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"It would take a derrick to lift a ton of blubber like you!" "Aaww, you're just sayin' that." - Moe & Joe (OIL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL, 1958)

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Jack Haley and Shemp Howard play pickpockets Elmer and Wilbur, who lift an antique pocket watch from a Navy Admiral. On the lam, they run into a Naval recruiting office and wind up enlisting. Failing in their attempts to convince the recruiting doctor that they're 4-F, our heroes wind up in the platoon of CPO Lambert (Lionel Stander). The bumbling recuits are soon banished to the recruits' center, where they mistakenly give a reluctant haircut and shave to a visiting European naval dignitary. Again banished, this time to garbage detail, the boys encounter the dignitary once more, but unknown to them, he's actually a foreign spy.



Shemp was paid $125 for this short.

Jack Haley ('Elmer') was a popular stage and radio comedian, who is forever immortalized to audiences as the 'Tin Man' from THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939).

Prolific character actor Lionel Stander ('Lambert') was blacklisted in the 1950s after the McCarthy hearings, but his career rebounded in the 1960s, and he's probably best remembered for costarring in the late 1970s - early 1980s television series HART TO HART.

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SALT WATER DAFFY on IMDb

Featuring
Shemp Howard (Solo)
Release Date
September 16, 1933
Studio
Vitaphone
Production Type
Short Subject
Duration
21.25 min.
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Production Notes   (4)
Working Title(s):   SHIP AHOOEY!
Title Origin:   salt water taffy (candy)
Prod. No.:   1561-1562
Shooting Days:   5 days   From: 1933-06-05   To: 1933-06-09

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Transcription by Moron4392:  

"SALT WATER DAFFY:" "SAMUEL HORWITZ" SOLO SHORT: RELEASED ON: SEPTEMBER 16, 1933:


CAST MEMBERS NAMES AND THEIR ROLES:

JACK HALEY.....................ELMER WAGONBOTTOM
SAMUEL HORWITZ..........WILBUR; {KLEPTOMANIAC}
LIONEL STANDER...........CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT
CHARLES JUDELS...........COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX; {IMPOSTER}
RALPH SANFORD...........LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL


We launch off "SALT WATER DAFFY" where we see Two Navy Captains walking down a city sidewalk in their full dress uniforms where we see on of the Captains admiring a very fancy solid gold pocket clock of another Captain.

CAPTAIN TWO to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Captain Two is walking down the sidewalk with his arms folded behing his back and a happy look on his face as he is saying to Captain One in a gleeful tone of voice): "You know Captain, that's the most interesting watch I've ever seen!"

CAPTAIN ONE to CAPTAIN TWO: (As he is saying to Captain Two proudly as he is pointing to his pocket clock in a pure state of pride and says in a proud as a peacock tone of voice); "You haven't seen anything yet. Now just wait until that second hand reaches sixty!"

CAPTAIN TWO to CAPTAIN ONE: (As the two of them are standing there smiling gleefully as they are looking at the pocket clock and are waiting for it to chime): "It's almost there now!"

CAPTAIN ONE to CAPTAIN TWO: (As they are standing there proud as peacocks looking at the pocket clock with looks of joy on their faces as Captain One is saying to Captain Two proudly): "Quiet now, listen!"

We now hear Captain Ones pocket clock chiming the fourth hour to the song "HEDWIGS THEME."

CAPTAIN ONE to CAPTAIN TWO: (As he is now laughing in a state of pride and happiness as he is saying to Captain Two in a joyful tone of voice after his pocket clock has now chimed): "Heyh, heyh, what do you think of that?"

CAPTAIN TWO to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Captain Two is now looking at Captain One with a really happy look on his face as he is saying to him in a really happy tone of voice): "It's wonderful, where did you get it?"

CAPTAIN ONE to CAPTAIN TWO: (As they are now slowly stolling down the sidewalk and both are now supporting looks of glee as Captain One is saying to Captain Two in a proud voice): "That, aaah, was presented to me by the King Of Albania. It is my most treasured possession!"

We now see two very handsome gentlemen strolling down the city sidewalk by the names of "ELMER WAGONBOTTOM" and "WILBUR". They are dressed in business style suits and wide black brimmed hats walking at a fast clip as they are now accidentally coliding into the Two Captains; {Wilbur has now "Five Finger Discounted" Captain Ones pocket clock}, with looks of devilment on their faces.

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is looking at them with a really mean look on his face and is shouting at them in a wicked tone of voice): "What are you doing, young men, are you blind?"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Elmer is now waving his fingers at him nervously and mischievously as he has a look of devilment on his face and is saying to him in an apologetic tone of voice): "Hunh, sorry, Sailor!"

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is now giving them a really wicked look and is shouting at them in a wicked tone of voice as Elmer and Wilbur are now exiting): "What?"

CAPTAIN ONE to CAPTAIN TWO: (As Captain One is now looking at Captain Two with a really demented look on his face as he is saying to him in a really disgusted tone of voice): "Such, tripe!"

We now see Elmer and Wilbur walking down the sidewalk with looks of deviousness on their faces as Wilbur has his hands in his trousers pockets and Elmer is waving his hands at Wilbur in madness.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is looking at Wilbur with a mad look on his face as he is shouting at him in a wicked tone of voice): "Hey, you almost knocked that guy down, you outta 'watch' out!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is looking at Elner with a mischievous look on his face as he is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice as he is now showing Elmet the Captains pocket clock that he just 'LIFTED'): "I did WATCH out!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is taking the pocket clock from Wilbur with a look of scaredness on his face as he is saying in a mad and scared tone of voice): "There, you go again, you're gonna get us in trouble!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is standing there with a look of devilment on his face as he is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice with his hands still in his trousers pockets): "Can I help it, if I'm a Kleptomaniac?"

We are now back on the Two Captains as they are happily strolling east down the sidewalk, temproarily not knowing about the missing pocket clock.

CAPTAIN TWO to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Captain Two has a look of happiness on his face as he is now asking Captain One in a happy tone of voice): "Do you mind if I take another look at that watch, Captain?"

CAPTAIN ONE to CAPTAIN TWO: (As he is peacock proud answering him as he is going into his upper left jacket pocket and has now discovered that it is gone): "Why certainly not, I enhy, why it's gone!!!!!!!"

CAPTAIN TWO to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Captain Two is now looking at the terribly horrified Captain One with a mad look on his face as he is now pointing a finger in the direction of Elmer and Wilbur says to him in a carrying tone of voice): "Those two men!!!!!!!"

CAPTAIN ONE to CAPTAIN TWO: (As Captain One is looking at Captain Two with a horrified look of panic on his face as he is saying to him in a panicking tone of voice): "Come on!"

We now see the horribly panicked out Captains running in a state of furry after Elmer and Wilbur as they are now intervening with a Law Enforcement Official.

CAPTAIN ONE to the LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL: (As he is grabbing the Law Enforcement Official by the arm with a look of devistated panic on his face as he is saying to him in a panicking tone of voice): "Officer, those two men, stole my watch, come on, let's go!!!!!!!"

We now see the Law Enforcement Official and the Two Captains frantically chasing after Elmer and Wilbur. As we now see Elmer and Wilbur noticing them as they are now running at a pace that would break the sound barrier to get away from them.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is saying to Wilbur in a horribly panicking tone of voice): "Beat it!!!!!!!"

As Elmer and Wilbur were high tailing it out of there at their rapid speed they did a quick back run to see where the Two Captains and the Law Enforcement Official were as they are now coming to a screeching hault in front of a building that happens to be the "Navy Recruiting Station!"

We now see Elmer quickly grabbing Wilbur by the hand as Elmer has now noticed the mad mob quickly approaching as Elmer has now dragged Wilbur into a back alley-way.

We now see the two very perturbed Captains and the Law Enforcement Official now coming to a screeching hault also in front of the "Navy Recruiting Station", in horrible states of fear and panic.

CAPTAIN TWO to the LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL: (As he is now looking at him in a full blown state of panic says): "Officer, you look outside, we'll look on the inside of the arch."

LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL to CAPTAIN TWO: (As the Law Enforcement Official is now running at full tilt to the from of the 'Navy Recruiting Station' as he is shouting at him in a serious tone of voice): "R-I-G-H-T!"

The Two Captains have now gone inside of the archway to look for Elmer and Wilbur that is being guarded by a 'Navy Enlistee'.

We now see the horribly panicking Elmer and Wilber entering what the do not know is the Enlistment Office for the Navy as they have for the time being now successfully made their break from the very irrate Mob Clan.

We are now inside of the 'Navy Recruiting Station' where we see Chief Petty Officer Lambert and a couple of other Naval Brass sitting at a desk completing paperwork as the Naval Secretary is in the background completing his typing chores. We also see half of a dozen New Enlistees sitting on a bench holding their Enlistment Papers dressed only in their under-clothing as Elmer and Wilbur are gaucking around with looks of wonderment on their faces as their eyes are now bugging out of their heads in fear and dazement. They are now gingerly sitting down on the bench to one of the New Enlistees.

NEW ENLISTEE ONE to NEW ENLISTEE TWO: (As Enlistee One is saying to Enlistee Two in a low and muttering tone of voice as they are now looking over their Enlistment Papers seriously): "How will I get that feller to run and help me successfully, I hope he rents my apartment?"

Elmer and Wilbur are now sitting on the bench supporting looks of dumbfoundedness on their faces as they are wondering where in the world they are located at. Elmer and Wilbur have not been sitting there more than two minutes as they are now being approached by the Enlistment Secretary at a fast pace as he is presenting papers on a clip pad.

