Transcription by xraffle:
The short opens up with a close-up shot of a car that reads:
Larry Moe Curly
Hook Line & Sinker
Fresh Fish- San Diego Calif.
[The stooges blow on a horn as they drive down the street selling fish.]
LARRY: Fresh fish!
CURLY: Fresh fish!
[The camera pans away and we see Larry driving the car. On top of the car is a boat where Moe and Curly are sitting down on]
LARRY: Right from the ocean to you!
MOE: [in a frustrated manner] Nobody eating fish today? [blows the horn]
MOE: [to Larry] Hey Porcupine! Stop the boat!
[Larry jams on the brakes and we hear a squeak sound]
LARRY: Nice, juicy, ripe, fresh fish! Hey! Fresh fish!
MOE: Fish! Fish! Fish!
[The stooges climb out of the car.]
MOE: Fish! [annoyed] This is disgusting!
LARRY: Ah, it's terrible. [to Curly] It's all your fault puddinhead. If we hadn't listened to you…
MOE: [to Curly] You had it all figured out. [quoting Curly] We catch our own fish and it don't cost us nothing. Why… [gives an annoyed gesture to Curly]
LARRY: And you nearly talked us into buying ice, just to put on the fish.
[Larry sniffs the fish in the car. He hates the smells so he takes a clip and clips his nose]
CURLY: Aw, quit squawking! Let me peddle my fish.
[Curly starts peddling the fish]
CURLY: [yelling] Fresh fish! Fresh fish! Seafood mama! Fresh fish!
[Larry takes out a basket of fish and places it on the ground.]
LARRY: Here they are, right off the ocean! [sees a female customer coming.]
[Larry gets startled and he takes the clip off his nose and quickly stands next to Moe and Curly]
CURLY: [to the female customer] How do you do, madam?
CUSTOMER #1: [to Curly] Do you have a haddock?
CURLY: [feels his forehead] No, I don't have no haddock, but I get a little attack there every time I eat too much. [points to his stomach]
CUSTOMER #1: [points to the basket of fish on the ground] What kind of a fish is that?
MOE: Tarpon? That's a weakfish!
CUSTOMER #1: [sniffs the fish and has a disgusted look on her face] Whew! Smells strong to me. [leaves]
LARRY: What's the use? The first customer in a month and no sale.
[A dog runs up to the basket of fish. It sniffs the fish and snarls. It then lies on the ground]
MOE: What's the matter with him?
CURLY: Tarpon monoxide.
[The dog gets up and runs away]
MOE: Come on, get busy and sell this fish. [yells] Fresh fish!
LARRY: Fresh fish!
CURLY: Fresh fish!
[Curly and Larry blow their horns]
MOE: Fresh fish!
[Curly and Larry blow their horns right in Moe's ears]
MOE: [grabs Curly and Larry] What's the matter with you guys?
[A customer yells out to the stooges from her window]
CUSTOMER #2: Hey, what kind of fish have you got today?
MOE: [rhythmically] We have rock cod, sea bass, albacore, and pickerel, sand dab, yellowtail, tuna fish, and mackerel, bluefish, sailfish, carp and tarpon, if you wish, swordfish, whitefish, herring and gefilte fish.
[As Moe says all this rhythmically, Curly and Larry start dancing]
CURLY & LARRY: [singing] And that ain't all!!
[Curly and Larry both stick their hands out right in front of Moe. Moe hits them both in the stomach]
MOE: Get away from me!
CUSTOMER #2: Throw me up a mackerel.
CURLY: A sale! A sale to a seal. Let's throw 'em a fish!
[Curly runs up to the back of the car and opens the door. A bunch of smoke comes out]
CURLY: Ah, ah, ah, ah!!
[Curly falls back. Moe and Larry catch him]
MOE: Retreat, it's a gas attack!!
[Curly opens a little drawer located on the bottom of the car. He takes out a gas mask and puts it on. He opens the truck and takes a fish out. He closes the trunk and takes off the gas mask.]
CURLY: All quiet on the fish front.
[Curly runs up to the front of the customer's house]
CURLY: One mackerel comin' up!
[Curly throws the fish up to the customer and it hits her in the face.]
