr. Grimble ] Don't get better, we'll be right back!

MR. GRIMBLE: Alright…

MOE: [ to Curly ] You! [ pushes Curly in operating room ] Get inside!

[ The Stooges and George enter the operating room ]

MOE: A fine time you picked for an operation!

CURLY: I picked?!!

MOE: Go on!

LARRY: Get on there!

[ Moe and Larry lay Curly down on the operating table ]

MOE: For $1000 bucks, I'd have… cut that guy up like a Christmas turkey!

LARRY: Yeah…

GEORGE: [ to Curly ] Hey, can I watch while they cut ya up?

CURLY: Yeah, bud, I-- [ does a double take ] YAAAH-HA-HA!!

MOE: [ to George ] By the way, I'll need a trachtohomalactometer.

GEORGE: Got one right here. [ gives Moe a tool ]

MOE: Hmm, that's a big one.

GEORGE: Gonna cut him wide open, I see.

LARRY: Yeah…

MOE: Say, I'll also need a hemmadeemaseemafern.

GEORGE: Got one comin' right up. [ walks away ]

MOE: [ to Larry ] That guy's got everything! We gotta get rid of him!

LARRY: Yeah, but suppose we can't?

MOE: Well, in that case, uh… [ pick up saw ] I'll have to start cuttin'.

LARRY: Yeah.

CURLY: Yeah… [ does a double take ] NYAAAH-AAAH-AAAH!

[ Curly tries to get off the operating table, but Moe grabs him back ]

[ Larry picks up a bottle of ether and a napkin ]

LARRY: I got it! We can put him to sleep with this! [ pours ether on napkin ]

MOE: Fine! [ takes napkin ]

[ George walks back up to the Stooges with a tool. Moe holds the napkin with ether on it under George's nose. ]

GEORGE: [ sniffing ] Ah, my favorite scent! Fleur de Polecat!

[ George waves the napkin around Moe and Larry's noses, causing them to yawn ]

[ Curly grabs a bottle of ether, then picks up a large hammer. He bonks George's head with the hammer, knocking him dizzy, then flicks George's nose, causing George to faint backwards on the floor. ]

MOE: He's out like a light! [ to Curly ] What'd ya give him?

CURLY: Ether.

LARRY: Ether??

CURLY: Yeah… ether a bottle or a hammer!

MOE AND LARRY: [ grab ether and hammer away ] Why you, I'll--

[ Moe and Larry hear commotion outside in the hallway ]

[ In the hallway, Dr. Mallard and his two assistants are looking around for George ]

DR. MALLARD: George?! George?!

MOE: [ to Larry ] It's Doc Mallard! [ points to unconscious George ] We better get him outta the way. Quick!

DR. MALLARD: Ms. Shapely!

[ Nurse Shapely walks up to Dr. Mallard ]


DR. MALLARD: Ms. Shapely, where's that stupid guard?!

NURSE SHAPELY: Oh, he's in the laboratory with the new doctors.

DR. MALLARD: Oh, I see-- [ does a double take ] New doctors?! [ to assistants ] Come on!

[ They all head towards the operating room ]

[ Inside the operating room, Moe and Larry are dressed like doctors with masks covering their faces and a sheet is over the operating table, covering Curly. Dr. Mallard and his assistants walk in. ]

DR. MALLARD: Why, doctor, what in the world--

MOE: SHH!! The patient's in a transom!

DR. MALLARD: Oh, I'm sorry, doctor. I wasn't expecting you.

MOE: Well, that makes us even - we weren't expecting you, either! [ laughs ]

CURLY: [ leans up under sheets ] Ha ha ha ha ha--

[ Moe shoves Curly's head back down on the operating table ]


DR. MALLARD: [ to assistants ] Go ahead, find those men. If you catch them, put them in the steam room. Give 'em the works.

[ The two assistants leave ]

DR. MALLARD: [ to Moe ] Some patients escaped. It was most unfortunate. They were… unbalanced, you know?

[ Meanwhile, George, who was unconscious behind the table, regains consciousness and begins getting up. Larry sees this, sneaks over to George, and bonks George's head with a hammer, knocking him out again. ]

DR. MALLARD: [ to Moe ] Proceed with your operation, doctor. Don't let me interrupt you.