ENLISTING SECRETARY to WILBUR: (As he is giving Wilbur a piece of paper on the clip pad and is handing him an ink pen and is saying to him with a serious look on his face and is saying to him in a serious tone of voice): "Sign here!"

ENLISTING SECRETARY to ELMER: (As he is now presenting to Elmer the second sheet on the clip pade as he is looking at him with a dazed look on his face as he is saying to Elmer in a dazed tone of voice): "You, too!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is sitting there looking at Elmer with a perplexed look on his face as he is saying to him in a dazed tone of voice): "What's that for, the Employment Agency?"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is sitting there looking at Wilbur with his eyes popping out of his head in fear as he is whispering to him in a low and panicking tone of voice): "We don't wanna go to work, let's get outta here!"

As Elmer and Wilbur were trying to make their get-away we now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert looking at the Enlistees with a mean and wicked look on his face.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he is looking at them with a wicked look on his face as he is shouting to them with a mean tone of voice as two of the other Enlistees are still reading their Enlistment Papers and are now pointing fingers at Elmer and Wilbur): "All right, who's next?"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is now approaching him with a wicked and worried look on his face as he is asking him in a worried tone of voice): "Next, for what?"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As Officer Lambert is pointing his pencil at the Enlisting Physicians office with a mad look on his face as he is saying to Elmer in a mean and wicked tone of voice): "You don't think you're gonna get in the Navy without passing by the Doctor in there, do ya?"

We now see Elmer and Wilbur looking at Chief Petty Officer Lambert with looks of horrible fear on their faces as they now have learned that the 'Mystery Papers' that they autographed were Enlistment Papers for the Navy.

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is looking at him with a very startled look on his face as he is stating to him in a startled tone of voice): "Hunh, haaa, get in the Navy, you must be 'Daffy'."

Wilbur has now joined Elmer and Elmer is hitting him on his arm as Wilbur and Elmer both have dazed and mischievous looks on their faces as the two of them are now laughing nervously and mischievously.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is looking at the two of them with a really wicked look on his face as he is now shouting at them in a mean tone of voice): "Come on, get you clothes off!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is looking at him with a mean and slightly embarrassed look on his face as he is saying to him in a very disrespectful tone of voice): "I'd like to see you make us take our clothes off!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is shouting at them very meanly and is looking at them with a really wicked look): "For once, eihy?"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he and Wilbur are standing there with really evil and disrespectful look on their faces as Elmer is saying to him laughing and disrespectfully): "Yeah, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!"

As Elmer and Wilbur are standing there with looks of deviousness on their faces and are laughing nervously and disrespectfully as we now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert standing up with a really evil and wicked look on his face as he is now giving them a really wicked smirk and is wickedly laughing at him.

We now see Elmer and Wilbur standing in front of Chief Petty Officer Lambert with really sheepish looks on their faces as Chief Petty Officer has now won the 'dis-robing' battle as we see them standing there wearing their hats, stockins', shoes and under clothing. Chief Petty Officer Lambert is now whistling in a wicked tone of voice. "WE'RE IN THE NAVY NOW!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is standing there in his under clothing and is looking at him with a mean look on his face as he is shouting to Wilbur in a sarcastic tone of voice): "Well, thanks to you, we're in the Navy now!"

We now see the Enlisting Physician with one of the Enlistees walking out his office together.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to the SAD ENLISTEE: (As the Physician is now saying to the sad and hurt Enlistee as his is now giving him his '4-F' is saying to him in a carrying tone of voice): "I'm sorry, young man, with your flat feet we can't use you!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is looking at Wilbur with a devilish look on his face as he has now thought of an idea on how to possibly keep them from joining the Navy): "Say, if anything's wrong with you, they won't tak you here. I got an idea, you make believe you can't see anything, stumble all around the joint, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, you can't see!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is looking at Elmer in a state of mischief as he is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice): "Ooooh, I see!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is now looking at Wilbur with a sarcastic look on his face as he is now scratching his head and is using a sarcastic tone of voice): "No, you don't see!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur now has a really dazed look on his face and is saying to Elmer in a dazed tone of voice): "Ooooh!"

NAVY PHYSICIAN to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As the Physician is standing in front of him at attention and is saying to him in a serious tone of voice as he is now going into his office): "Lambert, send in the next one!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Officer Lambert is now sitting at his desk looking at him with a serious look on his face as he is saying to the Physician in a professional tone of voice): "Yes, Sir!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to WILBUR: (As he is pointing his pencil at the Physicians office and has a mean look on his face as he is shouting at Wilbur wickedly): "Come on you, get in there!"

We now see Elmer helping the supposedly 'BLIND' Wilbur who is trying to get out of the Navy into the Enlisting Physicians office.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is holding onto Wilbur's arm and is helping him into the Physicians office is saying to him in a carrying tone of voice): "Come on, take it easy now, steady, look out old man, take it easy now, take it easy old man. Oooops; {Here Wilbur has now walked into the doorwell of the office entrance door}. Steady now, you're all right, you're all right!"

We now see Wilbur with his arms stretched out forwards as he is now walking like a Zombie with a look of blankness on his face as we see Chief Petty Officer Lambert watching the two of them with a really bewildered look on his face.

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer has now helped Wilbur into the Physicians office and is looking at him with a devilish look on his face as he is pointing a finger at Wilbur and is saying in a scared and sarcastic tone of voice): "Hunh, eye sight, very bad, can't see very well!"

We now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert nodding his head at Elmer with a really demented look on his face as he is somewhat thinking that Elmer and Wilbur are now trying to pull a fast one on him to get out of serving in the Navy.

We now see the supposedly hard of seeing Wilbur inside of the Enlisting Physicians office.

WILBUR to a SKELETON: (As Wilbur is taking hold of his right hand thinking that it is the hand of the Physician due to his "POOR EYE SIGHT?" is saying in a friendly tone of voice as he is now also bowing in a state of respect): "How are ya, Doctor?"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As the Physician is looking at him with a mad look on his face and is using a mean tone of voice): "What's the matter with you, can't you see any better than that?"

WILBUR to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Wilbur is looking at the other side of the room and is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice): "Hunh?"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he is looking at him in wonderment and is saying to him in a mean tone of voice as he is now shouting): "Come here!"

We now see Elmer looking at Wilbur with a huge grin on his face as he is quietly applauding Wilbur and his 'ACT' as they are going good thus far. Elmer has now nodded his head in a state of joy as he is giving Wilbur the hand signal to go on.

We now see the still supposedly 'Hard Of Seeing Wilbur' once again with his arms stretched out in front of him and with a blank stare on his face as he is now feeling his way back over to the Physicians desk.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he is looking at him with a mean look on his face and is shouting at him in a wicked tone of voice): "Down here!"

We now {DON'T} see Wilbur bumping into the Physicians desk as he is feeling his way around, and has now picked up a telephone receiver.

WILBUR to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Wilbur is now holding the telephone receiver in his hand and is still starring blankly as he is saying in a dazed tone of voice): "Gosh, your hands are cold!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he is now grabbing the telephone receiver from his hand and is now setting back down on the cradle is saying to him in a mean tone of voice): "What's the matter with you, are you near sighted?"

WILBUR to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Wilbur is still standing there with his arms stretched forwards and his blank look on his face states to him in a shaky tone of voice): "No, nervous!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he is sitting at his desk putting down notations on Wilbur's Enlistment Sheets, grunts at him in a mean tone of voice): "Unha!"

WILBUR to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Wilbur is still standing there with his arms out stretched and starring at him blankly as he is asking him in a worried tone of voice): "Do you mind if I take a drink, Doc?"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he is watching Wilbur with a perplexed look on his face as he is saying to him in a low and carrying tone of voice as he is now watching Wilbur drink): "No, go ahead!"

We now see Wilbur starring straight forwards with a gazed look on his face as he is now feeling for the water pitcher and a drinking glass on the Physicians desk as he has one hand on his waist as he is now vigorously dumping the water all over the desk. Wilbur is now picking up an ink cup and is drinking it thinking that it is a cup of water.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he is looking at the dazed out Wilbur with a worried look on his face as he is asking him in a worried and questionable tone of voice): "Say, your eyes couldn't be bad by any chance, could they?"

WILBUR to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As he is now gazzing into outer space in the direction that he thinks is the Physician and is saying to him in a low and worried tone of voice): "They're a little bad, Doc, take a look at 'em!"

We now see the Enlisting Physician looking at Wilbur's eyes as Wilbur is how wildly spinning his eyes in circles in different directions as he is now flipping them up and down at different speed rates and in different directions. We now see the Enlisting Physician standing up and looking at Wilbur's eyes closer.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he now has a perplexed look on his face as he is now pointing at an eye card and is asking him in a worried tone of voice): "Can you read that sign up there?"

WILBUR to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Wilbur has now followed his finger in the direction of the eye card and is saying to him with his blank look on his face and in a mischievous tone of voice): "Yeah, but you got my name spelled wrong!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he now has a really demented look on his face as he is shouting at him in a loud and really evil tone of voice): "What!!!!????"

We are now getting a glimpse of Elmer as he has a horrified look of fear and panic on his face as his eyes are bugging out of his head as he is now worried that Wilbur has now blown his act for getting out.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to WILBUR: (As he is shaking his fists at Wilbur in a state of demented madness as he is shouting at him in a really mad and wicked tone of voice): "Get out of here, get out of here, do you hear me?"

WILBUR to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As he is extending his hand for a shake of thankfulness and friendshipness as he still has his blank look on his face along with a wiry smile on his face): "Thanks, Doc!"