CUSTOMER #2: Ouch!!
[The plants that are located right under the customer's window die. The customer gets annoyed, so she throws the fish back at Curly. It hits Moe in the face]
MOE: Oh! I've been maimed!
MOE: Get out! [slaps Larry with the fish]
LARRY: [takes off his hat and starts wiping his face] That settles it. I'm gettin' out of this business.
MOE: Business? We've been trying to sell these fish for thirty days and haven't got rid of one. [throws the fish down on the floor] You call that a business?
LARRY: It's enough to drive a man to drink.
MOE: Drink? That's it. We're going into the saloon business.
MOE: Yeah, saloon. S-E-L-U-N-E.
CURLY: You don't even know how to spell saloon. Any sap knows you spell saloon with a "C."
MOE: Come on!! [grabs Curly and Larry by their hair]
[Curly escapes since he has no hair to pull]
[Moe grabs Curly's face.]
CURLY: Oh oh!
[Moe drags Curly and Larry]
CURLY: Oh oh oh!
[The stooges stop in front of a place entitled: "Pedro Ruiz- Business Opportunities"]
[In front of this place, there is a board that reads: "Opportunities in Mexico. Business Always Good. To-Days Special- Beauty shop in Cucaracha. $300"]
MOE: [looking through the glass window] Wait a minute!! Garage cheap!
LARRY: Look at this! Cheap metal shop!!
[Pedro Ruiz himself comes out and sees the stooges]
PEDRO: [in a Spanish accent] Interested in the good business today, senõres?
MOE: Yeah, we'd like to buy a saloon.
CURLY: It's got to have class and it's got to have beauty.
PEDRO: Oh, you want a beauty saloon. I got the best one in all Mexico. And cheap too.
PEDRO: SÃ„©, just across the border at Cucaracha. One hour's drive from here.
CURLY: Do they have B-girls?
PEDRO: SÃ„©, sÃ„©!!
CURLY: Sea girls?? [gets excited] Oh boys, mermaids!! You know, the thing with the brush on the bottom---
[Moe slaps Curly in the head]
MOE: Can't you forget the fish business? [to Pedro] How much do you want for the saloon?
PEDRO: You give me three hundred dollars, I'll give you the business.
LARRY: We'll take it.
PEDRO: Gracias!! Come in!
CURLY: Oh, boys!! Mexico, here we come!! [starts scatting in Spanish-sounding gibberish]
MOE: [grabs Curly] Come on!!
CURLY: Look out!! Look out!!
[Moe drags Curly inside.]
[Dissolve to a sign that reads: "Welcome To Cucaracha. Busiest spot on the map. Cucaracha Chamber of Commerce."]
[The stooges' car drives by and makes a turn. We hear the tires squeal. The stooges stop the car in front of a place that has a sign that reads "Beauty Salon." The stooges come out of the car.]
CURLY: Wooo hahaha!!
LARRY: Oh boy! Our own business!
CURLY: It's a beauty. I can picture myself serving behind the bar. My first customers!
[Curly pretends to be serving Moe and Larry. He tips his derby hat to them. He pretends to place two glasses on the table. He then pretends to put ice in the glass. Then, he pinches something in his hand and pretends that something squirts in his eye]
[Curly pretends to pour drinks in the glass. He then pretends to drink something and pretends to choke. He then pretends to give Moe and Larry two drink. Moe and Larry just stand there annoyed. Curly then pretends to pour himself a drink and he pretends to drink it. As he pretends to drink, he falls down on the floor]
MOE: Get up out of there and quit stalling. Do your serving in there!
[Moe and Larry pick Curly up and push him over to the front of the "saloon." Larry tries to open the door, but it's locked]
LARRY: It's locked and we have no key.
CURLY: How are we gonna get in?
MOE: How should I know? Use your head.
[Moe starts to think]
MOE: Let me see---
[Curly takes off his derby hat and breaks the door down with his head. The stooges enter the "saloon" and realize that it's a beauty parlor instead]
LARRY: Where's the bar?
CURLY: Where's the pretzels?
MOE: Where do they keep the Mickey Finns?
CURLY: What is this?