MOE: Oh, thank you. Uh… [ picks up saw ]

DR. MALLARD: Oh, you're going to use that? Then, of course, you're going to cut straight here. [ points to Curly's head over sheets ]

CURLY: [ leans head up under sheets ] NGAAAH-AAAAH!

[ Larry slams Curly's head back down ]

DR. MALLARD: By the way, what does the patient have?

MOE: You see, doctor, he has a very bad case of gotapalmaseemabeans.

CURLY: Nyaaah-aaaah-aaaah-aaaah!

DR. MALLARD: Oh, indeed. [ picks up large saw ] Well, then of course, you're doing to need this bone saw.

MOE: Do tell… [ takes saw ] Well, in that case, doctor, would you cut across here… [ points saw at Curly's legs ] Or cut across there… [ points saw at Curly's chest ]

[ Curly leans up under the sheets. Moe whacks Curly's face over the sheets with the saw. ]


DR. MALLARD: Oh, doctor, now you're joking! Of course, you don't cut here… [ points at Curly's legs ] or here… [ points at Curly's chest ] Naturally, you saw straight through the skull.

CURLY: [ leans head up under sheets ] NGAAAH-AAAAH!

[ Larry slams Curly's head back down ]

MOE: Well…

[ Moe tries to saw across Curly's head, but Curly moves down under the sheets ]

MOE: [ to Larry ] Anesthetic!

[ Larry gets the anesthetic and pretends to give it to Curly under the sheets. Moe raises the sheets slightly and pats Curly's head. ]

MOE: [ whispers ] We'll fool that guy. We'll cut through your skull so fast, he won't know the difference.

CURLY: [ whispers ] What about me??

MOE: [ whispers ] You won't know the difference, either!

CURLY: [ leans head up under sheets ] NGAAAH-AAAAH!

[ Moe and Larry slam Curly's head back down ]

MOE: Get out! [ to Larry ] The saw!

[ Larry scrapes the saw across the top of Curly's head ]


[ Curly pulls up the sheets covering him, exposing his feet. Dr. Mallard looks closely at Curly's shoes and recognizes them. ]

DR. MALLARD: [ to Moe ] Let me take over, doctor. I'll have him opened up for you in just a minute…

[ Dr. Mallard pushes the operating table backwards, causing Curly to slide backwards off the table and crash on the ground ]


DR. MALLARD: [ to Moe and Larry ] Doctors, eh?!

[ Dr. Mallard pulls Moe's mask off and begins chasing Moe and Larry ]

DR. MALLARD: I'll "doctor" ya! Come to this institutioner…

MOE: Take it easy now! Hold on, I tell ya! Hold on, I tell ya!

DR. MALLARD: [ chases Larry ] I'll get your last meal!

[ Moe and Dr. Mallard bump into each other ]


[ Dr. Mallard opens up a glass case on the wall and takes out an axe ]

DR. MALLARD: Oh… so that's the way you're gonna play, huh?!

[ Larry takes a fire extinguisher and sprays it in Dr. Mallard's face. Moe stands behind Dr. Mallard and smashes a glass over his head, knocking him out. ]

MOE: Come on!

[ Moe and Larry pick Curly up from the floor and exit the room ]

[ Out in the hallway, the Stooges run around Mr. Grimble ]


MOE: Nyaaaaaaaaah!

[ The Stooges spin Mr. Grimble around in his wheelchair and cause him to fall on the floor ]

[ The Stooges enter the gymnasium and close the door, not realizing that the two assistants are standing behind them. Moe and Larry lean their ears against the door. Curly looks back and sees the two assistants. ]

CURLY: Hiya! [ does a double take ] NYAAAH-AAAAH-AAAH-AAAAH!!!

MOE: Quiet, jughead!

CURLY: But, Moe, you don't know what--

MOE: Quiet, I say!

CURLY: Moe, I got the whole thing--

MOE: [ picks up dumbbell ] Quiet, or I'll bat your brains out!

CURLY: [ picks up dumbbell ] Yeah, you and who else?!

[ With the dumbbell in his hand, Moe pushes the dumbbell in Curly's hand back without looking and it hits Assistant #2 in the head, knocking him out. Assistant #1 walks up to Moe and without looking, Moe hits the assistant in the head with the dumbbell and knocks him out. The Stooges look behind them and see the unconscious assistants. ]

ALL STOOGES: Nyaaaaah!