We now see the Enlisting Physician waving his hands in a state of thorough disgust as he is now sitting back at his desk totally disgusted to the enth-degree.

Wilbur is now exiting the office with his arms stretched forwards and an empty look on his face as he is feeling his way out.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is now greeting Wilbur in the entrance lobby way with a gleeful look on his face as he is saying to the proudly smiling wilbur in a joyful tone of voice): "Say, you did swell, that was fine. Watch me, I'm gonna make believe I'm deaf!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As he is sitting at his desk with a disgusted look on his face as he is saying in a totally disgusted tone of voice): "All right, come on, you're next!"

We now see Elmer entering the Enlisting Physicians office as he is now in the process of trying to pull off his deaf scam on the Physician.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is saying to Wilbur in a devilish tone of voice as Wilbur is smiling at him mischievously): "Get this walk!"

We now see Elmer walking into the Enlisting Physicians office waving his arms at his side as he is suffling and swaying from side to side as he has his knees bent and is dragging his feet scuffing his shoes against the floor as he has now shuffled his way up to the Enlisting Physicians desk.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As he is sitting at his desk in the process of jotting down notations to Elmer's questions as he has a really evil look on his face and is using a loud, shouting and mean tone of voice): "How old are you?"

ELMER to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Elmer is standing there with a dumb look on his face as he is now in the process of pulling off his deaf scam answers): "Elmer!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As he is now looking up from his desk and is giving Elmer a wicked look as he is saying to him in a mean tone of voice): "I didn't ask your name!?"

ELMER to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Elmer has a look of dumbness on his face as he is still pulling his deaf scam): "Oh, my last name, Wagonbottom."

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As he is looking at him with a worried look on his face as he is asking him in a questionable tone of voice): "Are you deaf?'

ELMER to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As he is still standing there in his under clothing with a sheepish look on his face as he is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice): "What?"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As the Physician is looking at Elmer with a mad look on his face as he is shouting to him in a loud and sarcastic tone of voice): "Are you deaf?"

ELMER to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Elmer is still supporting a dumb look on his face and his deaf scam): "Well, I will be, on my next birthday!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As he is looking at him with a bewildered look on his face as he is saying to him in a voice of wonderment): "You'll be what, on your next birthday?"

ELMER to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As Elmer is standing there pulling off his dumb and deaf scam says to him in a devilish tone of voice): "Aaaaah, five foot, ten and a half, that is in my flat feet!" {Here we see Elmer looking at the Enlisting Physician with a look of devilment on his face as he is now once again doing his bent knee, swaying style of walk now in circles}.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As the Physician is now waving his finger at him in the get over here motion as he has a mean look on his face and is shouting at him wickedly): "Come here, is your deafness hereditary?"

ELMER to the ENLISTING OFFICER: (As Elmer is now leaning on his desk with his hands on them as he is looking at him with a worried look on his face as he is saying to him): "No, we hav, aaaah, three girls and a boy!" {Here we see Elmer bending his right arm and is waving it to and fro}.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As he is now fuming and wickedly waving a hand at him as he is asking him in a shouting and mean tone of voice): "I mean, does deafness run in your family?"

ELMER to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As he is still doing his deaf scam with a look of dumbness on his face as he is saying to him): "Oh, no, we have an old Roadster!" {Again we see Elmer waving his bent right arm to and fro}.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to ELMER: (As he is now in a full blown state of thorough disgust is shouting to him wickedly): "I didn't ask you anything about cars. I want to know if deafness is a family trait?"

ELMER to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As he is now supporting a look of happiness on his face as he is raising his hands in joy is now saying to him gleefully): "Oh, my weight? Why didn't you say so. Ehy, hundred forty-five and a half pounds, in my stocking feet. Ehy, my flat stocking feet!" {Once again Elmer is now doing his arms waving bent kneed, and foot dragging style of a walk}. "See flat!"

All the while that Elmer was in the Enlisting Physicians office pulling his deaf scam Wilbur was standing there out in the entrance hallway lobby looking at him through a window with a really worried look on his face as he is hoping that Elmer is going to succeed with his deaf scam.

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is sitting at his desk with a really disgusted look on his face as he is shouting to him in a really loud and mad tone of voice): "Lambert, Lambert!!!!????"

We now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert running into the Enlisting Physicians office in a total state of panic and fear.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As he is now standing at attention at his desk and is saying to him in a serious tone of voice): "Yes, Sir!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is now in a full blown irrate state of disgust as he is waving his hands wildly and is shouting at him in a loud and wicked tone of voice): "You're to know better than to send physically unfit crew men to see me, and taking up my time, get out of here!"

We now see Elmer waving his left hand mischievously in a state of good-bye as he is now backing himself out of his office with a really devilish look on his face.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTING PHYSICIAN: (As he has now bent over and is whispering in his ear as he has noticed Elmer and Wilbur in perfect physical state in the waiting room): "Excuse me Sir, but I think those two men have now pulled a fast on over on you!"

ENLISTING PHYSICIAN to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is now looking at him with a worried look on his face as he is stating to him with a worried and questionable tone of voice): "Do you think so?"

As Chief Petty Officer Lambert was whispering to the Enlisting Physician we got a quick glimpse of Elmer and Wilbur looking i with horrified looks of fear and panic on their faces.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is looking at Wilbur with a really scared look on his face as he is pointing a thumb at the exit way and is saying to him in a low and panicking tone of voice): "Let's get outta here!"

Here we go again, as Elmer and Wilbur are now totally blowing their covers and chances for not being enlisted as Chief Petty Officer Lambert now has a devious look on his face as he is now tossing a Farthing on the floor as we now see the supposedly hard of hearing Elmer hearing it perfectly and the supposedly hard of seeing Wilbur now seeing it perfectly as the two of them are now absent-mindedly diving onto the Farthing.

We now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert turning around adn looking at the Enlisting Physician with a huge mischievous look on his face as the Enlisting Physician is now giving him a huge and mischievous wink and is laughing happily and wickedly. {Poor Elmer and Wilbur are now looking at one another with looks of what a couple on Knumbskulls we are}. We now hear Chief Petty Officer Lambert blowing his hand whistle loudly to get their attention.

We are now at Training Camp and it is the second week where we see ten New Enlistees two of which are Elmer and Wilbur all standing there in full Navy uniforms holding onto their rifles with looks of seriousness on their faces.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the NEW ENLISTEES: (As he is standing there with a look of madness on his face as he is saying to them in a professional, but yet really mean tone of voice as he is pointing a finger at them in wicked madness): "Listen, you clucks, I've been drilling you for two weeks and you're worse now than when you started. We're gonna try it once more, and remember, when I say hault, I mean 'H-A-U-L-T', do you get me?"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is now smiling at him mischievously and disrespectfully as he is pointing a finger at him and is using a happy, mischievous and disrespectful voice): "I get it!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As he is now wickedly looking at Elmer and is shouting at him in a mean and really loud tone of voice): 'S-H-U-T U-P!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he is standing there glarring at them wickedly and is shouting at them in a serious tone of voice): "Ten hunh, shoulder arms, scragie, henh."

We now see the Enlistees marching in two different directions as they are now clumsily bumping into one another.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the {CLUMSY} ENLISTEES: (As he is looking at them with a mean look on his face as he is shouting at them wickedly): "H-A-U-L-T!"

We now see the really clumsy Enlistees coming to a hault as some are now bent over and looking at the ground as other are now huddled together in a tangled and bent over clump.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he is looking at them with a mischievous look and is using a mean tone of voice): "Now, I know it's a little difficult, to get that all at once, so please, let's all get together!"

ELMER to the OTHER ENLISTEES: (As Elmer is nodding his head in agreement to what Officer Lambert was stating as he is now saying to the other Enlistees in a carrying and slightly disrespectful voice): "Let's get together fellas, come on, yeah, he's right!"

We now see the Enlistees setting their rifles down as they are now getting in a football style of a huddle. {In a state of mischief, but mainly in a state of full disrespect}.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he is now outrageously mad at them and fuming at the mouth mad as he is shouting at them wickedly): "Fall in!"

We now see the Enlistees falling in as they are now coming to attentionand are now standing in two neat rows.

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur has now picked up Elmer's hat and is presenting it to him in a state of mischief as he is saying to him mischievously): "Here's you hat, Elmer!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is smiling gleefully at Wilbur as he is saying to him in a happy tone of voice as he is now taking his hat from Wilbur and is placing it on his head and says to him in a happy tone of voice): "Thanks, Wilbur!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As he is meanly pointing his thumb at him and has an evil look on his face as he is using a wicked tone of voice): "Hey, you, will you take that gun and shove it in your other hand?"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is now looking at him with a really scared look on his face as he is saying to him in a really scared, questionable, and disrespectful tone of voice): "Do what?"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As Officer Lambert is now so outrageously mad at Elmer is shouting at him meanly): "Shove that gun in your other hand!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is looking at him with a very disrespectful look as he is saying to Officer Lambert in a very sarcastic and mean tone of voice): "Oh, hunh, hunh!"

Elmer is now switching his rifle from his right hand over to his left hand and has a really hurtful look on his face.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As he is looking at the very rude and disobedient Elmer with a mean look on his face as he is stating to Elmer in a really hurting tone of voice): "I outta take you and trade you in for a Second Hand Marine!"

We now hear the other Enlistees laughing hysterically at Chief Petty Officer Lambert's insulrive remark to Elmer.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he has an evil look on his face as he is shouting at them wickedly): "S-H-U-T U-P!"