LARRY: There's something wrong. This ain't a saloon, it's a beauty parlor.
MOE: Are we saps! The guy said he was gonna give us the business!
CURLY: He did. But you can't blame me this time. Nyeh!!
[Moe tries to eyepoke Curly, but he blocks it]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk---
[Moe eyepokes Curly]
[Moe grabs Curly but Larry stops him]
LARRY: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! There's a lot of money in making homely dame beautiful.
MOE: Yeah, but you gotta know how.
LARRY: I saw a guy paint a car once with a spraygun.
MOE: So what?
LARRY: So, you spray their nails with paint and call in a manicure.
CURLY: [to Moe] Hey! I know how to bleach hair.
MOE: You do?
CURLY: Soitenly! My last wife used to bleach her own. It's a cinch! You take a gallon of gasoline, two tumblers of bicarbonate of soda, an ounce of iodine and a pinch of mustard.
MOE: Oh! A pinch?!
CURLY: Mm hmm!
[Moe pinches Curly's arm]
CURLY: Oh oh oh!!!
MOE: Go on, get busy! We gotta clean up this joint! [to Larry] Go on!
[Moe opens a container of powder]
MOE: Hmm, powder!
[Moe smells the powder]
MOE: Fleur-de-skunky! My favorite flavor!!
[Curly turns on the big hairdryer and the powder blows all over Moe]
CURLY: Nyah ah ah!!
[Curly shuts off the hairdryer]
LARRY: Ah hahahahaha! Fleur-de-skunk! Hahahaha---
[Larry accidentally presses the handle of the perfume container on the table and the perfume sprays on his face]
CURLY: I'm sorry, Moe.
MOE: I know, kid. It was only an accident. [points to the hairdryer] What's it say there?
[Moe hits Curly with the hairdryer]
CURLY: Ohh! Mmm!! Wanna start a war, eh?
MOE: Now wait a minute now, kid!
[Curly aims the hairdryer at Moe and Larry. While he does this, he taps his derby hat on his head to make it seem like he's shooting at them]
MOE: Take it easy!
CURLY: [walks up to Moe] Do you surrender?
MOE: Yes, we surrender.
CURLY: Well, that's much---
[Moe grabs some powder and slaps Curly in the face]
MOE: Get outta here, you!!
CURLY: Cut it---
[Moe and Larry start hitting Curly several times]
CURLY: What's the idea?
MOE: I'll tell you the idea! [hits Curly on the head]
[Moe twists Curly's ears]
CURLY: Oh! Oww!
LARRY: Get him good! [hits Curly in the head]
[Curly grabs some powder]
MOE: Put it down! Put it down!!
[Curly slaps the powder in his own face]
MOE: That's better!
[Dissolve to the stooges, who are painting the windows outside the salon. On Curly's window, it reads: "Double Featur- Bleeching And Manakures"]
[On Moe and Larry's window, it reads: "Hair Washed or Dry Cleened and Pressed"]
[Manuel Gonzales and four women walk up to the stooges]
MANUEL: [in a Spanish accent] Buenos dias, gentlemen.
[The stooges look behind them]
MOE: Buenos dias.
MANUEL: I am Manuel Gonzales, proprietor of the Cantina de Rosa. 14-10 South American way, no cover charge anytime.
MOE: Glad to meet you. [shakes Manuel's hand]
MANUEL: Glad to meet me.
[Moe does a double take]
MANUEL: Gentlemen, prepare the blondes and I want you to bleach my chorus girls to blondes, savvy.
LARRY: You're a cinch, mister.
MANUEL: Oh, I want you to meet Juanita, Conchita, Pepita, and Rosita.
CURLY: They must be hungry, they all end in "ita." Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
ROSITA: Hahahahaha--- I don't get it.
CURLY: [barks at Rosita] Arf!!
[Rosita walks away from Curly. Curly waves his hand at her]
[Curly sees Pepita and gets attracted to her]
CURLY: Oh, nyuk nyuk. Haven't I met you someplace before?
PEPITA: [in a very strong accent] I know your face but I cannot put you.
PEPITA: Oh, my English is not so good-looking, no?
CURLY: Your English is atrocious!