[ The Stooges run out of the gymnasium and in the hallway, they run near Mr. Grimble again, who's back in his wheelchair ]

MR. GRIMBLE: Ooh… oh, please be careful, mister… Oh, my foo--

[ Moe and Larry run past Mr. Grimble, but Curly trips over Mr. Grimble and knocks him out of the wheelchair. They both fall on the floor. ]

MR. GRIMBLE: Oh, my foot!!

[ Curly leans up and angrily hits Mr. Grimble's "broken" foot with his hand ]


[ Curly stands up and runs away ]

MR. GRIMBLE: Oh, my foot… [ stands up ] Oh, my foo-- [ taps "broken" foot on floor several times ] I'm cured! It doesn't hurt anymore! [ to Curly ] Doctor, doctor! [ runs after Curly ]

[ Meanwhile, Moe and Larry enter a room and quickly close the door. They learn their ears against the door and hear nothing. ]

MOE: Safe at last!

LARRY: We sure gave them the slip! They don't know where we are yet, you know that--

[ Suddenly, Dr. Mallard and George grab Moe and Larry's shoulders ]

MOE: NYAAAH-AAAH-AAAH! Now take it easy!

LARRY: We're innocent!

MOE: I'll get myself a cheap lawyer!

[ Dr. Mallard and George drag Moe and Larry out of the room ]

MOE: I'm a citizen! You can't do that to me!

[ Dr. Mallard and George open the door to the steam room ]

MOE: I got a brother in court! I'll tell ya that!

[ Moe and Larry are shoved inside of the steam room ]

MOE: Now, wait! Take it easy!

[ George closes the door and Dr. Mallard turns the heat valve on for the steam room ]

DR. MALLARD: That'll hold 'em for a while. [ to George ] Come on, we'll find the other one.

[ Dr. Mallard and George leave ]

[ Curly peeks down from one end of the hallway and sees the hallway is empty. He walks down the hall and Moe and Larry frantically knock on the glass steam room door from the inside to catch Curly's attention. Curly turns towards the door and sees Moe and Larry inside. ]

CURLY: What are you doin' here?

[ Moe and Larry try to speak to Curly behind the glass door, but the steam is drowning out their voices ]

CURLY: What are you all steamed up about?!

MOE: The valve!! The valve!!

CURLY: The valve? [ holds up imaginary trumpet ] Oh, you push the first valve down, and the music goes--

MOE: [ points to valve next to Curly ] Turn it off!!

[ Curly walks over to the valve and begins turning it. The steam pressure meter on the valve turns from "normal" to "danger", causing the steam in the room to get stronger. Moe and Larry frantically knock on the glass door again and Curly walks over to the door. He knocks back on the glass door. ]

MOE: [ moves hands like valve ] The other way!

CURLY: [ moves hands like valve ] The other way?

[ Moe pokes his fingers into the glass door, causing Curly to feel the eyepoke on the other side of the door ]


MOE: The other way!!

[ Curly walks up to the valve and moves it around, causing the steam pressure meter to spin around out of control ]

CURLY: [ to Moe ] Why don't you make up your mind?!

[ A nurse walks past Curly, which catches his attention ]

CURLY: Yeee-eee!

[ Curly follows the nurse as she walks away ]

[ Meanwhile, the steam pressure meter rapidly spins around out of control ]

[ Curly follows the nurse into a room and the door closes ]

NURSE SHAPELY: [ off-camera ] AAAAAAHHHHH!!! How dare you!!

[ Suddenly, Curly goes crashing through the door and lands on the floor. As Curly leans up, a platter from behind him is thrown at his head ]

CURLY: OHHO!! OHH! OHH!! MMM!! I can take a hint!!

[ The steam in the room Moe and Larry are in is getting very severe ]

CURLY: [ moves hand like valve ] I know! Moe and Larry! [ stands up ]

[ Suddenly, the steam room explodes and Moe and Larry go running out of it, then crash into the wall and fall down on the floor. Curly finds his way through the steam and helps up Moe and Larry. ]

MOE: Oh! What happened?!