ELMER to the OTHER ENLISTEES: (As Elmer is supporting a mischievous look on his face and is using a really disrespectful tone of voice): "Don't let him scare ya fellas, he can't fire ya!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the {VERY DISRESPECTFUL} ENLISTEES: (As he is now looking at them evily and is shouting to them in a very loud and wicked tone of voice): "S-H-U-T U-P! Attention! Right shoulder, hunh, Left Face!"

We now see the Enlistees coming to a full attention as they are now shouldering arms and are going Left Face, all but Elmer whos is being very disobedient on purpose as is starring backwards towards the barracks.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As Officer Lambert is now walking up to Elmer madly as he is pushing on Elmer's right shoulder and is shouting at him in a very wicked tone of voice): "Hey, you, what do you think you're doin'?"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is now looking over his left shoulder at him with a really mean look on his face as he is saying to him in a sarcastic and rude tone of voice): "What, do you want for thirty bucks a month, perfection?"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As he is now wickedly stabbing Elmer on his right shoulder and is shouting at him wickedly): "I said, Left Face!"

We now see all of the Enlistees with the exception of Elmer going Left Face as Elmer is now going Right Face in a state of disrespectfulness.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As he is standing there in front of Elmer with his mouth agait as he is shaking his head from side to side in madness as he is looking at Elmer wickedly and waving his hands at him in an utter state of madness): "You're without a doubt the dumbest cluck I ever met up wit! You're driving me nuts!"

ELMER to the OTHER ENLISTEES: (As Elmer is standing there with a look of hurt on his face as he is stating to them in a sarcastic tone of voice): "Hey, fella, you better get it right, he's gettin' sore, now!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he is now beyond perturbed with them and their clumsy behaviour as he is shouting at them wickedly): "S-H-U-T U-P, I outta get an insect gun, to make you bugs move!"

We now once again see all of the Enlistees except for Elmer standing there at attention, at Left Face, as Elmer is now starring straight forwards in a full blown disrespectful state.

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is looking at Officer Lambert with a mischievous look and is saying to him in a really sarcastic and disobedient tone of voice): "You're right Skipper, they're pretty bad!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As Officer Lambert is standing there with the worlds evilist look on his face as he is saying to him in a higher pitched, {Lady Like}, evil tone of voice): "I was talking to you, Daisy!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is standing there with a really perplexed look on his face as he is now saying to him in a worried and disrespectful voice): "D-A-I-S-Y!!!???"

We now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert walking up to Elmer as he is now grabbing Elmer by his right shoulder in a state of meaness and hate.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he now has a vice grip hold of Elmer by his neck as he is shaking his head from side to side in madness to show him which was Left Face is shouting at them evily): "Left Face, Left Face, lower arms!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is extending his right hand at him gleefully for a friendship handshake as he has a mischievous look on his face as he is now saying to him in a mischievous voice): "You made it!"

Chief Petty Officer Lambert is now standing there with a really wicked look on his face as he is shaking his head to and fro and is now ripping his hair from his head in total disbelief at Elmer's disrespectfulness.

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur has now once again bent over and picked up his hat with a look of mischief on his face as he is saying to Elmer in a really mischievous voice): "Here's you hat, Elmer!"

ELMER to WIBUR: (As Elmer is taking his hat once again from Wilbur with a look of thankfulness on his face and is saying to him in a really thankful tone of voice as he is now placing it on the top of his coconut): "Thanks, Wilbur!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As he is waving his hands to his left and has a deep and wicked look on his face as he is saying to him in a low and really wicked tone of voice): "Now, please, as a personal favour, when I say, smugs right, you'll go that way, do you understand?"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is now standing there with a really queerish look on his face as he is smiling in a devilish state as he is saying back to him in a low and very effeminate tone of voice): "Well, yess, I understand, but I don't know about the rest of the boys, henh, henh, henh, henh!"

We now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert slowly walking away in a state of total disgust and utter madness.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the ENLISTEES: (As he is now standing in front of them in utter disgust as he is shouting at them in a really wicked tone of voice): "Attention!, smugs right, go ahead!"

We now see all of the Enlistees with the exception of Elmer and Wilbur shouldering their arms as they are now marching away in obedience at Left Face. We now see Elmer standing there as he has now dropped his rifle and has a devious, but yet mischievous look on his face as he is now waving his hands to his left as Officer Lambert has shown him as Wilbur is standing there by Elmer's side with a really mischievous look on his face and patting Elmer on his arm in agreement to what he has now completed.

All the Enlistees with the exception once again of Elmer and Wilbur have now successfully completed Left Face. Now, we see Elmer and Wilbur standing there holding their rifles with looks of mischief on their faces as the poor Chief Petty Officer Lambert is now so outrageously mad he is fuming and is ow falling to his knees as he is looking up at Elmer and Wilbur with a look that would kill, stating you will never learn this in a million years. We now see Elmer and Wilbur also down on their knees having a stare down with Chief Petty Officer Lambert as Elmer and Wilbur, now in a state of mischief are barking at him like poochies.

We are now inside of a room quarters where we see both Elmer and Wilbur standing there looking at the very disgusted and totally outraged Chief Petty Officer Lambert with looks of dazement and wonderment as they are now wondering what he has in store for them next.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER and WILBUR: (As the three of them are now standing there in the room quarters as Elmer and Wilbur now have looks of worry on their faces as Chief Petty Officer Lambert is looking at them with his mouth once again, agait and a really wicked look on his face as he is shouting at them in a low and totally disgusted tone of voice): "I understand, that it was a little too tough and compelling out there to remember. So, I got a nice, easy detail for you right here, where you'll be out tof the way, and out of my hair!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he and Wilbur are now standing there looking at him with dismayed looks on their faces as Elmer is now asking him in a worried and questionable voice): "Well, what are we suppose......?"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is standing there interupting Elmer with a thoroughly disgusted look on his face as he is using hand motions to support madness and disgust is shouting at them in a low and really sarcastic voice): "Just a minute, and I'll explain it so you both can understand. Every guy who comes through that door in Civilian clothes is a Recruit. You're to clip their hair, shave them and giver them a bath. Now, some of these babes might be a little too tough to handle, but don't pay no attention to them!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is now giving him a sheepish look as he is asking him in a slightly effeminate tone of voice as he is using hand gestures to support himself): "Yeah, but how do we know that they're Recruits?"

We now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert approaching Elmer with a really wicked and evil look on his face as he is using hand gestures like he would like to strangle Elmer to death by squeezing his neck out of control.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER: (As he is standing there wiht his hands circled around his neck in the strangle position as he has the most evilist look on his face as he is saying to him in a low and disgusted tone of voice): "Didn't I just tell you, that every guy who comes through that door in Civilian clothes was a Recruit!!!???"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is standing there with a really effeminate and slightly sheepish look on his face as he is stating to him in a higher pitched, low tone and slightly sarcastic tone of voice): "Yeah, but I didn't know, you see, I like to ask questions. My mother always, she says Elmer......?"

We now see the poor totally disgusted Chief Petty Officer Lambert looking at them one last time with a look that they are totally hopeless and helpless as he has a really horrified look of madness on his face as his eyes are popping out of their sockets and he is now pulling his hair out of his head and is yelling dementedly at the top of his lungs in an outraged hissie fit.

Just as Elmer was getting ready to shut the door we see a gentleman walking in at about five foot five inches, one hundred and forty pounds, dressed in a business style of a suit, wearing spectacles and is toting a duffle satchel with three humongeous locks on them.

{Beautician} ELMER to {Beautician} WILBUR: (As Elmer is standing there with a huge smile on his face and is holding the door-knob and is saying to Wilbur in a gleeful tone of voice): "Hey, look, our first customer!"

We now see the gentleman entering in through the door as our two Beauticians Elmer and Wilbur are completing their ordure's, but of course they are blowing it.

{Beautician} ELMER to the DUFFLE GENTLEMAN: (As we see the Duffle Gentleman proudly marching in with his satchel as Elmer is greeting him in a very cheerio style of a voice as he is now taking his duffle satchel and is placing it on the floor and is removing his hat and placing it on the desk and is saying to him): "Hello, hello, we'll go right to work on you, we won't waste a minute!"

DUFFLE GENTLEMAN to {Beautician} ELMER: (As he is standing there looking at him with a really scared and worried look on his face as he is now saying to them in a really worried voice): "Hey, what's the idea?"

{Beautician} ELMER to the DUFFLE GENTLEMAN: (As Elmer is now taking his duffle satchel from the floor and is placing it up on the desk in a state of obedience and happiness as Wilbur is standing there patting him on his shoulders in friendshipness as Beautician Elmer is saying to him in a loud and professional tone of voice): "Ordure's, is ordure's!"

DUFFLE GENTLEMAN to {Beautician} ELMER: (As he is now standing there totally at his wits end as he is waving his hands in a state of panic as he is saying to him in a really panicking tone of voice): "I know, but you don't seem to understand!"

{Beautician} WILBUR to the DUFFLE GENTLEMAN: (As Wilbur is now shoving him at Elmer and has a mean look on his face as he is now shouting at him wickedly): "Come on, come on!"

DUFFLE GENTLEMAN to {Beauticians} ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is now fighting for his life and is shouting at them in a scared and worried tone of voice): "You can't do that, you see I came to, gentlemen, gentlemen!"

{Beautician} WILBUR to {Beautician} ELMER: (As Wilbur has now slapped the Duffle Gentleman on his shoulder and has interupted him in a state of madness shouts): "Grab him by his arm, hold him now, steady!"

{Beautician} WILBUR to the DUFFLE GENTLEMAN: (As Wilbur is not hitting him on his arm and is shouting to him sarcastically): "Come on, come on, get going, get going!"