PEPITA: Oh, so sweet! Thank you, senor!
CURLY: I--- I see I'm gonna get no place with you fast.
PEPITA: Oh no, I no go no place.
CURLY: I--- Oh, skip it, skip it.
[Curly looks at Pepita and gets attracted]
CONCHITA: [to Larry] Senor, can you make my hair henna colored?
LARRY: Henna color it all, kid.
PEPITA: [to Curly] Mister, can you crop on all?
CURLY: No, but I can sing. [starts singing]
PEPITA: No no no, you no understand. I mean, can you finger-wave?
CURLY: Oh, soitenly. [waves his fingers] I can also wiggle my ears.
[Curly's ears start to wiggle]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
MANUEL: Then you will do the bleaching for the girls, no?
MOE: And how, when we get through with them, you won't recognize them.
CURLY: That's what I'm afraid of.
MOE: Keep your fears to yourself. [hits Curly in the head]
MANUEL: Don't forget la Cantina de Rosa.
MOE: Yeah, we know.
STOOGES: 14-10 South American way. No cover charge anytime.
MOE: Glad to meet me.
MANUEL: Adios! [leaves]
MOE: So long.
LARRY: Skip the gutter.
MOE: Break a leg.
LARRY: Go, will you?
MOE: [grabs Larry's hair] Come on, we got bleaching to do. Let's go.
[Moe, Larry, Juanita, Conchita, and Rosita enter the salon. Curly looks at Pepita and starts doing his Curly shuffle]
CURLY: Hmm. Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk---
[Curly bumps into the wall]
CURLY: Oh! This way.
[Pepita enters the salon and Curly follows]
CURLY: [singing] Na nee---
[Cut to the inside of the salon]
MOE: [to Rosita] Just wait here.
[Curly tells the other women to sit in the waiting room]
CURLY: You wait right in here till we're ready for ya.
PEPITA: Thank you, senor.
CURLY: Woo woo woo!
[Moe walks behind. Curly grabs Moe and kisses him thinking it's Pepita]
MOE: Ohh! [runs after Curly]
CURLY: Don't you dare!
[Moe stops when he sees Larry talking to Rosita]
LARRY: [to Rosita] Didn't anybody ever tell you you had beautiful black eyes?
[Moe kicks Larry in the rear]
MOE: Get back there and get to work.
CURLY: [to Rosita] Park it, butch!
ROSITA: I want a facial, a manicure, and hair wave beside the bleach.
CURLY: Okey dokey!
[Rosita sits down and Curly puts the cape on top of her]
ROSITA: I think I'll take a nap. If I fall asleep, don't wake me.
CURLY: Just relax.
ROSITA: Hey! Change that facial to a mud pack.
CURLY: Hmm. [to Moe] What does she think I am, a magician?
LARRY: What does she mean by a mudpack?
MOE: You heard the expression, "here's mud in your eye?"
MOE: Well go get some mud.
LARRY: In her eye?
MOE: No, your eye. [eyepokes Larry]
MOE: [to Curly] You put the curlers in her hair, I'll manicure her nails, and we'll bleach the heads together.
[Curly just stands there]
MOE: Well, what are you standing there for?
[Curly walks up to Rosita and takes out her hair ribbon]
CURLY: Hmm, cactus!
[Curly breaks and egg and spills the yoke and egg whites all over Rosita's head as she sleeps on the chair. He cracks another egg and does the same thing.
CURLY: Hmm. [sighs and spits something out of his mouth]
CURLY: [singing] Na nee na…
[Curly takes out a manual beater and starts mixing the eggs into Rosita's hair.]
[Curly puts a curler in Rosita's hair and it falls on the floor]
[Curly picks the curler up and puts it back on Rosita's hair.]
[The curler falls again]
CURLY: [singing] Na nee na… [hears the curler fall] Hmm
CURLY: [grabs a can of glue] Oh. Glue!
CURLY: [singing] Na nee na…
[Curly puts glue in the curler. He puts the curler in Rosita's hair and clips it on]
[Cut to outside where we see a man cement a sidewalk. The man walks away. Larry walks by and looks for mud. Two attractive women walk by and Larry follows them. Larry accidentally steps on the wet cement.