[ Mr. Grimble comes rushing into the scene ]

MR. GRIMBLE: [ to Curly ] Oh, doctor! Oh, doctor, doctor! You cured me! I'm goin' home!

[ Mr. Grimble takes out some money from his wallet and gives it to Curly ]

MR. GRIMBLE: Worth every cent of it!

[ Mr. Grimble taps his foot on the floor twice, then kicks Curly's leg ]


[ Mr. Grimble continues dancing away down the hallway and he jumps in the air and clicks his heels together ]


[ Moe takes the money away from Curly's hands ]

MOE: A thousand bucks!

LARRY: Nearly a million!

MOE: Yeah, beautiful girls! Great lights! Wonderful food!

LARRY: Travel, luxury, Monte Carlo!

CURLY: Wait a minute! You know what we oughta do?


CURLY: Go somewhere for a nice, long rest!

MOE AND LARRY: Yeah-- [ do a double take ]

MOE: This rest almost killed me!

LARRY: You need a rest like a hole in the head!

MOE: Hole in the head - that's a good idea!

[ Moe and Larry bonk Curly's head repeatedly ]

CURLY: Ooh, ooh! OH, DOC, DOC, DOC, DOC, DOC!!!


Videography   (2)

Fan Reviews   (14)
Posted 2001-11-05 10:41:00 by Shemp_Diesel
Edited 2015-01-25 16:02:18 by Shemp_Diesel

I'm siding now in the camp of fans who really like this short. Despite its slow parts & the hard time Bernds had filming it, the finished product is very funny.

7 pokes

Reviewer's Rating: (7)
Posted 2009-07-09 00:00:43 by xraffle
Edited 2009-07-09 00:01:17 by xraffle
This is one depressing short to watch. Curly looks extremely ill and I can tell he tries to cover it up, but it doesn't work. One scene that really comes to mind is the part where Moe and Larry get locked up in the steam room and Curly walks over to them. You can see him walking with a limp, which of course, was due to a real life injury he had when he was young. Curly was always good in covering up his limp in almost all the shorts he was in. But I guess he was too sick and ill to be able to cover it up here. Curly's dialogue is also noticeably slow too.
While this wasn't Curly's worst performance, it was still pretty bad. Not only does Curly look extremely ill, but the overall plot wasn't very good. The only good part was the first scene, where the stooges were electricians. After that, the short becomes quite a bore. There's too much focus on Curly. While that's usually a good thing, it isn't in this one. He's even losing his high pitched voice. Just listen to him when he tells Moe and Larry to get some grease and slip by the guard. He's pretty much talking in his normal voice. He also looks tired and has very little energy.
This was one of the weakest sick Curly shorts. At least, in some of the others, you can see Curly tries very hard, but in this short, that's not the case. His acting looks forced.
2 out of 4 pokes.

Reviewer's Rating: (5)
Posted 2009-07-04 13:35:57 by BeAStooge

A highlight of the "sick Curly" era. There are moments when Curly's illness is excrutiating to watch, i.e., his lack of energy and straining voice, but Ed Bernds did a great job in directing, and overseeing the editing, to keep everything moving along. Strong support from Kenneth MacDonald, Cy Schindell, Wade Crosby, Jean Willes, Fred Kelsey and silent screen veteran Snub Pollard.

3 out of 4 pokes

Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Posted 2009-07-02 19:24:43 by metaldams

I know this is a sick era Curly and according to Ed Bernds, Curly was at his worst, but man, they did a good job of hiding it. While it's obvious we're not talking 1940 Curly, he does a decent job, and the short itself has a good story line, good slapstick, and a nice chase scene.

Kenneth McDonald's first Stooge short, and he was an excellent Stooge villian. He's part gangster and part Boris Karloff, and in this one his bowl of milk dialogue has always been a favorite of mine.

Best laugh is Curly following Nurse Shapely into a room. All we see is Curly follow her into the room and then go flying out the door, leaving some imagination for the viewer. A subtle gag. The camera set up and timing of this gag were brilliant. Nurse Shapely is the debut Stooge role of the incredibly beautiful Jean Donahue/Willes, one of the better ladies the Stooges shared screen time with.

It's sick era Curly, but on the higher end, so I give this 3 pokes out of 4.

Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Posted 2009-07-02 18:16:19 by locoboymakesgood

Oh boy, Monkey Businessman. In one of Curly's final appearances as a Stooge, this particular short is one of the most notorious for Moe having to coach poor Curly through his lines. Still, for a "sick-era" Curly, this one isn't half-bad. That's not to say it ranks up there with Micro-Phonies or some of the early Shemps, but given the time period I think the short as a whole is solid. The concept is pretty good and we are introduced to that filthy lukre Kenneth MacDonald (easily one of the best Stooge foils). Some of the parts with Curly are pretty painful to watch, and having seen it for the first time in years on the Volume 5 DVD, I think I had a bit of a beter admiration for it. It's not my favorite short from '46, but hey - it ain't no Beer Barrell Polecats!

2 1/2 pokes.

Reviewer's Rating: (6)
Posted 2009-07-02 16:26:55 by BeatleShemp
I liked MONKEY BUSINESSMEN despite the problems Curly had with it. If Moe had to coach him line by line in the short, it's been edited to where it flows smooth. I liked the part where Moe and Larry impersonate doctors by almost having to operate on Curly as well as that hilarious beginning where the Howards get shocked working on the electrical outlet. Not the strongest in the Curly sick period, but certainly not the worst either. Definitely a three poker for me.
Posted 2001-05-09 20:17:00 by Stooge
Edited 2008-06-14 23:27:20 by Stooge
Comment: This had potential and turned out okay, but could've been a lot better had Curly been in better health. Instead, we see him at his absolute worse. It's painful to watch him in this. He looks, sounds, and acts terrible, and it's not a surprise to hear about the nightmare that Bernds had filming him in this. Curly's given way too much material in the film and he was not able to carry all of it.

Interesting Points:
- This is Kenneth MacDonald's Stooge debut.
- The only Stooge short directed by Edward Bernds featuring an eyepoke. Bernds said himself that he never used the eyepoke in his films because he was afraid somebody watching might try it with their friends and seriously hurt them. I have no clue why he used it in this film, unless maybe he doesn't count this one since it wasn't a direct eyepoke (only through the glass), or maybe since this is one of his first few shorts, he hadn't come up with his no-eyepoke policy yet.

Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Posted 2003-05-27 16:46:00 by Pat Stooge
It's an okay short,its just that Curly's heath is getting worse and you can see it very plainly,it pretty mediocre at some point I mean his heath was getting so bad that Moe needed to help Curly with his lines.

Reviewer's Rating: (5)
Posted 2002-06-16 01:58:00 by black banana
Just saw this for the first time in a couple years or so.It is funnier than I remember it before. Good openingscene with Fred Kelsey as Sam McGann versus the Stoogesas incompetent electricians. We then move on to theMallard Rest Home, run by Kenneth MacDonald, who isperfect as the crooked doctor. "We'll run them ragged andtake them for every cent they've got!" Lots of funny linesand gags throughout, though it runs out of steam at the end.Great stunt of Curly flying through a door.For some reason this film looks out of focus, even onColumbia VHS. Out of the last ten Curly shorts, I rank this second only to THREE LITTLE PIRATES.3 1/4 pokes rating

Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Posted 2002-05-14 06:40:00 by [Deleted Member]
I've always sided with those who liked this short. Take Curly's health appearance as you will, but I think there were shorts where he seemed MUCH more unhealthy, such as "Three Loan Wolves" and in the new footage contained in "Beer Barrel Polecats". I think that Curly was too phyically active in this short to be as bad off as most people say he is. I will say that he definately wasn't as physical as in the good old days (1930's-mid '40's).Fred Kelsey played Smilin' Sam brilliantly. I always enjoy watching Kelsey in Stooge shorts. I think that, unfortunately, this is his last Stooge short. I think he and Shemp would've been great together. Also great is Cy "We'll run 'em ragged and take 'em for every cent they got!" Schindel. He would be in many more Stooge shorts after this. Last but not least, Kenneth MacDonald, in his debut performance with the Stooges, shows us a sample of the great things we would get to know him for as a Stooges supporting actor. I have always loved this short. the "shock" verbal and physical gags in the beginning parts were great. Moe and Curly's electrocution scene is a great as Moe and Larry's similar scene in "Goof on the Roof". We also see the "rainy day" gag and appropriate slap for it by Moe, which had me ROFL.The scene in Mallard's office was a riot! Highlights are the boys doing the appropriate motions to go along with what Mallard was saying as he read them their daily schedule and their reactions to hearing "a nice big bowl of milk" twice, Curly going crazy over the fact that they're getting their own nurses, Curly and Larry hugging who they thought were gorgeous female nurses, then discovering they weren't female. They sure gave funny "nyaaahs" at this time. They sounded like a combination of "nyah" and a growling sound. Sometimes (but not very often) Curly's nyaah's would come out sounding like growling in the later shorts- perhaps due to his illness.The scene with the Stooges waking/getting up is hilarious. I loved seeing Moe in the middle of the bed, reacting to his partners blowing in his face from both sides, in their sleep. Moe accidently opened his eyes reacting to it the first time. Then we see Larry take in the morning air, only to cough and wheeze it back out- which is when Cy Schindel and his partner come in and Cy starts this hilarious exchange:Cy: What do you think you're doin'?Moe: Breathin'.Cy: Well, cut it out. It ain't on the schedule!The boys are taken to the excercise room, where they find out what kind of joint the place really is. They try to escape, running all over the hospital to avoid the bad guys. Enter sleepyhead George (this actor could've played Lenny in another "Of Mice and Men" film) the orderly/guard. We hear the side-splitting "grease/slip by) gag. Moe and Larry pretend to be doctors and Curly, their patient. George, then Mallard oversees what would've been Curly's (hopefully) fake operation.Moe and Larry are caught and locked in the steamroom. Curly finds them, and after some girl-chasing (and a hilarious eyepoke by Moe to Curly through the glass), he turns the valve the wrong way, increasing the amount and intensity of the steam. This blows Moe and Larry through the door to freedom. Then the ending comes. The man with the bad leg he thought he had, who we saw earlier when the boys started their doctor bit, who told them he'd give $1000 to the first doctor who cures him, paid Curly for his accidental "cure". Curly makes an ironic suggestion for another "nice long rest" and his partners dish out the appropriate punshment. It added to the hilarity of the punishment when Curly yelled "Doctor! Doctor!"Here's the only thing I find wrong with the ending: As Moe takes and counts the money, the 4 bad guys are still running around, looking for the boys. Why didn't the Stooges try to capture them? They once captured a shipful of German sailors and officers, but they can't handle a quack doctor, his 2 male nurses and his orderly? Otherwise, this is a great short and it's a huge honor to have it on tape."What a hideous, monstrous face! Oh!"
Posted 2001-10-03 02:49:00 by Mike Holme
A great short, Curly does quite well even though Ed Bernds' did say this short was a nightmare to film. Fred Kelsey's role as Smiling Sam McGan is his finest role. And pk1985, Curly got punished a lot in this short, and Larry didn't get punished by Moe at all! It seems as if Moe and Larry both became the first stooge, and Curly remaining the third stooge. The other supporting actors did good jobs as well.3 1/2 pokes Mike Holme
Posted 2001-05-09 23:26:00 by B. Bopper
I thought this was a pretty funny short. It would be liked by more people if only Curly was healthy. Cy Shindell is an excellent character actor, definetly underrated. B. Bopper-President of The Amalgamed Association of Morons, local 6 & 7/8
Posted 2001-03-13 21:08:00 by sickdrjoe
Curly was a born comic, as this short ably proves. Every time Stoogery is called for - pratfall, pain-yell, dog bark - he's up to the task, and very funny. But every scene that calls for him to utter dialogue grinds to a ten-car interstate pileup. The simplest phrases creak gray and sickly from his mouth (close-ups are similarly distressing); but then he'll sell a hard Moe-shot like a 25-year-old! The poor guy must have been giving it every ounce left inside him by this point, and his peerless slapstick makes this a good 2-reeler.
Posted 2001-03-12 19:36:00 by NicktoBarada
This film would be a classic if it wasn't for poor Curly's failing health. It has a good story and plotline, and we get to see badguy Kenneth McDonald for the first time. (Wasn't Fred Kelsey hilarious as Smiling Sam McGann?) I still like this short, and laugh at it. I do feel sorry for Curly, but I watch the short for what it is. If you want to see what I think of another post-stroke short that everyone seems to dislike, check out my review for Rythym and Weep.

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