We now see {Beautician} Wilbur grabbing him by his shoulders in a firm vice grip as {Beautician} Elmer is now wrapping his leg around his his legs and is putting a 'Half Nelson' grip on him as they are now pinning him to the floor.

DUFFLE GENTLEMAN to {Beauticians} ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is now outrageously perturbed and is looking at them with a scared look on his face as he is stating to them in a mean and sarcastic tone of voice): "I want you to know, that you're making a monkey out of me!"

We are now at the Entrance of the Naval Base where we are now seeing then Navy Enlistees standing at attention with their rifles at their sides, as we see a Naval Lieutenant opening the door of a very beautiful black, wide whit rimmed tires, Rolls Royce as he is now saluting as we are now seeing a very stately gentleman coming out of the Rolls Royce with a beard, mustache, dressed in a tuxedo, top hat and a duffle coat and is carrying a cane as he is being helped out by a Naval Captain.

NAVAL LIEUTENANT to the ENLISTEES: (As he is saying to them in a very professional tone of voice as the Rolls Royce is now approaching): "Present arms!" {Here the Enlistees are standing at full attention with their arms raised in the aire}.

NAVAL CAPTAIN to the LIEUTENANT: (As he is helping the stately gentleman out of the Rolls Royce as the Captain has now saluted him as he is now introducing him to the Lieutenant in a professional voice): "Lieutenant, I want you to meet 'Count Fillé Du Pax, Secretary of the Sylvanian Navy."

We now see Count Fillé Du Pax bowing four times in respect to the Lieutenant as the Lieutenant has now saluted back in respect.

NAVAL LIEUTENANT to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is standing there at attention as he is saying to him in a professional tone of voice): "How do you do, Sir!"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to the NAVAL LIEUTENANT: (As he is saying back to him in a polite tone of voice with a look of politeness on his face): "How you are!"

NAVAL CAPTAIN to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is looking at him happily and is saying to him in a very carrying tone of voice): "I have assigned Lieutenant Harrison to show you the Base."

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to the NAVAL CAPTAIN: (As he is standing there smiling happily as he is saying to him in a very polite tone of voice): "Oh, Monsieur Capitan, if you don't mind, I'd, I would like to hold my bout, by myself, you see, I'd like to copy your message, like, I can mess with your men and I can see more!"

NAVAL CAPTAIN to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is standing by him in full respect as he is saying to him in a very respectful toe of voice): "Just as you please, Sir!"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to the NAVAL CAPTAIN and the NAVAL LIEUTENANT: (As he has a big and happy grin on his face as he is saying to them in a really polite and thankful tone ofr voice): "Thank-you, too much, et, popalet!"

We now hear Count Fillé Du Pax shouting th his Chauffer in French as he is pointing his cane at him that he is all right and he can exit now.

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to the NAVAL CAPTAIN: (As he is standing there holding onto his cane and is being totally respectful to him as he is now bowing at him and is stating to him in a polite voice): "Au Revoir, Monsieur!"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to the NAVAL LIEUTENANT: (As he is now turning around and is looking at him with a happy look on his face as he is also bowing at him in a state of politeness and is saying to him in a respectful voice): "Au Revoir!"

We now see Count Fillé Du Pax walking up the sidewalk to start his stint at the Base.

We are now back inside of the cosmetology university where we see our two beauticians, Elmer and Wilbur busy at their assigned ordure's as we now see the poor, innocent, victim, the Duffle Gentleman, in a total state of outrage and panic as he is now being pinned down in a beautician chair with a bed covering over him and a gag cloth on his mouth by beautician Wilbur as the Duffle Gentleman is screaming out in a horrified and muffled voice of fear and panic as Beautician Elmer is now in the the process of shaving his head.

{Beautician} ELMER to {Beautician} WILBUR: (As Elmer is standing there with a devilish look on his face and still is shaving the panicking gentleman's head as he is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice): "Isn't this good fun, Wilbur?"

{Beautician} WILBUR to {Beautician} ELMER: (As Wilbur is still holding down against his will the really panicking Duffle Gentleman and is looking at Elmer with a mischievous look on his face as he is answering Elmer mischievously): "Yeah!"

{Beautician} ELMER to {Beautician} WILBUR: (As Wilbur is still holding down the poor and panicking Duffle Gentleman and Elmer is happily and very mischievously finishing shaving his head as Elmer is saying to Wilbur in a devious tone of voice): "I'll let ya, take the next guy!"

{Beautician} WILBUR to {Beautician} ELMER: (As Wilbur still has the screaming and panicking gentleman hog-tied down says to Elmer in a full blown state of devious mischief): "All right, I hope he's got alot of hair!"

DUFFLE SATCHEL GENTLEMAN to {Beauticians} ELMER and WILBUR: (As he has now been able to remove the mouth gag cloth slightly and is shouting to them in a horrified and panicking, gabbled voice): "Hey, hey, quit that, quit that, don't do it please!!!!!!!"

We are now outside of the Naval Base where it is a beautiful Spring Day, the sun is shinning brightly, the skye is totally cloudless, the birdies are chirping happily, and the trees are in full leafing. We now see Count Fillé Du Pax walking around at a fast pace as he is now smiling joyfully and is swinging his can by his side as he is now casing out the Naval Base.

We now got a quick glimpse of a sign that reads 'SANITATION ROOM'; {it also happens to be the same location of our Cosmetology University and our two beauticians. We are now back inside where we see Beautician Elmer smiling joyfully as he has the poor, innocent victim pinned down in the chair with his leg as he now has a towel in his hand and is buffing the Duffle Gentleman's coconut to a high gloss shine.

DUFFLE GENTLEMAN to {Beautician} ELMER: (As he is sitting there with a horrified look of panic on his face and is crying out in a panicking and garbbled voice): "Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, henh, henh, henh, henh, quit that, quit that, please cut it out, I'm not a Recruit!"

We now see Beautician Elmer stopping his buffing as he is now seeing himself with a smile of mischief on his face in the very beautiful high gloss shine that he has now buffed on the Gentleman's coconut.

{Beautician} ELMER to the {Poor, Devastated, and Panicked Out} DUFFLE GENTLEMAN: (As Elmer has now completed his buffing job and has a joyous look on his face as Wilbur is removing the bed covering off of him also with a mischievous look as Elmer is saying to him in a state of pride): "There, you are!"

We now see the very well battered Duffle Gentleman leaping out of his chair totally outraged at what Elmer has completed to him.

{Beautician} ELMER to the DUFFLE GENTLEMAN: (As Elmer is looking at him with a mischievous look on his face as he is asking him in a mad tone of voice): "Now, what have you been trying to tell me all the while?"

{Outraged} DUFFLE GENTLEMAN to {Beautician} ELMER: (As he is standing there with a horrified look of fear on his face, in his stockins', shoes, under clothing and totally bald with a high gloss shine is shouting at Elmer in a really mad tone of voice): "I've been trying to tell you, that I'm not a Recruit!"

{Beautician} ELMER to the {Totally Outraged and Thoroughly Disgusted} DUFFLE GENTLEMAN: (As Elmer is now looking at him with a look of panic on his face as he is saying to him in a panicking tone of voice): "You're not a Recruit?"

{Totally Disgusted} DUFFLE GENTLEMAN to {Beautician} ELMER: (As he is standing there with a really mad look on his face as he is shouting at him in a really outraged and mad tone of voice): "No, I'm from the telephone company!"

{Beautician} ELMER to the TELEPHONE COMPANY REPRESENTATIVE: (As Elmer is standing there with a horrified look of panic on his face as he is using a very trembling and panicking tone of voice): "Well, you're going in to get fumigated any ways, you're not gonna make a fool out of us!"

We now see {Beauticians} Elmer and Wilbur with disgusted looks on their faces as they are now dragging the totally hurt, outraged, kicking and screaming Telephone Company Representative against his will into the fumigation shower.

TELEPHONE COMPANY REPRESENTATIVE to {Beauticians} ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is thoroughly mad and disgusted with them as he is shouting at the top of his lungs in panic): "Oh, no, you're not going to get me in that room, you gentlemen are not going to be nasty to me like that, you're not going to treat me mean that way!"

{Beautician} WILBUR to the {Truly Perturbed} TELEPHONE COMPANY REPRESENTATIVE: (As he and Elmer are now still dragging the horribly mad, kicking and screaming gentleman into the fumigation shower is looking at him with a devilsh look on his face as he is saying to him in a mean tone of voice): "Come on, come on, get in there, get in there, all right, we said the same thing!"

We now see Wilbur and Elmer with looks of happiness and accomplishment on their faces as they are standing in front of a door that reads: "FUMIGATION ROOM!"

{Beautician} WILBUR to {Beautician} ELMER: (As Wilbur is now standing there with a dazed look on his face as he is saying to Elmer in a mischievous tone of voice): "Hey, Elmer, if he's from the telephone company, we shouldn't of cut his hair off!"

{Beautician} ELMER to {Beautician} WILBUR: (As Elmer is looking back at Wilbur with a true blue look of devilment on his face as he is responding back to Wilbur in a really mischievous voice): "Hey, we've used telephones haven't we? They cut us off, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, we're even!"

We now see Elmer and Wilbur busting a gutt with laughter at Elmer's remark to Wilbur's statement about the Telephone Company Representative.

Here we go again, round two with our two 'Feather-Brained Imbecile' Beauticians. We now see Count Fillé Du Pax entering their Beautician University; {Sanitation Room} as Count Fillé Du Pax is now looking it over as he is now being approached by our Beauticians.