[Larry looks at his foot that's covered in wet cement]
[Larry takes his pail and scoops up some cement. He runs into the beauty parlor]
[Cut to inside of the beauty parlor. Larry walks up to Curly]
LARRY: Here's the mud!
CURLY: Well what are you waiting for?
[Larry and Curly take a handful of mud and spread it all over Rosita's face]
LARRY: Quiet, we know what we're doing, it's a mudpack!
[Moe walks by]
MOE: What's going on--- Oh! The mud!
[Moe helps Curly and Larry put on the "mudpack"]
MOE: Oh well! That's something!
CURLY: Lay down! Lay down!
[Moe accidentally puts some cement on Curly's hand]
CURLY: Look out!
MOE: Oh quiet, will you? [slaps Curly with his hand full of cement]
[Larry accidentally puts some cement on Moe's hand]
MOE: What are ya patting on my hands? What's the matter with ya? [slaps Larry with his hand full of cement]
MOE: Here, go on, finish the mud pack. I'll take care of her manicure
LARRY: Alright alright. I can do better without you.
CURLY: Go on! [slaps Moe with his hand full of cement]
[Moe looks at Rosita's long fingernails]
MOE: Boy, I'll say she needs a manicure. Look at the length of those nails. What lunch hooks! Hold still.
[Moe cuts Rosita's long fingernails with a pair of scissors. He then bites off a couple of her hangnails with his mouth]
[Dissolve to the stooges finishing their work on Rosita. Larry and Curly are finishing the "mudpack" while Moe manicures Rosita's nails with a spray gun]
CURLY: How ya doing, Moe?
MOE: Why don't you tend to your own business? [sprays paint on Curly's face]
CURLY: Ohh! Why you!
[Curly grabs the spray gun from Moe and tries to spray some paint back at Moe, but he ends up spraying himself instead]
MOE: Gimme that! [grabs the spray gun from Curly]
MOE: Get outta here!
MOE: [to Larry] Hey you! That mud's dry. Get it off.
[Larry tries to pull off the "mudpack" off but can't. He walks away.]
[Curly walks up to Rosita]
CURLY: Hmm mmm.
[Curly yanks the curlers out of Rosita's hair. Since he used glue earlier, he ends up pulling out chunks of her hair]
[Larry walks up to Rosita with a hammer. He taps on the hard "mudpack" on Rosita's face. He taps again. He then hits it harder and he accidentally hits himself in the face]
[Curly puts his head in front of Larry to take a close look at Rosita's "mudpack." Larry hits Curly's head with the hammer by accident and he also hits himself in the face again]
CURLY: Oh! Hmm.
LARRY: Step back!
[Larry takes a chisel and tries to break the "mudpack" off]
[Larry hits the "mudpack" really hard and a chunk of hard cement flies off and it hits Moe in the head]
[Moe walks up to Larry and grabs the hammer away from him]
MOE: If you had any brains, I'd knock 'em out of ya! [to Curly] Put the chisel on that, chiseler!
CURLY: Yes sir!
[Curly holds the chisel and Moe accidentally hits Curly's hand]
CURLY: Ohh oh! [sputters]
MOE: Wait a minute! Where's the gadget that workman left here?
LARRY: I'll get it!
MOE: Hurry up!
[Larry takes out a drill and gives it to Moe]
LARRY: This is it!
MOE: Now we're getting someplace.
[Moe tries to drill the cement on Rosita's face but it doesn't work]
LARRY: [looks at the drill] It's alright. Try it.
[Curly puts his head in front of Moe to take a close look at Rosita's "mudpack." Moe accidentally drills on Curly's head]
CURLY: Oh oh oh! Oh, look!
[The drill is dented]
MOE: Now, you've ruin the drill. Where's the hammer?
LARRY: There it is. [points to the floor]
[Moe picks up the hammer]
MOE: Stand clear!
[Moe hits the cement on Rosita's face really hard and it breaks off]
[Rosita wakes up all weak. She walks away]
MOE: What's the matter with her?
CURLY: Ungrateful! [yells out to Rosita] Hey! You forgot your bleach!