{Beautician} ELMER to {Beautician} WILBUR: (As he is looking at him with a devilish look on his face as he is saying to Wilbur in a mean tone of voice as he is rubbing his hands together in a state of devilment): "Now listen, let me handle this, I don't want you to make any more mistakes!"

{Beautician} ELMER to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is now greeting him with a happy look on his face as he is asking him in a happy tone of voice): "Eah, are you in the Navy?"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to {Beautician} ELMER: (As he is looking at him with a gleeful look on his face as he is laughing mischievously and is saying to him in a happy and mischievous voice): "Am I in the Navy? Haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, well of course I'm in the Navy!"

{Beauticians} ELMER and WILBUR {In Unison} to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: {As they are now approaching him in a devious and mischievous state and are saying to him in a really wicked and mischievous tone of voice): "That's all we wanted to know!"

Without any further ado, instead of asking him more in depth questions about his rank in Navy, we now see our two 'Half-Brother's To A Weasel' beauticians going to work as they are now in the process of making their second gigantic mistake.

{Beautician} ELMER to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is looking at him with a devious look on his face as he is now horn swaggling him as he is saying to him in a devilish tone of voice as Elmer is now tossing his top hat and cane across the room): "Well, now, just a minute, just a minute, here!"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to {Beautician} ELMER: (As the Count is now fighting for his life and is looking at them with a very fearful look on his face as he is shouting to them in a panicking tone of voice): "Now, what is this, what is this?"

{Beautician} ELMER to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is now struggling with him in madness as he is shouting to him in a really mean and nasty tone of voice): "Now, come on, take off your clothes, take off your clothes!"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to {Beauticians} ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is still fighting for his freedom is looking at them with panic written all over his face as he is shouting to them in a really frightful tone of voice): "I will not, how dare you, wait a minute, what is this, what are you doing?"

We now see our two wicked beauticians grabbing hold of his tuxedo jacket and are ripping it off of him as they now have him hog tied against his will in the beauticians chair.

{Beautician} ELMER to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is looking at him with a really evil look on his face and is rubbing his hands together wickedly as he is saying to him in a devious tone of voice as he is plucking on his beard): "Now, unh, I think I will cut the Alfalfa first, ehy, ehy, ehy, ehy, how do you like this, wind blown? Haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!"

{Beautician} WILBUR to {Beautician} ELMER: (As Wilbur is holding him down against his will with a really wicked look on his face as he is saying to him in a really devious tone of mischievous voice): "No, I think you better give him a Finger Wave!"

We now see our two wicked beauticians busy at work on his Alfalfa with really wicked looks of mischief on their faces as the poor, innocent Count Fillé Du Pax is sitting there with a look of panic on his face as he is yelling 'aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, in a panicking tone of voice.

{Beautician} ELMER to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is standing there having the time of his life with a devilish look on his face as he is saying to him in a wicked tone of voice): "Oh, we'll give it to you, good! Hey, I want to make it fancy!"

We are now outside of Naval Base by the main entrance gateway where we see Chief Petty Officer Lambert running up a set of stairs at a fast clip as he is now meeting up with Captain One as Officer Lambert has a look of worry on his face as well does the Captain.

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Captain One has now salutede him and is asking him in a worried tone of voice): "Have you seen anything of Count Fillé Du Pax?"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Officer Lambert is now responding back to him in a very carrying and worried tone of voice): "No Sir, should I try and locate him, Sir?"

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As the Captain is looking at the ground and is thinking out loud as he has a look of wonderment on his face as he is saying to him in a bewildered voice): "Let me see, I have an appointment with the Admiral at 3:15 and it is now, unh, aaahunh, aaahunh, aaahunh, if I hadn't lost that watch, come on!" {Here we see Captain One with a disgusted look on his face as he has now snapped his fingers in madness about loosing his pocket clock}.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to CAPTAIN ONE: (As they two of them are now exiting down the stairwell in a state of madness): "Eihy, eihy, Sir!"

We are now back at our Cosmetology University where we see our two beauticians Elmer and Wilbur in a state of devilment as they are now having the times of their lives shaving off Count Fillé Du Pax's hair. As the two of them are holding him down against his will and he has a look of hurt and pain on his face.

{Beautician} ELMER to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer has a really wicked look on his face and is stating to him in a really evil voice as he is having a ball with his shave job to him): "Henh, there you are, get it off slowly, yeah, that's fine, look at that boy, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!"

We are now in the process of seeing our two beauticians Elmer and Wilbur about to get into a peck of trouble for completing the details, {totally false} as we now see both Captain One and Chief Petty Officer Lambert entering the Cosmetology University in total states of furry and thorough disgust. Chief Petty Officer Lambert is now in the process of opening the door as he and Captain One are now entering totally outraged.

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he has now enteted the Cosmetology University says in a serious voice after being saluted): "Dismiss!"

CAPTAIN ONE to {Beauticians} ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is approaching them in a state of utter disgust as Elmer and Wilbur are now coming to attention and are saluting him): "What's the meaning of this?"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is sitting in the barbers chair with half of his coconut balded, a thoroughly disgusted look on his face as he is now having himself a little hissie fit, pounding his fists on the arm rests and stomping his feet on the foot board): "You're men, dehy have insulted Fillé Du Pax. I will have my Sylvanian Navy blow you to pieces!"

CAPTAIN ONE to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is looking at him with a really worried look on his face as he is waving his hands and is saying to him in an apologetic voice): "Why, Count, there must be some mistake!"

CAPTAIN ONE to {Ex-Beautician} ELMER: (As he is shaking his hands in madness, and with a mad look on his face and in a mad voice): "What in the world ever possessed you to do a thing like this?"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Elmer is standing there with a really scared look on his face as he is now pointing a finger at Chief Petty Officer Lambert and says in a scared tone of voice): "He told us to do it!"

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is looking at him with a really demented look on his face and is shouting at him in a wicked tone of voice): "Is this true, Lambert?"

We are now getting a glimpse of Wilbur, and Chief Petty Officer Lambert standing there with horrified looks of fear on their faces as Count Fillé Du Pax is sitting there in the barbers chair practically in tears at what has been completed to him.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is looking at him with a thorough look of hurt on his face as he is stating to him in a really petrified and shaking voice): "Yes Sir, but, but......!"

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As the Captain is pointing a finger at him in total disgust as he is looking at him with a really devious look on his face as he is saying to him in a really wicked tone of voice as he is now interupting him): "You'll be Court Marshalled for this!"

CAPTAIN ONE to COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is now approaching him with a really worried look on his face as he is putting a hand on his shoulder in a state of carrying as he is saying to him in a really sincere and apologetic voice): "I am sorry this thing happened, Count. But, rest assured the guilty man will be severly punished!"

COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is now getting out of the chair and is throwing his towel on the floor in utter outrage as he is standing up and shouting at him in utter disgust): "Punished, I loose my whiskers, I loose my mustache, my hair she's gone!" {Here we see Count Fillé Du Pax having a majour hissie fit as he is pounding his cane on the floor and is stomping his feet in utter disgust and madness}.

As Count Fillé Du Pax was stomping his way out of the room in total disgust we hear both Elmer and Wilbur laughing hysterically at the past events.

Elmer and Wilbur have now turned around and are looking at Chief Petty Officer Lambert with looks of fear on their faces as Chief Petty Officer Lambert has an evil and disgusted look on his face.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is now extending his hands forwards with a really evil look on his face as he is saying to them in a low pitched, Satanic tone of voice): "Come here, come here!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As we are now seeing our two Ex-Beauticians Elmer and Wilbur backing away in total fear as they have really hurt and panicking looks on their faces as Elmer is stating to him in a really low and panicking voice): "Look out now, look out. Now wait a minute Pal, wait a minute, we're sorry if we got you in trouble, we didn't mean it. We like ya, only today we were saying so!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is looking at Wilbur with a look of panic on his face as he is asking him in a worried and questionable voice): "Weren't we. Wilbur?"

Right here we are now seeing Wilbur looking at Elmer with a look of wonderment on his face as if to say to Elmer I have no idea what you are talking about.

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer iw standing there with a really scared look on his face as he is begging Chief Petty Officer Lambert not to cremate the daylights out of him and Wilbur is saying to him in a kiss butt tone of voice): "Yeah, to show you how much we like ya, we put our money together and we went out and bought you a present, a little token, a token of our esteem, I got it right here!"

Elmer is now feeling in his pockets for the present as he is now finding it in Wilbur's shirt pocket, as Elmer has a look of apology on his face as Wilbur is now leaning forwards with a happy look on his face as Elmer is taking it from Wilbur's shirt pocket.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is now looking at Wilbur with a dazed look on his face and is saying to him in a low and mad tone of voice as he is now getting the 'Gift' from Wilbur's shirt pocket): "Come on!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is now presenting the gift to him in a really carrying manner as he is saying to him in a voice of kindness): "Here it is, that's for you, to show our friendship."

We now see Elmer presenting to Chief Petty Officer Lambert their presnet which is the pocket clock that they 'Five Finger Discounted' from Captain One. Wilbur is standing there with a look of dumbfoundedness on his face as ELmer has a look of happiness on his face.

Chief Petty Officer Lambert is standing there really admiring the pocket clock with a really happy look on his face as he is now almost in tears from their kind gesture.

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is standing there thoroughly touched with their present as he is saying to them in a low and slightly crying tone of voice): "Gee, ain't that lovely. Boys I'm, I'm deeply touched. You know, this is my fourth hitch in this outfit, and this is the first time the same lamber gave me anything. This almost makes me feel sorry that I treated you two punks the way I did. I mean, if I seemed a little severe at times, well, I hope you will forgive me!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As Elmer is standing there with a mischievous look on his face as he is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice): "Yeah, we forgive ya!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is now further looking at the pocket clock is saying to them in a joyful state): "Gee, and it's guranteed for twenty years!"

ELMER to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is pointing to the pocket clock and has a look of mischief on his face as he is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice): "Oh, you'll get more that twenty years, with that!"

Here we see Wilbur bent over with a horrified look of remorse on his face as he is reaching for the pocket clock in a state of he wanting to confess about himself 'Lifting' it as Elmer has a disgusted look on his face and is slapping his hand in a state of no.

We are now back at the Main Entrance of the Naval Base where we are seeing another truly beautiful Rolls Royce pulling up and another really stately gentleman also with a beard and a mustache wearing a tuxedo, top hat, spats, white gloves and is carrying a walking pole as he is now speaking with Captain One.

Here we are now finding out that this gentleman is the "REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX," and the other COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX is an IMPOSTER, a spy for his country's Navy.

REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is standing there with a look of pride on his face as he is saying to Captain One in a proud tone of voice as he is pointing a finger at himself): "But Captain, I'm, I'm Count Du Pax!"

CAPTAIN ONE to the REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is looking at him with a bewildered look on his face as he is asking him in a serious and questionable voice): "And, then who is this other man?"

REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is now reaching into his inside jacket pocket and is taking out some papers as he has a serious look on his face and is saying to him in a serious tone of voice): "I, I, do not know, Monsieur? Here, he, aaaah, oh, he must be an Imposter. Here, are my credentials, if you please!"

We are now on the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax as he is now looking around with a really evil look on his face at the Naval Base to see if any body is noticing him as he is now in the process of snapping some photo shots of the Naval Base.

We now see the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax in the process of snapping a photo shot of a large tank as we now see Elmer and Wilbur approaching the scene with really happy looks on their faces as they are together pulling a large flat hand cart with two large and three small concrete cylinders on it as they are now noticing the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax with his camera and as of now not knowing he is a spy.

ELMER to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he has now noticed him and he and Wilbur are looking at him with joyful looks on their faces as Elmer is saying to him in a really happy voice): "Hey, hello Count, how are ya?"

IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is approaching them once again totally outraged and is having another hissie fit as he is shouting at them madly in French as he is now shouting at them in a really wicked tone of voice): "Now, you spoil everything!"

ELMER to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is waving a hand at him in utter madness as he is looking at him with a mad look on his face and is using a mad tone of voice): "Aaaah, you're sore cuz we cut him up."

IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to ELMER: (As he is now waving his left fist in total madness as he is usign a loud and really demented tone of voice as he has a really wicked look on his face): "oh, no, I'm not angry, but please go, flit!"

Here we see Elmer with a really perplexed look on his face as the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax has an evil look on his face as Wilbur has a hurtful look on his face as he is now wiping the spit off of his left eye that was flung by the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax.

ELMER to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is looking at him with an ugly look on his face and is saying to him in a wicked tone of voice): "Aaaah, flit, yourself!"

Here we see Elmer with a nasty look on his face at the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax as he is giving him an ugly look as poor Wilbur is standing there with a really hurtful look on his face as he is now in the process of wiping off the spit that Elmer flung at the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax from his right eye.

ELMER to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer has now noticed his camera and is pointing a finger at Wilbur as he has a perplexed look on his face and is asking him in a questionable tone of voice): "Do you mind if I take a picture of Wilbur? All my life I've wanted to have a picture of my Pal!"

IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to ELMER: (As he is getting Elmer to take a photo shot of the tank behind them for Military Evidence for his country): "Well, all right, you take his picture, but, but, but, take it this way!"

ELMER to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is now looking at him with a perplexed look on his face as he is now asking him in a dumbfounded but yet questionable voice): "How!?"

We now see the sleazy Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax setting up the really gullable Elmer to take a picture of the tank for him. Elmer now is not knowing he is helping the sleazy snake taking a spy picture for his country. Elmer is now thinking that he is just taking a photo shot of his Pal Wilbur.

IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to ELMER: (As he is now taking a hold of his hand and is positioning him the way he wants him for the spy photo shot is saying to him in a really evil voice): "Come here, I show you, turn around, come on now, here, you hold the camera!"

IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to WILBUR: (As he is saying to Wilbur in a devious tone of voice as he is now placing Wilbur down on his knees): "You, come on, come on, you bend down like this, all right go ahead!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is now supporting a really happy look on his face as he is saying to Elmer in a gleeful tone of voice): "Shall I laugh, Elmer?"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is smiling at Wilbur joyfully as he is saying to him in a happy tone of voice): "Haaaha, yes!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur now has a really mischievous look on his face as he is saying to him in a really mischief supported sarcastic voice): "Well, make me!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is now in a really full blown state of mischief is saying to him in a really fun and mischievous voice): "Haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, look at him, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!"

We now hear Elmer and Wilbur laughing hysterically as the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax is standing there with a really evil look on his face as he is bouncing his arms up and down in a total fit of madness as he is also stomping his feet in outrage.

We are now seeing the Real Count Fillé Du Pax with Chief Petty Officer Lambert, Captain One, and Three Enlistees walking at a brisk pace down the yardway towards Elmer, Wilbur, and the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax.

We now hear Elmer and Wilbur laughing in fun in the background as they are having a ball with the camera as the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax now has a horrified look of fear and panic on his face as he has now noticed the Real Count Fillé Du Pax and his friends walking at a brisk pace his way as the sleazy fake is now placing his tail betwixt his pants and is running to take cover like a coward in one of the large empty concrete cylinders that are on Elmer and Wilbur's flat hand cart.

We are now back on Elmer and Wilbur who are now having the times of their lives playing with the camera and are laughing and joking with one another about photo shots of their past.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is still holding the camera and is laughing gleefully as he is saying to Wilbur in a really joyful tone of voice): "You, know, I had my picture taken at one time, when I was a little baby, lying on my tummy like that, you know like we do!" {Here we see Elmer leaning forwards putting his head on his folded hands and is raising up his left leg bending it}.

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is still down on his hands and knees and is looking at Elmer with a really happy look on his face as he is saying to him in a really joyful tone of voice): "Yeah!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is laughing hysterically and gleefully and is saying to him joyfully): "Last week I got a letter from my Mother and she told me that she lost the picture, and wanted to know if I wouldn't have another one taken!"

We now hear Elmer and Wilbur laughing gleefully at Elmer's photo shot statement.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is still clowning around with Wilbur as he is focusing the camera with a gleeful look on his face as he is saying to WIlbur who has a huge laugh on his face): "Hold that!"

Elmer has now finished taking the photo shot of Wilbur as Wilbur is now standing up in a state of glee.

ELMER to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he and Wilbur are now noticing him missing): "Haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, haaa, hey, Count? How do ya?"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer now has a really scared look on his face as he is stating to Wilbur in a really low and panicking tone of voice): "He's gone. Where did he go?"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As he is also looking at Elmer with a really worried look on his face and is replying back in a really low and panicking tone of voice): "I don't know!?"

We now see ELmer and Wilbur with worried looks on their faces as they are now seeing Captain One, Chief Petty Officer Lambert, the Three Enlistees, and the real Count Fillé Du Pax marching their way.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As he is saying to him in a really worried tone of voice): "Look, hey, we better get busy!"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is now looking at Elmer with a really scared look on his face as he is saying in a really scared tone of voice): "All right, come on, follow me!"

We now see Elmer and Wilbur running like two bats out of hell to get busy as they are now in the process of working on their flat hand cart.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is now freaking out to the enth-degree as he is shouting to Wilbur in a low, carrying and panicking tone of voice): "Get busy, quick!"

We are now in the process of seeing Elmer and Wilbur pouring pails of concrete rocks into the huge cylinder that is the hiding location of the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax.

We now see the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax rising up from the cylinder encased in the concrete rocks with a really mad look on his face as poor Elmer is looking at him in a horrified state of fear and panic. Elmer and Wilbur have now freaked out in panic as they are now pushing him back down to hide him as they are still thinking he is the Real Count Fillé Du Pax and are now placing a coverage lid on the cylinder as they are now seeing the Real Count Fillé Du Pax, Captain One, Chief Petty Officer Lambert and the Three Enlistees approaching them at a rapid pace with really ugly looks on their faces.

We are seeing Elmer up on the cylinder coverage lid shaking from side to side in a state of fear and panic as Wilbur is standing by the cylinder with a horrified look of fear as they are now being greeted by Captain One, Chief Petty Officer Lambert, the Three Enlistees, and the Real Count Fillé Du Pax.

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is approaching them with a really serious look on his face as Elmer is still on his cylinder shaking from side to side in panic as Wilbur is standing by the cylinder in total fear): "Attention! Have you seen anything around here of Count Fillé Du Pax?"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is still standing on his cylinder lid at attention, saluting and shaking from fear as he is saying to him in a really panicking tone of voice): "No, Sir!"

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER: (As he is standing there looking up at the trembling Elmer and is saying to him in a serious tone of voice): "Well, he's an Imposter, he's around this Navy Yard somewhere, and I'll perosnally reward any man who finds him!"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is still standing on the cylinder lid with a look of glee on his face as he is now saluting him and is saying to him in a really joyful tone of voice): "Oh, in that case Sir, he's right here Sir!"