MOE: Never mind her. [to Larry] Get the other girls. [to Curly] You get the bleach.
[Dissolve to the stooges. They all put the capes on the other three girls and they get ready to bleach their hair]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk.
MOE: There we are!
CURLY: [sees Pepita] Ohh! Hi ya toots! [snaps his fingers]
MOE: Hey! [grabs Curly's ear]
MOE: You work in that chair! [points to Curly's chair]
CURLY: I'll work where I please.
MOE: You will!
CURLY: Hmmm. [waves his hand back and forth in front of Moe's face and Moe follows it]
MOE: See that? [puts his fist out]
[Curly pushes Moe's fist away and it hits Moe in the face]
MOE: I'll murder you!
CURLY: I'm sorry, Moe! [runs away]
[Moe grabs the nearest bottle he can find without realizing that it's hair remover]
MOE: I'll murder you!
CURLY: Cut it out Moe!
[Moe throws the bottle at Curly and Curly ducks. The bottle hits the wall at the end of the room. The bottle breaks and spills everywhere]
CURLY: [to Moe] Nyehh!
[Curly looks off-camera]
CURLY: Oh you got the poochie all wet!
[Curly walks up to the dog and dries it with a towel]
CURLY: Aw little poochie, they got you all wet.
[Cut to Moe and Larry who are mixing the bleach.]
MOE: This stuff's too thick. Get something to thin it out.
LARRY: What'll I get?
MOE: Anything! [slaps Larry] Get something.
[Larry grabs the nearest bottle he can find without realizing that it's hair remover]
LARRY: Alright. Always picking on me.
[Larry pours the hair remover into the bleach and they mix it in]
MOE: I'll bat your ears down. Now you're doing something.
[Dissolve to the stooges who are beginning to bleach the women's hair]
[Curly takes out a bellows]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk…
[Curly squeeze some bleach into the bellow. He tries to squeeze some bleach into Conchita's hair but only air comes out.]
[Curly tries to squeeze some bleach into Conchita's hair again but only air comes out.]
[Curly looks inside the bellows and squeezes it and only air comes out.
[Curly blows into the bellows and then squeezes it very hard. Bleach squirts all over Moe's face]
CURLY: Hey Moe! You're gonna be bleached!
MOE: So are you! [grabs the bellows and hits Curly on the head with it]
[A bunch of bleach squirts on Larry's face]
MOE: [to Curly] Get busy!
[The stooges pour bleach all over the women's hair and they begin mixing it in]
[Curly rubs the bleach onto Conchita's hair and huffs heavily on it]
MOE: Hot towel.
CURLY: Hot towel.
LARRY: Hot towel. Coming up!
[Larry grabs a bunch of steaming, hot towels.]
MOE: Hot towel!
CURLY: Hot towel!
[Larry throws the hot towels in Curly's face]
CURLY: Oh ahh!
MOE: Hot towel! [Curly throws a hot towel in Moe's face] Ahh!
[The stooges put the hot towel on the women's hair. They all squeal in pain]
MOE: Now take it easy. It'll be alright.
[Cut to outside. Manuel is approaching the beauty parlor with Rosita]
MANUEL: Them pigs! I will shoot them so full of holes they will look like a Swiss cheese.
[Manuel enters the beauty parlor and approaches the stooges in an angry manner. He is holding a gun in his hand]
MANUEL: [points his gun at the stooges] Hey! For what you did to my Rosita! I'm gonna kill you!
MOE: Wait a minute, pal! That was a mistake. Wait'll you see how beautiful we bleached these girls.
MANUEL: Alright. I shall wait!
MOE: Ready men? Presto, chango, domino!
[The stooges remove the hot towel off the women's heads and they're completely bald]
MANUEL: Ahhh, you pigs!!
[The stooges run away as Manuel tries to shoot at them. The stooges exit the beauty parlor and close the door. Manuel runs after the stooges runs into the door. Several glass bottles fall on his head knocking him out.]
[Cut to outside where we see the stooges standing in front of the beauty parlor.]
MOE: Boy, was that a narrow escape!
[The four women come out of the beauty parlor with guns and they go after the stooges]
[The stooges scream and run away as the women shoot them in their rears]