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER: (As he is looking at Elmer with a really perplexed look on his face as he is asking him in a really questionable voice): "Right here, where?"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Elmer is still standing on the cylinder lid shaking from fear sayis in a state of pride as he is saying to him in a very proud tone of voice): "In the can, Sir!"

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER: (As he is still looking at Elmer with a dazed look on his face as he is asking him in a questionable tone of voice): "What can?"

We are now seeing Wilbur looking at Elmer with a blank stare look as the Three Enlistees, Captain One, Chief Petty Officer Wilbur, and the Real Count Fillé Du Pax are looking around for the can that is the house of the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax.

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Elmer is still standing on the cylinder with a look of pride on his face as he is pointing to it happily as he is saying to him in a really proud voice): "Aaaah, this can, Sir!"

We now see Elmer leaping off of the cylinder in pride as he is now removing the lid off of it and is now exposing the really mad, filthy and rock covered Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax.

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is removing the cylinder lid and we are now seeing the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax rising upwards slowly and madly covered with concrete rocks as Elmer is saying to him in pride): "Look!"

IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to ELMER, WILBUR, CAPTAIN ONE, CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT, the THREE ENLISTEES and the REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is standing in the cylinder holding onto his camera with a really wicked look on his face as he is saying to them in a really evil tone of voice): "You've got nothing on me, I do nothing here!"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE, WILBUR, the THREE ENLISTEES, CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT, and the REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Elmer is standing there with a really quizzical on his face as he is saying in a dazed voice): "Yeah, he was just taking a picture!"

CAPTAIN ONE to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As the Captain is looking at him with a really mean look on his face as he is saying to him in a really demented voice): "Oh, so that's it, where's that camera?"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Elmer is taking the camera from the hands of the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax with a worried look on his face as he is now handing it to the Captain in a state of pride): "Right, here Sir!"

CAPTAIN ONE to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As he is now holding the camera in his hands and has now hit his hand and has a really wicked look on his face as he is stating to him in a really evil tone of voice): "Aaaah, here's the evidence, caught red handed, taking pictures of our Naval Inventions!"

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As the Captain is looking at Officer Lambert with a really evil look on his face as he is saying to him in a wicked tone of voice): "Lambert, put that man in irons!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to the IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Officer Lambert is approaching him with a really evil look on his face as he is using a low pitched wicked tone of voice): "Come on, get out of there!"

IMPOSTER COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is now getting out of the cylinder in a total state of disgust as he is surrendering willingly and is saying to him in a voice that says I've been defeated): "All right, I come!"

We now see Chief Petty Officer Lambert walking away with the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax with a gleeful look on his face as he is now in the process of putting him in shackles as the other gentlemen are now watching him exit with really joyful looks on their faces.

We now see the Real Count Fillé Du Pax approaching Elmer in a really happy state and a joyful smile on his face.

REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to ELMER: (As he is running up to Elmer in total joy as he is now smothering poor Elmer with kisses to his cheeks, forehead, and lips profuciously and is also smothering him with hugs and is saying to him in a really gleeful tone of voice): "Aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, aaaah, you brave Navy man, I'm so proud of you, allow me to congratulate you!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is standing there with a really worried look on his face as he is also rubbing it as he is now shouting to Wilbur in defense): "Look out Wilbur, he bit me!"

We now see the Real Count Fillé Du Pax now approaching Wilbur who is covering his face with his hands for defense as he is also smothering Wilbur with hugs and kisses in thankfulness.

WILBUR to the REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX: (As Wilbur is now backing away in a state of embarrassment as he is saying to him in an embarrassed tone of voice): "Wait a minute now, wait, cut it out now, I've been around, cut it out!"

REAL COUNT FILLÉ DU PAX to WILBUR: (As he has now saluted him in pride and is saying to him in a proudful tone of voice as he has now patted him on his shoulder and in now exiting): "You're a brave little man, and I'm proud of you, have a nice day, that's it!"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As Elmer is looking at Wilbur with a look of wonderment on his face as he is saying to him in a really dumbfounded tone of voice): "What did he say?"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is now looking at Elmer with a really spaced out look on his face as he is saying to him in a perplexed tone of voice): "I don't know!"

We now see Captain One standing at Wilbur's right side with a look of pride on his face as Chief Petty Officer Lambert is standing at Elmer's left side also with a look of pride on his face as Elmer and Wilbur are standing there with looks of blankness on their faces.

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is saying to them in a total state of pride): "Men, you have rendered your Country a great service, and I'm gonna see that you are happily rewarded. You know I, I'm sure I've seen you some place before!"

ELMER to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is now looking at him with a devilish look on his face as he is saying to him in a really mischievous tone of voice): "Yeah, seems to me, that aaaah, we bumped into you some place before!"

We are now hearing Captain Ones pocket clock chiming the second hour inside the pocket of Chief Petty Officer Lambert's jacket pocket, as it is now ringing a bell on where Captain One has now seen Elmer and Wilbur before.

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he has a really happy look on his face as he is waving his hands in glee and is saying in a very upbeat and happy tone of voice): "Those bells, those familiar bells!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to CAPTAIN ONE: (As Officer Lambert is taking the pocket clock from his pocket and is saying to him in a proud tone of voice): "Yeah, pretty, ain't it?"

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he has a really happy look on his face as he is saying to him in a really gleeful tone of voice as he is taking the pocket clock from his hand): "My watch!"

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT to CAPTAIN ONE: (As he is looking at him with a mad look on his face as he is saying to him in a mad tone of voice): "Your watch? No, my watch, these two guys gave it to me as a token, wasn't that nice of them?"

CAPTAIN ONE to CHIEF PETTY OFFICER LAMBERT: (As he is standing there with a mad look on his face as he is saying to him in a really wicked tone of voice): "I should say, it was nice!"

CAPTAIN ONE to ELMER and WILBUR: (As he is now thoroughly disgusted with them as he is now rememberign then as the two gentlemen who 'Five Finger Discounted' the pocket clock from him originally and is saying to them in a really mad tone of voice as he is now giving them their reward for capturing the Imposter Count Fillé Du Pax): "Now, I remember you, now, aaaah, promised you a reward and I'm a man of my word!"

We now see Elmer and Wilbur being led to their reward as Elmer has now "Five Finger Discounted' the pocket clock from Chief Petty Officer Lambert without him knowing it.

We are now in the Mess Hall Kitchen where we are seeing Elmer and Wilbur on their knees in front of at least five hundred pounds of spuds as they are now in the process of hand stripping them on spud at a time.

END OF: "SALT WATER DAFFY:"

ELMER to WILBUR: (As they are now dutifully stripping the spuds wiht mad looks on their faces as Elmer is saying to Wilbur in a really mad tone of voice): "Can you imagine, this a reward? From now on, keep your hands off of things that don't belong to you, it don't pay. Always remember that honesty is the best, aaaah, puh, is the best, it don't pay, do you get me?"

WILBUR to ELMER: (As Wilbur is looking at the floor with a really hurtful look on his face as he is now feeling slightly guilty about what he has done as he is saying to Elmer in a sad and remorse tone of voice): "Elmer, you're right in everything you say, absolutely right. But do you know I thought the world on that watch!"

FADE OUT OF: "SALT WATER DAFFY:"

We now see Elmer with a really wicked look on his face as he has now learned nothing about being honest as he is showing Wilbur the pocket clock in a state of happy mischief.

ELMER to WILBUR: (As we now see Elmer showing Wilbur the pocket clock and is saying to him in a mischievous tone of voice): "Well, why didn't you say, here!"

Elmer has now given Wilbur the pocket clock with a really happy look on his face as Wilbur is now excepting it and is looking at it in a state of happiness and glee.


Videography   (4)

Fan Reviews   (4)
Re: SALT WATER DAFFY
Posted 2009-12-11 20:35:29 by falsealarms
Amusing effort. This short hit its peak early with the watch stealing scene and then Haley/Shemp faking disabilities -- deafness and blindness, respectively -- in order to get out of the navy. Haley and Shemp worked well together in this one though it was a little odd to see Haley in a role besides the Tin Man.

Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Re: SALT WATER DAFFY
Posted 2003-04-03 05:24:00 by [Deleted Member]
A strange short, featuring a comedy "team" that seems to have been thrown together by the studio, like Buster Keaton and Jimmy Durante were. There's no chemistry at all between Shemp and Jack Haley, who plays his part so "fey" that he makes Joe Besser look like Gary Cooper. Wearing exaggerated makeup that looks a lot like Harry Langdon's, Haley's limp-wristed mugging doesn't play well off Shemp's Brooklyn wise guy at all. It's kind of like watching a comedy duo made up of Paul Lynde and Leo Gorcey, if you can imagine such a thing. But you don't have to imagine it, just watch "Salt Water Daffy."

Reviewer's Rating: (2)
Re: SALT WATER DAFFY
Posted 2003-02-24 04:36:00 by Stooge
Jack Haley annoyed me for some reason. I don't know why; maybe because he took some attention away from Shemp. He just seemed to be trying to hard, whereas the comedy usually flows naturally from Shemp. This short was pretty funny, though, and a lot of it is very Stooge-like.

Reviewer's Rating: (6)
Re: SALT WATER DAFFY
Posted 2002-03-26 09:04:00 by [Deleted Member]
Excellent! Shemp and Jack made an excellent team here. It makes me wish I could see their other films together. Anytime any Stooge is in any branch of the military, there's bound to be an exasperated sargeant. Jack was just as funny as Shemp, but it seemed like Jack got a few more funy bits to do. He was actually billed over Shemp in the short, so it figures.Larry: You know, fish is good brain food.Moe: You know, you should fish for a whale! (SLAP)

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